All those asking and answeing questions
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SingRunTing wrote: »Of course there is also the cultural difference in this international site and the age difference amongst the users
Warning - major stereotypes coming up
I'm English, a lot of us have a tendency to self-deprecation and sarcasm; we tend to go for direct rather than touchy-feely
As for age, many of us were brought up in an age where we told to pull our socks up and just get on with it. The victim mentality is a new one for us eg it's always something or someone at fault,
I would find over-sentimentality and cheerleading from my countrymen shocking and probably more irritating than supportive, as I would assume they were patronising or taking the p!ss. However from Americans it's a cultural response and I accept that
But I still enjoy posters who are direct, intelligent and amusing . I have barked with laughter at some things people have posted, I thank them for the amusement factor ...I also note that these people are far more likely to get abuse flags
I'm from New England. We have a very similar reputation. The rest of the country finds us very standoffish and unfriendly (stereotyping of course).
It may be a Northeast thing
I'm from NY- people assume I'm going to be mean
NY/North Jersey here. We don't sugar coat things much, either.0 -
If you want kinder, gentler advice, that's fine. There's plenty to be had here. However, that style of communication doesn't work for everyone. It's unfair to ask that everyone present information only in the way you want to hear it. If I'm wrong, tell me. Give me the science and spare me the touchy-feely stuff. I respond better, I appreciate that approach and I would rather not waste my time hearing inaccurate information that's designed to soothe my feelings. There has to be room on a public forum for people who learn that way too.
except when you ask for the study the comeback is then "well MFP is not a scholarly site, and I do not have to prove anything..." LOL0 -
SingRunTing wrote: »Of course there is also the cultural difference in this international site and the age difference amongst the users
Warning - major stereotypes coming up
I'm English, a lot of us have a tendency to self-deprecation and sarcasm; we tend to go for direct rather than touchy-feely
As for age, many of us were brought up in an age where we told to pull our socks up and just get on with it. The victim mentality is a new one for us eg it's always something or someone at fault,
I would find over-sentimentality and cheerleading from my countrymen shocking and probably more irritating than supportive, as I would assume they were patronising or taking the p!ss. However from Americans it's a cultural response and I accept that
But I still enjoy posters who are direct, intelligent and amusing . I have barked with laughter at some things people have posted, I thank them for the amusement factor ...I also note that these people are far more likely to get abuse flags
I'm from New England. We have a very similar reputation. The rest of the country finds us very standoffish and unfriendly (stereotyping of course).
It may be a Northeast thing I'm from NY- people assume I'm going to be mean
NY/North Jersey here. We don't sugar coat things much, either.
Well I'd hope not, don't you know sugar is the root of all evil
(Do you see what I did there?)0 -
SingRunTing wrote: »brianpperkins wrote: »One can only put a limited amount of candy coating on a post that tells somebody that they are wrong, that they are lying to themselves with inaccurate or incomplete logging, what they are embarking upon (either the method or goal) is unhealthy, or that there is no logical or scientific basis for a course of action.
And this ^^
I'd rather someone be bluntly honest & helpful if I'm doing something wrong than cover me in rainbows & glitter & stickers and let me keep failing.
It's much kinder to help and offer knowledge so that they will succeed in their goals than to pat them on the head and let them get frustrated and give up.
I agree 100%.
Those blunt and honest people also seem to be the ones who are willing to take the time to look through someone's diary and ask more questions in order to give specific advice. I think that's a lot more supportive than giving out general advice like "shake up your exercise routine" that isn't going to do the OP any good.
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DeirdreWoodwardSanders wrote: »It's all subjective. You saw his comments as aggressive, I didn't. Comments you find negative someone else might see as being told the truth. On MFP too many of you guys think that people not agreeing with you or correcting you is negative, when it's not. It could be a result of when we were over weight many of us suffered from low self esteem and are very defensive or just that ego doesn't want to allow us to be corrected. It's time to let go of that.
The comments are both truthful and negative. People are telling the truth, but they tell it in an aggressive, hostile way. It's difficult for people who are unprepared for the hostility to not respond with hostility, which turns the conversation into a pissing contest rather than a thoughtful discussion about the issue.
^^^^ All of that, for me, is applicable for newbies only. I was shocked and angry when I first started posting. After a while (like, 30 posts in), when I saw how it worked, I stopped taking the hostility personally.
I do see people here who have 500 or 1000 posts and who are *still* taking it personally. That's crazy town, as far as I am concerned.
So shows like this should be off the air right?
because of being mean right?
