Opinion: why do men feel the need to offer advice to me in the weight room?
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A guy corrected my form once and I snapped at him a little. I thought it was annoying. But the next time I saw him I introduced myself because, I'm not a mean person, he just caught me off guard. Then he asked me out on a date. So, maybe they want to date you.0
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Honestly I get it too, and in my gym, there aren't women watching men so it's just the men watching the women in the weights area. It's not ok, it's called objectification. Men don't like it when we give them advice (I am generalizing here), so why should we get given unasked for advice and be stared at like meat? The more women brush that behaviour off, the less it will change. I say tell them to stop staring and that you will ask if you feel like you need help. Stand up for yourself. Some of them might find it 'bitchy' but if the shoe was on the other foot...0
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veganbettie wrote: »but unless she tells each and every one of the guys, hey leave me alone, they aren't going to know that it's unwanted attention.
It sounds like they are genuinely trying to be nice, not a creep.
It's possible, yeah. But from what she described -- just going about her business in a weight room, showing no signs of wanting the attention, being talked to repeatedly even when she ignores them the first time -- it sounds very much like behaviour that crosses the line.
Really, a good gym should foster a better environment than that.
I get you, and I agree. Especially considering after her last comment she is wearing earbuds, she didn't feel threatened or anything so, I don't think it was anything other than being nice.
I'm really digging this movement that has women sticking up for themselves. Saying to no cat calling and what not, i've been doing that kind of stuff since I was a kid myself...but it does make me think a little bit more...
one has to wonder though, we are putting all these restrictions on men to not talk to us,
don't look at her, don't smile at her, don't say hi to her, be friendly, but not OVERLY friendly... i'm starting to really feel bad for the nice guys that are just interested in a girl. I mean...If you're single, and ya, you're going to the gym to work out, not necessarily pick up on a man or woman, but if you're single and into fitness the gym is sort of the perfect place to find a like minded person...but if you can't even talk to someone without the fear of people calling you a jerk for saying hi or trying to help you on your form? I mean.... I don't know, it's a fine line....and it's hard for me to explain, and i'm sure i'm going to get flamed here. Obviously if someone is showing signs of not being interested they should be left alone, but you don't necessarily always know that someone isn't interested until you try.0 -
veganbettie wrote: »but unless she tells each and every one of the guys, hey leave me alone, they aren't going to know that it's unwanted attention.
It sounds like they are genuinely trying to be nice, not a creep.
Riiigggghhhttt because she should have to go up to each and every man in the gym and tell them to leave her alone. If someone's wearing earbuds in the gym I'm pretty sure that it's a signal that they're not interested in conversation.
She didn't say she was wearing earbuds until her last post. So... And i'm not saying that she should have to do that. My comment was in response to another person's comment.0 -
Is the advice good advice or is it just disingenuous attempts at conversation? I think this is important in deciding a way to handle the situation. I have had 1 person ever comment on my lifting at my gym. He did it one time and has never said anything ever again after that.0
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probably terrible form ….0
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Yea you're probably right ndj1979. I'll just put my best resting *kitten* face on, play Taylor Swift in repeat and keep using up the valuable oxygen in the weight area. see ya there
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I had a guy tell me I was cycling 'wrong' last week. He then changed my programme from 'stamina' to 'fat loss'. Was pretty upset about that!
O...M...G!!
If someone did that to me, that would be the last time he'd have the cajones to come within about 10 feet of me ever again. I work in a male-dominated job and have no problem backing them down when they get too big for their britches. Wouldn't have even had to raise my voice. Some of them need to be put in their place when they decide they want to "help the little woman" who surely doesn't know what she's doing.
btw...I just read that to one of the guys I work with and he started laughing about the idea of some strange man in the gym doing that to me or any of our female co-workers.
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I had a guy tell me I was cycling 'wrong' last week. He then changed my programme from 'stamina' to 'fat loss'. Was pretty upset about that!
O...M...G!! If someone did that to me, that would be the last time he'd have the cajones to come within about 10 feet of me ever again. I work in a male-dominated job and have no problem backing them down when they get too big for their britches. Wouldn't have even had to raise my voice. Some of them need to be put in their place when they decide they want to "help the little woman" who surely doesn't know what she's doing.
btw...I just read that to one of the guys I work with and he started laughing about the idea of some strange man in the gym doing that to me or any of our female co-workers.
I was going to say the same. That's way worse than someone watching or correcting form. He actually CHANGED your program. Doofus.0 -
MyChocolateDiet wrote: »Make "help me I'm a helpless useless woman" appointments.
For the next two weeks everytime a guy offers to help you in a way that is not spotting and immediately useful tell him your in a big rush today but next friday you have a bigger time slot to workout and can you guys talk then?
1) if you truly do know what you are doing this gives them several workouts to observe you in your natural habitat and conclude you don't actually need help and are indeed a badass and not show up on Friday.
2) if they observe things they truly think you need help on... ALL OF THEM will be standing around you on Friday ready to offer their advice IN FRONT of one another and so they will have to choose their words wisely, really beleive in what they are saying, edit themselves due to time constraints, choose only their best ideas...and of course naturally some will disagree. When they begin to disagree you slink out of the gym during any heated part of the discussion and the next time you see them they will be so butt sore from you ditching them and all the "Drama" you created that they will be more inclined to ignore you.
I think a Taser would be more efficient and require much less organization.
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Or, when the guys try to offer advice that you don't want to take, you could just pleasantly say, "Thanks for trying to help, but I'm following the advice of my trainer (or following X weight program). I just need to give it my full attention and effort (put earbuds back in)."
