Spa owner yells at Mom of Autistic child-Facebook Firestorm

luckyshilling

The spa I go too once a year as a treat to myself does not allow children. Their policy is 18 and up. It is listed on the website and on the spa menus. The reception staff there tells people the policy WHILE they are making their appointment I get told this everytime I make an appointment. People STILL after all this sometimes show up with kids and the receptionist quietly and politely re-itterates the policy and reschedules them (since they showed up with kids they can't come in). There is no yelling since it was out in the open, posted, and verbally repeated.

MY POINT - Now I have no idea how fancy this place is, but if you are going to have a policy like that it needs to be clearly posted and enforced by the reception staff. Once the child was half way through a haircut is not the time to freak out. And if it truly is her policy she should have waited till the mother and child were gone and freaked out on her staff for disregarding her rules.

Yelling at mother and child just makes this owner look dumb. Poorly handled.

edited for spelling

Mustang_Susie

Autism is irrelevant in what I am talking about. If your child has autism that doesn't make it excusable for you to just sit back, relax and let them run around raising hell and bothering everyone else in a restaurant, theatre, etc.

Who said anything about letting children run around raising hell and bothering others as being ok?

several people in this thread actually.

Who do you perceive as saying this?

rebbylicious

I have 4 children- While I agree that the spa owner could have handled it more professionally, as a parent you know your kids limits. If you anticipate that your kid "could" melt down, then you either plan a location that would be less inappropriate, or you make the place of business aware of the situation. A simple "my son is autistic and might melt down, so we should work quickly" would have been appropriate. Then the business could reply "we have adults booked for spa appointments at this time, perhaps you can come back later when we can accommodate him".

My son is 3 and he melts down in the hair salon too.. that is why I take him to "great clips" because it is a "low end" salon that gets lots of kids. Furthermore if he had been going there "all year" how many haircuts do you think that would be? 4 or 5 at the most? How often does the owner see the clients who have appointments with other hairdressers? To assume that the owner recognized and scolded him because he was autistic is assuming... it is not fact based. I have a special needs child too, so I understand how hard it is to control some things. But as a mother of a young 3 yr old son, I only take him to places that are appropriate. To say "he has equal rights" is like saying that a screaming child should be welcome in a quiet fine dinning restaurant. Sure if they behave... but it is unwritten that if a child acts up (nomatter what the condition) you take the child outside to calm him/her down. (which I have done on multiple occasions) I have left places with all of our food in to go containers because of my child melting down. It is not the public's responsibility to know everyones disability. As a parent we need to evaluate our kids limits and decide what they can handle. If you are unsure you should ask.

I have had times where I had crap blamed on me because I didn't know the full situation. I made a sales call once to a girl who yelled at me because she just had a miscarriage, - there is no way of knowing those kinds of things, and to tarnish someone's reputation over that is wrong.

rebbylicious

I only take my 3 yr old to "buffalo wild wings" and "texas roadhouse" because they are louder places to eat.

InnerConflict

Well with the spa owners' parents owning Mott's farms, she probably could have fixed this whole issue by just offering the kid some free apple juice.

This is sarcasm in case someone gets huffy.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

liliawodna

Well with the spa owners' parents owning Mott's farms, she probably could have fixed this whole issue by just offering the kid some free apple juice.

This is sarcasm in case someone gets huffy.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

AHHAHAHAHAHHAAH

pspetralia

I didn't take my daughter shopping for three years because she couldn't behave. Once she realized that she didn't get to go to the "fun places" with Mommy because she wouldn't behave, she learned real quick to get her act together and not be a nuisance.

This is where we differ. I NEVER consider my son who has autism a nuisance. I certainly hope you never really told her that.

Sadly too many parents do send that message to their child. Many of my autistic students never leave the house outside of going to school because of the way they act. I have kids who haven't been anywhere in the community for over 5 years!!

