can you date your brothers ex wife

12357…12

Replies

  • sarahkatara
    sarahkatara Posts: 826 Member
    whoops
  • Jenncoc86
    Jenncoc86 Posts: 203 Member
    Bros before hoes, talk to your brother
  • angryguy77
    angryguy77 Posts: 836 Member
    Yes, but only if you tape and post the next family get together.
  • alohacandi
    alohacandi Posts: 2
    there's plenty of fish in the sea... don't do it, family is more important... take it from someone who was on the other side of the stick
  • Nikki_42
    Nikki_42 Posts: 298 Member
    I really want to be like hell NO. But just from the simple stuff you wrote I can't because it sounds like there are a lot of factors.

    I wouldn't ever do it, but if you two are genuinely happy who are we to really judge? Just be ready for consequences from family, friends, etc.
  • SF2514
    SF2514 Posts: 794 Member
    I'd say go for it. She's not your blood and your brother sounds like a douche. I saw somewhere back, "He must have divorced her for a reason". Who said she didn't divorce him? If your happy and she's happy why not take the chance? If it doesn't work out, oh well. Atleast you won't have to wonder years down the road if you missed your chance for happiness because some people on the internet don't approve of something they are no where near involved in.
  • mikeyboy
    mikeyboy Posts: 1,057 Member
    Really dude? That is you brother's ex! Wear a condom.
  • paulaviki
    paulaviki Posts: 678 Member
    I'd say no.

    Even if your brother is a tool it will have wider implications in your family and personally I would want all that stress in my relationship. But only you know deep down whether it's the right step.
  • misscristie
    misscristie Posts: 643 Member
    Ask your Mom and Dad. If they say go for it, go for it. I don't buy into the whole thing of once a friend/family member/etc has had a relationship with someone that they are now off-limits. It's not like you and her are having an affair while she's still married to him.
  • sofakingawesome69
    sofakingawesome69 Posts: 149
    GO for it, what he lost out on could be your gain. Who cares? If you and her are ok with it then do it. Back in the day if a husband died the brother stepped in and married the widow, seems like your brother is dead to the kid anyhow. Why not take care of your Nephew in the process. Losing your brother is the worst that can happen.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    there's plenty of fish in the sea... don't do it, family is more important... take it from someone who was on the other side of the stick
    You cheated on your spouse and abandoned your child?
  • bellygoaway
    bellygoaway Posts: 441 Member
    I am from Texas, and it is NOT ok here... Ever! Now some of the states that we share a border with???
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    I find it interesting that so many people are focused mainly on the fact that your relationship to the child wouldn't fit a certain label.
    Same here...especially since the OP noted that his brother hasn't seen the kid in years and doesn't pay child support. I'm guessing he could use a father figure at this point, and so what if its technically his uncle? Its not like they broke up last week and the brother is devasated over losing his wife...doesn't seem like that big of a deal in today's society (there are much worse situations out there).
    I'm still not sure it's the best idea - it could work, but I'm thinking of ways it could be difficult for the kid. Still, the issue of "omg you'd be an uncle and a step-father is so WEIRD" is not really a concern for me.
    Agreed - it could be really weird, but if his dad isn't in his life now (and the kid has to be over 8 years old at least and likely has no emotional ties to his biological father anyway), he probably would have comfortable connection to the OP (vs some random stranger she could end up with). If the brother and ex got married very young (which this situation sort of implies..since they were in the military), its very likely there's no residual feelings between them and no 'real' connection aside from the child who the brother doesn't see or support anyway.

    My thought is that it couldn't hurt to see where it might go. It might be a harmless flirtation, or something great, but dating her doesn't mean he automatically will become the step-dad anyway...
  • _Timmeh_
    _Timmeh_ Posts: 2,096 Member
    EX-SIL-WB
  • amysuespears
    amysuespears Posts: 127
    Personally, I wouldn't want to be my siblings sloppy seconds... and, I just don't think it's right to date your sibling's ex.... it crosses a line that should never be crossed no matter how close or distant you are with your brother IMO.
  • Brannock8
    Brannock8 Posts: 170 Member
    For your brothers sake...


