Spa owner yells at Mom of Autistic child-Facebook Firestorm

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  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
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    While I understand people without children won't sympathize with the mother as much, and that it's harder to take sides without knowing all the facts, I think it's utterly disgusting how people can cast judgement and preach about how "good" parents behave with their children, when they've never even walked two steps in a parent's shoes, let alone a parent of a special needs child.

    The air must be mighty nice up there in your ivory towers.
  • Derpes
    Derpes Posts: 2,033 Member
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    My dad made me behave when I was 2. If I got too rowdy at the house I was placed on the couch and I stayed there until I decided I could behave. He was never mean to me, just made me mind. If I got out of line in public we went outside and I got my butt smacked and was told to straighten up, that happened twice in my life.

    I love hearing stories of perfect parenting and perfect children.

    Two year olds respond to reason and consequences......oh wait
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
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    I should let you "perfect" parents, "perfect" kids people take my 2 boys for a week and see how ya do! My daughter is easy, so you cant take her! Take the boys for a week though....see you in about 2 hours because you WILL want to return them!

    This post made me laugh... So true, children are so different from one another... Just because you have one child and they are "perfect" does not a perfect parent make.... It just means you got damn lucky. I know way to many people whose first child was an "angel" and they thought they were the perfect parent... until the second one came along.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,701 Member
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    Well with the spa owners' parents owning Mott's farms, she probably could have fixed this whole issue by just offering the kid some free apple juice.

    This is sarcasm in case someone gets huffy.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
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    I didn't take my daughter shopping for three years because she couldn't behave. Once she realized that she didn't get to go to the "fun places" with Mommy because she wouldn't behave, she learned real quick to get her act together and not be a nuisance.

    This is where we differ. I NEVER consider my son who has autism a nuisance. I certainly hope you never really told her that.
  • aladams83
    aladams83 Posts: 47
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    upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...

    The owner should then post that there are no services for children.
  • Lochlyn_D
    Lochlyn_D Posts: 492 Member
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    Meanwhile, hundreds of kids are dying of starvation and AIDS - but who cares - they're not on Facebook.

    lol so true

    I see way too many 'likes for ______ disease I have and will die soon' posts. I see so many posts using children who are in terrible situations to garner 'likes' that it makes me sick. Instead of liking a post how about people send money to a foundation that helps those children. Oh wait, that is more work than clicking once on a computer screen.

    Nice try but I think I said the same thing - only better. Why don't YOU follow your own advice?
  • Skratchie
    Skratchie Posts: 131 Member
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    I didn't take my daughter shopping for three years because she couldn't behave. Once she realized that she didn't get to go to the "fun places" with Mommy because she wouldn't behave, she learned real quick to get her act together and not be a nuisance.

    This is where we differ. I NEVER consider my son who has autism a nuisance. I certainly hope you never really told her that.

    ANY child who screams in a store, lays down in the aisle and throws a fit, is a nuisance, whether you tell them that or not. And never once did I say that I told her she was a nuisance, but when she acted that way, I certainly thought she was a nuisance. If your kid, or anyone else's, did the same thing, I'd think they were a nuisance too. There's absolutely no reason for a child to get away with that behavior in public, ever.
  • Joocey
    Joocey Posts: 115 Member
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    upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...

    The owner should then post that there are no services for children.

    I think there's universal agreement that she didn't handle this correctly.
  • bennysammysofie
    bennysammysofie Posts: 331
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    universal agreement? *hands you a dictionary*
  • aimforhealthy
    aimforhealthy Posts: 449 Member
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    upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...

    The owner should then post that there are no services for children.

    I think there's universal agreement that she didn't handle this correctly.
    It isn't just that she didn't handle this particular incident correctly - I think everyone does agree on that.

    It's that she set up a business that ostensibly welcomes children, but in actuality does not. She sets her clients up for failure and bullying.

