can you date your brothers ex wife

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  • ipag
    ipag Posts: 137
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    No way, I wouldn't even date a friends ex, let alone my brother's ex. She's also divorced for being a cheater, and I've learned in my life once a cheater, always a cheater.
  • sunnymel126
    sunnymel126 Posts: 359 Member
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    No... hell no... there are plenty of single women in the world and you choose the one your brother was married to. Even if he is not the perfect person the answer is still no. His fault don't justify you wanting a relationship with the x. He's your blood and so is your nephew and how confusing is that for this kid.

    Move on...
  • kikokateyy
    kikokateyy Posts: 136 Member
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    Would you like it if your brother dated an ex of yours?
  • AllDIVA
    AllDIVA Posts: 45 Member
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    NO END OF DISCUSSION. NOT ACCEPTABLE AT ALL UNLESS HE IS DEAD AND THERE ARE NO CHILDREN AT ALL.
  • evilbatwitch
    evilbatwitch Posts: 8 Member
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    Brandon, Here's what happened to my ex husband when he dated his ex sister-in-law: They were going to get married. I suggested to our 3 kids they still call her Aunt Paige. Loudly. My ex BIL filed a restraining order (along with the custody arrangement for his daughter) against his ex wife saying as long as she was dating his brother, that my niece would not be visiting them. We all told my ex husband that this wasn't a good idea, and to get out of his own family's gene pool. Everyone that knew him laughed in his face. Your brother dumped her (or she dumped him) for a reason. ITS A BAD IDEA, dude. But, if you want to be made fun of and have your blood kin calling you Uncle Daddy, and you're ok with this being the laughing stock of every holiday event you go to with this woman, go right ahead. Also, your brother's dipped his pen in that inkwell, are you sure that's ok, too?
  • gec1266
    gec1266 Posts: 201 Member
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    Umm....okay,none of us can tell you what to do however,this doesn't even sound close to okay. There are just somethings that you don't do....Dating your ex sister in law is at the TOP of this list. That being said...best of luck with this but it smacks of a No-Go!
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    You can, but it has the potential to be seriously awkward/destructive. I'd say a few factors play into this. (1) How your brother feels about this. I would be inclined to ask. (2) How close you are to your brother. My brother lives across the country from me, I see him once every couple of years, usually for a few hours, we talk maybe a couple of times a year--all this to say, I could date one of his exes and he wouldn't even know. On the other hand, if your brother is a big part of your life, and this is going to cause friction between the two of you, it's probably not a good idea. (3) How your parents feel about this (especially if you are close to them). I imagine they know this woman, so they probably have an opinion about her. I'd talk to them about it, and about how they would feel about you having a relationship with her. (4) How you feel about interacting with your nephew. If you date this woman, and things work out, you may end up raising this child, you need to consider how you, and she, will feel about this. Will this be too awkward?
  • Francesca3162
    Francesca3162 Posts: 520 Member
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    In my humble opinion, you do not need to talk to the brother if there is no relationship there...
    You need to be talking to the rest of the family and to the child if he is old enough to understand...
    then the next step would be to talk to someone who might have some knowledge in this area.. say a religous leader if you trust and confide in them... or a family therapist.....

    I think you are treading on thin ice here as the child is the one with the most to lose!!!!!
  • Aeriel
    Aeriel Posts: 864 Member
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    Two words - 'Uncle Daddy'

    Oh this so reaks of...

    Many, many years ago when I was twenty-three I was married to a widow who was pretty as could be This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red My father fell in love with her and soon they too were wed
    This made my dad my son-in-law and really changed my life For now my daughter was my mother, 'cause she was my father's wife And to complicate the matter, even though it brought me joy I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy
    My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad For if he were my uncle, then that also made him brother Of the widow's grownup daughter, who was of course my step-mother
    Father's wife then had a son who kept them on the run And he became my grandchild, for he was my daughter's son My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue Because although she is my wife, she's my grandmother too
    Now if my wife is my grandmother, then I'm her grandchild And every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild 'Cause now I have become the strangest 'case you ever saw As husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa
    I'm my own grandpa, I'm my own grandpa It sounds funny, I know but it really is so I'm my own grandpa


    ROTFLMAO!
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    I find it interesting that so many people are focused mainly on the fact that your relationship to the child wouldn't fit a certain label.
    Same here...especially since the OP noted that his brother hasn't seen the kid in years and doesn't pay child support. I'm guessing he could use a father figure at this point, and so what if its technically his uncle? Its not like they broke up last week and the brother is devasated over losing his wife...doesn't seem like that big of a deal in today's society (there are much worse situations out there).
    I'm still not sure it's the best idea - it could work, but I'm thinking of ways it could be difficult for the kid. Still, the issue of "omg you'd be an uncle and a step-father is so WEIRD" is not really a concern for me.
    Agreed - it could be really weird, but if his dad isn't in his life now (and the kid has to be over 8 years old at least and likely has no emotional ties to his biological father anyway), he probably doesn't and would have comfortable connection to the OP (vs some random stranger she could end up with). If the brother and ex got married very young (which this situation sort of implies..since they were in the military), its very likely there's no residual feelings between them and no 'real' connection aside from the child who the brother doesn't see or support anyway.

