Spa owner yells at Mom of Autistic child-Facebook Firestorm

liliawodna

jofjltncb6

Oh no. I would have said something, though I am a man so I may be more quick to anger. Wait I say short people are quick to anger since the anger has less room to travel.

It is so sad that people would be so cold, and not understand that the mother didnt wish to have a child born with autism, the child didnt wish to be born that way. There are things in this world that are completely out of your control. To bash a child let alone one with autism is sickening. If there is a cause to be upset at, this is one of them. Where is the group Autism Speak on this issue?

out of all this, I would think there might be a niche market for a hair and nail salon that openly and is geared towards people with autism and their families.

Spoken like a true man.

The next time I am having my enjoyment and comfort at an establishment, which I also pay for, disturbed by a child's situationally inappropriate tantrum, I will be sure to first inquire of the parent(s) whether the tantrum is due to the child being autistic, or simply the result of poor child-rearing.

If it's the former, I will commiserate with the parents and suffer through the tantrum sympathetically like a true man.

But if it's the latter, then I will channel Gordon Ramsay without fear of Facebook persecution.

^this....maybe.

Honestly, I'm still trying to sort everything out on this story. It has a lot of angles. Will be interesting to see what revelations are made that potentially change perspective...(and there most certainly will be...there always are).

tlangenfeld

I didn't take my daughter shopping for three years because she couldn't behave. Once she realized that she didn't get to go to the "fun places" with Mommy because she wouldn't behave, she learned real quick to get her act together and not be a nuisance.

This is where we differ. I NEVER consider my son who has autism a nuisance. I certainly hope you never really told her that.

Sadly too many parents do send that message to their child. Many of my autistic students never leave the house outside of going to school because of the way they act. I have kids who haven't been anywhere in the community for over 5 years!!

thats sad
I was a single parent and not by choice it was leave my kids dad or end up dead
both kids were very young 8 months and 27 months, I could not just leave them and go shopping or whatever only time they had a baby sitter was when i worked. when i needed to go shopping they went if they had a tantrum well i would leave the store with them in tow they quickly learned that having tantrums did not pay

kendallsauntie

Bump to reply in the morning.

bennysammysofie

universal agreement? *hands you a dictionary*

Thanks for the dictionary. Do you think the owner handled this correctly? Does anyone?

Nah, she didnt from what I read. Coming out yelling at a kid with their parent right there? My kids are jerks sometimes but if someone else tried yelling at them someone would be getting choked out slowly and painfully.
I ran a produce stand for a few years and Id have kids coming in putting their hands all over the produce. I would just ask them to not touch the produce in a "hey buddy" kinda way. If I would see the kids who were a lil whacky coming, Id find something id probably just throw out and give it to them. I think the parents knew what I was doing and got their kids under control.
Personally, putting myself in the owners shoes, Id come out and ask if everything was ok. If the kid was so out of control and the mom couldnt handle the kid, Id try to help her out with a lolipop or something so I could get to talking with the mom about rescheduling the kids haircut since its probably not good practice to use sharp objects around a kicking, screaming kid anyway After the mom leaves Id apologize to the other customers. This *kitten* owner put everyone on the defense because she acted exactly like the tantruming kid and will lose business for sure.

wineplease

All I can say is that if I was there getting my hair done and somebody's unmanageable kid was yelling, I'd be pissed. I don't care if he's autistic, retarded, or just being a brat, not my problem, I don't want to have to listen to that.

Well, aren't you a peach.

Especially if it's such a high-priced place.

Entitled much? I don't find this a "high-priced" place anyway.

meadow_sage

This isn't the same as the parents that take their two year old to a Rated R movie at 10 o'clock at night and let's them run rampant.
This situation is different. If the salon is not kid friendly then a sign stating so should have been put on the door. As a business owner, I would have NEVER have approached my client and yelled at them for any reason unless they were destroying my property or assaulting another client. She should have an established rule about young children or have addressed the issue BEFORE the haircut began. Personally, if she was already bringing the child there in the past....I would have had a discussion with the mother asking her not to bring him there or arranging for the haircut to take place as a first appointment. I think that everyone that tries to dismiss this and say that it is too PC, etc. are missing the point completely. The essence of humanity is important. How we treat each and expect people to treat each other is important. I understand that this event has no direct impact on your life but people can learn and grow from one another's experiences.

kcoftx

This world has no hope of truly accepting and including those with special needs if we can't even handle children in general.