    If I booked an appointment anywhere for a 2-year-old, particularly a place that knew in advance, as this place did, that the child had special needs, and then had to deal with the ignorant manager having a public meltdown at me because the child cried, I'd be horrified and go cry in the parking lot, too.

    You can have a business that welcomes babies as clients, or one that does not. But you can't have a business where you welcome babies as clients and then berate them and humiliate their mothers when they cry.

    I mean, you can, but everyone will think you're a giant *kitten* with no common sense. Which, case in point.
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
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    ANY child who screams in a store, lays down in the aisle and throws a fit, is a nuisance, whether you tell them that or not.
    I disagree. To me, it would depend on their age and circumstances. Sometimes what appears to be a temper tantrum or bad behavior to you is an act of fear. I've seen my son have what some would consider a spoiled kid's temper tantrum when he was scared to death of something. THAT is not being a nuisance.
    And never once did I say that I told her she was a nuisance, but when she acted that way, I certainly thought she was a nuisance. If your kid, or anyone else's, did the same thing, I'd think they were a nuisance too
    Well, even if you didn't say it, she probably feels like a nuisance to you at times and that's incredibly sad to me.
    There's absolutely no reason for a child to get away with that behavior in public, ever.
    Again we differ here. I think there really are valid reasons for some children to have meltdowns in public. I'm not talking about the kid who throws himself down because he's not getting the toy he wants. I'm talking about some children who have meltdowns because of other reasons. I'm not sure what you mean by "get away with that behavior", though.
  • liliawodna
    liliawodna Posts: 31 Member
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    Ok. This is not specific to autistic children, but children in general. As someone who worked in retail for a very long time, when a parent has a child that is screaming (or puking, or running like mad, or knocking all of the the products off the shelves, ect) it can be tricky to be the employee. It was our responsibility to kindly and calmly ask parents of said children if I could help them find their items and it they were really causing issues, then I would ask them to please come back at another time. I would usually give them a couple of coupons (it was a craft store) and for the most part parents were understanding. We had parents with kids who puked on the floor and just kept shopping (yep...just push the cart on and keep going), kids breaking over $500 worth of merchandise, pooping on the floor, screaming that would last for HOURS...you get the drift. Basically what I am saying is, I might not be a parent, but I am a human being and I do have ears/eyes/a sense of smell. If you kid is throwing a complete tantrum and what you need to do is not essential or time sensitive, please leave. Please. I am from the area where this happened and this manager has been very rude to me and I don't even have children. I could see her doing this and in customer service, YOU CAN'T YELL AT CUSTOMERS. Rule numero uno. I feel for parents, I really do. My siblings and I were terrors sometimes. My parents weren't perfect and no parent is going to be perfect. No one should expect them to be and kids will cry, yell, pout and throw tantrums. But if you can avoid making it into an hour long ordeal, then you can also avoid snippy comments from the people who have to share your environment.

    PS: YES. SOMEONE LET THEIR KID PUKE ON THE FLOOR. AND KEPT SHOPPING. WHY? *face palm*
  • dorthymcconnel
    dorthymcconnel Posts: 237 Member
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    As the mother of a child with autism, this caught my eye. I've not yet been yelled at like that because of my son's behavior. Oh no, People I've been around are much too "polite" to do that, although they have and do still stare, make rude comments to others nearby, things like that. My heart breaks for that woman. Had I been in her shoes, I would have done the same thing she did, then I would tell *everybody* what a sweet little peach that woman is.
    To the man who said her business her rules, absolutely. You're right. However, if she did not want children in the business there should have been a sign or other message: no children allowed. She chose to be unprofessional, discourteous, and downright rude about it and personally I'm hoping she loses a good part of her clientele because of it. But she is to be pitied. What a sad life she must lead.
  • liliawodna
    liliawodna Posts: 31 Member
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    I don't know if my post made sense. I'm day drunk on allergy medicine because the plants are trying to kill me with their pollen.
  • Joocey
    Joocey Posts: 115 Member
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    universal agreement? *hands you a dictionary*