    My thought is that it couldn't hurt to see where it might go. It might be a harmless flirtation, or something great, but dating her doesn't mean he automatically will become the step-dad anyway...
    I'm imagining a situation where the brother hears about OP dating his ex, and comes around to start trouble. Then people in the family start choosing sides, and it turns into a big drama. On that basis, and the fact that OP and this woman are not yet emotionally invested in each other, I lean towards "don't invite this kind of drama into your life when there are plenty of other women out there". On the other hand, if he decides to go ahead with it, I wouldn't be scandalized by it. It's just a lot to consider before getting into it.
  • darlilama
    darlilama Posts: 794 Member
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    Well, I am good friends with my husband's ex-wife, so I'm used to the "that's weird" comments. We became friends only after he and I were together... I didn't know her before. They are amicable - even friends now. I guess it's a bit different... they married young and grew apart more or less. But, it has led to a few awkward moments! There are lines we all know will not be crossed.

    Of course, I'm not DATING her. My instinct , I'd have say basically she's off limits. But if you meet again and again (fate throws you together) and you BOTH get the feeling there is something beyond a casual relationship there, then... MAYBE. Don't forget the awkwardness for the KID, though. OMG, if his friends at school find out????

    Good luck with all that.
  • TonyaBtrfly
    TonyaBtrfly Posts: 118 Member
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    Two words - 'Uncle Daddy'




    this!!!!!

    absolutely no!
  • nikki_att84
    nikki_att84 Posts: 152 Member
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    this guy i work with is actually married to his ex wife's brothers wife..(if that makes any sense) his wife now was his ex brother in laws wife..lol..get it?? anyways they both have kids from their previous marriage so the kids r brothers and they r cousins..they dont seem to mind they stilll call each other cousins!!!

    as for ur nephew if he didnt know his father or u has an uncle..hes gonna just take you as the father picture!!!i dont c the big issue!
  • morgansmom02
    morgansmom02 Posts: 1,139 Member
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    "This is my uncle... Wait, no, my step-dad... wait, no, my uncle..."

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • neelia
    neelia Posts: 750 Member
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    Out of respect for your brother, I say no.
  • grandmatimes9
    grandmatimes9 Posts: 44
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    go for it. life's to short not to be happy. if it doesn't affect your relationship with your brother I see no harm in it. I married my ex boyfriends brother and couldn't be happier.
  • JennyDuffy
    JennyDuffy Posts: 45 Member
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    NO! as simple as that! trust me from personal experience seeing what a similar situation did to my two cousins and our whole family... NOOOOOOOOOOOO! just my opinion though!
  • Mistyblu08
    Mistyblu08 Posts: 580 Member
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    Ok before you come here and immediately say no.. listen to the story..

    I have only met her once before and that was ten years ago.. they divorced 8 years ago.. i havent seen her or talked to her in ten years.. then she brings my nephew up for vacation to visit my parents.. and we kinda hit it off. it wasnt expected. And if i am single and she is single whats it hurt right.. or am i way off base..

    now you bring up they have a child together.. well he hasnt seen his son in years.. he is not in his life he doesnt even pay child support..

    am i just making this stuff up in my head that it is ok because we really like each other or should i just not do it..

    i say yes if she is willing ......my sister husband died in a motorbike accident...his younger brother and she started dated...had two kids and finally got married when the all the kids were old enough to join in ....they are healthy happy and still together after 26 years :)
  • TheLessOfMe
    TheLessOfMe Posts: 71 Member
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    I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your brother but you might want to speak to him before you do anything! hope it all works out :)
  • TheLaser
    TheLaser Posts: 338 Member
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    Btw, this is the basic plot of Shakespeare's play _Hamlet_, except that the uncle killed the father before marrying his brother's wife. At the end of the play everyone dies. The nephew-son kills his uncle-father. Just sayin'.

    HAMLET

    You are welcome: but my
    uncle-father and aunt-mother are deceived.

    GUILDENSTERN

    In what, my dear lord?

    HAMLET

    I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is
    southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw.

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