LauraMacNCheese

I was going to avoid posting in this thread because some of the responses are making me stabby. But, here goes…when kids are running amok & their parents are sitting back blissfully ignoring the chaos, yeah that pisses me off. However, when parents are obviously trying to contain the situation but the child is having none of it, I try to take it with a grain of salt because I’ve been there. I’ve been that parent leaving the store with a screaming child in tow. I’ve been that parent trying to wrangle 2 toddlers by myself while trying NOT to cause a scene. I’ve been that single parent on an airplane with 2 toddlers (one of whom was in my lap for the 2 3-hour flights).

Someone mentioned a spank on the butt and a time out…when my son was about 2 & 1/2 he kept running wild in Walmart…not even throwing a fit…just running around the clothes racks; so I swatted his diapered butt. Much to my chagrin, he thought it was the most hilarious thing ever. While he was laughing hysterically, some random woman looked at me like I was Satan incarnate & asked me what my son had done to deserve “the beating”. Really, lady? As someone else said, trying to hold onto a squirmy toddler is like trying to hold onto a 25lb bag full of snakes…best of luck.

On the flip side, when I was by myself on that flight I mentioned with my 2 kids (1 year old son & 4 year old daughter), I happened to be sitting next to some of the most awesome people. One person played with my son for the first flight…for 3 hours this guy kept my son entertained…they played with the few toys I had brought onboard. And just because he said he had grandkids that age & knew how tough it was. On the second flight, the flight attendant gave my son cookies…big mistake. He then found it necessary to try to follow her into first class every 2 seconds. The lady sitting in our row saw this & took it upon herself to read with my daughter & show her the cool stuff in the Sky Mall magazine so I could corral my son. It’s people like that who I remember when my faith in humanity is shaken.

And remember…you don’t know what’s causing the meltdown…what if the kid is sick & the parent is simply killing time in the store waiting for a prescription for the munchkin? Those people are not actively seeking to annoy everyone else around. Ever been to Walmart first thing in the morning after spending all night in the ER, trying to function on 1 or 2 hours of sleep with your sick, and rightfully grumpy, toddler in tow? Yeah, good luck trying to contain that potential powder keg.

All this being said, those of us with kids don’t expect the world to accommodate us…all we’re asking for is a little patience as we try to neutralize the situation. Sometimes that means taking our kids outside & other times it’s just not feasible to remove the child from the situation.

Mustang_Susie

I didn't take my daughter shopping for three years because she couldn't behave. Once she realized that she didn't get to go to the "fun places" with Mommy because she wouldn't behave, she learned real quick to get her act together and not be a nuisance.

This is where we differ. I NEVER consider my son who has autism a nuisance. I certainly hope you never really told her that.

Sadly too many parents do send that message to their child. Many of my autistic students never leave the house outside of going to school because of the way they act. I have kids who haven't been anywhere in the community for over 5 years!!

They don't get to just be kids.
That was one of the saddest aspects for me with my son.
I just wanted him to be to do what other little boys did.

Jsnuggles

Meanwhile, hundreds of kids are dying of starvation and AIDS - but who cares - they're not on Facebook.

lol so true

I see way too many 'likes for ______ disease I have and will die soon' posts. I see so many posts using children who are in terrible situations to garner 'likes' that it makes me sick. Instead of liking a post how about people send money to a foundation that helps those children. Oh wait, that is more work than clicking once on a computer screen.

Nice try but I think I said the same thing - only better. Why don't YOU follow your own advice?

Someone has quite the ego. Who cares who said what 'better' or when? Are you seriously that petty, or have your nerves frayed so much from the oh-so-stressful message board war going on in here? I suggest you go to a spa and relax.

Mustang_Susie

I was going to avoid posting in this thread because some of the responses are making me stabby. But, here goes…when kids are running amok & their parents are sitting back blissfully ignoring the chaos, yeah that pisses me off. However, when parents are obviously trying to contain the situation but the child is having none of it, I try to take it with a grain of salt because I’ve been there. I’ve been that parent leaving the store with a screaming child in tow. I’ve been that parent trying to wrangle 2 toddlers by myself while trying NOT to cause a scene. I’ve been that single parent on an airplane with 2 toddlers (one of whom was in my lap for the 2 3-hour flights).

