Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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CountessKitteh wrote: »rungirl1973 wrote: »rungirl1973 wrote: »TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
When it comes to paying, husband and I have all of our stuff together now which has worked out well (I think I mentioned it before). I take care of the finances.
A lot of guys I've dated always refused to let me pay for anything. I like it at first since I was raised old fashioned to believe it should be this way at first. After a while, I want to pay my share and feel guilty about not paying for anything. It doesn't help that I'm highly overpaid and out-earn 99% of the guys I've dated.
I am the opposite of old-fashioned so that kind of thing has never sat well with me. If a guy I dated insisted on paying for everything or didn't want me to plan dates too, it was always a sign that we weren't going to be compatible and it let me weed out a lot of dudes early on. I definitely do not want to be wooed.
I think my husband occasionally finds it amusing and he'll say "Okay, okay, you're an INDEPENDENT WOMAN and you don't need help," along with a little Beyonce dance when I decline offers of assistance, but it's good-natured and he is very respectful of my desire to do stuff for myself. He and my dad get pretty buddy-buddy at the dinner table when we see my parents telling stories about the silly things I insist on doing without help, but I remind them that my dad raised me that way and my husband married me anyway, so they're going to have to live with me carting seven bags of recycling eight stories down the stairs and teaching myself how to use power tools and renting a car in southern Africa to drive through the desert....
Bet you all didn't know I was so passionate about this, huh? Hahaha.
Hmm. Now, see the rest of this is me. I do not ask for help with ANYTHING. I don't even like accepting help when I don't ask. I'm trying to loosen up on that part, though. I'm pretty much the one in charge at my house.
When hubby and I first got married, several of my friends said they couldn't wait to meet him because they were SHOCKED that I got married again - I'm the most independent person they know.
As far as contacting the guy, I just can't be bothered to chase anybody, that comes from my past - being involved with a couple of self important dudes and feeling like I was chasing them constantly. NOT OK.
When it comes to the ring, I think he wanted to outdo the ring that he had given his ex, more than anything. I have a one-of-a-kind ring that he designed with the jeweler, diamond in a platinum setting. I love it.
My other half designed my engagement ring with help from the jeweler, based on something I said in passing two years prior to getting engaged (Which he remembered and I didn't. Yep.).
It's a white gold (because, ew yellow gold) claddagh with a heart shaped diamond. He picked out the diamond and the band he liked, then they cut out the white gold heart and set the diamond. Then the jerk went and caught me totally off guard with it.
Awwww. Very sweet!0 -
Yeah, I don't really do diamonds, either. I wanted just a plain engraved band, but couldn't find any at pawn shops and stupidly didn't think about etsy (we were pretty adamant about not buying from a jewelry store - not judging!)
I do love funky jewelry though and have a huge ear ring collection (I have a pixie haircut - showing off great ear rings is a big benefit of that for me) and a pretty good pendant collection. I just go for rocks rather than gems. Here's what I'm rocking today:
Edit: I messed up the quotes somehow pulling out pictures so just deleted all the quoted stuff 0 -
PS Technically I am in possession of quite a collection of engagement rings as I am the last member of my family and now have all the jewellery of my female ancestors. Sadly, even though some of them are quite nice, I wear none of them... stone rings and I don't get along well, and I'm wary of the old settings, the youngest ring being early 1960s vintage.
I'm a fan of beautiful old rings but they have to be simple in nature. The mancreature for this past Christmas bought me a replacement Claddagh (mine was old, cheap and bent because lifting with rings... derp), if you can't tell the actual claddagh is yellow gold (a rarity for me). He's a keeper haha
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »Confession: My husband is really, really bad with names. When referring to this thread and mentioning various people, he (we?) have coined various terms to help him keep track of who I'm talking about. A few of these are:
- The horse lady (@pofoster21)
- The llama lady (@ythannah)
- The friendly lady (@LBuehrle8)
- The cookie-face lady (@spamarie)
- The Dr. Elmo lady (obviously @nonoelmo)
- The Mo lady (@MoHousdon)
... Among others. Don't blame me for your new names though... I swear they're his fault!