    Hows it taste?!
  • QueenGorgo
    QueenGorgo Posts: 75 Member
    I gotta think for you to need to ask for help in this means somewhere you're conflicted enough to know it might not be the best idea...I always try to look at life like this..you do what you're going to do and you have to be prepared for the consequences..from him, from your family, from your friends..that's going to place a ton of internal pressure on your relationship..now I don't recall but if your family is cool with it that at least helps..

    I just think there's too many psychological time bombs ticking by having a relationship like this..I mean for me just KNOWING I'm having intimate relations with someone my brother has been with would be enough for me to pass...

    But again you have to do what's best for you, her and any children involved..just be prepared for a lot of people not to understand and not think the best of you or her..You might want to even condiser getting therapy- both individual and couples just to learn how to deal with all of the fall out...Good luck though in whatever you decide to do...
  • Dethea
    Dethea Posts: 247 Member
    Ask your Mom and Dad. If they say go for it, go for it. I don't buy into the whole thing of once a friend/family member/etc has had a relationship with someone that they are now off-limits. It's not like you and her are having an affair while she's still married to him.

    I agree with this. Actually, I have read through all of the posts, and I'm still on the side of go for it. Weirder things have happened, and you should be happy. Take things slow, see where they go.

    And if nothing else, it will probably royally piss off your brother. :drinker:
  • SVCat
    SVCat Posts: 1,483 Member
    If anyone from West Virginia says no, then NO!!!!!!!
  • ipag
    ipag Posts: 137
    No way, I wouldn't even date a friends ex, let alone my brother's ex. She's also divorced for being a cheater, and I've learned in my life once a cheater, always a cheater.
  • sunnymel126
    sunnymel126 Posts: 359 Member
    No... hell no... there are plenty of single women in the world and you choose the one your brother was married to. Even if he is not the perfect person the answer is still no. His fault don't justify you wanting a relationship with the x. He's your blood and so is your nephew and how confusing is that for this kid.

    Move on...
  • kikokateyy
    kikokateyy Posts: 136 Member
    Would you like it if your brother dated an ex of yours?
  • AllDIVA
    AllDIVA Posts: 45 Member
    NO END OF DISCUSSION. NOT ACCEPTABLE AT ALL UNLESS HE IS DEAD AND THERE ARE NO CHILDREN AT ALL.
  • evilbatwitch
    evilbatwitch Posts: 8 Member
    Brandon, Here's what happened to my ex husband when he dated his ex sister-in-law: They were going to get married. I suggested to our 3 kids they still call her Aunt Paige. Loudly. My ex BIL filed a restraining order (along with the custody arrangement for his daughter) against his ex wife saying as long as she was dating his brother, that my niece would not be visiting them. We all told my ex husband that this wasn't a good idea, and to get out of his own family's gene pool. Everyone that knew him laughed in his face. Your brother dumped her (or she dumped him) for a reason. ITS A BAD IDEA, dude. But, if you want to be made fun of and have your blood kin calling you Uncle Daddy, and you're ok with this being the laughing stock of every holiday event you go to with this woman, go right ahead. Also, your brother's dipped his pen in that inkwell, are you sure that's ok, too?
  • gec1266
    gec1266 Posts: 201 Member
    Umm....okay,none of us can tell you what to do however,this doesn't even sound close to okay. There are just somethings that you don't do....Dating your ex sister in law is at the TOP of this list. That being said...best of luck with this but it smacks of a No-Go!
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,689 Member
    You can, but it has the potential to be seriously awkward/destructive. I'd say a few factors play into this. (1) How your brother feels about this. I would be inclined to ask. (2) How close you are to your brother. My brother lives across the country from me, I see him once every couple of years, usually for a few hours, we talk maybe a couple of times a year--all this to say, I could date one of his exes and he wouldn't even know. On the other hand, if your brother is a big part of your life, and this is going to cause friction between the two of you, it's probably not a good idea. (3) How your parents feel about this (especially if you are close to them). I imagine they know this woman, so they probably have an opinion about her. I'd talk to them about it, and about how they would feel about you having a relationship with her. (4) How you feel about interacting with your nephew. If you date this woman, and things work out, you may end up raising this child, you need to consider how you, and she, will feel about this. Will this be too awkward?
  • Francesca3162
    Francesca3162 Posts: 520 Member
    In my humble opinion, you do not need to talk to the brother if there is no relationship there...
    You need to be talking to the rest of the family and to the child if he is old enough to understand...
    then the next step would be to talk to someone who might have some knowledge in this area.. say a religous leader if you trust and confide in them... or a family therapist.....

