can you date your brothers ex wife

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  • CDMAGS
    CDMAGS Posts: 150 Member
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    Oh yeah that won't be awkward at all!!

    "hey friends that came over after school, this is my step-dad and my uncle"

    Friends: "I don't see an uncle?? Where is he?"

    Oh Uh i mean they are the same guy.. :/

    I do feel for you, really i do, but HELL NO!!
    No really, why would the kid feel the need to explain this to his friends? Enlighten me on why he wouldn't just introduce him as step-dad?

    ^^ THIS EXACTLY!!!!
  • StrawberrySuzyQ
    StrawberrySuzyQ Posts: 107 Member
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    While I love my sisters' husbands, I don't LOVE them. I would never do this, but not everyone is me.

    I can see how totally confusing it could all get, especially with the nephew. I have a "friend"...wouldn't CALL her a friend, but we used to be when we were kids/teenagers. She married S and together they had four boys. The boys range in age now from 16-22, but about 18-24 months ago she cheated on him and they separated. HE and his sister-in-law, who was now divorced, apparently hooked up and he got her pregnant. THEY have a child together, which is kind of odd now that the boys' aunt is their sister's mother....

    Personally, I wouldn't, but then, they were not married for very long and divorced because HE cheated on her. It is not like you immediately hooked up with her and hit it off...

    If your family is supportive, then that helps a lot as it would be harder if they were dead set against it. I would proceed with caution but the choice is ultimately yours.
  • Sharonks
    Sharonks Posts: 884 Member
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    Relationships are very hard work. When you add kids from previous relationship it is even harder (I know this, we have 3 different sets of kids; mine with ex-husb that I raised, his with ex-wife that he raised, and his with ex-fling that she raised until 16). Top it off with the baggage we all have and it is a wonder anyone can make a relationship work. So while it sounds like your brother is a flake and you don't care about what he thinks, and your family is supportive, you have to think about the toll this will take on your ability to have a successful relationship with her and with her kid. It's like you're starting out with a multitude of things against you which will make it difficult. My thought is that it might be better to let this one go unless you are sure you have a deep and complete love for eachother. To me, just hitting it off doesn't qualify for that.
  • mollysonnotice
    mollysonnotice Posts: 140
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    lol no
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,359 Member
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    Of course not. Would you want him to date your ex?

    Read the Man handbook .

    ^^^ This. If you don't have a good relationship with your brother now, just wait till he finds out your screwing his ex. Not to mention the fact that is just a bad idea. Go fishing elsewhere.
  • 3LittleMonkeyMom
    3LittleMonkeyMom Posts: 259
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    Even if I didn't speak to my brother, there is no way I'd consider it.

    ^^
    Yup.

    Move on Buddy. Find someone else.
  • 7funnygirl7
    7funnygirl7 Posts: 1,176
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    Relationships are very hard work. When you add kids from previous relationship it is even harder (I know this, we have 3 different sets of kids; mine with ex-husb that I raised, his with ex-wife that he raised, and his with ex-fling that she raised until 16). Top it off with the baggage we all have and it is a wonder anyone can make a relationship work. So while it sounds like your brother is a flake and you don't care about what he thinks, and your family is supportive, you have to think about the toll this will take on your ability to have a successful relationship with her and with her kid. It's like you're starting out with a multitude of things against you which will make it difficult. My thought is that it might be better to let this one go unless you are sure you have a deep and complete love for eachother. To me, just hitting it off doesn't qualify for that.
    How will they know if they have deep feelings or love for each other if they don't date??? Isn't that the purpose to get to know someone?..just sayin :smile:
  • nursevee
    nursevee Posts: 344 Member
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    OK, WOW...That's a heck of a story. I would agree with someone who brought up your relationship with your Bro... Is it good? If it is I would suggest a chat with him (and while we're at it, WTH is he doing not being in his kid's life? That's insane!). If it's not a good r'ship then be prepared for it to get worse fast. Even if he is the Mother-of-all-douche-bags (and I'm not suggesting he is, just sayin') he will probably have nothing nice to say about the ex (even if she's really sweet etc). I'm not certain it concerns anyone but the two of you, these are just random considerations. I know I'd never consider doing it to my Sis but then again we're both happily married and I love her so we're in a different place. I'd take it slow and just pace yourselves but I believe someone else here said it perfectly: "Life's too short..." Take a chance. One man's trash is another man's treasure.
  • MoveTheMountain
    MoveTheMountain Posts: 764
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    Oh yeah that won't be awkward at all!!