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SingRunTing wrote: »Of course there is also the cultural difference in this international site and the age difference amongst the users
Warning - major stereotypes coming up
I'm English, a lot of us have a tendency to self-deprecation and sarcasm; we tend to go for direct rather than touchy-feely
As for age, many of us were brought up in an age where we told to pull our socks up and just get on with it. The victim mentality is a new one for us eg it's always something or someone at fault,
I would find over-sentimentality and cheerleading from my countrymen shocking and probably more irritating than supportive, as I would assume they were patronising or taking the p!ss. However from Americans it's a cultural response and I accept that
But I still enjoy posters who are direct, intelligent and amusing . I have barked with laughter at some things people have posted, I thank them for the amusement factor ...I also note that these people are far more likely to get abuse flags
I'm from New England. We have a very similar reputation. The rest of the country finds us very standoffish and unfriendly (stereotyping of course).
It may be a Northeast thing I'm from NY- people assume I'm going to be mean
i always assume when people say they're from New York, that they're from the city. i forget that there is a whole "upstate" part of New York.
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SingRunTing wrote: »Of course there is also the cultural difference in this international site and the age difference amongst the users
Warning - major stereotypes coming up
I'm English, a lot of us have a tendency to self-deprecation and sarcasm; we tend to go for direct rather than touchy-feely
As for age, many of us were brought up in an age where we told to pull our socks up and just get on with it. The victim mentality is a new one for us eg it's always something or someone at fault,
I would find over-sentimentality and cheerleading from my countrymen shocking and probably more irritating than supportive, as I would assume they were patronising or taking the p!ss. However from Americans it's a cultural response and I accept that
But I still enjoy posters who are direct, intelligent and amusing . I have barked with laughter at some things people have posted, I thank them for the amusement factor ...I also note that these people are far more likely to get abuse flags
I'm from New England. We have a very similar reputation. The rest of the country finds us very standoffish and unfriendly (stereotyping of course).
It may be a Northeast thing I'm from NY- people assume I'm going to be mean
NY/North Jersey here. We don't sugar coat things much, either.
Yeah, you guys are right. I'm just going off of what I've heard my whole life. But I would agree that the mindset would extend to NY/NJ. We just don't have time for other people's bullsh*t in the Northeast.
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SingRunTing wrote: »Of course there is also the cultural difference in this international site and the age difference amongst the users
Warning - major stereotypes coming up
I'm English, a lot of us have a tendency to self-deprecation and sarcasm; we tend to go for direct rather than touchy-feely
As for age, many of us were brought up in an age where we told to pull our socks up and just get on with it. The victim mentality is a new one for us eg it's always something or someone at fault,
I would find over-sentimentality and cheerleading from my countrymen shocking and probably more irritating than supportive, as I would assume they were patronising or taking the p!ss. However from Americans it's a cultural response and I accept that
But I still enjoy posters who are direct, intelligent and amusing . I have barked with laughter at some things people have posted, I thank them for the amusement factor ...I also note that these people are far more likely to get abuse flags
I'm from New England. We have a very similar reputation. The rest of the country finds us very standoffish and unfriendly (stereotyping of course).
It may be a Northeast thing I'm from NY- people assume I'm going to be mean
NY/North Jersey here. We don't sugar coat things much, either.
Well I'd hope not, don't you know sugar is the root of all evil
(Do you see what I did there?)
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Are you kidding? I LOVE those people! It's like they're wearing a giant sign that says "please ignore everything I've ever said because I can't back up anything."If you want kinder, gentler advice, that's fine. There's plenty to be had here. However, that style of communication doesn't work for everyone. It's unfair to ask that everyone present information only in the way you want to hear it. If I'm wrong, tell me. Give me the science and spare me the touchy-feely stuff. I respond better, I appreciate that approach and I would rather not waste my time hearing inaccurate information that's designed to soothe my feelings. There has to be room on a public forum for people who learn that way too.
except when you ask for the study the comeback is then "well MFP is not a scholarly site, and I do not have to prove anything..." LOL
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WalkingAlong wrote: »Suggesting that some people need a "good old fashioned b*tch slap" isn't an insult? It doesn't violate this?
a) Do not attack, mock, or otherwise insult others. You can respectfully disagree with the message or topic, but you cannot attack the messenger.
It's not 'hurt feelings' that people don't care for. It's the arrogant "my way is right, you're an idiot" stance. It's not mature discussion. It's childish insults.
It's even worse that the people who want mature discussion are mostly women and the "you're just too touchy feely, let me bit*ch-slap you with my truth" are mostly men, in this thread and often all over here. An active female moderator would be a welcome addition, especially one with some familiarity with and acceptance for various diet schools of thought, or that understands there is not one way to skin this cat.
If you feel that way, you need to report the post and not flag it. The flagging system is for immediately quickly removing content that should not be seen (spam bots for the spam flag; porn or something similar for abuse flag).
Flagging that post is actually not how it should be reported and is an abuse of the flag system. Just a warning as (hopefully) there will be a new policy about inappropriate flagging, which may have repercussions as well.0 -
DeirdreWoodwardSanders wrote: »It's all subjective. You saw his comments as aggressive, I didn't. Comments you find negative someone else might see as being told the truth. On MFP too many of you guys think that people not agreeing with you or correcting you is negative, when it's not. It could be a result of when we were over weight many of us suffered from low self esteem and are very defensive or just that ego doesn't want to allow us to be corrected. It's time to let go of that.
