Opinion: why do men feel the need to offer advice to me in the weight room?

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  • fitfatty88
    fitfatty88 Posts: 273 Member
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    IMO, if a guy is interested, he can wait until after you're done with whatever you're doing. If someone interrupted me while working out to try and "correct" me, it would take every ounce of my being not to chuck a weight at them. Male or female.
    I've had someone offer a suggestion to help me from tweaking my wrists and that was appreciated, but they waited until my set was done. I've also been asked by other people on how to do something. It's basic gym etiquette, don't be a dudebro.
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,862 Member
    edited November 2014
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    kpchefai wrote: »
    Opinion: why do men feel the need to offer advice to me in the weight room?
    Why do women generalize about men?

  • deluxmary2000
    deluxmary2000 Posts: 981 Member
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    I don't lift at the gym very often, but when I do, I have frequently had guys offer me unsolicited advice. Not because they were hitting on me, but because I'm a lifting newb and still have pretty shite form. I practically fell over myself thanking them, because it's FREE ADVICE.
    I'm not sure what my point is, other than to offer an alternative thought process/reaction on men correcting women in the weight room.
  • Lofteren
    Lofteren Posts: 960 Member
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    The men are corrected you for one of two very obvious reasons:

    1) You are doing something wrong and they want to help; or
    2) They just want to talk to you and that's the easiest excuse they have to start a conversation.
  • gamesandgains
    gamesandgains Posts: 640 Member
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    veganbettie wrote: »

    OR you can get this shirt.

    5wyb6mkl1x8m.jpg

    LOL that's awesome.
  • gamesandgains
    gamesandgains Posts: 640 Member
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    I've been in situations where I've seen females, and males, preforming a lift with poor form. However, because of threads like this, I just minded my own business to avoid being labeled a "creeper' or "that guy". Can't win. I'd force myself to say something if they were about to hurt themselves, otherwise I'll just do my thing.
  • veganbettie
    veganbettie Posts: 701 Member
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    gamesandgains wrote: »
    I've been in situations where I've seen females, and males, preforming a lift with poor form. However, because of threads like this, I just minded my own business to avoid being labeled a "creeper' or "that guy". Can't win. I'd force myself to say something if they were about to hurt themselves, otherwise I'll just do my thing.

    Exactly. And it sucks and makes it unfortunate that normal guys can't help, because heaven forbid they get attacked.

    I mean heaven forbid you make a friend in a gym with the same hobbies.
  • Wronkletoad
    Wronkletoad Posts: 368 Member
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    hate when people give unsolicited advice in the gym.

    even the "worries of injury" people could be mistaken (not referring to anyone here but to an actual example): I was doing front squats with OLY form (not crossed hands), and someone came up to me and tried to get me to 1) switch to a cross armed grip and 2) use the leg press machine, cuz "it's safer" (it's not / it's probably one of the most unsafe pieces in that gym)... wrong on both counts.

    or when people suggest programs: "why you doin overhead squats, lunges, and hip thrusts as assistance? you should be doing machines for that stuff. work that chest and bis more.".... um...

    grumble.

    while some dudes may be motivated by flirtatious desires when giving advice to a woman, others just may be the "give advice" types; others may be really on to something important to share. a little of column A, a little of column B, a little of column C... etc

    but the creeps are absolutely the worst :|
  • juliewatkin
    juliewatkin Posts: 764 Member
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    uconnwinsnc1 wrote: »
    juliewatkin wrote: »
    uconnwinsnc1 wrote: »
    Word is the gym used to be a place people socialized about training, share ideas, and have fun. Now apparently everyone who wants to talk to someone else is a sexual creepster. Social anxiety is at its peak in 2014.
    Meh. I'm not sure that's true. There's a world of difference between sharing ideas and approaching someone you don't know and offering unsolicited advice. By doing that, you are approaching a (more or less) stranger and telling them they are wrong and you are right. That's it in it's most basic form. I'm not sure why anyone would find that palatable whether you are a man or woman.

    I like advice. I know I am not perfect. If someone were to tell me that my form could be fixed and it would help prevent this or that kind of injury, I'd consider it. I don't want to jack up my shoulders because I wrote the person off as a creeper instead of someone honestly trying to help.

    That's fair enough but that's assuming the advice is accurate and helpful. I think this is less about weird stalkers and more about the Dunning- Kruger effect.

    "unskilled individuals tend to suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability much higher than is accurate, while highly skilled individuals tend to rate their ability lower than is accurate. In unskilled individuals, this bias is attributed to their metacognitive inability to recognize their ineptitude. Skilled individuals tend to underestimate their relative competence, erroneously assuming that tasks that are easy for them are also easy for others."

    Less stalker and more smarty pants know it all.
  • segacs
    segacs Posts: 4,599 Member
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    juliewatkin wrote: »
    That's fair enough but that's assuming the advice is accurate and helpful. I think this is less about weird stalkers and more about the Dunning- Kruger effect.

