Opinion: why do men feel the need to offer advice to me in the weight room?
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The men are corrected you for one of two very obvious reasons:
1) You are doing something wrong and they want to help; or
2) They just want to talk to you and that's the easiest excuse they have to start a conversation.0 -
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I've been in situations where I've seen females, and males, preforming a lift with poor form. However, because of threads like this, I just minded my own business to avoid being labeled a "creeper' or "that guy". Can't win. I'd force myself to say something if they were about to hurt themselves, otherwise I'll just do my thing.0
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gamesandgains wrote: »I've been in situations where I've seen females, and males, preforming a lift with poor form. However, because of threads like this, I just minded my own business to avoid being labeled a "creeper' or "that guy". Can't win. I'd force myself to say something if they were about to hurt themselves, otherwise I'll just do my thing.
Exactly. And it sucks and makes it unfortunate that normal guys can't help, because heaven forbid they get attacked.
I mean heaven forbid you make a friend in a gym with the same hobbies.0 -
hate when people give unsolicited advice in the gym.
even the "worries of injury" people could be mistaken (not referring to anyone here but to an actual example): I was doing front squats with OLY form (not crossed hands), and someone came up to me and tried to get me to 1) switch to a cross armed grip and 2) use the leg press machine, cuz "it's safer" (it's not / it's probably one of the most unsafe pieces in that gym)... wrong on both counts.
or when people suggest programs: "why you doin overhead squats, lunges, and hip thrusts as assistance? you should be doing machines for that stuff. work that chest and bis more.".... um...
grumble.
while some dudes may be motivated by flirtatious desires when giving advice to a woman, others just may be the "give advice" types; others may be really on to something important to share. a little of column A, a little of column B, a little of column C... etc
but the creeps are absolutely the worst0 -
uconnwinsnc1 wrote: »juliewatkin wrote: »uconnwinsnc1 wrote: »Word is the gym used to be a place people socialized about training, share ideas, and have fun. Now apparently everyone who wants to talk to someone else is a sexual creepster. Social anxiety is at its peak in 2014.
I like advice. I know I am not perfect. If someone were to tell me that my form could be fixed and it would help prevent this or that kind of injury, I'd consider it. I don't want to jack up my shoulders because I wrote the person off as a creeper instead of someone honestly trying to help.
That's fair enough but that's assuming the advice is accurate and helpful. I think this is less about weird stalkers and more about the Dunning- Kruger effect.
"unskilled individuals tend to suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability much higher than is accurate, while highly skilled individuals tend to rate their ability lower than is accurate. In unskilled individuals, this bias is attributed to their metacognitive inability to recognize their ineptitude. Skilled individuals tend to underestimate their relative competence, erroneously assuming that tasks that are easy for them are also easy for others."
Less stalker and more smarty pants know it all.
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juliewatkin wrote: »That's fair enough but that's assuming the advice is accurate and helpful. I think this is less about weird stalkers and more about the Dunning- Kruger effect.
If they're giving advice to everyone else, sure.
If they're giving advice only to the women and not to the men, then that needs to be taken into consideration. "Mansplaining" is a real thing. An annoying thing.
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uconnwinsnc1 wrote: »Word is the gym used to be a place people socialized about training, share ideas, and have fun. Now apparently everyone who wants to talk to someone else is a sexual creepster. Social anxiety is at its peak in 2014.
Orrrr desperation dating has peaked and people jump at a person any chance they have, no matter how strange the situation. I can tell the difference between someone meaning well and someone trying to hit on you (after staring nonstop). It's not even a weight lifting thing, it's just general behavior and it's easy to do when a woman is lifting since you can sneak in while she's resting, as opposed to while she's running. It happens to me while swimming all the time. No matter how disinterested I look, some guy always has to try to start a conversation. Generally, it doesn't bother me because there are a lot of nice guys that just want to talk and even if they are interested, they won't do anything. But sometimes they have no self-awareness that what they do/say is creepy...like the guy that after trying to strike up multiple conversations told me he "loves watching me swim." . I've never had a woman in the pool strike up conversations with me while I'm taking a 30 second rest and tell me how "great" my backstroke is lol.
OP - my suggestion is to drag a guy friend (or boyfriend if you have one) along every now and then. It'll ward off the weidos are just leave those with good intentions0 -
My hubby taught me to lift and I lift pretty heavy. He thinks it is really cool that I feel strong and self confident. Real men like ladies who lift. They are probably just trying to help....wear ear buds or just say 'thanks I'm fine'0
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uconnwinsnc1 wrote: »Word is the gym used to be a place people socialized about training, share ideas, and have fun. Now apparently everyone who wants to talk to someone else is a sexual creepster. Social anxiety is at its peak in 2014.