That'll let them know that you clearly don't want to be interrupted in a nice way - in case they were just being friendly. If they interrupt you again and you aren't about to hurt yourself doing something dumb ... then get pissed. And consider that chat with management.0 -
veganbettie wrote: »veganbettie wrote: »but unless she tells each and every one of the guys, hey leave me alone, they aren't going to know that it's unwanted attention.
It sounds like they are genuinely trying to be nice, not a creep.
It's possible, yeah. But from what she described -- just going about her business in a weight room, showing no signs of wanting the attention, being talked to repeatedly even when she ignores them the first time -- it sounds very much like behaviour that crosses the line.
Really, a good gym should foster a better environment than that.
I get you, and I agree. Especially considering after her last comment she is wearing earbuds, she didn't feel threatened or anything so, I don't think it was anything other than being nice.
I'm really digging this movement that has women sticking up for themselves. Saying to no cat calling and what not, i've been doing that kind of stuff since I was a kid myself...but it does make me think a little bit more...
one has to wonder though, we are putting all these restrictions on men to not talk to us,
don't look at her, don't smile at her, don't say hi to her, be friendly, but not OVERLY friendly... i'm starting to really feel bad for the nice guys that are just interested in a girl. I mean...If you're single, and ya, you're going to the gym to work out, not necessarily pick up on a man or woman, but if you're single and into fitness the gym is sort of the perfect place to find a like minded person...but if you can't even talk to someone without the fear of people calling you a jerk for saying hi or trying to help you on your form? I mean.... I don't know, it's a fine line....and it's hard for me to explain, and i'm sure i'm going to get flamed here. Obviously if someone is showing signs of not being interested they should be left alone, but you don't necessarily always know that someone isn't interested until you try.
I agree! Its a fine line! Some guys are just thick headed and hope that they can wear a girl down! Others are just trying to be helpful. Its hard to know when to draw the line. Some people just are not good at reading body language and other social cues so the guys don't realize that she doesn't want their help or attention. She may just have to put it in plain language. I often smile when Im uncomfortable or being approached or talked to by a stranger and a lot of men confuse this with flirting when really Im just nervous and trying not to be rude!0 -
I have to say...There are a few guys I used to ignore and shy away from, but when I finally opened up and said hello, I found they were so nice and helpful. I'm actually happy to have some people on my side down there. I did need help today ha0
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Its in the nature of men to fix things and/or compare penis sizes. Ignore if you feel you are using proper form since you have only a year under your weight lifting belt.
Men watching you is nothing new just as women watching men in my gym, it happens. Just deal with it in way that you see fit.
I wanna change my answer. When they wanna "fix" you tell them they have to do the other activity instead. The other one that's in their nature.
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I have given advice to a woman once, and only once in the gym, since June. She saw me deadlifting 315 for reps. She wanted my thoughts on deadlifting, and what she could do. I felt a little funny giving advice... but *kitten*. Whatevs.
Just walking up to some rando chick and giving advice? No. Way. Even if she's going to hurt herself. I've seen enough, "OMG creepster!" threads on MFP.0 -
I want one that reads squats for jesus, and has a low rider on the back.0
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I only give advice when asked. A girl asked me if she was doing the tricep machine correct. She claim it was easy so I said yeah upp that weight some till it got difficult.0
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I get "corrected" all the time in my gym on my squat form...
"Hold the bar higher and you won't lean as far forward" ...I squat Low bar..
"Look up" ...Um, No...
"You might want to try using gloves for those deadlifts" ...Thanks bro, but I don't mind calluses and gloves ruin my grip strength...
"You should try with your feet a bit further out" ...Why? I'm slightly wider than shoulder, go just below parallel, and track over my feet...
I spoke with a friend about it who goes to the same gym. She never gets corrected so I had her check my form and posted in a few forums. The feedback? Mostly positive, though one guy told me I was breaking at the hips too much and another said when I get tired I tend to good-morning it.. We decided I look more approachable because I tend to bounce and dance between sets and she has a RBF on and leans on the bar in the rack.
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The gym, where looking antisocial is a badge of honor. lol.0
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This makes me so angry. I see men using machines backwards and doing incorrect, potentially harmful lifts with no one batting an eye, but if I even shorten my range of motion slightly on my last rep due to fatigue the whole gym will descend on me with their criticism.0
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BerttiBott wrote: »This makes me so angry. I see men using machines backwards and doing incorrect, potentially harmful lifts with no one batting an eye, but if I even shorten my range of motion slightly on my last rep due to fatigue the whole gym will descend on me with their criticism.
Vids or it didn't happen.0 -
BerttiBott wrote: »This makes me so angry. I see men using machines backwards and doing incorrect, potentially harmful lifts with no one batting an eye, but if I even shorten my range of motion slightly on my last rep due to fatigue the whole gym will descend on me with their criticism.
Your lifts must be impressive if the whole gym stops to watch you!0 -
Gosh darnnit it, you men need to stop trying to be helpful. We know you all have an ulterior motive....we know you can't just be a decent bloke. pwthhhh. 0
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »BerttiBott wrote: »This makes me so angry. I see men using machines backwards and doing incorrect, potentially harmful lifts with no one batting an eye, but if I even shorten my range of motion slightly on my last rep due to fatigue the whole gym will descend on me with their criticism.
Your lifts must be impressive if the whole gym stops to watch you!
Seriously. I want to lift like that. I lift in a gym where most dudes are pulling a three plate bench, so that means I'll need a 4 plate. Ruh roh.0 -
*puts on rain coat in preparation for barrage of rotten tomatoes*
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mansplaining0 -
Stop setting up your yoga mat in the power rack and everyone will leave you alone.-1
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