Spa owner yells at Mom of Autistic child-Facebook Firestorm

Shelgirl001

upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...

I am wondering what kind of spa it was... at the spas I go to where I spend over $100 it's supposed to be a relaxing atmosphere and I don't know why anyone would bring kids. I would be mad if I spent $100 to have someone bring their kid, autistic or not, just so I can hear crying during my manicure.

Although if it is a place that offers kids haircuts, then crying kids could be expected.

Also don't see what being autistic has to do with it. Sounds like she didn't know he was autistic before she yelled, so she wasn't yelling at him for being autistic, and children without autism cry all the time during haircuts anyway.

very good points.. and everyone here is being way too anally PC about a point that didnt matter. The owner didnt say get that special kid outta here. the owner was mad the kid was being too loud and the parent failed to control it.

plain and simple. yet you "sick" people wanna make a mountain out of a mole hill.

parent should take the kid to super cuts, not a upscale spa.

If a parent was willing to pay for a haircut there, snotty people should get over themselves about kids being there and acting like kids. If there were kids' haircuts offered, then the patrons of the spa and the owner should learn how to deal with this without their own temper tantrums. The owner acted just as immature if not more so than the child by reacting the way she did.
People need to know how to grow up.

Contrarian

Okay. Everything else about this is wrong, but I think we can all agree that calling children "sex trophies" is pretty funny.

k8blujay2

Try forcing a two year old to behave. I once thought as you did until I had kids. Just try it, I dare you......then you might reconsider such misguided comments, however, there are parents that take the lazy route.

I have to laugh so hard at the bolded comment... sometimes getting a 2 year old to behave is like trying to herd cats or hang on to a 25 pound bag of snacks.

There is a reason I go to the store very early on a Saturday morning.

aimforhealthy

Autistic or not, the owner has a right to ask the mother to leave if she feels he's being a nuisance to other patrons. She would lose my business had she not done anything and let the child interrupt my (expensive) services.

If the owner was aware the child had disabilities, this may not be true under the Americans With Disabilities Act. You would no sooner be able to ask a child in a wheelchair to leave because the wheelchair was blocking too many people from being able to walk in and out of a spa area comfortably enough for their liking.

As a consumer, it is also your responsibility to investigate if the place you want to drop a cool hundred bucks for a manicure allows children in close enough proximity that you'd be able to hear them if they cried.

The spas I've visited lately have things like, oh, I don't know, doors.

Joocey

Kids aren't meant to be "controlled." They're people with free will like anyone else. You do your best, especially as a person alone with a special needs kid.

But kids, and people, learn to behave. Because that's how society works.

We don't all just do whatever we want because we have free will, and everyone else be damned.

Of course they must learn. I'm not under the impression that we're talking about negligent parents who aren't even trying. Learning is a process, and sometimes you will run into children who are only in the process of learning to behave. Part of learning to behave is being exposed to situations where they must exercise their newly acquired skills and learn to comply with expectations. If you want kids to learn, you must allow that this takes time and is not an instantaneous process. A little kindness and understanding goes a long way sometimes.

But quite a few posts in this thread are toeing the line of being negligent parents by not advocating responsibility or accountability.

Your last point is noted. But the kindness and understanding cuts both ways. We are expected to be kind and understanding that your child is learning to behave, but you, as a parent, should also be kind and understanding when we aren't.

k8blujay2

Okay. Everything else about this is wrong, but I think we can all agree that calling children "sex trophies" is pretty funny.

Meh. Better sex trophies than all the other things I have heard children be called.... I guess.

SDkitty

Kids aren't meant to be "controlled." They're people with free will like anyone else. You do your best, especially as a person alone with a special needs kid.

But kids, and people, learn to behave. Because that's how society works.

We don't all just do whatever we want because we have free will, and everyone else be damned.

This is the best post by far on this entire thread.

All of the bickering is irrelevant. The fact is everyone in the original situation should have handled themselves better (except the toddler).

LMT2012

Yeah. I am a mother and on the side of BFD. It is nice for people to have a modicum of patience for a struggling parent, that is true. But disrupting other shoppers/spa-goers, diners or whatever is never okay. If this mother plans to take her child to places where there is a certain standard of behavior, then she should grow a thicker skin.
In this instance, the spa owner did not accomplish any goal other than making a bigger disruption and turning people off. Epic fail, but still doesn't make me cry for the mom.

michellechawner

upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...