Someone mentioned a spank on the butt and a time out…when my son was about 2 & 1/2 he kept running wild in Walmart…not even throwing a fit…just running around the clothes racks; so I swatted his diapered butt. Much to my chagrin, he thought it was the most hilarious thing ever. While he was laughing hysterically, some random woman looked at me like I was Satan incarnate & asked me what my son had done to deserve “the beating”. Really, lady? As someone else said, trying to hold onto a squirmy toddler is like trying to hold onto a 25lb bag full of snakes…best of luck.

On the flip side, when I was by myself on that flight I mentioned with my 2 kids (1 year old son & 4 year old daughter), I happened to be sitting next to some of the most awesome people. One person played with my son for the first flight…for 3 hours this guy kept my son entertained…they played with the few toys I had brought onboard. And just because he said he had grandkids that age & knew how tough it was. On the second flight, the flight attendant gave my son cookies…big mistake. He then found it necessary to try to follow her into first class every 2 seconds. The lady sitting in our row saw this & took it upon herself to read with my daughter & show her the cool stuff in the Sky Mall magazine so I could corral my son. It’s people like that who I remember when my faith in humanity is shaken.

And remember…you don’t know what’s causing the meltdown…what if the kid is sick & the parent is simply killing time in the store waiting for a prescription for the munchkin? Those people are not actively seeking to annoy everyone else around. Ever been to Walmart first thing in the morning after spending all night in the ER, trying to function on 1 or 2 hours of sleep with your sick, and rightfully grumpy, toddler in tow? Yeah, good luck trying to contain that potential powder keg.

All this being said, those of us with kids don’t expect the world to accommodate us…all we’re asking for is a little patience as we try to neutralize the situation. Sometimes that means taking our kids outside & other times it’s just not feasible to remove the child from the situation.

:flowerforyou:

onwarddownward

upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...

Or blacks, gays, transsexuals, Jews ... Once you start that list of exclusions, it's all downhill from there.

Three4MeNHim

upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...

I am wondering what kind of spa it was... at the spas I go to where I spend over $100 it's supposed to be a relaxing atmosphere and I don't know why anyone would bring kids. I would be mad if I spent $100 to have someone bring their kid, autistic or not, just so I can hear crying during my manicure.

Although if it is a place that offers kids haircuts, then crying kids could be expected.

Also don't see what being autistic has to do with it. Sounds like she didn't know he was autistic before she yelled, so she wasn't yelling at him for being autistic, and children without autism cry all the time during haircuts anyway.

very good points.. and everyone here is being way too anally PC about a point that didnt matter. The owner didnt say get that special kid outta here. the owner was mad the kid was being too loud and the parent failed to control it.

plain and simple. yet you "sick" people wanna make a mountain out of a mole hill.

parent should take the kid to super cuts, not a upscale spa.

Also, if you check out their website you can see that this is clearly an upscale establishment that is NOT meant to accommodate children.

The spa could have told her, "sorry we don't cut children's hair." but they didn't.

MyChocolateDiet

All I'm going to say is the woman I babysit for has an Autistic son (I've been trained specifically to deal with him and his specific set of needs) and she would *never* take her son to a Spa because

1) that's a stupid amount of money to pay for a haircut, let alone one for a child
2) Her son does not do well in such a situation, she knows this, and she wouldn't stress him out by intentionally putting him in such a situation
3) Spas aren't for children

Now, she takes Christian all kinds of place, we all went to see his brother perform in a karate competition, I went along and my attention was entirely on Christian, I was able to make sure he stayed happy and prevent him from becoming overwhelmed/stressed. I go with them to fancy restaurants in case Christian doesn't react well so I can take him somewhere he'll be happier, etc. We would never keep him in a situation that was so stressful he was screaming and crying, sure he throws fits when we make him deal with things he doesn't like (he has to eat food, he can't have the iPad 24/7, his brother gets to pick the movie sometimes, too etc) but a situation that is so absolutely unnecessary isn't one we would force him to stay in when he was that stressed.

The owner absolutely handled it rudely, but the mother was not making a great parenting decision either, her son was extremely stressed and she was causing him to be stressed and not realizing it was not going to help him, she was at that point intentionally stressing him out, that's bad parenting.

I've also *never* heard Christian's mom excuse his behavior or make excuses for him by telling someone he's autistic.

