We broke up because...

LeeMarie392

Pushed me off the swings and ran away

happimess01

she took up a job as the receptionist at a nudist colony

PaperDoll_

Nudity offended him. He even showered fully clothed!

mommabear4315

We parted ways bc they were made out of paper and not plastic

bigjuicy1234

Her fur made me itch

KimO7471

He kept talking about his ex

liftorgohome

She tried to poison me with some broccoli, I hate broccoli.

KimO7471

He didn't like cheese on his broccoli

liftorgohome

She farted in her sleep.

KimO7471

He pooped the bed

liftorgohome

She kept scratching her butt on my rug like a dog.

KimO7471

He kept making snort sounds like a pig

bigjuicy1234

She told her friend about our bedroom activity and now she is calling me non stop

KimO7471

He dreams too much

liftorgohome

When she laughed juice would come out of her nose. So disgusting..

KimO7471

When he laughed he would shart himself

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KimO7471

He always eats bacon...nothing else

liftorgohome

She didn't like the foot long dogs.

KimO7471

He only had the small.hot dogs

liftorgohome

She wasn't flexible enough

KimO7471

He was so flexible I started wondering

liftorgohome

She wouldn't wear her ankles as ear rings. I mean come on, try it out.

KimO7471

He would wear his ankles as earrings

liftorgohome

She couldn't do a split, sent my imagination right out the window.

happimess01

he could only get aroused when Amazon Alexa was talking in the room

mindstateofamonster

He had something against people watching

happimess01

he referred to installing hidden cameras in public bathrooms as people watching

PaperDoll_

He thought he was a celebrity and was paranoid everyone was filming him.

happimess01

Every week, She would get her hand stuck in the Pringle’s can