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I grant then ruin someone's wish...
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pierportbeach wrote: »Granted -- you're a prisoner in maximum security
I wish I would publish a famous literary novel
Granted. But it's a Penthouse Forums "novel" whose pages are laminated. And your parents just asked you for a signed copy. Good luck with that.
I wish I didn't just think of that.
Granted, you didn't. What you actually thought of was your parents publishing that novel and reading it to you as a bedtime story every night.
I wish I could fly.
Granted. You can fly. However, it only works when you fart. And even then, it's only for short distances. As you've chosen to use your powers for good, you've had to alter your diet to mostly Mexican food and soda so that you can sustain log we flights. The public has resorted to calling you "The Silent But Deadly Woman"
I wish you were flying in the opposite direction of me.0 -
pierportbeach wrote: »@dozensofthreads your wish is granted but now your dreams are laden with nightmares of little toddlers running around the room with scissors naked and cutting each other's hair off.
I wish I was having sex right now with a smart beautiful funny woman
LMAO. Sounds like a normal Wednesday day at work, only there are clothes on the small folk.
Granted, but it's the last time you ever get to, as your junk inverts itself after you finish.
I wish my student loans were paid off.0 -
pierportbeach wrote: »@dozensofthreads your wish is granted but now your dreams are laden with nightmares of little toddlers running around the room with scissors naked and cutting each other's hair off.
I wish I was having sex right now with a smart beautiful funny woman
Granted. And soon you'll find out it's your twin sister from whom you were separated at birth. And also you're now deeply in love and that's just awkward.
I wish I could play the piano.0 -
dozensofthreads wrote: »pierportbeach wrote: »Granted -- you're a prisoner in maximum security
I wish I would publish a famous literary novel
Granted. But it's a Penthouse Forums "novel" whose pages are laminated. And your parents just asked you for a signed copy. Good luck with that.
I wish I didn't just think of that.
Granted, but your mind is now an endless void.
I wish I could fall asleep right now.
Granted. Welcome to narcolepsy. You fall asleep everywhere at any time. It makes intimate moments VERY awkward. Especially since you now also snore like a chainsaw cutting through metal. Sleep tight.
I wish I remembered the name of that girl in that movie ...0 -
pierportbeach wrote: »@dozensofthreads your wish is granted but now your dreams are laden with nightmares of little toddlers running around the room with scissors naked and cutting each other's hair off.
I wish I was having sex right now with a smart beautiful funny woman
Granted. And soon you'll find out it's your twin sister from whom you were separated at birth. And also you're now deeply in love and that's just awkward.
I wish I could play the piano.
Granted, but the only song you're ever able to memorize is Beethoven's Für Elise.
I wish my downstairs neighbor would just move into a nursing home already and stop complaining when I vacuum my floor.0 -
pierportbeach wrote: »Granted -- you're a prisoner in maximum security
I wish I would publish a famous literary novel
Granted. But it's a Penthouse Forums "novel" whose pages are laminated. And your parents just asked you for a signed copy. Good luck with that.
I wish I didn't just think of that.
Granted, you didn't. What you actually thought of was your parents publishing that novel and reading it to you as a bedtime story every night.
I wish I could fly.
Granted. You can fly. However, it only works when you fart. And even then, it's only for short distances. As you've chosen to use your powers for good, you've had to alter your diet to mostly Mexican food and soda so that you can sustain log we flights. The public has resorted to calling you "The Silent But Deadly Woman"
I wish you were flying in the opposite direction of me.
Wish not even ruined, btw. I love Mexican food.
Granted, I am flying in the opposite direction of you, but the wind is not in your favor. And also my farts just got a little more substance to them. Sorry about your hair.
I wish I had a friend who could also fly.0 -
dozensofthreads wrote: »pierportbeach wrote: »@dozensofthreads your wish is granted but now your dreams are laden with nightmares of little toddlers running around the room with scissors naked and cutting each other's hair off.
I wish I was having sex right now with a smart beautiful funny woman
Granted. And soon you'll find out it's your twin sister from whom you were separated at birth. And also you're now deeply in love and that's just awkward.
I wish I could play the piano.
Granted, but the only song you're ever able to memorize is Beethoven's Für Elise.
I wish my downstairs neighbor would just move into a nursing home already and stop complaining when I vacuum my floor.