    Thanks for the dictionary. Do you think the owner handled this correctly? Does anyone?
  • jus_in_bello
    jus_in_bello Posts: 326 Member
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    All I'm going to say is the woman I babysit for has an Autistic son (I've been trained specifically to deal with him and his specific set of needs) and she would *never* take her son to a Spa because

    1) that's a stupid amount of money to pay for a haircut, let alone one for a child
    2) Her son does not do well in such a situation, she knows this, and she wouldn't stress him out by intentionally putting him in such a situation
    3) Spas aren't for children

    Now, she takes Christian all kinds of place, we all went to see his brother perform in a karate competition, I went along and my attention was entirely on Christian, I was able to make sure he stayed happy and prevent him from becoming overwhelmed/stressed. I go with them to fancy restaurants in case Christian doesn't react well so I can take him somewhere he'll be happier, etc. We would never keep him in a situation that was so stressful he was screaming and crying, sure he throws fits when we make him deal with things he doesn't like (he has to eat food, he can't have the iPad 24/7, his brother gets to pick the movie sometimes, too etc) but a situation that is so absolutely unnecessary isn't one we would force him to stay in when he was that stressed.

    The owner absolutely handled it rudely, but the mother was not making a great parenting decision either, her son was extremely stressed and she was causing him to be stressed and not realizing it was not going to help him, she was at that point intentionally stressing him out, that's bad parenting.

    I've also *never* heard Christian's mom excuse his behavior or make excuses for him by telling someone he's autistic.
  • wineplease
    wineplease Posts: 469 Member
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    but the mother was not making a great parenting decision either, her son was extremely stressed and she was causing him to be stressed and not realizing it was not going to help him, she was at that point intentionally stressing him out, that's bad parenting.
    Ahhhh, the "bad parenting" comment again. Did you see the comments where that child has had haircuts there before without having a meltdown? Do you really think this mother intentionally put him in a stressful situation? Really?
    I've also *never* heard Christian's mom excuse his behavior or make excuses for him by telling someone he's autistic.
    It's not an excuse; it's an explanation. I often tell people my son is autistic when they give me a look like, "What's HIS problem". I don't do it in a way to excuse him. I do it in a way to let them know the reason he's acting the way he is. There is nothing wrong with that.

    Try not to be so judgy.
  • smarina79
    smarina79 Posts: 15
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    While I feel sorry for the mom and think the Owner should not have behaved the way that she did (sounds like she was super rude) I think people are treated poorly every day and don't make a fuss about it on Facebook. Honestly, when I saw this post I thought it was going to be a lot worse. There are bigger problems in the world to get riled up about. Getting yelled at while at a spa- first world problem, for sure!
  • zinatara
    zinatara Posts: 76 Member
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    I'm a mum to a child with asperger and I think a lot of people don't understand how meltdowns in kids with autism differs from normal childrens tantrums. When my daughter has a meltdown she is closed of from the world and it's no point in trying to talk sense to her or punishing her. She is very sensitive and too much noice, stress, touch and lights will almost always lead to a meltdown when she has had enough. But as long as we make sure to make life less stressful for her she does great in public and we get the meltdowns at home instead and not as frequent. She's not violent, just screams and bangs with doors.

    I try to take my kids to kid friendly places and I would not accept to be yelled at in public like that. And I can't believe anyone would think it's a good idea to yell at your costumers anyway, if I had been a client overhearing this it would have made me very uncomfortable. More than the kid having a meltdown.

    Yes, I try to make my kids behave good in public. But my kids aren't robots and they will not do everything I ask them to. I'd rather deal with a tantrum than to buy everything they point at. (If I did everything we bought at the store would contain chocolate.) Sometimes that means a tantrum and me regretting bringing them. But how can they learn if I never bring them with me?

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