Opinion: why do men feel the need to offer advice to me in the weight room?
Replies
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uconnwinsnc1 wrote: »juliewatkin wrote: »
Meh. I'm not sure that's true. There's a world of difference between sharing ideas and approaching someone you don't know and offering unsolicited advice. By doing that, you are approaching a (more or less) stranger and telling them they are wrong and you are right. That's it in it's most basic form. I'm not sure why anyone would find that palatable whether you are a man or woman.uconnwinsnc1 wrote: »Word is the gym used to be a place people socialized about training, share ideas, and have fun. Now apparently everyone who wants to talk to someone else is a sexual creepster. Social anxiety is at its peak in 2014.
I like advice. I know I am not perfect. If someone were to tell me that my form could be fixed and it would help prevent this or that kind of injury, I'd consider it. I don't want to jack up my shoulders because I wrote the person off as a creeper instead of someone honestly trying to help.
That's fair enough but that's assuming the advice is accurate and helpful. I think this is less about weird stalkers and more about the Dunning- Kruger effect.
"unskilled individuals tend to suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability much higher than is accurate, while highly skilled individuals tend to rate their ability lower than is accurate. In unskilled individuals, this bias is attributed to their metacognitive inability to recognize their ineptitude. Skilled individuals tend to underestimate their relative competence, erroneously assuming that tasks that are easy for them are also easy for others."
Less stalker and more smarty pants know it all.
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juliewatkin wrote: »That's fair enough but that's assuming the advice is accurate and helpful. I think this is less about weird stalkers and more about the Dunning- Kruger effect.
If they're giving advice to everyone else, sure.
If they're giving advice only to the women and not to the men, then that needs to be taken into consideration. "Mansplaining" is a real thing. An annoying thing.
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uconnwinsnc1 wrote: »Word is the gym used to be a place people socialized about training, share ideas, and have fun. Now apparently everyone who wants to talk to someone else is a sexual creepster. Social anxiety is at its peak in 2014.
Orrrr desperation dating has peaked and people jump at a person any chance they have, no matter how strange the situation. I can tell the difference between someone meaning well and someone trying to hit on you (after staring nonstop). It's not even a weight lifting thing, it's just general behavior and it's easy to do when a woman is lifting since you can sneak in while she's resting, as opposed to while she's running. It happens to me while swimming all the time. No matter how disinterested I look, some guy always has to try to start a conversation. Generally, it doesn't bother me because there are a lot of nice guys that just want to talk and even if they are interested, they won't do anything. But sometimes they have no self-awareness that what they do/say is creepy...like the guy that after trying to strike up multiple conversations told me he "loves watching me swim."
. I've never had a woman in the pool strike up conversations with me while I'm taking a 30 second rest and tell me how "great" my backstroke is lol.
OP - my suggestion is to drag a guy friend (or boyfriend if you have one) along every now and then. It'll ward off the weidos are just leave those with good intentions
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My hubby taught me to lift and I lift pretty heavy. He thinks it is really cool that I feel strong and self confident. Real men like ladies who lift. They are probably just trying to help....wear ear buds or just say 'thanks I'm fine'0
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uconnwinsnc1 wrote: »Word is the gym used to be a place people socialized about training, share ideas, and have fun. Now apparently everyone who wants to talk to someone else is a sexual creepster. Social anxiety is at its peak in 2014.
Orrrr desperation dating has peaked and people jump at a person any chance they have, no matter how strange the situation. I can tell the difference between someone meaning well and someone trying to hit on you (after staring nonstop). It's not even a weight lifting thing, it's just general behavior and it's easy to do when a woman is lifting since you can sneak in while she's resting, as opposed to while she's running. It happens to me while swimming all the time. No matter how disinterested I look, some guy always has to try to start a conversation. Generally, it doesn't bother me because there are a lot of nice guys that just want to talk and even if they are interested, they won't do anything. But sometimes they have no self-awareness that what they do/say is creepy...like the guy that after trying to strike up multiple conversations told me he "loves watching me swim." . I've never had a woman in the pool strike up conversations with me while I'm taking a 30 second rest and tell me how "great" my backstroke is lol.