I would 100% agree with this! Laura ALWAYS has something nice to say. And can I say, I hope when and IF you reference The Mo lady, it's in good terms.
Also, I am not a fan of peanut butter in desserts usually (aside from a Reese's PB cup or a peanut butter hot fudge shake from Sonic) but your pie looks delicious and I would hoard calories to eat some.
Thank you! It does taste rather Reeses-like, especially with the partly-solidified ganache on top of it. We had a piece each today, and it tasted twice as good as yesterday! That should teach me to be more patient...
He based his nickname off of the picture she was using at that time (Face shot, big friendly smile...) and I told him that her face matched her personality because she's a total sweetheart.
Well, we definitely never referenced the Mo lady in a negative way, so be reassured! Mostly in neutral terms and when talking about your evil, bratty stepdaughter... I guess that does count as a negative, though? 0 -
WestCoastJo82 wrote: »TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
Yep, this is/was me, too. I was split things at first, and then took turns buying once we were together. I get pretty feisty about expected gender roles, but hey whatever works for you, works for you.
@Glinda1971 Ditto on the rings! My band was $100 at a pawn shop (we also had a courtroom wedding - we're not especially romantic).
I don't wear diamonds for several reasons, so I chose an untreated aquamarine (his birthstone) from Etsy. Was under $200 and the wedding band under $50 as they're both silver, not white gold (didn't want to have to deal with replating and stuff.) I'm not a big jewelry girl in general though - I have two pairs of earrings (silver hoops and some black pearls) and two pendants (both just Swarowski) that I wear regularly and that's it. I'm a cheap date
I'm a cheap wife. I hate fancy jewelry, fancy clothes, name brand purses, etc. I can't stand the lot of them, and I hate spending money on anything that I feel is impractical or silly (I fully admit that I place all kinds of precious stones and jewelry in this category. I may not actually be female...). I don't care to own more than one pair of hardy, functional shoes, and I buy generic clothing/purses only when my old ones are so worn out that I look raggedy. I still wear t-shirts that I owned when I was twelve, and they were hand-me-downs back then!
As for wedding rings, our wedding rings are made of titanium, because we wanted something really unique and I didn't want gold. We bought matching patterns and had the inside engraved with special messages. These are our rings:
Mine:
His:
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xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »I had the exact thoughts about getting banana gunk on your hands
Also, I grew up in South Carolina and I have never had a banana and mayo sandwich. Not only that, but it sounds disgusting to me! I already don't like mayonnaise that much, but maybe I'd like the sandwich. Who knows? I think it was Italian_Buju who mentioned eating tomato and peanut butter sandwiches. All kinds of combinations you'd never think to try out there.
Oh banana sandwiches are heavenly! I need one in my life here soon I do believe! Try it, it's better when there's not a lot of mayo, and it must be dukes mayo!
I agree. They are good. Better than PB & banana. It has to be the grand a perfectly ripened banana, good mayo spread at the perfect thickness and soft, moist bread.
Ugh another who just can't wrap their head around mayo and bananas! I like bananas, they're not my favorite thing in the world but I LOVE mayonnaise- on LOTS.
I am sorry, but bananas and mayonnaise sound disgusting together. I'm not a huge fan of bananas anyway, but don't you DARE sully my precious mayonnaise with one. I almost always ask for extra mayo on sandwiches and burgers.
I think mayo is gross! Sorry...
AND you don't like carrot cake. What kind of monster are you?!
Add me to this. I hate mayo and have been trying to force myself to eat it lately, like a tbsp. at a time mixed in egg salad or something and I STILL hate it. I also hate carrot cake. I do not like conventional cream cheese frosting either on red velvet cake (I make my own that is more of a sour cream flavor, much better).
