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We broke up because...
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I once woke up to her attempting her version of a Brazilian wax 😮
On me!!!0 -
She didn't support my dream of becoming an anesthesiologist by letting me practice on her!0
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She’d knock me out and raid my secret candy stash0
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All his comic books were Garfield. Garfield is cute. I like Garfield, but he took his obsession too far. His entire house was nothing but Garfield fan collectibles.0
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She thought I cheated on her with an alien, but I was abducted!👽😱And the afterglow was from all the experiments they conducted on me. Not complaining, but true!😏0
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She didn't appreciate my "alien probing" jokes.. 🤷♀️ they cracked me up 😆0
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She got us kicked out of one too many planes. She was labelled an unruly passenger after she tried to probe the cute pilot as a prank!😤0
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She would never be my "Partner in Crime" 😞0
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I always had to bail her out of jail.0
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She dumped me when I brought up Conjugal visits 🤷♀️0
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She would put mustard on her fries and rub it in with her hand0
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She wouldn't let me use her fancy Silverware, said it was for Company only. 😟0
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She wanted to cuddle with the pet chicken instead of me 😆0
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He killed my pet chicken and used her feathers to make me a pillow. 😥0
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Because she got angry when I made grilled chicken for dinner0
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He Never remembers that I'm Vegetarian 🙄0
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Claimed to be a vegetarian but my hamburgers always seemed to disappear when she was around. 🤨1
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called me a Hamburglar and left in the middle of the night....0
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Alway wanted to slap box me to see who would pay for the night out.. and I always lost 😞0
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He was kinda Wimpy 🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️0
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She insisted we work out to 80s exercise videos on VHS. Then she refused to use our 1Lb weights or even lift pencils! It was too much to lift so she lifted air.
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She'd share my most embarrassing photos with everyone on her dating site. 😧0
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She was on dating sites while we were together; always on the look out for something better 😒0
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I followed her to the dating site, and she thought it was funny to keep filtering her picture every day until there was nothing left of her!0
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Her Ex mysteriously disappeared and the Police suspect Foul Play. 😰0
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She was arrested by the police for 'disappearing' an old frame's ex.0
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I found out that she and her Lover @NVintage set me up for Murdering NVintage's Ex.
I guess they killed two birds with one stone. 🙁0 -
She’d walk around the house flapping her wings because she thinks she’s a flamingo 🦩👀
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