OP - my suggestion is to drag a guy friend (or boyfriend if you have one) along every now and then. It'll ward off the weidos are just leave those with good intentions
Ummm... so you're hot and guys hit on you a lot (sometimes awkwardly)? Tough life... lol0 -
southcarolinaguy wrote: »
Not generalizing. If I has said all men, then yes maybe a generalization, however not once has a woman offered me lifting advice. I do like the post that mentioned how would I react if a woman said the same thing. I'd say thank you unless it was a condescending tone. So I guess tone/body language is everything here.0 -
veganbettie wrote: »gamesandgains wrote: »I've been in situations where I've seen females, and males, preforming a lift with poor form. However, because of threads like this, I just minded my own business to avoid being labeled a "creeper' or "that guy". Can't win. I'd force myself to say something if they were about to hurt themselves, otherwise I'll just do my thing.
Exactly. And it sucks and makes it unfortunate that normal guys can't help, because heaven forbid they get attacked.
I mean heaven forbid you make a friend in a gym with the same hobbies.
Why should anyone open themselves up to reprisal over attempting to be helpful?
If anything, this thread reinforces that, if a person is a different gender, and doing something badly, or in a way that will cause injury. Let them.
I don't go to the gym to make friends, and I don't share hobbies with randoms.
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i just think it's sad that you can't be friendly anymore, especially in an environment with a lot of people that seem likeminded in their fitness interests....
I mean obviously if you're going to the gym to just make friends, you're going for the wrong reason, but just being nice to someone isn't even allowed anymore.0 -
Wear a wedding ring. See what happens. 0
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Was it ever allowed?veganbettie wrote: »I mean obviously if you're going to the gym to just make friends, you're going for the wrong reason, but just being nice to someone isn't even allowed anymore.
If I'm nice to you, most people would assume I want to splay and lay. If you're nice to me. Same. Has this ever been different?
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deluxmary2000 wrote: »uconnwinsnc1 wrote: »Word is the gym used to be a place people socialized about training, share ideas, and have fun. Now apparently everyone who wants to talk to someone else is a sexual creepster. Social anxiety is at its peak in 2014.
Orrrr desperation dating has peaked and people jump at a person any chance they have, no matter how strange the situation. I can tell the difference between someone meaning well and someone trying to hit on you (after staring nonstop). It's not even a weight lifting thing, it's just general behavior and it's easy to do when a woman is lifting since you can sneak in while she's resting, as opposed to while she's running. It happens to me while swimming all the time. No matter how disinterested I look, some guy always has to try to start a conversation. Generally, it doesn't bother me because there are a lot of nice guys that just want to talk and even if they are interested, they won't do anything. But sometimes they have no self-awareness that what they do/say is creepy...like the guy that after trying to strike up multiple conversations told me he "loves watching me swim." . I've never had a woman in the pool strike up conversations with me while I'm taking a 30 second rest and tell me how "great" my backstroke is lol.
OP - my suggestion is to drag a guy friend (or boyfriend if you have one) along every now and then. It'll ward off the weidos are just leave those with good intentions
Ummm... so you're hot and guys hit on you a lot (sometimes awkwardly)? Tough life... lol
#humblebrag
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Most times I would say they are just being douche bags. But there is one occasion where I stopped another gym member and gave him some advice because his form was so utterly utterly terrible and he was overloading so much weight that I thought he was going to hurt himself. Sometimes, very rarely it's an act of concern. Most of the time it's just patronizing though.0
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veganbettie wrote: »but unless she tells each and every one of the guys, hey leave me alone, they aren't going to know that it's unwanted attention.
Idk about that. If she's into her workout, and especially if she wears headphones or something, that sends enough of a "don't want to be bothered" vibe to me. Most of those guys wouldn't like it if another dude (or even a woman) interrupted their workout, so it seems odd to say they don't understand why they shouldn't interrupt hers unless she specifically tells them.
