Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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I was outside for 3 or 4 hours yesterday in sunny +32C weather and the only part of me that tanned is the back of my neck. Seriously?! I'm glad I didn't burn, since that's usually what happens, but now I am literally a red neck
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Another who met their SO online right here- OKCupid haha who would've thought?
I met my ex on HOT OR NOT... lol.
I was soo slick, too. On my image in almost transparent font I put my AIM screen name and she messaged me late one night and that was it (well, for about 9 years and 1 daughter later)0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »I feel the need to confess: I don't like red velvet anything. I don't understand the hype. It tastes chemically to me.
It's weak chocolate with artificial flavouring so that's not surprising. The only thing that really makes it good is the cream cheese icing part, but it tastes just as good/better with a real chocolate cake.
Also, I should tell you all that I snapped a little last night and did some kettlebell training. I hate weights, so I don't know what got into me, other than I was feeling fat and bored. I'm not going to get my hopes up and assume I'm going to be able to keep it up, but it would be great if I suddenly starting not hating strength training.0 -
xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »
Coastal (responding to the first post since I never saw it) I feel the same. I pretty much feel like I'm drowning. I'm expected to be the rock for everyone, and most of the time I stoically am. But times like right now, I just want to scream and cry and throw a fit. I want someone to comfort ME and no one is. I'm supposed to hold it together and do 1,000 different things well every day, without fail or exception.
I joke with people a lot that it sucks to be me, because I don't get a "down day", but it's true. I'm expected to be on point 24/7 and I'm struggling. I get the "count your blessings" and "it could be worse" a LOT. Yes, it could be. In the scheme of things, what bothers me could be construed as petty. It doesn't mean it hurts less or I'm less upset. I am grateful for what I have, but aren't I also allowed to be upset too?!
Warning- the below will make me sound like an ungrateful brat. I know this, but they are MY feelings. I'm working on processing them, but it takes time.
I found out on Saturday that good friends of ours (who have 2 boys about the same age as us) are wanting a 3rd. They want to try for a girl. They previously said they were done but the DH changed his mind. I went upstairs and cried. I have wanted 3 kids since I was little. DH said no, 2 was all he could take. He got a vasectomy last Nov so there will only be 2. I agreed because I don't believe in forcing someone to have more kids if they don't want to. I'm not the only one involved in the decision. DH also swore we could look into adopting, which helped ease my feelings about the V.
I have regretted it EVERY DAY since. When I see parents out with 3 or more kids, I'm envious. If one or more is a girl, I am so jealous. I want a daughter. I always have. I love my boys so much, but there is a part of me that will always hurt because I wanted a girl. Both times, the u/s tech told me they were girls and I was blissful for a few weeks until told they were boys. They will never know. I will NEVER tell them they aren't "enough" for me, because they are. I am grateful they are both here and healthy and I would NOT trade them for anything, but I feel a twinge every time I look at a girl or girl baby. DH has also now decided he doesn't want to adopt, so I feel a bit of a pang of "bait and switch" sometimes when I think about it. Mostly I want 3 kids, but not gonna lie, a girl would be awesome.
I feel so alone, because DH is d-o-n-e. 2 is enough for him, he doesn't remotely want a 3rd. Talking to him about it doesn't help, because he has a hard time sympathizing with me. Ok, so he joked around and said I could get a dog to "mother". I agreed. Now last night he is reneging and saying "well, we can get a dog when we get x, y, and z done around the house". This will literally be YEARS. He knows this. Bait and switch #2.
He also said I could look into getting a new car within the month. So I've been plotting out savings, trade-in value, etc. This past weekend he decided nope, my Jeep runs fine for now and maybe we'll think about it in 6 months. Bait and switch #3.
I'm frustrated, I'm sad, I feel like everything I want always comes last after everyone else, and yes I know this is all first world problems, but right now it's rough. On top of it, I'm dieting strictly, so I think I'm just in a funk and crabby from that too. It's the one thing I feel like I'm succeeding at, though, so I don't want to give it up. I have 10.5 lb to go. I'm SO close. I just want to accomplish Something, ya know?
*ok, sorry for the pathetic vent. Carry on*
I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. Drowning is a good description.
Your desire to have had a girl does not remove your love for your boys. You will always love them this changes nothing. It's a feeling you have and that's OK. I'm sorry that you've been through this with your husband. Marriage can be so hard we love our husbands but its not always easy.
[One thing with sons is that you will probably end up with a daughter in law in future which isn't the same but I am sure any future daughter in law will have a fantastic relationship with you].
I think you need to start putting your foot down and get the dog if you want it. There's never a good time just go for it. Do something to make YOU happy. I have a golden retriever he costs a fortune because of day care as I work full time but he's the best dog so happy and I wouldn't be without him. See how it goes and when you start taking some control see where you are with reversals and adoptions for example. Being given the choice might be enough for you, you might actually decide you are content.