The comments are both truthful and negative. People are telling the truth, but they tell it in an aggressive, hostile way. It's difficult for people who are unprepared for the hostility to not respond with hostility, which turns the conversation into a pissing contest rather than a thoughtful discussion about the issue.
^^^^ All of that, for me, is applicable for newbies only. I was shocked and angry when I first started posting. After a while (like, 30 posts in), when I saw how it worked, I stopped taking the hostility personally.
I do see people here who have 500 or 1000 posts and who are *still* taking it personally. That's crazy town, as far as I am concerned.
Seriously.0 -
SingRunTing wrote: »Of course there is also the cultural difference in this international site and the age difference amongst the users
Warning - major stereotypes coming up
I'm English, a lot of us have a tendency to self-deprecation and sarcasm; we tend to go for direct rather than touchy-feely
As for age, many of us were brought up in an age where we told to pull our socks up and just get on with it. The victim mentality is a new one for us eg it's always something or someone at fault,
I would find over-sentimentality and cheerleading from my countrymen shocking and probably more irritating than supportive, as I would assume they were patronising or taking the p!ss. However from Americans it's a cultural response and I accept that
But I still enjoy posters who are direct, intelligent and amusing . I have barked with laughter at some things people have posted, I thank them for the amusement factor ...I also note that these people are far more likely to get abuse flags
I'm from New England. We have a very similar reputation. The rest of the country finds us very standoffish and unfriendly (stereotyping of course).
It may be a Northeast thing I'm from NY- people assume I'm going to be mean
NY/North Jersey here. We don't sugar coat things much, either.
Well I'd hope not, don't you know sugar is the root of all evil
(Do you see what I did there?)
that is only added sugar...0 -
You want to be coddled or do you want the cold hard truth and actually make gains towards your goal(s)
/thread0 -
Are you kidding? I LOVE those people! It's like they're wearing a giant sign that says "please ignore everything I've ever said because I can't back up anything."If you want kinder, gentler advice, that's fine. There's plenty to be had here. However, that style of communication doesn't work for everyone. It's unfair to ask that everyone present information only in the way you want to hear it. If I'm wrong, tell me. Give me the science and spare me the touchy-feely stuff. I respond better, I appreciate that approach and I would rather not waste my time hearing inaccurate information that's designed to soothe my feelings. There has to be room on a public forum for people who learn that way too.
except when you ask for the study the comeback is then "well MFP is not a scholarly site, and I do not have to prove anything..." LOL
ha! I agree ...
but then they start a thread about it..which I find more amusing...0 -
WalkingAlong, you've got several women calling you out that you are wrong. Is it different that they are calling you out as opposed to if it were us guys calling you out? Does it make it not as bad that it's women? And for the record, the group of women that have replied to you so far are some of the more honest, no frills women I know on this forum. So you went ahead and said it's the guys saying things to other women, I think you stand corrected.
something tells me she has disengaged from this thread, and literally walked right out of it...0 -
WalkingAlong, you've got several women calling you out that you are wrong. Is it different that they are calling you out as opposed to if it were us guys calling you out? Does it make it not as bad that it's women? And for the record, the group of women that have replied to you so far are some of the more honest, no frills women I know on this forum. So you went ahead and said it's the guys saying things to other women, I think you stand corrected.
something tells me she has disengaged from this thread, and literally walked right out of it...
Legit LOL'ed0 -
SingRunTing wrote: »SingRunTing wrote: »Of course there is also the cultural difference in this international site and the age difference amongst the users
Warning - major stereotypes coming up
I'm English, a lot of us have a tendency to self-deprecation and sarcasm; we tend to go for direct rather than touchy-feely
As for age, many of us were brought up in an age where we told to pull our socks up and just get on with it. The victim mentality is a new one for us eg it's always something or someone at fault,
I would find over-sentimentality and cheerleading from my countrymen shocking and probably more irritating than supportive, as I would assume they were patronising or taking the p!ss. However from Americans it's a cultural response and I accept that
But I still enjoy posters who are direct, intelligent and amusing . I have barked with laughter at some things people have posted, I thank them for the amusement factor ...I also note that these people are far more likely to get abuse flags
I'm from New England. We have a very similar reputation. The rest of the country finds us very standoffish and unfriendly (stereotyping of course).
It may be a Northeast thing I'm from NY- people assume I'm going to be mean
NY/North Jersey here. We don't sugar coat things much, either.
Yeah, you guys are right. I'm just going off of what I've heard my whole life. But I would agree that the mindset would extend to NY/NJ. We just don't have time for other people's bullsh*t in the Northeast.
TIL that someplace in America thinks it has the monopole on frankness. Quaint.
Come to Germany, where telling someone "you got fat," is the expected truth, if, indeed, you got fat. "Rude" doesn't even exist in the local dialect.
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