I've had several guys approach me to offer help at the gym. Most of the time they've been nice and genuinely helpful, so I don't mind. Though a few have sort of hovered around after giving me advice, making me think they want to keep talking or hit on me. I just say "thanks" for the advice and then pretty much ignore them after that. As long as they're not being total creeps, I don't mind.
It does feel sort of patronizing sometimes though, because I see plenty of guys with terrible form at the gym and I never see other dudes interrupt them to help out. Meanwhile, my form is just fine and multiple dudes feel the need to speak up and offer tips.
Basic rule, guys: would you do the thing you're about to do if I was another man? No? Then it's probably best to refrain. Gym time is ME time - and most people feel this way - not socializing time.
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skullshank wrote: »
I wear mine on a chain around my neck. It's clearly visible but won't skin my finger.0 -
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »skullshank wrote: »
I wear mine on a chain around my neck. It's clearly visible but won't skin my finger.
My wife confiscated mine. lol. She knows I'll lose it somewhere if it isn't stapled to my chest.0 -
Reminding myself, "I am strong enough to brain this idiot with the iron bar." does wonders for my calm.
Then pull out my best Tidewater accent and say, "Bless your heart, sugar. Thanks for your help" while smiling brilliantly with my mouth but not my eyes, and locking eyes with him.
Had one guy trip backing up when I did it. 0 -
I've always liked, "Bless your heart." or "Bless your soul."0
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veganbettie wrote: »gamesandgains wrote: »I've been in situations where I've seen females, and males, preforming a lift with poor form. However, because of threads like this, I just minded my own business to avoid being labeled a "creeper' or "that guy". Can't win. I'd force myself to say something if they were about to hurt themselves, otherwise I'll just do my thing.
Exactly. And it sucks and makes it unfortunate that normal guys can't help, because heaven forbid they get attacked.
I mean heaven forbid you make a friend in a gym with the same hobbies.
Why should anyone open themselves up to reprisal over attempting to be helpful?
If anything, this thread reinforces that, if a person is a different gender, and doing something badly, or in a way that will cause injury. Let them.
I don't go to the gym to make friends, and I don't share hobbies with randoms.
I think it's too bad too. I'm a generally friendly person who actually feels guilty if I'm being anti social. I had a few friendly associates at my last gym who I'd say hi to, ask for advice, give a few supportive words back and forth, etc.
Not so much at my new gym, but I've been observing people working with some new equipment, flipping tires, dragging sand bags, sledgehammer type work, etc. This Saturday it was really empty so I asked a guy who had just finished with the tire if there were any form or technique things I should keep in mind when flipping.
He ended up saying he was hoping we could go for a little work out after our work out. I tried shutting him down three times before he said that. Obviously I'm not a harsh person based on what I said at the beginning. But WTH?
I did end up with a little help from my daughter. I told her what happened when I got home and she called him out publicity on Facebook for it. She went to school with his older brother. Yeah, he was younger than all of my kids, and I'd told him that. What kind of 21 year old keeps hitting on a grandmother???0 -
For example, I saw a woman doing something in a way that would probably harm herself, and even better. Showing her completely untrained friend how to do it. Luckily, they used very little weight, but I think ultimately, it's her job to know what she's doing. Also her friend's job to know her friend is less practiced than she claims.
Hey, whatever. Not anyone's place to correct them.0 -
For example, I saw a woman doing something in a way that would probably harm herself, and even better. Showing her completely untrained friend how to do it. Luckily, they used very little weight, but I think ultimately, it's her job to know what she's doing. Also her friend's job to know her friend is less practiced than she claims.
Hey, whatever. Not anyone's place to correct them.
I kind of agree. I was corrected on my tri kickback once. Maybe I just wasn't paying attention or something. My form is normally fine. Pissed me off so I snapped. I felt bad so a week later I tried talking to the guy and being friendly..which lead to him asking me out. I gave him my number because I was surprised and put on the spot, but I had to turn him down. Now it's completely awkward. He acts like it's his gym and ignores me even though I'm still nice and say hi.