As for people judging you in real life, that's why I don't tell anyone things anymore. People judge all the time often unfairly. Rant away here! Xx
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quiksylver296 wrote: »I feel the need to confess: I don't like red velvet anything. I don't understand the hype. It tastes chemically to me.
I don't get like it either but more because it always has cream cheese icing & I don't like cream cheese.
I could take or leave it. Although I do have a killer red velvet / cream cheese cookie recipe. Sooo so good. (to me lol)0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »Coastalpath wrote: »I have to leave work now - but I'll respond to @xLoveLikeWinterx 's post tonight xx
That is too much for one person to deal with! I don't have advice, but we are always here to listen. (Hugs)
Thank you it's nice to hear it is too much. Sometimes I think it's just me...
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riderfangal wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »
Blah. I am so torn on this still. He keeps saying he wants to try but at the same time he admitted that whenever we fight now he withdraws more and more. He basically wants to start over and take things slow. I've only been seeing him about 3 hours each week. Since I'm a lady, I always think talking things over and working on it makes more sense but that's just me I guess...
He is still planning on spending the day before my bday and my bday with me Friday and Saturday so I'm curious to see how it goes.
I'm sick of being so negative and down about everything. I can't wait to be happy again.
I am not judging (well him maybe a little) but how do you start over after 11 years?
Exactly, it just sounds silly.
I could not do start over (just me, only you know what you could /will do).0 -
Oh I also confess after taking a 32 mile bike ride and push mowing the front & back lawns yesterday, I justifiably bought a box of chocolate covered twinkies and ate the whole box of 9 through the afternoon and in to the night. None lasted until morning. (cant have my moment of weakness infect another day!)0
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quiksylver296 wrote: »I feel the need to confess: I don't like red velvet anything. I don't understand the hype. It tastes chemically to me.
I don't get like it either but more because it always has cream cheese icing & I don't like cream cheese.
I could take or leave it. Although I do have a killer red velvet / cream cheese cookie recipe. Sooo so good. (to me lol)
Can I confess I have never even tried anything red velvet!0 -
riderfangal wrote: »
Wow that is a lot on your plate. I am not as good at conveying my thoughts on to paper as some of the other posters on here but know that I am sending you a big hug and positive vibes! I had resigned myself to never having children of my own as well for a variety of reasons and then surprise at 39 years old I became a mom. I actually brought him home 3 days before I turned 40 so you can just never give up hope!
You are good with words! I really appreciate your words and so pleased you had your baby that's encouraging
It hasn't helped when on hearing news of my friends well meaning colleagues follow up with 'you'll be next', or 'not long now for you'. I want to shout 'erm what do you know?'. They are well meaning but they make me speechless!
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Confession: I met my husband on Match. Married ten years this July. You have to weed out the frogs to find a good one, but they still exist. Never settle, be particular.0
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WestCoastJo82 wrote: »riderfangal wrote: »At one of our local grocery stores they have a cow on the front of the milk display and the cow moos at you every time you walk by it. I hate that cow. I turned around the other day and said to it.
" I know right!! But I am working on it so back off!!
There were 2 elderly ladies standing they and I am sure they were ready to call someone to take me away!
Ha! That's awesome
@riderfangal I've been reading your username as riderangle since the beginning of the thread...until I've been replying to you
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This is such a cute idea and I love all your posts. I cut a watermelon in half and eat out the middle with a spoon and then only log one cup. All.....the.....time. It keeps me from eating (and doing) bad things due to a state of hangry. Sometimes an active girl just NEEDS to grab a spoon and a watermelon to keep everyone else around her alive. I would also totally eat dried chocolate powder ANYTHING is I was having a craving, so I get that one!
Welcome!
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Oh I also confess after taking a 32 mile bike ride and push mowing the front & back lawns yesterday, I justifiably bought a box of chocolate covered twinkies and ate the whole box of 9 through the afternoon and in to the night. None lasted until morning. (cant have my moment of weakness infect another day!)
A few years ago a friend and I were trying to lose weight, and she had been told by someone that you "should only have 'junk' food in your house that you can eat in one day" (I can't remember the exact wording). Of course this person meant you should only have like 1 serving at a time but to me it sounded like a challenge, like "How many pies can I eat today?"0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Alright, I'm now reduced to taking notes so I can respond to posts.... @Coastalpath , @raelynnsmama52512 , @FroggyBug and @xLoveLikeWinterx , I'm so sorry you gals are going through such rough patches right now.
In true fix-it style, I wish I had solutions or helpful advice... but all I've got is empathy.
And @susieqhusband, the bad-hair llama lady also requests that you provide your wife with a Fitbit! Heck, look at the money she's already saved you on all that live-in staff that she doesn't want (and, no, I didn't know that was the norm).