Granted. Your apartment building has just been converted into a nursing home. And you are the head nurse for the only patient ... Yup. Vacuum lady. That sucks huh?
I wish I wasn't so punny...0 -
I wish my downstairs neighbor would just move into a nursing home already and stop complaining when I vacuum my floor.
Granted but your new neighbors are insomniacal opera singers who are tone deaf and practice all day all night
I wish I could dunk a basketball0 -
dozensofthreads wrote: »pierportbeach wrote: »@dozensofthreads your wish is granted but now your dreams are laden with nightmares of little toddlers running around the room with scissors naked and cutting each other's hair off.
I wish I was having sex right now with a smart beautiful funny woman
Granted. And soon you'll find out it's your twin sister from whom you were separated at birth. And also you're now deeply in love and that's just awkward.
I wish I could play the piano.
Granted, but the only song you're ever able to memorize is Beethoven's Für Elise.
I wish my downstairs neighbor would just move into a nursing home already and stop complaining when I vacuum my floor.
Granted. Your new neighbor is a drug-dealing drummer who forgets where he lives and constantly tries to break into your place, thinking it's his.
I wish I was muscular without working out.0 -
pierportbeach wrote: »I wish my downstairs neighbor would just move into a nursing home already and stop complaining when I vacuum my floor.
Granted but your new neighbors are insomniacal opera singers who are tone deaf and practice all day all night
I wish I could dunk a basketball
I was a vocal performance major in college I'll take insomniac opera singers any day. I'll just train them to not be tone deaf, wish totally not ruined...0 -
dozensofthreads wrote: »pierportbeach wrote: »@dozensofthreads your wish is granted but now your dreams are laden with nightmares of little toddlers running around the room with scissors naked and cutting each other's hair off.
I wish I was having sex right now with a smart beautiful funny woman
Granted. And soon you'll find out it's your twin sister from whom you were separated at birth. And also you're now deeply in love and that's just awkward.
I wish I could play the piano.
Granted, but the only song you're ever able to memorize is Beethoven's Für Elise.
I wish my downstairs neighbor would just move into a nursing home already and stop complaining when I vacuum my floor.
Granted. Your new neighbor is a drug-dealing drummer who forgets where he lives and constantly tries to break into your place, thinking it's his.
I wish I was muscular without working out.
Granted. But the only muscles that develop are your glutes. Yup. You have buns of steel but the rest of you is an emancipated mess. You try to cover this by walking into every establishment backwards awkwardly waving your glutes like a banner of triumph. People just wonder what's wrong with you.
I wish I couldn't picture that so easily.0 -
@moyen2 wish granted you are muscular without working out. So muscular that guy can't bend over to tie your shoes and brisk your teeth. Mistaken for a man daily.
I wish I could be invisible whenever o wanted to be0 -
dozensofthreads wrote: »pierportbeach wrote: »Granted -- you're a prisoner in maximum security
I wish I would publish a famous literary novel
Granted. But it's a Penthouse Forums "novel" whose pages are laminated. And your parents just asked you for a signed copy. Good luck with that.
I wish I didn't just think of that.
Granted, but your mind is now an endless void.
I wish I could fall asleep right now.
Granted. Welcome to narcolepsy. You fall asleep everywhere at any time. It makes intimate moments VERY awkward. Especially since you now also snore like a chainsaw cutting through metal. Sleep tight.
I wish I remembered the name of that girl in that movie ...
Granted. You remember her name so much you can't remember anything else. It becomes the only word you can say. And when you hear a murderer in your house and dial 911 (secretly, from inside a closet) all you can say is her name. And someone who works at the police station has that name and you sound like her stalker, so they ignore your call. And you get murdered.
I wish I still had my childhood teddy bear.0 -
pierportbeach wrote: »@moyen2 wish granted you are muscular without working out. So muscular that guy can't bend over to tie your shoes and brisk your teeth. Mistaken for a man daily.
I wish I could be invisible whenever o wanted to be
Granted. Wait. Who said that? Never mind.
Who's next?0 -
dozensofthreads wrote: »pierportbeach wrote: »Granted -- you're a prisoner in maximum security
I wish I would publish a famous literary novel
Granted. But it's a Penthouse Forums "novel" whose pages are laminated. And your parents just asked you for a signed copy. Good luck with that.