    "hey friends that came over after school, this is my step-dad and my uncle"

    Friends: "I don't see an uncle?? Where is he?"

    Oh Uh i mean they are the same guy.. :/

    I do feel for you, really i do, but HELL NO!!
    No really, why would the kid feel the need to explain this to his friends? Enlighten me on why he wouldn't just introduce him as step-dad?

    ^^ THIS EXACTLY!!!!

    Or just as his dad? If the old dad isn't in his life, and he's still pretty young, that's natural - younger kids don't make the distinction, and why should they? Your dad is the guy who's there, with your family, being a dad. Being a dad is a set of behaviors, emotions, and responsibilities more than it's a fact of DNA inheritance.
  • marthathebear
    marthathebear Posts: 498
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    NO! Too close for comfort. Besides, your brother and she divorced for a reason.
  • WifeNMama
    WifeNMama Posts: 2,876 Member
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    This reminds me of a Jeff Foxworthy line...

    If you and your wife get divorced, is she still your cousin?





    Usually I would say heck no. Don't date casually, but if you both are serious, I would say go for it cautiously. Last thing her son needs is a second man walking out on him.
  • stargazer008
    stargazer008 Posts: 531
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    Do it! Just be careful when telling your brother well if you do. But really, if you like her than go ahead!
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
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    nope not ok. not ok at all.
  • 33neenaj
    33neenaj Posts: 306
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    Keep it in the family
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,691 Member
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    no.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
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    Ok before you come here and immediately say no.. listen to the story..
    HAHAHA...I see a lot of people ignored this, and just came here to immediately said no, no, no.

    Bottom line is...YOU know your brother, YOU know your family and the whole situation better than anyone here who is throwing out advice based on what THEY personally would do if this was happening in their own lives. I'm guessing the kid is not particularly young, or close to his dad/your brother (and hasn't really grown up around you either?), so it could either be awkward for him, or really kind of nice to have a father figure who is related by blood. Given the time/distance from the divorce, its possible that it won't be an issue at all (but again, only YOU know how that could potentially play out in the best/worst case scenarios).

    Listen to your gut instinct. If you think there's something worth pursuing with her...give it a chance (and see if she's feeling the same way)!
  • Ms_NewNew
    Ms_NewNew Posts: 88 Member
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    WOW.......Try being a male role model to your NEPHEW Mr. Uncle......and not his step father.....Im sure the kid would prefer that instead of dating his mom, and if it not work out LOSE YOU TOO
  • BklynEibhlin
    BklynEibhlin Posts: 119 Member
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    this guy i work with is actually married to his ex wife's brothers wife..(if that makes any sense) his wife now was his ex brother in laws wife..lol..get it?? anyways they both have kids from their previous marriage so the kids r brothers and they r cousins..they dont seem to mind they stilll call each other cousins!!!

    as for ur nephew if he didnt know his father or u has an uncle..hes gonna just take you as the father picture!!!i dont c the big issue!
    Is your co-worker Martin Brodeur?
  • DavetheHYNIC
    DavetheHYNIC Posts: 318 Member
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    My ex wifes sister tried to give me some punani when we were separated and not even divorced. I was completely mortified.and very little shocks me. You have to set some standards for yourself and blood is thicker than well you know....
  • Pangea250
    Pangea250 Posts: 965 Member
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    Point by point:

    I have only met her once before and that was ten years ago
    - doesn't matter, it's your brother's ex-wife

    they divorced 8 years ago
    - doesn't matter, it's your brother's ex-wife

    i havent seen her or talked to her in ten years
    - doesn't matter, it's your brother's ex-wife

    we kinda hit it off. it wasnt expected
    - doesn't matter, it's your brother's ex-wife

    And if i am single and she is single whats it hurt right
    - doesn't matter, it's your brother's ex-wife

    or am i way off base
    - yes, you are

    well he hasnt seen his son in years.. he is not in his life he doesnt even pay child support
    - this matters, it makes your brother a piece of ****. But it's still your brother's ex-wife

    am i just making this stuff up in my head that it is ok because we really like each other or should i just not do it
    - doesn't matter, it's your brother's ex-wife

    Need anything else explained?

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