SOmeone please remind me to have any babysitters/nannies/au pairs I ever hire sign a privacy agreement stating they will never disclose my child's name or behavior on the internet. Someone also remind me to have a copy of this post printed out to show them when they obviously give me the "is this really necessary, b!tch, don't you think I have common sense?" look. The end.

luckyshilling

upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...

Or blacks, gays, transsexuals, Jews ... Once you start that list of exclusions, it's all downhill from there.

And there we go folks, taking it to the extreme with comparisions that really don't compare.
No kids allowed leads directly to homophobia and racism everytime. :huh:

jofjltncb6

In...

...to catch up on this later tonight.

If page one is any indication, I'm absolutely certain this thread will go to amazing places.

ladymiseryali

upscale spa, her business, her rules. dont bring kids...

Or blacks, gays, transsexuals, Jews ... Once you start that list of exclusions, it's all downhill from there.

And there we go folks, taking it to the extreme with comparisions that really don't compare.
No kids allowed leads directly to homophobia and racism everytime. :huh:

Well kids are their own ethnicity group apparently........

MelsAuntie

All I can say is that if I was there getting my hair done and somebody's unmanageable kid was yelling, I'd be pissed. I don't care if he's autistic, retarded, or just being a brat, not my problem, I don't want to have to listen to that when I'm trying to have a relaxing time. Especially if it's such a high-priced place. The same goes for trying to have a quiet dinner with somebody's table full of kids yelling and dropping food and making a mess, I will change tables to get away from that. I do think the stylist handled it well, and I feel sorry for the mother.

cheshirequeen

I was going to avoid posting in this thread because some of the responses are making me stabby. But, here goes…when kids are running amok & their parents are sitting back blissfully ignoring the chaos, yeah that pisses me off. However, when parents are obviously trying to contain the situation but the child is having none of it, I try to take it with a grain of salt because I’ve been there. I’ve been that parent leaving the store with a screaming child in tow. I’ve been that parent trying to wrangle 2 toddlers by myself while trying NOT to cause a scene. I’ve been that single parent on an airplane with 2 toddlers (one of whom was in my lap for the 2 3-hour flights).

Someone mentioned a spank on the butt and a time out…when my son was about 2 & 1/2 he kept running wild in Walmart…not even throwing a fit…just running around the clothes racks; so I swatted his diapered butt. Much to my chagrin, he thought it was the most hilarious thing ever. While he was laughing hysterically, some random woman looked at me like I was Satan incarnate & asked me what my son had done to deserve “the beating”. Really, lady? As someone else said, trying to hold onto a squirmy toddler is like trying to hold onto a 25lb bag full of snakes…best of luck.

On the flip side, when I was by myself on that flight I mentioned with my 2 kids (1 year old son & 4 year old daughter), I happened to be sitting next to some of the most awesome people. One person played with my son for the first flight…for 3 hours this guy kept my son entertained…they played with the few toys I had brought onboard. And just because he said he had grandkids that age & knew how tough it was. On the second flight, the flight attendant gave my son cookies…big mistake. He then found it necessary to try to follow her into first class every 2 seconds. The lady sitting in our row saw this & took it upon herself to read with my daughter & show her the cool stuff in the Sky Mall magazine so I could corral my son. It’s people like that who I remember when my faith in humanity is shaken.

And remember…you don’t know what’s causing the meltdown…what if the kid is sick & the parent is simply killing time in the store waiting for a prescription for the munchkin? Those people are not actively seeking to annoy everyone else around. Ever been to Walmart first thing in the morning after spending all night in the ER, trying to function on 1 or 2 hours of sleep with your sick, and rightfully grumpy, toddler in tow? Yeah, good luck trying to contain that potential powder keg.

All this being said, those of us with kids don’t expect the world to accommodate us…all we’re asking for is a little patience as we try to neutralize the situation. Sometimes that means taking our kids outside & other times it’s just not feasible to remove the child from the situation.

so well put

dieKriegerin77

In...

...to catch up on this later tonight.

If page one is any indication, I'm absolutely certain this thread will go to amazing places.

yep.