Opinion: why do men feel the need to offer advice to me in the weight room?

kpchefai

The gym I go to is just one giant warehouse type room with designated areas. It's somewhat intimidating to be the only female in the weight "area". I am by no means an expert but have been lifting for almost a year now and pretty much like to do my own thing, mind my own business, get in and get out. Almost every time I lift weights some of the men feel they need to watch me and then offer advice or suggestions. Why is this? I don't offer suggestions to them or watch them intently while they do bench work. So why do they stand over me while I do skull crushers. Do you think they are genuinely trying to be helpful or is it more patronizing? Is it best to just smile and say thank you? I find it annoying when they interrupt me. Just wondering how others feel about this.

TossaBeanBag

Well, they may be turned on by a woman lifting weights. They may offer advice because they do not know what else to use to start a conversation. Either way, they are interested in you.

harakiri01

I just smile, say thanks and get back to it. They're going to continue watching or offering "advise" regardless. It's when I get comments like "You shouldn't be lifting that heavy" that I get pissed off.

Cc215

I'm going to sit on the fence here.

Do you go to a gym where lifting is prioritised? Are the men offering help completing sensible programmes? If so I'm going to be more inclined to listen to them - but only if they understand my goals and how to get there.

Is your gym full of curl bros (like mine)? I find they are equally well meaning (and 99.999999% of the time leave me well alone - and when they don't it's because they are using something they want) - but when they don't, they have no idea how to help me meet my goals (strength and weightloss - not the bulking they so desperately want). So I would largely ignore them. The only exception would be if they thought I was doing something dangerous. Then I would ask a trainer whether they we're right or not.

TL:DR - most of the people at my gym know b****r all about how to achieve their goals. They know even less about mine. Ignore them - unless they are telling you that you are risking your own health / safety. Then check it out.

krisn90210

jbach2 wrote: »

Well, they may be turned on by a woman lifting weights. They may offer advice because they do not know what else to use to start a conversation. Either way, they are interested in you.

I was going to say, maybe they are hitting on you?

AliceDark

In all likelihood, they're trying to hit on you and don't know how else to start a conversation. Or, that's just the atmosphere in that particular gym -- in some gyms, people just tend to talk to each other. Either way, unless they're objectively being rude, just smile and say thanks. Some day, you may need someone to spot you, and it's easier to ask someone you've spoken to on occasion than it is to ask a stranger.

fatboyliz

It is SO patronising, it drives me bananas! There is a bit in this video link where the reverse happens which I found funny (rest of video is a bit offensive and perhaps why strange men feel the need to 'help' us in the gym!)

http://news.yahoo.com/video/flip-side-workout-000000175.html

jim9097

I think they call that a lunk alert at Planet Fitness...LOL

segacs

If your weight room is starting to feel like this woman's experience walking around Manhattan, then it's probably time to speak to someone in charge -- or to switch gyms. That kind of behaviour is *not* okay.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1XGPvbWn0A

Devil's advocate: If, on the other hand, they're all telling you the same piece of useful advice, then maybe consider checking your form with a trainer? There could be something to it.

AliceDark

Or, here's another thought...if it really bothers you, tell the person. I'd try that before investing the time and money to switch gyms.

fatboyliz

segacs wrote: »

If your weight room is starting to feel like this woman's experience walking around Manhattan, then it's probably time to speak to someone in charge -- or to switch gyms. That kind of behaviour is *not* okay.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1XGPvbWn0A

Devil's advocate: If, on the other hand, they're all telling you the same piece of useful advice, then maybe consider checking your form with a trainer? There could be something to it.

I agree - it is invasive behaviour. Our gym gives people yellow cards if they interfere with other peoples workouts - it is dangerous if you aren't a qualified instructor to be handing out advice, we had an incident where a girl really hurt herself because a random man was faffing about with her weights.

Cc215

Seriously??? A girl/woman in the weight room/section will only be spoken to if she is being hit on??? Bollocks to that! That is just as insulting as the beliefs held by many that women shouldn't be there isn't the first place.