I admit that I don't like mayo or carrot cake either. A couple of bites of it and I can't really stomach any more. I DO, however, love cream cheese frosting. I love cream cheese everything. Mmmm, cream cheese...0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »WestCoastJo82 wrote: »TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
Yep, this is/was me, too. I was split things at first, and then took turns buying once we were together. I get pretty feisty about expected gender roles, but hey whatever works for you, works for you.
@Glinda1971 Ditto on the rings! My band was $100 at a pawn shop (we also had a courtroom wedding - we're not especially romantic).
I don't wear diamonds for several reasons, so I chose an untreated aquamarine (his birthstone) from Etsy. Was under $200 and the wedding band under $50 as they're both silver, not white gold (didn't want to have to deal with replating and stuff.) I'm not a big jewelry girl in general though - I have two pairs of earrings (silver hoops and some black pearls) and two pendants (both just Swarowski) that I wear regularly and that's it. I'm a cheap date
I'm a cheap wife. I hate fancy jewelry, fancy clothes, name brand purses, etc. I can't stand the lot of them, and I hate spending money on anything that I feel is impractical or silly (I fully admit that I place all kinds of precious stones and jewelry in this category. I may not actually be female...). I don't care to own more than one pair of hardy, functional shoes, and I buy generic clothing/purses only when my old ones are so worn out that I look raggedy. I still wear t-shirts that I owned when I was twelve, and they were hand-me-downs back then!
As for wedding rings, our wedding rings are made of titanium, because we wanted something really unique and I didn't want gold. We bought matching patterns and had the inside engraved with special messages. These are our rings:
Mine:
His:
gorgeous!!!!
i love blue0 -
Glinda1971 wrote: »MissKalhan wrote: »@froggyBug Banana Canoes are banana with a slice cut out of them length wise, you stuff it with marshmallows and chocolate chips. Then you wrap them in tin foil and put them in the coals of the campfire, super gooey deliciousness! Not sure if they have a different name or not elsewhere... >.>
OMG, now I'm going to be consumed with figuring out how to replicate this without a campfire... bake in oven? (ewww too hot to turn the oven on right now) Omit tinfoil and nuke, somehow?.
Next time you are in the big city you can come use my fire pit I don't mind.
Awesome! I've seen the pics of your yard, it's gorgeous! 0 -
PS Technically I am in possession of quite a collection of engagement rings as I am the last member of my family and now have all the jewellery of my female ancestors. Sadly, even though some of them are quite nice, I wear none of them... stone rings and I don't get along well, and I'm wary of the old settings, the youngest ring being early 1960s vintage.
My mom is still the keeper of the vintage jewelry in my family and I'm secretly glad because I'd never wear it either. She's always making me try stuff on when I go over to my parents' house and then freaking out about how great she thinks it looks...sorry, mom, but you are never going to turn me into someone who likes ornate jewelry. I think she hates my wedding set too (but then, hers is now four rings soldered together and comes up to her knuckle
)
I can't stand the super-heavy, chunky and gaudy jewelry that is traditional in Oman. It just looks ugly to me. It also weighs you down like crazy, because it's really REALLY heavy. It comes from a time when gold was dirt cheap in Oman (back in the 70s) and everyone could have piles of it if they wanted to.
I tried Googling to show an example, but I only found the newer, much more delicate ornate jewelry styles that they sell nowadays--nobody can afford the old-timey stuff anymore! 0 -
@nonoelmo I have a huge issue accepting help myself. For me, it's because it makes me feel vulnerable and open, and I can't stand to feel that way. This is one reason why I would rather crawl on hands and knees to the bathroom when I'm in the midst of a flare up rather than let anyone but my husband see me in that state. I also won't let ANYONE except my husband see me sleep, because this feels like a very vulnerable state to me. Growing up, I would lock my bedroom door before I slept because I hated the idea of anyone seeing me asleep. I just can't stand being vulnerable in any way--being sensitive has always been a curse because I also hate letting anyone see me cry, but I can't stop tears when they come. Letting my husband into the "walls" I had built around myself was difficult for me, but now I don't mind being vulnerable to him in any way. Sometimes, it's worth it. 0
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »WestCoastJo82 wrote: »TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
Yep, this is/was me, too. I was split things at first, and then took turns buying once we were together. I get pretty feisty about expected gender roles, but hey whatever works for you, works for you.
@Glinda1971 Ditto on the rings! My band was $100 at a pawn shop (we also had a courtroom wedding - we're not especially romantic).
I don't wear diamonds for several reasons, so I chose an untreated aquamarine (his birthstone) from Etsy. Was under $200 and the wedding band under $50 as they're both silver, not white gold (didn't want to have to deal with replating and stuff.) I'm not a big jewelry girl in general though - I have two pairs of earrings (silver hoops and some black pearls) and two pendants (both just Swarowski) that I wear regularly and that's it. I'm a cheap date
I'm a cheap wife. I hate fancy jewelry, fancy clothes, name brand purses, etc. I can't stand the lot of them, and I hate spending money on anything that I feel is impractical or silly (I fully admit that I place all kinds of precious stones and jewelry in this category. I may not actually be female...). I don't care to own more than one pair of hardy, functional shoes, and I buy generic clothing/purses only when my old ones are so worn out that I look raggedy. I still wear t-shirts that I owned when I was twelve, and they were hand-me-downs back then!
As for wedding rings, our wedding rings are made of titanium, because we wanted something really unique and I didn't want gold. We bought matching patterns and had the inside engraved with special messages. These are our rings:
Mine:
His:
gorgeous!!!!
i love blue
It's my favorite color, hence the blue ring. We bought them online, from www.titaniumrings.com
ETA: One con to owning titanium rings is that they can't be resized. You're stuck with the size you bought forever.0 -
TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
@peleroja
I don't expect him to pay for everything. And in the beginning, I always offered to make things equal. He does make a little more money than me, but this is more just who he is. He's from a very old school Italian family, and in his family, men just pay for more things. It's not about what I expect him to do.0 -
WestCoastJo82 wrote: »I do love funky jewelry though and have a huge ear ring collection (I have a pixie haircut - showing off great ear rings is a big benefit of that for me) and a pretty good pendant collection. I just go for rocks rather than gems.
Love love love those earrings!
@Susieq_1994 your wedding bands are beautiful, I've never seen anything like them.
Wow, the Claddagh ring is really popular... is that Celtic heritage or just liking the design?
Bracelets are my thing but they tend to annoy me working on a computer most of the day, they're usually rattling on the keyboard.... so my collection sits unworn. I love unique handcrafted pieces and have a lot of leather bracelets.0 -
TigerNY128 wrote: »TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
@peleroja
I don't expect him to pay for everything. And in the beginning, I always offered to make things equal. He does make a little more money than me, but this is more just who he is. He's from a very old school Italian family, and in his family, men just pay for more things. It's not about what I expect him to do.
Like I said, no judgement. It's just not a relationship that would work for me personally.0 -
TigerNY128 wrote: »welcome to another episode of post date update!
monday -
really nice dude had date number 4!
very low key, some beverages and a bunch of talking. talked about personal stuffs, like very bonding type of conversations. i really like this guy. i'm trying not to get overly excited, but i think this dude is awesome.
tuesday -
ok, remember the dude from a week ago that i said was extremely effeminate, constantly talked over me, and if he were gay he could totally be my bff? went out with him again, as per many suggestions...first date nerves and whatnot.... exactly the same! perpetually "on," constantly mocked the waitresses (which kinda drives me nuts), and to completely wreck the evening, awkwardly made me pay for EVERYTHING. apparently i "owed" him. i decided to call it a night around 8:30ish (which literally has never happened).
*here is where i potentially destroy everything*
so even in calling it a night at 8:30, i was kinda drunk, and really depressed about the whole evening. so what does my dumb butt do? i text super nice boy all whiney and emo. go over to his place and tell him all about my craptastical night. he's still very sweet and understanding, he makes me coffee and then gives me water. we chat for a while, and eventually call it a night. and the entire time i'm there i'm thinking wth am i doing? this is total self sabotage, i'm ruining everything!
he texted me this morning to make sure i was ok and see if i was feeling better. so yeah, still like the best dude ever. but i'm very worried that i totally wrecked everything.
Hopefully he will be understanding. Sorry you had a bad night.
@KylerJaye - deep breath and relax. Worrying about it won't do anything. Leave the next move to the good dude. I would suggest putting some "rules of thumb" or boundaries into place for yourself. Just my suggestions (and I have been known to self-sabotage!!) (1) suggested rule of thumb - don't talk to anyone you are dating about anyone else you go on a date with. Would you want to hear about great dude's other dates if there are any? (2) No contacting while drunk. It just works out better that way.
Many hugs to you. I don't think you've ruined anything but if that was enough to scare a dude away then let him go and a better one will come along. REALLY. I love your updates.
ETA - I see @peleroja and I have opposite advice about contacting dude. Here is the great thing - Just be yourself in this. If it is "you" to contact then do it. If it is not "you" to contact then don't.
While I am completely myself with my SO, because why would I want to be anyone else?, I took my time letting him get to know all my goofiness and quirks. I also let him do 90% of the contacting - and we are 1.5 years into a great relationship. Can I contact him? Of course, anytime and it would not negatively impact the relationship. On the other-hand, I like him making the effort to call me every night and him making *most* of the plans. I throw out suggestions and we usually do them too. However after a long marriage to a man who could not plan his way out of a paperbag I'm loving a man who can and does make the effort to get together with me. When we go somewhere for a weekend I usually pay for breakfast or lunch and he gets dinner. My budget is way less than his yet he loves when I pick up a tab now and then. He buys me a fancy dinner and drinks and I buy him a burger.
This sounds like my relationship too...I will buy lunch or something but he always pays for dinner and drinks.
I might just be a little too I-am-woman-hear-me-roar on this one, but for my own relationships, I don't think expecting a guy to do 90% of the work is really fair. I've always tried to meet men halfway and participate equally in things like plan-making and dinner-buying. But I think a lot of that is just personality and expectations of how you expect the relationship to continue, you know? My husband and I are really big on the equal-financial-partners, take-turns-paying thing because we have similar incomes and I feel icky about expecting that kind of thing from him because he's a man (on the same note, I said no to an expensive engagement ring because I didn't want him to spending more money on me than I'd be willing to spend on myself...) But...different strokes, right? As long as you both have the same expectations you get to make your own rules.
@peleroja I am very much an independent woman who on my own is juggling a career, special needs son, exceptional daughter, and a life outside of my SO, so please don't misunderstand that the 90% of contact coming from him to mean he does 90% of the work in the relationship, a relationship is far more complex than who dials the phone.
About my relationship: His personality in a relationship is very old-fashioned and courtly, which I find extremely charming and very restful after my previous marriage relationship where I tried to keep things "equal". His income is far more vast than mine so my paying for lunches is more symbolic of me caring for him than of necessity. From my (someone used this phrase before and I like it) dirty lenses of my past experiences (especially the 16 year marriage that I tried so very hard to make work for the last 8 - 10 years of it before deciding I was better off all alone), so from my perspective having been through what I have been through, it is important to me that a man is not only willing to make the effort but is delighted and happy and naturally of his own accord makes the effort to plan our times together especially during the wooing stage. We are committed to date only each other but we are not co-inhabiting and we are not married. We make plans a year or two into the future but have not talked "the rest of our lives" yet. He is wooing me. We are dating and slowly evaluating each other as life partners. Both of us have been divorced after a lengthy marriage and don't want to visit that place ever again. I absolutely love and feel very cherished that he calls every night that he is not physically with me. It is "him" naturally to do so.