I wish I didn't just think of that.
Granted, but your mind is now an endless void.
I wish I could fall asleep right now.
Granted. Welcome to narcolepsy. You fall asleep everywhere at any time. It makes intimate moments VERY awkward. Especially since you now also snore like a chainsaw cutting through metal. Sleep tight.
I wish I remembered the name of that girl in that movie ...
Granted. You remember her name so much you can't remember anything else. It becomes the only word you can say. And when you hear a murderer in your house and dial 911 (secretly, from inside a closet) all you can say is her name. And someone who works at the police station has that name and you sound like her stalker, so they ignore your call. And you get murdered.
I wish I still had my childhood teddy bear.
Granted. Your childhood teddy bear is salvaged from the dump it has been festering in for the last few decades. It's worn and ratty, lacks one eye and reeks. It is a nightmarish shadow of what once brought you security and joy and now it is the stuff of hellish visions of desolation and abandonment.
And he's so glad to see you again ...
I wish I didn't hear that noise under the bed.0 -
pierportbeach wrote: »I wish my downstairs neighbor would just move into a nursing home already and stop complaining when I vacuum my floor.
Granted but your new neighbors are insomniacal opera singers who are tone deaf and practice all day all night
I wish I could dunk a basketball
Granted. But you can only do it when no one is watching, so nobody believes you.
I wish I hadn't eaten so much Brie.
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pierportbeach wrote: »I wish my downstairs neighbor would just move into a nursing home already and stop complaining when I vacuum my floor.
Granted but your new neighbors are insomniacal opera singers who are tone deaf and practice all day all night
I wish I could dunk a basketball
Granted. But you can only do it when no one is watching, so nobody believes you.
I wish I hadn't eaten so much Brie.
Granted. Your former neighbor Brie also wishes the same thing.
I wish I knew where Brie was.0 -
@moyen2 granted but now he's all grown up and starring in the movie series Ted. He's a bear who wants sex all the time and has a foul mouth and hits on all of your friends and every woman you meet.
I wish I was enjoying a three hour meal with an interesting companion in a great restaurant on the southern coast of France0 -
dozensofthreads wrote: »pierportbeach wrote: »Granted -- you're a prisoner in maximum security
I wish I would publish a famous literary novel
Granted. But it's a Penthouse Forums "novel" whose pages are laminated. And your parents just asked you for a signed copy. Good luck with that.
I wish I didn't just think of that.
Granted, but your mind is now an endless void.
I wish I could fall asleep right now.
Granted. Welcome to narcolepsy. You fall asleep everywhere at any time. It makes intimate moments VERY awkward. Especially since you now also snore like a chainsaw cutting through metal. Sleep tight.
I wish I remembered the name of that girl in that movie ...
Granted. You remember her name so much you can't remember anything else. It becomes the only word you can say. And when you hear a murderer in your house and dial 911 (secretly, from inside a closet) all you can say is her name. And someone who works at the police station has that name and you sound like her stalker, so they ignore your call. And you get murdered.
I wish I still had my childhood teddy bear.
Granted. Your childhood teddy bear is salvaged from the dump it has been festering in for the last few decades. It's worn and ratty, lacks one eye and reeks. It is a nightmarish shadow of what once brought you security and joy and now it is the stuff of hellish visions of desolation and abandonment.
And he's so glad to see you again ...
I wish I didn't hear that noise under the bed.
Granted. You didn't hear that noise, that rustling of the psychopath who's been lurking under there this whole time. And since you didn't hear him, you certainly won't run and save yourself now.
I wish I didn't keep thinking of such horrible things.0 -
pierportbeach wrote: »I wish my downstairs neighbor would just move into a nursing home already and stop complaining when I vacuum my floor.
Granted but your new neighbors are insomniacal opera singers who are tone deaf and practice all day all night
I wish I could dunk a basketball
Granted. But you can only do it when no one is watching, so nobody believes you.
I wish I hadn't eaten so much Brie.
Granted. Your former neighbor Brie also wishes the same thing.
I wish I knew where Brie was.
Granted. Sadly, you already know exactly where she is ("burp")
I wish I will wake up tomorrow and this thread will make me laugh some more.0
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