It's no wonder so many women are scared of lifting - first we have to get over the hurdle of entering the testosterone pit that is the free weight section. But when we do apparently we are viewed as easy game and open to be hit on by all and sundry!

MyChocolateDiet

Make "help me I'm a helpless useless woman" appointments.
For the next two weeks everytime a guy offers to help you in a way that is not spotting and immediately useful tell him your in a big rush today but next friday you have a bigger time slot to workout and can you guys talk then?

1) if you truly do know what you are doing this gives them several workouts to observe you in your natural habitat and conclude you don't actually need help and are indeed a badass and not show up on Friday.

2) if they observe things they truly think you need help on... ALL OF THEM will be standing around you on Friday ready to offer their advice IN FRONT of one another and so they will have to choose their words wisely, really beleive in what they are saying, edit themselves due to time constraints, choose only their best ideas...and of course naturally some will disagree. When they begin to disagree you slink out of the gym during any heated part of the discussion and the next time you see them they will be so butt sore from you ditching them and all the "Drama" you created that they will be more inclined to ignore you.

raysputin

You would have to agree that a woman in the weight area is not as common as a man in the weight area. Rightly or wrongly, most men feel protective towards women and will feel some motivation to assist if they think the lady is in some way disadavntaged such as being in an unfamiliar environment. This comes from thousands of years of social conditioning and is not going to go away overnight because some pressure group declares it to be contemporaneously invalid.

I know that if I offered you any unsolicited advice it would be a clumsy attempt to offer encouragement or an attempt to correct something that will improve your experience or perhaps prevent a possible injury. I certainly would not be trying to hit on you. I think that most men would be in the "trying to be helpful" category. Most of us are good guys - really!

At the same time, there may be some men who are trying to hit on you. I am sure that you are mature enough to tell the difference - adjust your response to suit.

Chieflrg

Its in the nature of men to fix things and/or compare penis sizes. Ignore if you feel you are using proper form since you have only a year under your weight lifting belt.

Men watching you is nothing new just as women watching men in my gym, it happens. Just deal with it in way that you see fit.

veganbettie

if it's the same people over and over again just ask them to leave you alone.

Or you can say, "I got it thanks"

Unless they are being super creepy or rude there is no reason to anything further, provided they are leaving you alone after you ask.

OR you can get this shirt.

ThePhoenixIsRising

All I ever get is a smile of recognition, or one of those chin lifts people do to acknowledge they saw each other.

ephiemarie

One word: earbuds. I generally find that earbuds prohibit unsolicited advice in the weight room. Men will be much less inclined to speak to you if you likely can't hear them. I also make a point to avoid eye contact with anyone other than the regulars who I can trust to leave me the heck alone while I do my thing.

veganbettie

Or if you feel okay doing so, wear ear buds and listen to music. And just don't make eye contact.

I must look mean because very few people try to talk to me.....

fatboyliz

I had a guy tell me I was cycling 'wrong' last week. He then changed my programme from 'stamina' to 'fat loss'. Was pretty upset about that!

Haven't had any problems in the big weights room, but I tend to go to my uni's athlete class rather than just going by myself (I want to learn techniques properly), so it is just 12 of us with two instructors it is mainly boys in the class though, weights do seem to make women wary - maybe because of the myth that they make you get super bulky?

tuckerrj

"Buzz off!". Say it a few times. They'll get the message. It's a mole hill, not a mountain.

Cc215

raysputin wrote: »

You would have to agree that a woman in the weight area is not as common as a man in the weight area. Rightly or wrongly, most men feel protective towards women and will feel some motivation to assist if they think the lady is in some way disadavntaged such as being in an unfamiliar environment. This comes from thousands of years of social conditioning and is not going to go away overnight because some pressure group declares it to be contemporaneously invalid.

I know that if I offered you any unsolicited advice it would be a clumsy attempt to offer encouragement or an attempt to correct something that will improve your experience or perhaps prevent a possible injury. I certainly would not be trying to hit on you. I think that most men would be in the "trying to be helpful" category. Most of us are good guys - really!