Most of the time I really enjoy driving. I wouldn't put up with being told I couldn't drive because of my gender. Good thing I live in North America!
LOL at the live-in staff part.
Preventing women from driving has NO basis in Islam, honestly. The excuse they use is that "women will use the driving to go to places that are forbidden and do forbidden things." Seriously?! Putting a woman in the car with an unrelated male driver IS actually forbidden in Islam, and that's supposed to be a better solution somehow than letting a woman drive her OWN car?
I don't think it's the government's job to "discipline" women as to where they can drive--That's up to their fathers, up to an agreement between their husbands and them about where they can't go (does that even make sense, though? "Wife, please don't go hang out with random men, okay?"). And who's to say that GUYS don't drive to "forbidden places and do forbidden things"? I hate everything about this so-called justification. -_-
Star fact: As a form of protest, a Saudi Arabian lady living in Emirates who holds an international driver's license tried to drive through the border into Saudi Arabia, and was prevented. When she insisted that it was her right to enter her home country, the government magically made her "disappear". When another female friend drove to the border to bring her fresh clothing and a toothbrush and such, she "disappeared" as well. One month later, some news surfaced that they were being tried IN A TERRORISM COURT, and then later on were released and pardoned after THREE MONTHS OF IMPRISONMENT. Yes, seriously.
I have no desire to visit a place where my gender is a reason for denying driving or who I spend time with and so on. I am saddened by what happened to the ladies in your post.
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Coastalpath wrote: »riderfangal wrote: »
Wow that is a lot on your plate. I am not as good at conveying my thoughts on to paper as some of the other posters on here but know that I am sending you a big hug and positive vibes! I had resigned myself to never having children of my own as well for a variety of reasons and then surprise at 39 years old I became a mom. I actually brought him home 3 days before I turned 40 so you can just never give up hope!
You are good with words! I really appreciate your words and so pleased you had your baby that's encouraging
It hasn't helped when on hearing news of my friends well meaning colleagues follow up with 'you'll be next', or 'not long now for you'. I want to shout 'erm what do you know?'. They are well meaning but they make me speechless!
That used to be so irksome to me as well or when people would ask me how many kids I had and when I replied none they would ask why not. None of your darn business why not. These days I get you really should have another . Your son needs a playmate. Yeah right. I am single 44 year old mom of a 4 year old. I really need another lol0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »I feel the need to confess: I don't like red velvet anything. I don't understand the hype. It tastes chemically to me.
I agree. My brain and taste buds cannot fathom the red coloured food that isn't a tomato or a pepper!
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Coastalpath wrote: »WestCoastJo82 wrote: »riderfangal wrote: »At one of our local grocery stores they have a cow on the front of the milk display and the cow moos at you every time you walk by it. I hate that cow. I turned around the other day and said to it.
" I know right!! But I am working on it so back off!!
There were 2 elderly ladies standing they and I am sure they were ready to call someone to take me away!
Ha! That's awesome
@riderfangal I've been reading your username as riderangle since the beginning of the thread...until I've been replying to you
LOL the riders are my favourite football team. I am actually somewhat obsessed lol. Truth be told I wanted to name my son Ryder but my ex was having no part of that0 -
@orangesmartie sorry if you've already said, which mountain are you climbing? I love climbing!
Ben nevis in Scotland
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My confession from Friday... I got really drunk on beer that was not labeled "lite", got home, crawled into bed, and ordered pizza, then made my boyfriend stay up until the pizza came and hand deliver it to me in bed. I'm not a nice drunk, very bossy, no fun, shocked he hasn't left me yet.0
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riderfangal wrote: »Coastalpath wrote: »WestCoastJo82 wrote: »riderfangal wrote: »At one of our local grocery stores they have a cow on the front of the milk display and the cow moos at you every time you walk by it. I hate that cow. I turned around the other day and said to it.
" I know right!! But I am working on it so back off!!
There were 2 elderly ladies standing they and I am sure they were ready to call someone to take me away!
Ha! That's awesome
@riderfangal I've been reading your username as riderangle since the beginning of the thread...until I've been replying to you
LOL the riders are my favourite football team. I am actually somewhat obsessed lol. Truth be told I wanted to name my son Ryder but my ex was having no part of that
I probably missed it in previous pages, but @riderfangal you had a date on Saturday, right? How did it go?0 -
I read the whole thing and wow, I totally agree with you. I had a coworker say to me on Friday, it could be worse...well it keeps getting worse anyway (now I'm sick before my bday with I dunno what). It is getting to me as well. I don't think anyone knows how bad these last couple months have been.
Even on this thread I'm happy for people who are going through good things but at the same time hurting because I used to feel good about my life too and I'm sad I'm losing my happiness.