Mustang_Susie

This world has no hope of truly accepting and including those with special needs if we can't even handle children in general.

Some can't even handle themselves.

moosegt35

Who or what your child will grow up to be is irrelevant. They should still have to behave now, as kids and not wait until they are adults.

You're missing the point. How we treat them as children will determine how they grow up. Tolerance, patience, kindness, compassion will contribute to happier, better adjusted adults. If we treat children like second class citizens who are nothing but trouble and a bother to us, we won't be doing ourselves any favors as they grow older. You obviously have a different definition of "behaving" than I do. I'm not condoning children running around a fine dining restaurant screaming and throwing things. I'm not saying it's okay for children to throw temper tantrums without a parent dealing with the issue. Discipline is important. HOW you discipline is more important.

I never sasid beat the kid and call them names. However there is nothing wrong with putting them in line and making them behave. 2 year olds aren't stupid, they know what you are telling them they just don't want to do it. That is when you have to decide who is in charge, you or the kid. Unfortunately, we are becoming a society where the kid is in charge more so than the parents.

moosegt35

I didn't take my daughter shopping for three years because she couldn't behave. Once she realized that she didn't get to go to the "fun places" with Mommy because she wouldn't behave, she learned real quick to get her act together and not be a nuisance.

This is where we differ. I NEVER consider my son who has autism a nuisance. I certainly hope you never really told her that.

ANY child who screams in a store, lays down in the aisle and throws a fit, is a nuisance, whether you tell them that or not. And never once did I say that I told her she was a nuisance, but when she acted that way, I certainly thought she was a nuisance. If your kid, or anyone else's, did the same thing, I'd think they were a nuisance too. There's absolutely no reason for a child to get away with that behavior in public, ever.

I am glad to see one parent in here with some back bone instead of an excuse machine.

TerraGirl17

I think its great that its getting news publicity, the owner should be ashamed of herself!

Articeluvsmemphis

upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...

lol such a man, cold.

moosegt35

Autism is irrelevant in what I am talking about. If your child has autism that doesn't make it excusable for you to just sit back, relax and let them run around raising hell and bothering everyone else in a restaurant, theatre, etc.

Who said anything about letting children run around raising hell and bothering others as being ok?

several people in this thread actually.

Who do you perceive as saying this?

Im not going back through the thread and finding them but the ones that said "I have every right to be out with my kid even if they are screaming, yelling, throwing a fit, etc." NO, you have a right to get your brat in line so everyone else doesn't have to suffer.

Joocey

Autism is irrelevant in what I am talking about. If your child has autism that doesn't make it excusable for you to just sit back, relax and let them run around raising hell and bothering everyone else in a restaurant, theatre, etc.

Who said anything about letting children run around raising hell and bothering others as being ok?

several people in this thread actually.

Who do you perceive as saying this?

Im not going back through the thread and finding them but the ones that said "I have every right to be out with my kid even if they are screaming, yelling, throwing a fit, etc." NO, you have a right to get your brat in line so everyone else doesn't have to suffer.

You can add the post from wineplease above snidely insulting people who don't want to put up with children raising hell and bothering others as "entitled".

moosegt35

All I'm going to say is the woman I babysit for has an Autistic son (I've been trained specifically to deal with him and his specific set of needs) and she would *never* take her son to a Spa because

1) that's a stupid amount of money to pay for a haircut, let alone one for a child
2) Her son does not do well in such a situation, she knows this, and she wouldn't stress him out by intentionally putting him in such a situation
3) Spas aren't for children

Now, she takes Christian all kinds of place, we all went to see his brother perform in a karate competition, I went along and my attention was entirely on Christian, I was able to make sure he stayed happy and prevent him from becoming overwhelmed/stressed. I go with them to fancy restaurants in case Christian doesn't react well so I can take him somewhere he'll be happier, etc. We would never keep him in a situation that was so stressful he was screaming and crying, sure he throws fits when we make him deal with things he doesn't like (he has to eat food, he can't have the iPad 24/7, his brother gets to pick the movie sometimes, too etc) but a situation that is so absolutely unnecessary isn't one we would force him to stay in when he was that stressed.

The owner absolutely handled it rudely, but the mother was not making a great parenting decision either, her son was extremely stressed and she was causing him to be stressed and not realizing it was not going to help him, she was at that point intentionally stressing him out, that's bad parenting.