    I think you are treading on thin ice here as the child is the one with the most to lose!!!!!
  • Aeriel
    Aeriel Posts: 864 Member
    Two words - 'Uncle Daddy'

    Oh this so reaks of...

    Many, many years ago when I was twenty-three I was married to a widow who was pretty as could be This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red My father fell in love with her and soon they too were wed
    This made my dad my son-in-law and really changed my life For now my daughter was my mother, 'cause she was my father's wife And to complicate the matter, even though it brought me joy I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy
    My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad For if he were my uncle, then that also made him brother Of the widow's grownup daughter, who was of course my step-mother
    Father's wife then had a son who kept them on the run And he became my grandchild, for he was my daughter's son My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue Because although she is my wife, she's my grandmother too
    Now if my wife is my grandmother, then I'm her grandchild And every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild 'Cause now I have become the strangest 'case you ever saw As husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa
    I'm my own grandpa, I'm my own grandpa It sounds funny, I know but it really is so I'm my own grandpa


    ROTFLMAO!
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    I find it interesting that so many people are focused mainly on the fact that your relationship to the child wouldn't fit a certain label.
    Same here...especially since the OP noted that his brother hasn't seen the kid in years and doesn't pay child support. I'm guessing he could use a father figure at this point, and so what if its technically his uncle? Its not like they broke up last week and the brother is devasated over losing his wife...doesn't seem like that big of a deal in today's society (there are much worse situations out there).
    I'm still not sure it's the best idea - it could work, but I'm thinking of ways it could be difficult for the kid. Still, the issue of "omg you'd be an uncle and a step-father is so WEIRD" is not really a concern for me.
    Agreed - it could be really weird, but if his dad isn't in his life now (and the kid has to be over 8 years old at least and likely has no emotional ties to his biological father anyway), he probably doesn't and would have comfortable connection to the OP (vs some random stranger she could end up with). If the brother and ex got married very young (which this situation sort of implies..since they were in the military), its very likely there's no residual feelings between them and no 'real' connection aside from the child who the brother doesn't see or support anyway.

    My thought is that it couldn't hurt to see where it might go. It might be a harmless flirtation, or something great, but dating her doesn't mean he automatically will become the step-dad anyway...
    I'm imagining a situation where the brother hears about OP dating his ex, and comes around to start trouble. Then people in the family start choosing sides, and it turns into a big drama. On that basis, and the fact that OP and this woman are not yet emotionally invested in each other, I lean towards "don't invite this kind of drama into your life when there are plenty of other women out there". On the other hand, if he decides to go ahead with it, I wouldn't be scandalized by it. It's just a lot to consider before getting into it.
  • darlilama
    darlilama Posts: 794 Member
    Well, I am good friends with my husband's ex-wife, so I'm used to the "that's weird" comments. We became friends only after he and I were together... I didn't know her before. They are amicable - even friends now. I guess it's a bit different... they married young and grew apart more or less. But, it has led to a few awkward moments! There are lines we all know will not be crossed.

    Of course, I'm not DATING her. My instinct , I'd have say basically she's off limits. But if you meet again and again (fate throws you together) and you BOTH get the feeling there is something beyond a casual relationship there, then... MAYBE. Don't forget the awkwardness for the KID, though. OMG, if his friends at school find out????

    Good luck with all that.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories