Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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berlynnwall wrote: »Oh my gosh, I am so mad. My sister (as I have briefly mentioned before) is a mess... she is at this point basically a homeless criminal who goes around getting into trouble. Anyway, today I got a call from the Idaho prosecutor's office. They said I had a subpoena to appear in court next week. I was very confused when they told me I was being called as a witness to a crime at a casino, since I haven't been to a casino in over 10 years. Turns out my sister was the witness - all her friends got arrested, and because she has warrants up the yang, she used my name and gave my mom's phone number. Now I'm worried that this wasn't the first time. I can't believe her nerve.
This is terrible. You need to make sure nothing is appearing in you personal records.
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Italian_Buju wrote: »Ok, I am just gonna gab for a bit if that is alright. This is mostly about crappy health stuff, so if you are not interested just skip on by, but I felt that I have some friendships here that might be the best support I have for this particular issue.
Yesterday I went and saw my chronic disease nurse practitioner, whom I see every eight weeks. She gives me my shot, and I get an hour block to discuss any problems that might crop up etc.
In January when she weighed me, I was at 395lbs, my all time heaviest. I take three medications that cause weight gain, and while she has never seemed concerned before, she was worried about me hitting, and surpassing, the 400lbs mark. She told me that she got a note from my GP saying that she would like me to lose about 50lbs, so that I was at least out of the 'danger zone', so to speak.
The thing is, I have a LOT of heath issues, mostly cause by long term diabetes. I only have one kidney, obviously I am insulin dependent, I have uterine tumors that the shots I get barely control, I have some nerve damage in my left foot, I have degenerative arthritis in my right hip that is really painful, plus I have had carpel tunnel for 18+ years, tennis elbow and trigger thumb in both arms/hands. I have chronic disease anemia, which not only causes me to have low hemoglobin all the time, causing fatigue and shortness of breath, but for some reason unknown right now, I do not produce enough red blood cells. I also have to take medications that may lead to other problems down the road...like I am on three medications right now that my NP said yesterday she is worried may lead to osteoporosis, even though I am on a crap load of vitamins etc.
On top of all this, I have a pretty bad case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Now, I know a lot of people say they have OCD about this or that, but I mean I have actual OCD that causes me to require a LOT more down time than the average person or I will not sleep at all....I have to have enough time to have done all my rituals AND have some down time to relax, so several hours. For example, if I have to work at 7am, I literally need to be home by about 5pm for the night, or there is no way I am making it. And if I skimp on sleep, I get dizzy spells because of the low red blood cells.
I literally meticulously plan everything, because of the time contrasts I live with. One last thing on that, I get a full blood panel done every three months like clockwork, and other than the low red blood cells, I am on target for everything.
Ok, I may have gotten a little off topic, back to the first thing.......
I have never really tried to lose weight much before, like I would have a random DR mention it or something, but never really bothered. I always stay active, I have had my Y membership for over 20 years, not just recently since being told that or anything, because at my size you HAVE to stay active or you are done for. So, I batted down and lost 20lbs, and then my SO came home from being away, and he feeds me like I am a small nation....like literally if he packs my lunch for work I am scared to open it in front of people cuz it looks like I am staying for the weekend. And then my daughter came home from school after her first year away, and she is a night hawk, so I spent several weeks staying up late gabbing with her, eating junk food and sleeping through my gym time.
I am right back to where I started, and I have adjusted my scale thing here to show.
On my way to my appt yesterday I was nervous that my NP was gonna weigh me and see that I made NO progress in six months.....but something weird happened....she was talking to me about my hip and brought up losing 50lbs again, like she never remembered she had told me that before. I played along because I did not know what to do. I know her pretty well, I have been seeing her every 6-8 weeks for years, so I am 100% positive she had no idea she brought it up before.
The problem is I am having a really really hard time getting back on track. I bought myself a professional grade food scale, I have a good scale to weigh myself, a membership at the Y, all the tools I need, EXCEPT the ability to not over eat when I am stressed, and just having OCD makes me stressed most of the time. One doctor explained it like this: most people have a stress meter that is about half full at most times. So if you picture it like a glass of water, half full, and when stressful things happen, a bit of water is added each time,, and taken back away when resolved......but because of my OCD, my glass is always full to the brim, so anything extra over loads me right away.
I find I do not use the food scale much, because I am always in a rush to eat or leave so I throw things in a bag and out the door. I do go to the gym a couple times a week, but do miss days because I have too many other things to do. I am at a loss.
I feel that I really want to be able to show the NP that I made the effort. I do not see her again until the end of August, unless I need something. And I would like to make SOME progress by then. She did say that she understands how difficult it is to even just not gain while taking the three meds that cause it, but I know it is what I am eating, I am not stupid.
It is not my activity level either, because I am on my feet all day at work, and am very active on my days off. Even yesterday, I was off work, and did not make it to the gym, but still made my 10K steps without extra effort just doing all the things I need to get done that day.
Now that I am at the end of this post I am just sitting here staring at my screen because I do not know how to end this, lol, I do not really have a specific question or anything, I more feel like I just wanted to get this off my chest and feel you guys would listen/understand more then most of my people IRL.
SORRY IT WAS SO LONG!
ETA - I only have OCD, sometimes it is coupled with depression or even social anxiety, so I didn't know if anyone would think that, but I am generally a very happy person and have no issue being in public, or even public speaking etc.
Don't apologize. Please if there is ever anything I can do to help let me know. (Hugs)0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Hi everyone. I haven't really responded to any posts today because I've been really depressed and spent my entire day in bed, only getting up to pray and then going right back. My app wouldn't let me access the forums either, so I couldn't even catch up until I dragged my sorry carcass out of that bed (with coaxing from the ever-supportive Mr. Susie, who bribed me with a trip to the supermarket. I *really* love the supermarket.)
Anyhow, my thoughts are with all who are going through bad times, and big YAY to those who are having great times, and a big "HAVE A SUPER GREAT TIME" to all who are going on vacation. Patricia, that Fitbit looks awesome! My husband considered all of your posts and asked me if I want him to really buy it now; after some thought, I told him not to, because the earning of the Fitbit by my birthday has given me some motivation and drive to "earn" it, and I don't want to lose that so soon, since I've been struggling SO MUCH lately. A few posts that stuck out in my mind today:
@kelly_c_77 Sorry that you couldn't resist the grocery store munchies. Tomorrow is another day, don't lose hope!
@Italian_Buju You're really having a terrible run of luck. So sorry about the bike and everything else that's going on right now.
@nonoelmo Too bad about the sword, and I hope you feel better soon; but a big YAY about the loan.
@FroggyBug Glad to see you checking in, and it stinks that your relationship isn't working out. I hope you feel better by your birthday so you can celebrate. I agree that life seems to have gone downhill since February for a lot of people... Not a very good year for me, either. As for your question about soreness--my legs aren't sore at all. Weirdly, I never seem to get DOMS in my legs, ever, no matter what I've done to them. Walking, exercise bike, 30DS, five million stairs... They never seem to get any worse than just a little stiff. A blessing, I think.
To all who have spoken of assault, it horrifies me that it seems to be so common and so few speak of it. Glad that many of you have gotten the help you needed and didn't let it rule your lives. I admit that I'm still terrified to death of strange men due to my own experience, and I can't stand to let any male (except my husband) stand behind me, no matter how far away he's standing.
The transformation pictures were amazing. Great job to both of you who shared them, and AWESOME on the three years of logging, Ceci (can't remember your exact username. Oops.)
@Glinda1971 Super great job on your steps; you can totally hit the 25k mark.
... I know this post is super long, but to update everyone on my progress today: Despite being horribly depressed, after being dragged out of my bed I went grocery shopping, did some food prep, cleaned up the kitchen, and did my exercise. I came nowhere near my calorie goal, because eating felt like a chore today--I helped it out with a bit of ice cream, but I admit that the oatmeal I logged in there is totally a lie. That's just the next day's pre-fast meal. Didn't do any stairs today; but hey, I got out of bed, right?
Yes you did and I am proud of you. I promise not to pester @susieqshusband any more. You will earn that fitbit and we will all cheer you on. XOXOXO0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »berlynnwall wrote: »Oh my gosh, I am so mad. My sister (as I have briefly mentioned before) is a mess... she is at this point basically a homeless criminal who goes around getting into trouble. Anyway, today I got a call from the Idaho prosecutor's office. They said I had a subpoena to appear in court next week. I was very confused when they told me I was being called as a witness to a crime at a casino, since I haven't been to a casino in over 10 years. Turns out my sister was the witness - all her friends got arrested, and because she has warrants up the yang, she used my name and gave my mom's phone number. Now I'm worried that this wasn't the first time. I can't believe her nerve.
This is terrible. You need to make sure nothing is appearing in you personal records.
I'm planning on calling their police tomorrow and making sure they know what she did and seeing if I need to do anything else. I'm pretty sure that is a crime. Another to add to her list.
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berlynnwall wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »berlynnwall wrote: »Oh my gosh, I am so mad. My sister (as I have briefly mentioned before) is a mess... she is at this point basically a homeless criminal who goes around getting into trouble. Anyway, today I got a call from the Idaho prosecutor's office. They said I had a subpoena to appear in court next week. I was very confused when they told me I was being called as a witness to a crime at a casino, since I haven't been to a casino in over 10 years. Turns out my sister was the witness - all her friends got arrested, and because she has warrants up the yang, she used my name and gave my mom's phone number. Now I'm worried that this wasn't the first time. I can't believe her nerve.
This is terrible. You need to make sure nothing is appearing in you personal records.
I'm planning on calling their police tomorrow and making sure they know what she did and seeing if I need to do anything else. I'm pretty sure that is a crime. Another to add to her list.
UGH!
Yes, protect yourself and file charges if needed. HUGS.0 -
Sword update number 2. It showed up at his door at 8:15 p.m. Just was delivered out of the blue.
(hehehehe)0 -
@riderfangal
@kelly_c_77
@rungirl1973
@WestCoastJo82
@Susieq_1994
@girldownsouth
@nonoelmo
@pofoster21
Thank you all for the kind words and acknowledgment of my post.....it really took a lot for me to put that out there, as I feared I might be seen as trying to gain sympathy for my health situation, which was not the case.......
I am up way too late tonight, it is nearly 2am, but after this post I am just gonna check the batcave quickly and go to bed. Tomorrow I get to sleep in, and then I am going to have a nice protein packed breakfast and head to the Y. I only have one errand to run tomorrow, and then I plan to come home and spend a couple hours cleaning my place and cooking dinner etc, as my sister and her family are coming in from Indiana Friday to see us.
We only see her once every few years, so it is always nice when they come. Then we are meeting up with her closest girlfriend and her family for dinner, whom I have not seen in 17+ years! Its gonna be a great day. Makes me nervous though, I cannot lie. My sister and I are about as different as you can get.
She is almost ten years older than me, very slim and healthy, a business professional and world traveler with a stay at home hubby. My mother spent a lot of time when I was younger trying to convince me that she just tolerates me cuz I am her sister. Most of the time I know that is not true, but I cannot deny that I always remember that.
Here is a perfect example, when I was 11 years old I choked on pizza and it lodged into my lung and I spent a couple of weeks on life support, and several months in the hospital. My sister was a couple hours away at school, and my mother never called and told her. She just happened to call home one day to check in and that is how she found out. Even though she rushed up to see me, I still have those weird doubts in my mind.
Her and I are close in the sense that we talk regularly and such, but she does not REALLY know me or what goes on in my life. Every time I see them I cry when they leave because I love them so much but I feel like they are here, but not here, you know what I mean??
Sorry I am so heavy today, lol. Hopefully you guys all know I am normally not such a drag, but this last couple of weeks life has chewed me up and spit me out! I know things are getting better soon.....with the exception of having to deal with my son's bike situation I really feel like the worse is behind me.
On a nice side note, a lady that I was on parent council at my kid's school with dropped a card with $20 in it off at my work today to go toward my son's bike fund. I can't recall if I mentioned that before or not. She said she wanted to give him $10 and then when she got to my work she said her boyfriend gave him $10 also. So sweet.
Ok good night all.....see you tomorrow!0 -
berlynnwall wrote: »Oh my gosh, I am so mad. My sister (as I have briefly mentioned before) is a mess... she is at this point basically a homeless criminal who goes around getting into trouble. Anyway, today I got a call from the Idaho prosecutor's office. They said I had a subpoena to appear in court next week. I was very confused when they told me I was being called as a witness to a crime at a casino, since I haven't been to a casino in over 10 years. Turns out my sister was the witness - all her friends got arrested, and because she has warrants up the yang, she used my name and gave my mom's phone number. Now I'm worried that this wasn't the first time. I can't believe her nerve.
That is insane, thankfully they believed you as I am sure that saved you a ton of hassle!0 -
kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »
Aw, I like Brian the brain.kelly_c_77 wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »berlynnwall wrote: »@berlynnwall don't feel left out! We all get behind sometimes but just jump back in we don't want to lose you! (Or anyone else for that matter!
)
Thanks
. I will jump in when I can!
Ha! Awesome!!
ETA: Love the new picture, @CountessKitteh !
I think that Bender is my favorite character from that movie!
Definitely!!!
My favorites are Bender & Allison
I love when they're eating lunch & Allison takes her bologna off & throws it at the statue so she can make a Cap'n Crunch/Pixie Stix sandwich.
Haha, yes!
Oh my gosh, I'd be so mad. Hope it all works out..and you make sure she hasn't done this before!berlynnwall wrote: »Oh my gosh, I am so mad. My sister (as I have briefly mentioned before) is a mess... she is at this point basically a homeless criminal who goes around getting into trouble. Anyway, today I got a call from the Idaho prosecutor's office. They said I had a subpoena to appear in court next week. I was very confused when they told me I was being called as a witness to a crime at a casino, since I haven't been to a casino in over 10 years. Turns out my sister was the witness - all her friends got arrested, and because she has warrants up the yang, she used my name and gave my mom's phone number. Now I'm worried that this wasn't the first time. I can't believe her nerve.
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Italian_Buju wrote: »@riderfangal
@kelly_c_77
@rungirl1973
@WestCoastJo82
@Susieq_1994
@girldownsouth
@nonoelmo
@pofoster21
Thank you all for the kind words and acknowledgment of my post.....it really took a lot for me to put that out there, as I feared I might be seen as trying to gain sympathy for my health situation, which was not the case.......
I am up way too late tonight, it is nearly 2am, but after this post I am just gonna check the batcave quickly and go to bed. Tomorrow I get to sleep in, and then I am going to have a nice protein packed breakfast and head to the Y. I only have one errand to run tomorrow, and then I plan to come home and spend a couple hours cleaning my place and cooking dinner etc, as my sister and her family are coming in from Indiana Friday to see us.
We only see her once every few years, so it is always nice when they come. Then we are meeting up with her closest girlfriend and her family for dinner, whom I have not seen in 17+ years! Its gonna be a great day. Makes me nervous though, I cannot lie. My sister and I are about as different as you can get.
She is almost ten years older than me, very slim and healthy, a business professional and world traveler with a stay at home hubby. My mother spent a lot of time when I was younger trying to convince me that she just tolerates me cuz I am her sister. Most of the time I know that is not true, but I cannot deny that I always remember that.
Here is a perfect example, when I was 11 years old I choked on pizza and it lodged into my lung and I spent a couple of weeks on life support, and several months in the hospital. My sister was a couple hours away at school, and my mother never called and told her. She just happened to call home one day to check in and that is how she found out. Even though she rushed up to see me, I still have those weird doubts in my mind.
Her and I are close in the sense that we talk regularly and such, but she does not REALLY know me or what goes on in my life. Every time I see them I cry when they leave because I love them so much but I feel like they are here, but not here, you know what I mean??
Sorry I am so heavy today, lol. Hopefully you guys all know I am normally not such a drag, but this last couple of weeks life has chewed me up and spit me out! I know things are getting better soon.....with the exception of having to deal with my son's bike situation I really feel like the worse is behind me.