I've also *never* heard Christian's mom excuse his behavior or make excuses for him by telling someone he's autistic.

SOmeone please remind me to have any babysitters/nannies/au pairs I ever hire sign a privacy agreement stating they will never disclose my child's name or behavior on the internet. Someone also remind me to have a copy of this post printed out to show them when they obviously give me the "is this really necessary, b!tch, don't you think I have common sense?" look. The end.

Yep. I am sure everyone here now knows who she is talking about. Since there is only 1 kid names christian in the world. Do some of you people think before you type?

wineplease

You can add the post from wineplease above snidely insulting people who don't want to put up with children raising hell and bothering others as "entitled".

I used the word entitled because she said, "especially at a high-priced place". In other words, if it were low dollar, then a screaming child would be okay?

moosegt35

You can add the post from wineplease above snidely insulting people who don't want to put up with children raising hell and bothering others as "entitled".

I used the word entitled because she said, "especially at a high-priced place". In other words, if it were low dollar, then a screaming child would be okay?

Take an example here. Chucky Cheese is a low dollar establishment where you expect screaming kids and running around and such. If I go out to ruth's chris, I should not expect to put up with your screaming brat. So, basically yes.

PaleoChocolateBear

So I see everyone is jumping on the spa owner. Well did the owner know the child was autistic? I mean I don't know about anyone else but I hate screaming children. I'm sorry but you can't just bring a special needs child into a place and expect everyone to act like it's nothing. I understand at the anger of people being upset with a owner yelling at a mother and a child but what steps did the mother take she needs to realize that the world can be cruel and maybe not everyone thinks a screaming child is fun. I think common courtesy by the mother could have prevented this whole thing I know raising a child isn't easy but if she really liked going there and getting a hair cut and knew her child was autistic why didn't she try to make arrangements to see if she could schedule an appointment maybe an hour before they opened so no one else may have been bothered. I find that simple communication can go a long way. I've heard of movie theaters that open early on Saturday morning now to show movies for families who have autistic children so they can watch the movie and not disturb others. I'm not saying it's easy to do and I'm not saying the who is right or wrong in the story there is plenty of blame to go around for both. I just feel like the entitlement of people is starting to go too far and steps could have been done to avoid this situation, and the end result is a embarrassed mother and a business owner who might lose her business after this. Seems silly

Joocey

You can add the post from wineplease above snidely insulting people who don't want to put up with children raising hell and bothering others as "entitled".

I used the word entitled because she said, "especially at a high-priced place". In other words, if it were low dollar, then a screaming child would be okay?

In the literal meaning of the word, yes, if you pay more money for something you are entitled to correspondingly better service/product, etc. Otherwise, it would not have the higher value. (Ignoring things like branding, or marketing.) As in: if I pay $50,000 for a car, I am entitled to a better car than if I paid $1,000. If I pay $2,000 for a first class seat, I am entitled to a better flying experience than if I pay $500 for coach.

But the meaning you were giving to it was not the literal one. You were clearly insulting her for not wanting to put up with children raising hell and bothering others. Not to mention your comment right above that about how she's such a "peach" for not wanting to put up with screaming children.

wineplease

But the meaning you were giving to it was not the literal one. You were clearly insulting her for not wanting to put up with children raising hell and bothering others. Not to mention your comment right above that about how she's such a "peach" for not wanting to put up with screaming children.

I used the word "entitled" correctly. She feels more entitled to not have to listen to a crying child because she's paying more money.

I said she's a peach because she used the word retarded and the belittling way she referred to children with special needs. It was sarcastic, as I do not find her to be peachy at all.

wineplease

Take an example here. Chucky Cheese is a low dollar establishment where you expect screaming kids and running around and such. If I go out to ruth's chris, I should not expect to put up with your screaming brat. So, basically yes.

Poor analagy here. Chuck E. Cheese is a pizza place meant for children. If you are at Olive Garden (low dollar) or Ruth's Chris (higher dollar), you should expect to dine without hearing a screaming child. My point is, expecting more because of how much you're paying is entitlement.

MelsAuntie

But the meaning you were giving to it was not the literal one. You were clearly insulting her for not wanting to put up with children raising hell and bothering others. Not to mention your comment right above that about how she's such a "peach" for not wanting to put up with screaming children.

I used the word "entitled" correctly. She feels more entitled to not have to listen to a crying child because she's paying more money.

