We broke up because...

Shoebacha1

He watered our indoor plants with his urine

brianapc

She couldn't handle the Catalina wine mixer

Shoebacha1

Her chewbacca mask was better than mine

brianapc

She kept arguing that we needed more room for activities

Deatsy

I surrender in defeat

Shoebacha1

He was such a quitter

Bonny132

Gave up too easily

MrStabbems

she refused to get in the swing

Shoebacha1

She copied everything I said, but with different words

brianapc

He couldn't rock the f out of those drums like Dale could

Bonny132

Had to get the last word in, always.

Deatsy

She had too many better answers than mine and made me wave a white flag

Shoebacha1

Kept calling me creepy.

brianapc

Couldn't make a decent set of bunk beds

Bonny132

Collected her toenail clippings in a little jewelry box

Shoebacha1

Didnt like guacamole

Lioness_1978

Because I didn't like horseback riding

Deatsy

Didnt give her enough candlelight dinners

MrStabbems

he used to squeeze when he should stroke

Unknown

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Bonny132

He was obsessed with waxing.... people stopped visiting as they were too scared he'd get them drunk and wax them in their sleep.

Lioness_1978

I really like tall, sophisticated men

Shoebacha1

I wasnt tall or man enough for her

Lioness_1978

For exactly that reason

Shoebacha1

She said Bumblebee Tuna after every joke she told

brianapc

Kept making guano bowls

Shoebacha1

Kept shooting me in the arms with arrows

brianapc

Here comebacks were way quicker than mine

Shoebacha1

Her hair was way more awesome than mine

brianapc

She just always wanted to braid my mane