On a nice side note, a lady that I was on parent council at my kid's school with dropped a card with $20 in it off at my work today to go toward my son's bike fund. I can't recall if I mentioned that before or not. She said she wanted to give him $10 and then when she got to my work she said her boyfriend gave him $10 also. So sweet.
Ok good night all.....see you tomorrow!
Hey, it sounds to me like your Mom did a number on you. I don't know why she would treat you vs. her older daughter that way but you should talk to your sister about your feelings. Get her perspective. Don't let what sounds like a messed up mother ruin your relationship with your sister. You'll feel better and it's possible your current feelings are tied up with the stress and underlying emotions of this past with your sister.
And your friend was very sweet on the bike. there are good people in the world. 0 -
berlynnwall wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »berlynnwall wrote: »Oh my gosh, I am so mad. My sister (as I have briefly mentioned before) is a mess... she is at this point basically a homeless criminal who goes around getting into trouble. Anyway, today I got a call from the Idaho prosecutor's office. They said I had a subpoena to appear in court next week. I was very confused when they told me I was being called as a witness to a crime at a casino, since I haven't been to a casino in over 10 years. Turns out my sister was the witness - all her friends got arrested, and because she has warrants up the yang, she used my name and gave my mom's phone number. Now I'm worried that this wasn't the first time. I can't believe her nerve.
This is terrible. You need to make sure nothing is appearing in you personal records.
I'm planning on calling their police tomorrow and making sure they know what she did and seeing if I need to do anything else. I'm pretty sure that is a crime. Another to add to her list.
Good. You need that documented.0 -
For those in the US and the Brits celebrating the 4th along with us what are your weekend plans?
I am going to my mom's in Long Island and getting 2 long rides in to Montauk on my bike and at least one swim. My sister and her husband are visiting from Seattle too. I may cook Saturday if I can fit it in. Back at barn to work Sunday. Anyone have any fun things planned?0 -
@Italian_Buju that took a lot to share that all. I just want to echo everyone else in saying that we're here for you however we can be. And I send you a hug as well and hope you and your sister can move past the damage your mother did to your relationship.
That was very nice of those people to donate to the bike fund.0 -
@berlynnwall I'm glad they believed you about your sister and that you're going to take steps to make sure her behaviour doesn't reflect on you.0
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@Susieq_1994 I'm glad you got up and did some stuff. Sometimes I do what you did about adding calories from the next day if I'm down and not feeling the eating thing. Don't want mfp to scold me.0
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@froggybug I hope that whatever decision you make brings you peace and happiness.0
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@nonoelmo glad the sword showed up!!0
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riderfangal wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Ok, I am just gonna gab for a bit if that is alright. This is mostly about crappy health stuff, so if you are not interested just skip on by, but I felt that I have some friendships here that might be the best support I have for this particular issue.
Yesterday I went and saw my chronic disease nurse practitioner, whom I see every eight weeks. She gives me my shot, and I get an hour block to discuss any problems that might crop up etc.
In January when she weighed me, I was at 395lbs, my all time heaviest. I take three medications that cause weight gain, and while she has never seemed concerned before, she was worried about me hitting, and surpassing, the 400lbs mark. She told me that she got a note from my GP saying that she would like me to lose about 50lbs, so that I was at least out of the 'danger zone', so to speak.
The thing is, I have a LOT of heath issues, mostly cause by long term diabetes. I only have one kidney, obviously I am insulin dependent, I have uterine tumors that the shots I get barely control, I have some nerve damage in my left foot, I have degenerative arthritis in my right hip that is really painful, plus I have had carpel tunnel for 18+ years, tennis elbow and trigger thumb in both arms/hands. I have chronic disease anemia, which not only causes me to have low hemoglobin all the time, causing fatigue and shortness of breath, but for some reason unknown right now, I do not produce enough red blood cells. I also have to take medications that may lead to other problems down the road...like I am on three medications right now that my NP said yesterday she is worried may lead to osteoporosis, even though I am on a crap load of vitamins etc.