    If they're giving advice to everyone else, sure.

    If they're giving advice only to the women and not to the men, then that needs to be taken into consideration. "Mansplaining" is a real thing. An annoying thing.
  • terar21
    terar21 Posts: 523 Member
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    uconnwinsnc1 wrote: »
    Word is the gym used to be a place people socialized about training, share ideas, and have fun. Now apparently everyone who wants to talk to someone else is a sexual creepster. Social anxiety is at its peak in 2014.

    Orrrr desperation dating has peaked and people jump at a person any chance they have, no matter how strange the situation. I can tell the difference between someone meaning well and someone trying to hit on you (after staring nonstop). It's not even a weight lifting thing, it's just general behavior and it's easy to do when a woman is lifting since you can sneak in while she's resting, as opposed to while she's running. It happens to me while swimming all the time. No matter how disinterested I look, some guy always has to try to start a conversation. Generally, it doesn't bother me because there are a lot of nice guys that just want to talk and even if they are interested, they won't do anything. But sometimes they have no self-awareness that what they do/say is creepy...like the guy that after trying to strike up multiple conversations told me he "loves watching me swim." :s . I've never had a woman in the pool strike up conversations with me while I'm taking a 30 second rest and tell me how "great" my backstroke is lol.

    OP - my suggestion is to drag a guy friend (or boyfriend if you have one) along every now and then. It'll ward off the weidos are just leave those with good intentions :smile:
  • joannathechef
    joannathechef Posts: 484 Member
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    My hubby taught me to lift and I lift pretty heavy. He thinks it is really cool that I feel strong and self confident. Real men like ladies who lift. They are probably just trying to help....wear ear buds or just say 'thanks I'm fine'
  • deluxmary2000
    deluxmary2000 Posts: 981 Member
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    terar21 wrote: »
    uconnwinsnc1 wrote: »
    Word is the gym used to be a place people socialized about training, share ideas, and have fun. Now apparently everyone who wants to talk to someone else is a sexual creepster. Social anxiety is at its peak in 2014.

    Orrrr desperation dating has peaked and people jump at a person any chance they have, no matter how strange the situation. I can tell the difference between someone meaning well and someone trying to hit on you (after staring nonstop). It's not even a weight lifting thing, it's just general behavior and it's easy to do when a woman is lifting since you can sneak in while she's resting, as opposed to while she's running. It happens to me while swimming all the time. No matter how disinterested I look, some guy always has to try to start a conversation. Generally, it doesn't bother me because there are a lot of nice guys that just want to talk and even if they are interested, they won't do anything. But sometimes they have no self-awareness that what they do/say is creepy...like the guy that after trying to strike up multiple conversations told me he "loves watching me swim." :s . I've never had a woman in the pool strike up conversations with me while I'm taking a 30 second rest and tell me how "great" my backstroke is lol.

    OP - my suggestion is to drag a guy friend (or boyfriend if you have one) along every now and then. It'll ward off the weidos are just leave those with good intentions :smile:

    Ummm... so you're hot and guys hit on you a lot (sometimes awkwardly)? Tough life... lol
  • kpchefai
    kpchefai Posts: 54 Member
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    southcarolinaguy wrote: »
    kpchefai wrote: »
    Opinion: why do men feel the need to offer advice to me in the weight room?
    Why do women generalize about men?

    Not generalizing. If I has said all men, then yes maybe a generalization, however not once has a woman offered me lifting advice. I do like the post that mentioned how would I react if a woman said the same thing. I'd say thank you unless it was a condescending tone. So I guess tone/body language is everything here.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,951 Member
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    veganbettie wrote: »
    gamesandgains wrote: »
    I've been in situations where I've seen females, and males, preforming a lift with poor form. However, because of threads like this, I just minded my own business to avoid being labeled a "creeper' or "that guy". Can't win. I'd force myself to say something if they were about to hurt themselves, otherwise I'll just do my thing.

    Exactly. And it sucks and makes it unfortunate that normal guys can't help, because heaven forbid they get attacked.

    I mean heaven forbid you make a friend in a gym with the same hobbies.

    Why should anyone open themselves up to reprisal over attempting to be helpful?

    If anything, this thread reinforces that, if a person is a different gender, and doing something badly, or in a way that will cause injury. Let them.

    I don't go to the gym to make friends, and I don't share hobbies with randoms. ;)
  • veganbettie
    veganbettie Posts: 701 Member
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    i just think it's sad that you can't be friendly anymore, especially in an environment with a lot of people that seem likeminded in their fitness interests....

    I mean obviously if you're going to the gym to just make friends, you're going for the wrong reason, but just being nice to someone isn't even allowed anymore.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,626 Member
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    Wear a wedding ring. See what happens. :)
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,951 Member
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    Kalikel wrote: »
    Wear a wedding ring. See what happens. :)

    There's a reason I don't wear mine. Wanna see why?

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