I said she's a peach because she used the word retarded and the belittling way she referred to children with special needs. It was sarcastic, as I do not find her to be peachy at all.

Oh, bull****. I did NOT belittle kids with special needs. I said I didn't want to have to listen to a kid--ANY kid--making a noisy disturbance. Reread the posts, I'm not the only one who doesn't want to put up with that.. And far from "entitled", I couldn't afford $100 for a haircut--that would be a high-priced salon, where OF COURSE I wouldn't expect to have to be bothered by somebody's screaming kid.

Flab2fitfi

Gave up reading half way through.

I have children with autism and yes it can be hard.

I can understand the owners point of view but the way she went about it was all wrong. She also knew the history of the child and quite happy to take the booking. Also the child was quite young and anyone with any experience will know that ANY child of that age may react badly to someone trying to cut their hair BUT again she allowed the booking.

However badly she reacted is no worse than then some of the comments on here.

Been called lazy or being TOLD to make my child behave because they have a disability. Would those same people want a wheel chair bound child to get out of their chair and walk?

We try to limit the situations which triggers our children behaviour but sometimes we have no choice but brave the outside world. Most of us parents with children on the spectrum rather not put our children in situations that cause meltdowns so please remember however hard it is to hear a child throwing a tantrum imagine how much harder it is for a parent who is trying to deal with the best way they can because they have to get some ilk, visit a dentist or get a hair cut. That parent is dealing with a child that maybe also be physically aggressive, immobile or trying to run - they will be trying to calm a child down who may be unable to understand or communicate why they are upset.

And parents have to do all this while dealing with tuts and stares form other adults who think they could do better AND yes we are very aware (and embarrassed) that our child has spoilt your day out. Just remember you may have to put up with that child for 10 minutes of your life - those parents deal with it day in day out.

Sorry if this is a rant but I'm fed up people telling us that we should MAKE our children behave.

Joocey

But the meaning you were giving to it was not the literal one. You were clearly insulting her for not wanting to put up with children raising hell and bothering others. Not to mention your comment right above that about how she's such a "peach" for not wanting to put up with screaming children.

I used the word "entitled" correctly. She feels more entitled to not have to listen to a crying child because she's paying more money.

I said she's a peach because she used the word retarded and the belittling way she referred to children with special needs. It was sarcastic, as I do not find her to be peachy at all.

Hah. So when you said, "Entitled much? I don't find this a "high-priced" place anyway." you weren't being sarcastic? You were, in fact, supporting her in agreement that she is entitled to greater peace because she paid more?

Joocey

And parents have to do all this while dealing with tuts and stares form other adults who think they could do better AND yes we are very aware (and embarrassed) that our child has spoilt your day out. Just remember you may have to put up with that child for 10 minutes of your life - those parents deal with it day in day out.

Sorry if this is a rant but I'm fed up people telling us that we should MAKE our children behave.

It doesn't make me feel any better if you are embarrassed and/or aware that your child has spoiled my day. That's just an awful situation for all parties. And I understand that, sometimes, things happen that are beyond your control.

But that doesn't change the fact that your child spoiled my day. It happens. I get it. But I'm disgusted by some of the posters that make it sound like that is MY FAULT that my day got spoiled. (Which, I suppose, is only accurate to the extent that it's my fault anytime something happens and it affects me e.g. if I get rear-ended it's my fault if I get upset when I could, alternatively, go meditate or something and not care that my insurance premiums will now go up, that I've been injured, that I'll be without a car, etc.)

wineplease

Hah. So when you said, "Entitled much? I don't find this a "high-priced" place anyway." you weren't being sarcastic? You were, in fact, supporting her in agreement that she is entitled to greater peace because she paid more?

No. I just explained why I used the word entitled. She suggested that because she considered it a high-priced place, she was entitled to not having to be exposed to a crying child. I was not being sarcastic when I said I don't consider that a high-priced place. I don't. Those prices are not high to me.

credessa

Then the owner of said upscale spa should ream out her stylist for booking and honoring the appointment, not the patron.

wineplease

It doesn't make me feel any better if you are embarrassed and/or aware that your child has spoiled my day.

A crying child spoils your day? Maybe if you changed your attitude about life, little things wouldn't spoil your day do easily.

MelsAuntie

Sounds like YOU might be entitled, Wine, if you think $100 isn't high priced for a haircut. It's $20 more than I've ever paid for a haircut, color, AND styling. Wow.