On top of all this, I have a pretty bad case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Now, I know a lot of people say they have OCD about this or that, but I mean I have actual OCD that causes me to require a LOT more down time than the average person or I will not sleep at all....I have to have enough time to have done all my rituals AND have some down time to relax, so several hours. For example, if I have to work at 7am, I literally need to be home by about 5pm for the night, or there is no way I am making it. And if I skimp on sleep, I get dizzy spells because of the low red blood cells.
I literally meticulously plan everything, because of the time contrasts I live with. One last thing on that, I get a full blood panel done every three months like clockwork, and other than the low red blood cells, I am on target for everything.
Ok, I may have gotten a little off topic, back to the first thing.......
I have never really tried to lose weight much before, like I would have a random DR mention it or something, but never really bothered. I always stay active, I have had my Y membership for over 20 years, not just recently since being told that or anything, because at my size you HAVE to stay active or you are done for. So, I batted down and lost 20lbs, and then my SO came home from being away, and he feeds me like I am a small nation....like literally if he packs my lunch for work I am scared to open it in front of people cuz it looks like I am staying for the weekend. And then my daughter came home from school after her first year away, and she is a night hawk, so I spent several weeks staying up late gabbing with her, eating junk food and sleeping through my gym time.
I am right back to where I started, and I have adjusted my scale thing here to show.
On my way to my appt yesterday I was nervous that my NP was gonna weigh me and see that I made NO progress in six months.....but something weird happened....she was talking to me about my hip and brought up losing 50lbs again, like she never remembered she had told me that before. I played along because I did not know what to do. I know her pretty well, I have been seeing her every 6-8 weeks for years, so I am 100% positive she had no idea she brought it up before.
The problem is I am having a really really hard time getting back on track. I bought myself a professional grade food scale, I have a good scale to weigh myself, a membership at the Y, all the tools I need, EXCEPT the ability to not over eat when I am stressed, and just having OCD makes me stressed most of the time. One doctor explained it like this: most people have a stress meter that is about half full at most times. So if you picture it like a glass of water, half full, and when stressful things happen, a bit of water is added each time,, and taken back away when resolved......but because of my OCD, my glass is always full to the brim, so anything extra over loads me right away.
I find I do not use the food scale much, because I am always in a rush to eat or leave so I throw things in a bag and out the door. I do go to the gym a couple times a week, but do miss days because I have too many other things to do. I am at a loss.
I feel that I really want to be able to show the NP that I made the effort. I do not see her again until the end of August, unless I need something. And I would like to make SOME progress by then. She did say that she understands how difficult it is to even just not gain while taking the three meds that cause it, but I know it is what I am eating, I am not stupid.
It is not my activity level either, because I am on my feet all day at work, and am very active on my days off. Even yesterday, I was off work, and did not make it to the gym, but still made my 10K steps without extra effort just doing all the things I need to get done that day.
Now that I am at the end of this post I am just sitting here staring at my screen because I do not know how to end this, lol, I do not really have a specific question or anything, I more feel like I just wanted to get this off my chest and feel you guys would listen/understand more then most of my people IRL.
SORRY IT WAS SO LONG!
ETA - I only have OCD, sometimes it is coupled with depression or even social anxiety, so I didn't know if anyone would think that, but I am generally a very happy person and have no issue being in public, or even public speaking etc.
I don't really have any words for all this. I can't imagine how you get through every day and yet you do. On top of that you are here with us supporting and offering wishes and sympathies to others! It is a true testament to what a wonderful person you are. Please know that we all have your back and will support you anyway we can even if its only to read and try to empathize with how full your plate truly is,
This.
And it sounds like your stress glass has been overflowing recently, that was heartbreaking to read about the thefts of your son's bikes.
I can empathize with the sleep issues. Although I don't have OCD, if I don't wind down and follow my set nighttime routine, there's no way I'm falling asleep... for hours.0 -
My legs are amazingly not really sore today. Those were the most steps I've taken since I got my Fitbit (like 12,000 more).
I remember when I first started walking that if I did a mile they were sore and a mile felt like a long ways. So that's progress.0
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