At the same time, there may be some men who are trying to hit on you. I am sure that you are mature enough to tell the difference - adjust your response to suit.

I have no problem with admitting that I'm in the minority in the weight section.

But - despite my initial reservations the men that frequent the weight section have accepted me.

They have not taken turns to hit on me. I leave them to work out - they leave me to do the same.

I'm not having a go at you - I like your response. I picked on yours because I could respond sensibly, rather than unleashing a ton of whoop *kitten* on some of the others! But the few responses before made it sound like "you're picking up heavy stuff - that's man world - expect to get hit on"!

segacs

TBH, I find advice like change what you're wearing, wear headphones, smile and thank them, it's no big deal, etc. to be a bit disingenuous.

The OP obviously feels uncomfortable enough with this unwanted attention to post about it here. Whether or not you think you'd feel the same way, the point is, she does. And the onus shouldn't be on her to change her behaviour to discourage these men. The onus is on the men who are bugging her to stop.

Unwanted attention: Not cool, bro.

Cc215

segacs wrote: »

TBH, I find advice like change what you're wearing, wear headphones, smile and thank them, it's no big deal, etc. to be a bit disingenuous.

The OP obviously feels uncomfortable enough with this unwanted attention to post about it here. Whether or not you think you'd feel the same way, the point is, she does. And the onus shouldn't be on her to change her behaviour to discourage these men. The onus is on the men who are bugging her to stop.

Unwanted attention: Not cool, bro.

I want a like button so much right now!

veganbettie

but unless she tells each and every one of the guys, hey leave me alone, they aren't going to know that it's unwanted attention.

It sounds like they are genuinely trying to be nice, not a creep.

kpchefai

Cool a variety of responses! It doesn't bother me so much that I would change anything about my routine but I can't tell if they have motives or are just genuinely offering advice. Either way doesn't matter. I can hold my own and maybe will try offering them some advice haha. My thought is that if they are so free to offer advice why is it only directed towards me(the lone woman!!)I work with a trainer once a week to learn new stuff, check form etc.

I do wear earbuds which actually makes it more annoying because even if I ignore them the first time they try to get my attention till I take them out. Kind of comical actually.

Thanks for responding!

veganbettie

now that would be really annoying. Earbuds are normally a sign of leave me the f alone... to men AND women....

Well. The more you're there, hopefully the more they will realize that you're serious about it and that you really don't need their help, nor are you interested (if that's their motive...) AND you're helping future women hopefully not have to go through that...normalize it you know?

segacs

veganbettie wrote: »

but unless she tells each and every one of the guys, hey leave me alone, they aren't going to know that it's unwanted attention.

It sounds like they are genuinely trying to be nice, not a creep.

It's possible, yeah. But from what she described -- just going about her business in a weight room, showing no signs of wanting the attention, being talked to repeatedly even when she ignores them the first time -- it sounds very much like behaviour that crosses the line.

Really, a good gym should foster a better environment than that.

ChrisM32205

Some guys just think they know everything and like to let others know it. I totally agree.. let me do my thing and just leave me alone. Especially if I didn't ask you first.

gmallan

veganbettie wrote: »

but unless she tells each and every one of the guys, hey leave me alone, they aren't going to know that it's unwanted attention.

It sounds like they are genuinely trying to be nice, not a creep.

Riiigggghhhttt because she should have to go up to each and every man in the gym and tell them to leave her alone. If someone's wearing earbuds in the gym I'm pretty sure that it's a signal that they're not interested in conversation.

CFLSports

I don't offer advice to anyone unless I feel they are doing something that will get them injured. However, I do talk to just about everyone, or just waive to the ones with ear-buds. I will however ask someone who is doing a lot of weight if they want a spot, because I have been guilty of being too proud to ask for a spot myself. If someone is bothering you by interrupting your workout, be honest with them and let them know. Some may just trying to be friendly as the gym may be their only outlet to meet people outside of work.