I am wondering what kind of spa it was... at the spas I go to where I spend over $100 it's supposed to be a relaxing atmosphere and I don't know why anyone would bring kids. I would be mad if I spent $100 to have someone bring their kid, autistic or not, just so I can hear crying during my manicure.

Although if it is a place that offers kids haircuts, then crying kids could be expected.


Also don't see what being autistic has to do with it. Sounds like she didn't know he was autistic before she yelled, so she wasn't yelling at him for being autistic, and children without autism cry all the time during haircuts anyway.

very good points.. and everyone here is being way too anally PC about a point that didnt matter. The owner didnt say get that special kid outta here. the owner was mad the kid was being too loud and the parent failed to control it.

plain and simple. yet you "sick" people wanna make a mountain out of a mole hill.

parent should take the kid to super cuts, not a upscale spa.

Completely agreeing - if I paid good money to relax, I don't want some kid yelling and screaming. Sorry, there are more important issues in this world then someone yelling at a kid. How about the step father who murdered his stepson this past weekend in Los Angeles? Now that's some news. A spa owner yelling at a kid? Seen it before. NEXT!

Inshape13

I have had this happen a few times myself(my son has autism) and usually I just ignore the person's hateful words and move on. Although one time I did get overly pissed with someone that informed me that I should "control my son" when I was holding his hand as he was screaming through the gas station and I informed her that he was autistic and his adhd meds had not kicked in for the morning yet and she just got that deer in the head lights look and kept apologizing for the comment as I walked away.

I do make it a point not to take my son to places like spas because I know that he cannot handle being in there without a tantrum.

moosegt35

I can't stand it when those of you with kids won't make them behave and expect those of us without kids to put up with it just because they are kids. They are YOUR kids, not ours.

"Make them behave"? Two year olds? Children with autism? You know not about which you speak.

Then they shouldn't be taken places where other people have to put up with them. They are YOUR kids, not everyone elses. Why should I be punished because you can't control your kid?

Wow!! Gonna guess that either A) You don't have kids or if so, then your kids are robots.

I don't have nor want kids. It isn't imp[ossible to have well behaved kids, people are just too lazy these days and expect everyone else to put up with their screaming sex trophies.

Good... I'm glad you are not raising more unsympathic cretins. And No, you are right, it isn't impossible to have behaved children... BUT you don't know the reason as to why a child is misbehaving. Laziness isn't the only reason to have misbehaved children... but then you might realize this if you actually tried to understand what a parent with Autism or other behavioral and/or sensory issues is going through. It never as simple as saying the parent is "too lazy".

I am not talking about autism as that really has nothing to do with it. What bothers me is when kids are acting like heatherns and the parents are just going on about their day like nothing is going on. And I am sympathetic, I just don't want to deal with YOUR kids as they are not my responsibility.

sunshinestater

I'm still trying to figure out why, if this woman has a history of getting down on parents for their kids' behavior in her spa, does she allow them to bring kids in the first place? It's her business and her preoperative to set the rules up front. Why on earth allow children and then go nuts when they're acting like...well, children. Even a kid who isn't autistic will flip out with a temper tantrum every now and then. Why allow them in and take that chance if you don't want that in your spa? She's an idiot who brought this firestorm down on herself for not setting the rules up front.

Starbreezeunicorn

I am sorry no no she does not have the right to just becasue she wants to pay the money. Other paying customers who are expecting upscale and relaxing have the right to also get what they pay for. I am sorry she got yelled at that was sorely inappropriate on the owners part but not without merit. There are many many special need people in the world today as well as children and disruptive people of all kinds and they and their caretakers need to also be considerate of other peoples rights now as well. Upscale spas are no place for disruptive people of any kind. I get to go to the spa once a year with my limited budget and I want it to be relaxing and enjoyable as much as i love kids screaming there are places for that.

moosegt35

I can't stand it when those of you with kids won't make them behave and expect those of us without kids to put up with it just because they are kids. They are YOUR kids, not ours.

"Make them behave"? Two year olds? Children with autism? You know not about which you speak.

Then they shouldn't be taken places where other people have to put up with them. They are YOUR kids, not everyone elses. Why should I be punished because you can't control your kid?

Wow!! Gonna guess that either A) You don't have kids or if so, then your kids are robots.

I don't have nor want kids. It isn't imp[ossible to have well behaved kids, people are just too lazy these days and expect everyone else to put up with their screaming sex trophies.