Sorry-that ended up being off topic.0 -
I know, it's so hard having the d thrown at you ALL the time.arditarose wrote: »For example, I saw a woman doing something in a way that would probably harm herself, and even better. Showing her completely untrained friend how to do it. Luckily, they used very little weight, but I think ultimately, it's her job to know what she's doing. Also her friend's job to know her friend is less practiced than she claims.
Hey, whatever. Not anyone's place to correct them.
I kind of agree. I was corrected on my tri kickback once. Maybe I just wasn't paying attention or something. My form is normally fine. Pissed me off so I snapped. I felt bad so a week later I tried talking to the guy and being friendly..which lead to him asking me out. I gave him my number because I was surprised and put on the spot, but I had to turn him down. Now it's completely awkward. He acts like it's his gym and ignores me even though I'm still nice and say hi.
Sorry-that ended up being off topic.
heh. You didn't like being corrected though, and I don't think any of us really dose. How else we gonna learn though eh?
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I know, it's so hard having the d thrown at you ALL the time.arditarose wrote: »For example, I saw a woman doing something in a way that would probably harm herself, and even better. Showing her completely untrained friend how to do it. Luckily, they used very little weight, but I think ultimately, it's her job to know what she's doing. Also her friend's job to know her friend is less practiced than she claims.
Hey, whatever. Not anyone's place to correct them.
I kind of agree. I was corrected on my tri kickback once. Maybe I just wasn't paying attention or something. My form is normally fine. Pissed me off so I snapped. I felt bad so a week later I tried talking to the guy and being friendly..which lead to him asking me out. I gave him my number because I was surprised and put on the spot, but I had to turn him down. Now it's completely awkward. He acts like it's his gym and ignores me even though I'm still nice and say hi.
Sorry-that ended up being off topic.
heh. You didn't like being corrected though, and I don't think any of us really dose. How else we gonna learn though eh?
Yeah, I guess you're right. I just wasn't ready. It already took enough confidence for me to be down there. Now I'm way more comfortable and can actually ask people for help. I don't need help on my tricep kickback though!!! He just trying to get some.
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I had a guy tell me I was cycling 'wrong' last week. He then changed my programme from 'stamina' to 'fat loss'. Was pretty upset about that!
O...M...G!!
If someone did that to me, that would be the last time he'd have the cajones to come within about 10 feet of me ever again. I work in a male-dominated job and have no problem backing them down when they get too big for their britches. Wouldn't have even had to raise my voice. Some of them need to be put in their place when they decide they want to "help the little woman" who surely doesn't know what she's doing.
btw...I just read that to one of the guys I work with and he started laughing about the idea of some strange man in the gym doing that to me or any of our female co-workers.
even women do that kind of thing though. i think this is a fat thing. not a gender thing. i've had plenty of women do this kind of thing asking me what I'm doing and then giving me advice. clearly it's not because I'm a woman it's because I'm still fat. well skinnier than I was but "fat" compared to them.
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this is my favorite subtext of the thread, when the lady is feeling slighted and objectified based on her gender and then making fun of feminine things becomes the thing.
My turn...
I'm gonna do my yoga on a giant overnight kotex. with wings.0 -
="gamesandgains;30306420"]veganbettie wrote: »
OR you can get this shirt.
LOL that's awesome.
I want that shirt too, but I want it to say it on the front...right under my cleavage.0 -
southcarolinaguy wrote: »
Not generalizing. If I has said all men, then yes maybe a generalization, however not once has a woman offered me lifting advice. I do like the post that mentioned how would I react if a woman said the same thing. I'd say thank you unless it was a condescending tone. So I guess tone/body language is everything here.
but has a woman ever offered you weight loss/workout/diet advice?0 -
Everyone's gotta cry aboot something eh?MyChocolateDiet wrote: »
this is my favorite subtext of the thread, when the lady is feeling slighted and objectified based on her gender and then making fun of feminine things becomes the thing.
My turn...
I'm gonna do my yoga on a giant overnight kotex. with wings.
What aboot it implies to you and your personal gender bias that my gaiam mat is gender based objectification?
Is it that men aren't allowed flowers? Is it that men aren't allowed gaiam mats?
You implying I'm straight and only use flowery gaiam mats for comedy effect?
Interesting.
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