How to get my husband to accept me lifting heavy?
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GothyFaery wrote: »Calliope610 wrote: »OP, What are his objections to you lifting?
The only real objection (besides the "joke" about our sex life) he's given me is he doesn't want me to get huge and look like a dude. I've shown him women who lift and aren't bulky but the two women I personally know who lift are larger women so the pictures just don't sink in. He just says "I don't want you to look like them"
ask him to support your lifting for 3 months.
show him that you will not get "bulky like a dude". as you are aware, you simply won't get all jacked up. perhaps if he sees that his fears are unrealistic, he will be more supportive toward your lifting and may even be surprised by how much he enjoys the results!
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GothyFaery wrote: »Calliope610 wrote: »OP, What are his objections to you lifting?
The only real objection (besides the "joke" about our sex life) he's given me is he doesn't want me to get huge and look like a dude. I've shown him women who lift and aren't bulky but the two women I personally know who lift are larger women so the pictures just don't sink in. He just says "I don't want you to look like them"
LOL so he just does not know what lifting really does with proper nutrition.
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GothyFaery wrote: »Calliope610 wrote: »OP, What are his objections to you lifting?
The only real objection (besides the "joke" about our sex life) he's given me is he doesn't want me to get huge and look like a dude. I've shown him women who lift and aren't bulky but the two women I personally know who lift are larger women so the pictures just don't sink in. He just says "I don't want you to look like them"
Oh and the newest one is he says I don't need him anymore. But that's just crazy to me because I will always need him and not just for scooping my ice cream or opening jars.
Then you will just have to keep communicating with him to alleviate his fears and misconceptions. Just communicate.0 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Calliope610 wrote: »OP, What are his objections to you lifting?
The only real objection (besides the "joke" about our sex life) he's given me is he doesn't want me to get huge and look like a dude. I've shown him women who lift and aren't bulky but the two women I personally know who lift are larger women so the pictures just don't sink in. He just says "I don't want you to look like them"
LOL so he just does not know what lifting really does with proper nutrition.
I even showed him a picture of a 13 year old girl that could bench over 300(I think that's right?) pounds. She was tiny! He came back with "well she's 13"
No picture will ever settle his mind. I've had him look at so many he told me he wasn't going to look at any more pictures.0 -
Here's my question, OP. Does he support you in this even though he doesn't care for the "bulky" look, or does he say he doesn't like you lifting, or does he sabotage your goals? I think this is where it matters.
Of course you want to strive to be the best wife you can be (and I hope he is trying to be the best husband in kind), but there is no such thing as perfection, and it's okay to have differences of opinion with your spouse, as long as you support each other in what is important to the other.
Does he know that the lifting is important to you? And also, I think a lot of other posters are making comments about your lifestyle because you've chosen traditional roles where by definition the wife is weaker and dependent, but are embarking on lifting, which runs counter to this. Does this mean that you can't modify how this fits into your lifestyle - no. But at the same time, this could seem to your husband that you're no longer willing to go along with the lifestyle since you have this interest apart from him that involves becoming a physically strong woman. Honest communication is important here between the two of you, so you guys can figure out how to continue in your marriage with your needs and his needs met.0 -
marinabreeze wrote: »Here's my question, OP. Does he support you in this even though he doesn't care for the "bulky" look, or does he say he doesn't like you lifting, or does he sabotage your goals? I think this is where it matters.
He put my bench and rack together for me so he is supportive in that aspect. He hasn't said he doesn't want me to lift out right although it's very obvious. I'm not really sure how to answer this. At times he is very supportive (like putting my equiptment together for me) and other times he says things like my workouts are cutting into our sex life which is not really sabotage but it really isn't support. So I guess he does both?0 -
GothyFaery wrote: »marinabreeze wrote: »Here's my question, OP. Does he support you in this even though he doesn't care for the "bulky" look, or does he say he doesn't like you lifting, or does he sabotage your goals? I think this is where it matters.
He put my bench and rack together for me so he is supportive in that aspect. He hasn't said he doesn't want me to lift out right although it's very obvious. I'm not really sure how to answer this. At times he is very supportive (like putting my equiptment together for me) and other times he says things like my workouts are cutting into our sex life which is not really sabotage but it really isn't support. So I guess he does both?
Let's be honest - he probably put it together because he didn't think you'd actually keep up with it.
So you say you did it by diet alone - so not only did you start lifting weights a month ago, you just started working out, period?
I'm still confused as to how he thinks it interferes with your sex life...? Is he accurate? is it somehow (not sure how...) actually negatively affecting your sex life? If he can't grasp the idea that this is something you want to do, after you have explained multiple times that it is something you want to do and you will not get bulky, I'm not sure what else to say....
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GothyFaery wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Calliope610 wrote: »OP, What are his objections to you lifting?