Try forcing a two year old to behave. I once thought as you did until I had kids. Just try it, I dare you......then you might reconsider such misguided comments, however, there are parents that take the lazy route.

My dad made me behave when I was 2. If I got too rowdy at the house I was placed on the couch and I stayed there until I decided I could behave. He was never mean to me, just made me mind. If I got out of line in public we went outside and I got my butt smacked and was told to straighten up, that happened twice in my life.

aimforhealthy

Your last point is noted. But the kindness and understanding cuts both ways. We are expected to be kind and understanding that your child is learning to behave, but you, as a parent, should also be kind and understanding when we aren't.

I'm sorry, I don't consider it unkind when I had to go get stuff done and had no choice but to take my screaming autistic toddler with me and it disturbed other people. The other alternative is to just never leave the house. I tried that a lot, by the way, for years and years - but it's still sometimes actually necessary to go somewhere and take your screaming kid with you. It's not "unkind" and "lacking in understanding" to leave the house sometimes. It's no skin off my back to just ignore something like that. I don't get why people are acting like you're committing a horrible crime by being out in public with a child who dares to cry.

And it's straight up stupid to go to some "spa" that is SO LOW RENT that it has the kids' haircut section right next to the $100 manicure section and then whine that there are kids getting haircuts in the kids' haircut section. It's at least as stupid to HAVE a kids' haircut service and then throw a tantrum at a mother as a grownass adult because the kid is crying. There is no excuse to humiliate someone as a rule, but this was just a huge round of stupidity on the owner's part.

k8blujay2

As annoyed with kids as I may be, they deserve the same rights that anyone else does.

you know ....you're right.....I am taking my kid out for a beer tonight! He has the same right as everyone else!

That may knock them out quicker for bed time... I hear whiskey is great like that.



Look, I get (really I do as a mother to a toddler myself) that parents (in general) need to be understanding and sympathetic too... espcecially when it comes to the high scale places were people go to relax, whether that is a spa or a resturant or where ever... but just because a child is misbehaving, crying, throwing a tantrum, doesn't automatically mean that the parents are bad and unattentive parents... It's one thing if the kid is carrying on and the parents are just chilling, facebooking on their phone or something... it's a totally different story if they are actively trying to calm the kid down... there are just sometimes where you just can't take the kid out of the situation... Like a single parent going grocery shopping and they don't have any other time to do so but right then.

Qarol

Autistic or not, the owner has a right to ask the mother to leave if she feels he's being a nuisance to other patrons. She would lose my business had she not done anything and let the child interrupt my (expensive) services.

As a consumer, it is also your responsibility to investigate if the place you want to drop a cool hundred bucks for a manicure allows children in close enough proximity that you'd be able to hear them if they cried.

The spas I've visited lately have things like, oh, I don't know, doors.

Aren't you special. :flowerforyou:

Like I said, they would lose my business. So those doors you mention, I would walk out and not come back. Happy now, dear?

wineplease

I am not talking about autism as that really has nothing to do with it. What bothers me is when kids are acting like heatherns and the parents are just going on about their day like nothing is going on. And I am sympathetic, I just don't want to deal with YOUR kids as they are not my responsibility.

The problem is, you don't know which kids you consider misbehaving have autism or anything else. That's where compassion comes in. OUR children may not be YOUR children, but they may be your boss some day or running the country some day. The way we all treat the children of the world may determine how they end up as adults, and affect how the world is.

wineplease

My dad made me behave when I was 2. If I got too rowdy at the house I was placed on the couch and I stayed there until I decided I could behave. He was never mean to me, just made me mind. If I got out of line in public we went outside and I got my butt smacked and was told to straighten up, that happened twice in my life.

I love hearing stories of perfect parenting and perfect children.

JUDDDing

upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...

I am wondering what kind of spa it was... at the spas I go to where I spend over $100 it's supposed to be a relaxing atmosphere and I don't know why anyone would bring kids. I would be mad if I spent $100 to have someone bring their kid, autistic or not, just so I can hear crying during my manicure.

Although if it is a place that offers kids haircuts, then crying kids could be expected.

Also don't see what being autistic has to do with it. Sounds like she didn't know he was autistic before she yelled, so she wasn't yelling at him for being autistic, and children without autism cry all the time during haircuts anyway.

Yeah, I don't take my kids to spa's to get haircuts either.

If you get your hair cut at Great clips - sorry about the noisy kids.