Orrrr desperation dating has peaked and people jump at a person any chance they have, no matter how strange the situation. I can tell the difference between someone meaning well and someone trying to hit on you (after staring nonstop). It's not even a weight lifting thing, it's just general behavior and it's easy to do when a woman is lifting since you can sneak in while she's resting, as opposed to while she's running. It happens to me while swimming all the time. No matter how disinterested I look, some guy always has to try to start a conversation. Generally, it doesn't bother me because there are a lot of nice guys that just want to talk and even if they are interested, they won't do anything. But sometimes they have no self-awareness that what they do/say is creepy...like the guy that after trying to strike up multiple conversations told me he "loves watching me swim." . I've never had a woman in the pool strike up conversations with me while I'm taking a 30 second rest and tell me how "great" my backstroke is lol.
OP - my suggestion is to drag a guy friend (or boyfriend if you have one) along every now and then. It'll ward off the weidos are just leave those with good intentions
Ummm... so you're hot and guys hit on you a lot (sometimes awkwardly)? Tough life... lol0 -
southcarolinaguy wrote: »
Not generalizing. If I has said all men, then yes maybe a generalization, however not once has a woman offered me lifting advice. I do like the post that mentioned how would I react if a woman said the same thing. I'd say thank you unless it was a condescending tone. So I guess tone/body language is everything here.0 -
veganbettie wrote: »gamesandgains wrote: »I've been in situations where I've seen females, and males, preforming a lift with poor form. However, because of threads like this, I just minded my own business to avoid being labeled a "creeper' or "that guy". Can't win. I'd force myself to say something if they were about to hurt themselves, otherwise I'll just do my thing.
Exactly. And it sucks and makes it unfortunate that normal guys can't help, because heaven forbid they get attacked.
I mean heaven forbid you make a friend in a gym with the same hobbies.
Why should anyone open themselves up to reprisal over attempting to be helpful?
If anything, this thread reinforces that, if a person is a different gender, and doing something badly, or in a way that will cause injury. Let them.
I don't go to the gym to make friends, and I don't share hobbies with randoms.0 -
i just think it's sad that you can't be friendly anymore, especially in an environment with a lot of people that seem likeminded in their fitness interests....
I mean obviously if you're going to the gym to just make friends, you're going for the wrong reason, but just being nice to someone isn't even allowed anymore.0 -
Wear a wedding ring. See what happens.0
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veganbettie wrote: »I mean obviously if you're going to the gym to just make friends, you're going for the wrong reason, but just being nice to someone isn't even allowed anymore.
If I'm nice to you, most people would assume I want to splay and lay. If you're nice to me. Same. Has this ever been different?
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deluxmary2000 wrote: »uconnwinsnc1 wrote: »Word is the gym used to be a place people socialized about training, share ideas, and have fun. Now apparently everyone who wants to talk to someone else is a sexual creepster. Social anxiety is at its peak in 2014.
Orrrr desperation dating has peaked and people jump at a person any chance they have, no matter how strange the situation. I can tell the difference between someone meaning well and someone trying to hit on you (after staring nonstop). It's not even a weight lifting thing, it's just general behavior and it's easy to do when a woman is lifting since you can sneak in while she's resting, as opposed to while she's running. It happens to me while swimming all the time. No matter how disinterested I look, some guy always has to try to start a conversation. Generally, it doesn't bother me because there are a lot of nice guys that just want to talk and even if they are interested, they won't do anything. But sometimes they have no self-awareness that what they do/say is creepy...like the guy that after trying to strike up multiple conversations told me he "loves watching me swim." . I've never had a woman in the pool strike up conversations with me while I'm taking a 30 second rest and tell me how "great" my backstroke is lol.
OP - my suggestion is to drag a guy friend (or boyfriend if you have one) along every now and then. It'll ward off the weidos are just leave those with good intentions
Ummm... so you're hot and guys hit on you a lot (sometimes awkwardly)? Tough life... lol
#humblebrag
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Most times I would say they are just being douche bags. But there is one occasion where I stopped another gym member and gave him some advice because his form was so utterly utterly terrible and he was overloading so much weight that I thought he was going to hurt himself. Sometimes, very rarely it's an act of concern. Most of the time it's just patronizing though.0
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veganbettie wrote: »but unless she tells each and every one of the guys, hey leave me alone, they aren't going to know that it's unwanted attention.
Idk about that. If she's into her workout, and especially if she wears headphones or something, that sends enough of a "don't want to be bothered" vibe to me. Most of those guys wouldn't like it if another dude (or even a woman) interrupted their workout, so it seems odd to say they don't understand why they shouldn't interrupt hers unless she specifically tells them.
I've had several guys approach me to offer help at the gym. Most of the time they've been nice and genuinely helpful, so I don't mind. Though a few have sort of hovered around after giving me advice, making me think they want to keep talking or hit on me. I just say "thanks" for the advice and then pretty much ignore them after that. As long as they're not being total creeps, I don't mind.
It does feel sort of patronizing sometimes though, because I see plenty of guys with terrible form at the gym and I never see other dudes interrupt them to help out. Meanwhile, my form is just fine and multiple dudes feel the need to speak up and offer tips.
Basic rule, guys: would you do the thing you're about to do if I was another man? No? Then it's probably best to refrain. Gym time is ME time - and most people feel this way - not socializing time.
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