The only real objection (besides the "joke" about our sex life) he's given me is he doesn't want me to get huge and look like a dude. I've shown him women who lift and aren't bulky but the two women I personally know who lift are larger women so the pictures just don't sink in. He just says "I don't want you to look like them"
LOL so he just does not know what lifting really does with proper nutrition.
I even showed him a picture of a 13 year old girl that could bench over 300(I think that's right?) pounds. She was tiny! He came back with "well she's 13"
No picture will ever settle his mind. I've had him look at so many he told me he wasn't going to look at any more pictures.
I think what this means is, you really just need to give him time. Involve him in the process if you want. But it's obvious he's not going to stop you from doing it, so just ride the wave, and like I said earlier, show him differences in metrics once you've stuck to it a little. He'll see that those insecurities are just that, nothing more.
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GothyFaery wrote: »marinabreeze wrote: »Here's my question, OP. Does he support you in this even though he doesn't care for the "bulky" look, or does he say he doesn't like you lifting, or does he sabotage your goals? I think this is where it matters.
He put my bench and rack together for me so he is supportive in that aspect. He hasn't said he doesn't want me to lift out right although it's very obvious. I'm not really sure how to answer this. At times he is very supportive (like putting my equiptment together for me) and other times he says things like my workouts are cutting into our sex life which is not really sabotage but it really isn't support. So I guess he does both?
How are your workouts cutting into your sex life? Are they really? Did you used to have intimacy during the times that you now work out? Have you decreased the amount? Or just moved your schedule? Since I'm closer to his age than yours, I'll offer up that perhaps he performs better in the morning, so if you do your workout in the morning maybe he does feel that it is interfering? Maybe you need to talk more about this, and offer to move your workout schedule if this is really a factor.
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If you haven't figured it by now, I don't know what to advise at this point.0
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GothyFaery wrote: »marinabreeze wrote: »Here's my question, OP. Does he support you in this even though he doesn't care for the "bulky" look, or does he say he doesn't like you lifting, or does he sabotage your goals? I think this is where it matters.
He put my bench and rack together for me so he is supportive in that aspect. He hasn't said he doesn't want me to lift out right although it's very obvious. I'm not really sure how to answer this. At times he is very supportive (like putting my equiptment together for me) and other times he says things like my workouts are cutting into our sex life which is not really sabotage but it really isn't support. So I guess he does both?
How are your workouts cutting into your sex life? Are they really? Did you used to have intimacy during the times that you now work out? Have you decreased the amount? Or just moved your schedule? Since I'm closer to his age than yours, I'll offer up that perhaps he performs better in the morning, so if you do your workout in the morning maybe he does feel that it is interfering? Maybe you need to talk more about this, and offer to move your workout schedule if this is really a factor.
Wow, we're getting way personal here. I work out Monday, Wednesday, Friday after dinner. We never really had a schedule but these are not typically times it has happened in the past. We wake up at 4AM for work and after a long day, it just doesn't normally happen.
We get every other Friday off so the off Friday did tend to be a time we were intimate but my workout that day is very flexible. If he said the word I would move my workout to a differnt time.
@arrrrjt Yes, I just started working out a month ago and I started with weights. Other than walking on my breaks at work, all my weight came off through diet.0 -
wrong thread.
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GothyFaery wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »marinabreeze wrote: »Here's my question, OP. Does he support you in this even though he doesn't care for the "bulky" look, or does he say he doesn't like you lifting, or does he sabotage your goals? I think this is where it matters.
He put my bench and rack together for me so he is supportive in that aspect. He hasn't said he doesn't want me to lift out right although it's very obvious. I'm not really sure how to answer this. At times he is very supportive (like putting my equiptment together for me) and other times he says things like my workouts are cutting into our sex life which is not really sabotage but it really isn't support. So I guess he does both?
How are your workouts cutting into your sex life? Are they really? Did you used to have intimacy during the times that you now work out? Have you decreased the amount? Or just moved your schedule? Since I'm closer to his age than yours, I'll offer up that perhaps he performs better in the morning, so if you do your workout in the morning maybe he does feel that it is interfering? Maybe you need to talk more about this, and offer to move your workout schedule if this is really a factor.
Wow, we're getting way personal here. I work out Monday, Wednesday, Friday after dinner. We never really had a schedule but these are not typally times it has happened in the past. We wake up at 4AM for work and after a long day, it just doesn't normally happen.
We get every other Friday off so the off Friday did tend to be a time we were intimate but my workout that day is very flexible. If he said the word I would move my workout to a differnt time.
@arrrrjt Yes, I just started working out a month ago and I started with weights. Other than walking on my breaks at work, all my weight came off through diet.
Initiate the sex then go work out...0 -
GothyFaery wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »marinabreeze wrote: »Here's my question, OP. Does he support you in this even though he doesn't care for the "bulky" look, or does he say he doesn't like you lifting, or does he sabotage your goals? I think this is where it matters.