I am sorry to hear that you are sick. From your previous posts I know you've gone through a lot and you sound very run down. Let's have our safe place here where it's accepted we have bad times and it will get better!! You will get better. You deserve to be happy. We can have our pity party because we deserve to have our feelings!
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orangesmartie wrote: »
Yes, but I am hating on you so hard right now. I'd love to have a 4x10 work week. I did once at an old job decades ago, and I've wished for it ever since!
It won't make it better that I do 7.5 hours a day then...
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Oh I also confess after taking a 32 mile bike ride and push mowing the front & back lawns yesterday, I justifiably bought a box of chocolate covered twinkies and ate the whole box of 9 through the afternoon and in to the night. None lasted until morning. (cant have my moment of weakness infect another day!)
I am super (no joking) impressed. You must have a cast-iron stomach!
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »Alright, I'm now reduced to taking notes so I can respond to posts.... @Coastalpath , @raelynnsmama52512 , @FroggyBug and @xLoveLikeWinterx , I'm so sorry you gals are going through such rough patches right now. In true fix-it style, I wish I had solutions or helpful advice... but all I've got is empathy.
And @susieqhusband, the bad-hair llama lady also requests that you provide your wife with a Fitbit! Heck, look at the money she's already saved you on all that live-in staff that she doesn't want (and, no, I didn't know that was the norm).
Most of the time I really enjoy driving. I wouldn't put up with being told I couldn't drive because of my gender. Good thing I live in North America!
LOL at the live-in staff part.
Preventing women from driving has NO basis in Islam, honestly. The excuse they use is that "women will use the driving to go to places that are forbidden and do forbidden things." Seriously?! Putting a woman in the car with an unrelated male driver IS actually forbidden in Islam, and that's supposed to be a better solution somehow than letting a woman drive her OWN car?
I don't think it's the government's job to "discipline" women as to where they can drive--That's up to their fathers, up to an agreement between their husbands and them about where they can't go (does that even make sense, though? "Wife, please don't go hang out with random men, okay?"). And who's to say that GUYS don't drive to "forbidden places and do forbidden things"? I hate everything about this so-called justification. -_-
Star fact: As a form of protest, a Saudi Arabian lady living in Emirates who holds an international driver's license tried to drive through the border into Saudi Arabia, and was prevented. When she insisted that it was her right to enter her home country, the government magically made her "disappear". When another female friend drove to the border to bring her fresh clothing and a toothbrush and such, she "disappeared" as well. One month later, some news surfaced that they were being tried IN A TERRORISM COURT, and then later on were released and pardoned after THREE MONTHS OF IMPRISONMENT. Yes, seriously.
The story about those women terrifies me and makes me realize that I really take my freedoms here for granted!0 -
riderfangal wrote: »Coastalpath wrote: »WestCoastJo82 wrote: »riderfangal wrote: »At one of our local grocery stores they have a cow on the front of the milk display and the cow moos at you every time you walk by it. I hate that cow. I turned around the other day and said to it.
" I know right!! But I am working on it so back off!!
There were 2 elderly ladies standing they and I am sure they were ready to call someone to take me away!
Ha! That's awesome
@riderfangal I've been reading your username as riderangle since the beginning of the thread...until I've been replying to you
LOL the riders are my favourite football team. I am actually somewhat obsessed lol. Truth be told I wanted to name my son Ryder but my ex was having no part of that
I probably missed it in previous pages, but @riderfangal you had a date on Saturday, right? How did it go?
He was very nice but no spark. On the surface we should have meshed completely but nothing. I was thinking maybe its just me in my heart I am not sure I am ready or wiling to enter into any relationship. Still it was nice to enjoy some adult conversation. 0 -
rugbyphreak wrote: »My confession from Friday... I got really drunk on beer that was not labeled "lite", got home, crawled into bed, and ordered pizza, then made my boyfriend stay up until the pizza came and hand deliver it to me in bed. I'm not a nice drunk, very bossy, no fun, shocked he hasn't left me yet.
I'm not the nicest drunk in the world every so often either- another reason I've quit!0 -
rugbyphreak wrote: »My confession from Friday... I got really drunk on beer that was not labeled "lite", got home, crawled into bed, and ordered pizza, then made my boyfriend stay up until the pizza came and hand deliver it to me in bed. I'm not a nice drunk, very bossy, no fun, shocked he hasn't left me yet.
I'm not the nicest drunk in the world every so often either- another reason I've quit!
How is the not drinking going?0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Aww, total warm fuzzies! Thank you, guys. By the way, does it bother anyone that I'm essentially referring to a group of women as "guys"? Because it's just the way I've always used that word growing up, so I use it automatically.
Yes! I'm very offended! Just kidding! I waver between y'all (living in SC for 17 years) and you guys (grew up in IL) depending on the situation, but prefer you guys!
I'm also in SC!
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