He put my bench and rack together for me so he is supportive in that aspect. He hasn't said he doesn't want me to lift out right although it's very obvious. I'm not really sure how to answer this. At times he is very supportive (like putting my equiptment together for me) and other times he says things like my workouts are cutting into our sex life which is not really sabotage but it really isn't support. So I guess he does both?
How are your workouts cutting into your sex life? Are they really? Did you used to have intimacy during the times that you now work out? Have you decreased the amount? Or just moved your schedule? Since I'm closer to his age than yours, I'll offer up that perhaps he performs better in the morning, so if you do your workout in the morning maybe he does feel that it is interfering? Maybe you need to talk more about this, and offer to move your workout schedule if this is really a factor.
Wow, we're getting way personal here. I work out Monday, Wednesday, Friday after dinner. We never really had a schedule but these are not typically times it has happened in the past. We wake up at 4AM for work and after a long day, it just doesn't normally happen.
We get every other Friday off so the off Friday did tend to be a time we were intimate but my workout that day is very flexible. If he said the word I would move my workout to a differnt time.
@arrrrjt Yes, I just started working out a month ago and I started with weights. Other than walking on my breaks at work, all my weight came off through diet.
Okay, so you feel that your workouts are not interfering. Maybe he is sending a signal that he would like it more often. You have been committed to your workout schedule and perhaps he wishes you had more of a schedule for that too.
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The term "Happy wife, happy life." comes to mind here.0
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OP, I think you've gotten some good advice already regarding your actual question, once you sift through all the judgmental a$$hattery, so I won't answer it again. But I did want to say that one of the most pleasurable parts of lifting, for me, is that I get sore, and it's a great excuse for my BF to put his hands all over me. Maybe try asking for a massage. Not only will it be a way for him to help you and show his support, but it's also nearly guaranteed to lead to things he might find more fun.0
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ThisLoneWolfRunner wrote: »Based upon your profile pictures, you look a bit younger than him. This is not about lifting and getting bulky. This is about you getting thinner and sexier. He is just feeling insecure because he knows that men are going to start paying attention to his young hot wife. When he sees that you still choose him and want to be with him, I think he will relax. And if the nature of your relationship involves have having set traditional roles and the two of you find that it works for you, then why change it?
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use workout equipment for sex. It's a twofer then.I'm glad people got off the age thing, that was just uncalled for.
Again, OP you're in a position where you have to choose, what you want for yourself vs. what you may think is "needed".
From the sounds of it, if he put your gear together, he is supportive, it might just take a little time. so give him the time.
Keep doing your thing, and give him time to get with your program. I think from the sounds of it, there may not really be a problem other than some mild jealousy of your time.
Do you guys spend a lot of time together? (No judgement, my wife and I spend a ridiculous amount of time together.) Could it be that in his perception, he's losing that quality time with you?
What if you integrated him into your work outs? Like a live in spotter, he could watch form, etc.
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HollyJameson wrote: »You both have an old fashioned mindset? That sounds a bit troublesome. Cook some damn BBQ, shove on some pants and get out of the 1940s!
I don't think her statement asked us if we agree with their mindset. If it works for them then great. I am a strong independent woman. I wear pants and can bbq. Doesn't mean my hubby doesn't still have the basic need to feel like hes the man. Most men need to feel wanted and most women need to feel loved. We were created different. In relationships you have to meet in the middle so both peoples needs are met.
I'm a strong independent woman who wears pants, can grill a mean steak and who occasionally asks for help with the pickle jar. I never actually need help with the pickle jar... :-p0 -
use workout equipment for sex. It's a twofer then.I'm glad people got off the age thing, that was just uncalled for.
Again, OP you're in a position where you have to choose, what you want for yourself vs. what you may think is "needed".
From the sounds of it, if he put your gear together, he is supportive, it might just take a little time. so give him the time.
Keep doing your thing, and give him time to get with your program. I think from the sounds of it, there may not really be a problem other than some mild jealousy of your time.
Do you guys spend a lot of time together? (No judgement, my wife and I spend a ridiculous amount of time together.) Could it be that in his perception, he's losing that quality time with you?
What if you integrated him into your work outs? Like a live in spotter, he could watch form, etc.
so after thinking through this a little bit.
I think this is pretty spot on- more of the same- give him more time.
Secondly I'd like to say. Too much time spent together is not a good thing- this is distinct resulting side effect- when you start doing new things- it throws an immediate monkey wrench in what's "comfortable"... and when you change that you get push pack. Make sure you keep spending time with him- but I would also really encourage you guys to develop some time apart and some spacial distance.
I love my BF- and I want him in my life. I do not NEED him. I have my own needs to take care of - working out and staying fit are one of them.
not to brag- but I don't think you get any more "epitome of woman" than this:
And I'm a power lifter. it CAN be done.
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