Just as it is "me" to be immaculately groomed and in a pretty dress nearly every time he sees me. I enjoy it and I enjoy making the effort to be my prettiest for him. He of course has seen me hiking and scuba diving and without makeup and sick so he knows what I look like when not all cleaned up too, and he thinks I look good even when I look bad. If SO and I get married in the future I WILL have a very nice sparkle on my finger. I'm not materialistic and I'm not into jewelry but I will not again settle for a man who does not pony up an expensive concrete physical symbol of his commitment (again, from my previous experience where I said, no, I don't need a ring...)
I guess what I'm saying is that healthy relationships can take many forms and still be balanced.
EDITED for spelling. Spelling is not my strength.
This...agreed!0 -
WestCoastJo82 wrote: »I do love funky jewelry though and have a huge ear ring collection (I have a pixie haircut - showing off great ear rings is a big benefit of that for me) and a pretty good pendant collection. I just go for rocks rather than gems.
Love love love those earrings!
@Susieq_1994 your wedding bands are beautiful, I've never seen anything like them.
Wow, the Claddagh ring is really popular... is that Celtic heritage or just liking the design?
Bracelets are my thing but they tend to annoy me working on a computer most of the day, they're usually rattling on the keyboard.... so my collection sits unworn. I love unique handcrafted pieces and have a lot of leather bracelets.
Susie's is so different! I like it. We looked into all those unusual metals like titanium for my husband's band but we ended up with meteorite, which some people look down on because "it's just iron"...but it's IRON FROM A SPACE ROCK THAT CRASHED IN THE DESERT and that's super great. Haha.
I can't wear bracelets either because they bug me when I'm typing. Same with my watch. I like it and it's practical but I pretty much just leave it at my desk and put it on before I go into a meeting.
0 -
So, I'm currently working on the pies for my in-laws. Since I didn't take any last time, is anyone interested in progress shots before I cover them in ganache and whipped cream? By the way, I made them with the tweaked recipe and STILL ended up with way too much filling. Oops. Not enough tweaking! 0
-
WestCoastJo82 wrote: »I do love funky jewelry though and have a huge ear ring collection (I have a pixie haircut - showing off great ear rings is a big benefit of that for me) and a pretty good pendant collection. I just go for rocks rather than gems.
Love love love those earrings!
@Susieq_1994 your wedding bands are beautiful, I've never seen anything like them.
Wow, the Claddagh ring is really popular... is that Celtic heritage or just liking the design?
Bracelets are my thing but they tend to annoy me working on a computer most of the day, they're usually rattling on the keyboard.... so my collection sits unworn. I love unique handcrafted pieces and have a lot of leather bracelets.
Susie's is so different! I like it. We looked into all those unusual metals like titanium for my husband's band but we ended up with meteorite, which some people look down on because "it's just iron"...but it's IRON FROM A SPACE ROCK THAT CRASHED IN THE DESERT and that's super great. Haha.
I can't wear bracelets either because they bug me when I'm typing. Same with my watch. I like it and it's practical but I pretty much just leave it at my desk and put it on before I go into a meeting.
Agreed, that does sound super-great! I loved the uniqueness of both the designs and the metal, so I thought the titanium ones were super cool.
Editing to add... You totally reminded me of the cartoon "Avatar - The Last Airbender" and Sokka's space sword.
0 -
@Susieq_1994 Your rings are gorgeous!
I don't really wear much jewelry. I have a pair of small white gold earrings my parents gave me when I was about 15 that I just leave in all the time. And I have a nose stud that also just stays in all the time. I do LOVE watches though, and have two that I alternate between (except for when I'm using my fitbit).
I love the idea of jewelry and bought a bunch of necklaces when my friend was selling Stella & Dot stuff, but then I forget to put them on. I also love bracelets & rings on other people, but can't stand them on myself. They spin and get in the way and drive me crazy. It's a good thing I'm not engaged or married, because I'm not sure I could keep a ring on for longer than a couple hours!
ETA: This is a picture of my favorite watch. I bought it as a gift to myself after getting my heart broken last year. Totally worth it and it still cheers me up
0 -
WestCoastJo82 wrote: »I do love funky jewelry though and have a huge ear ring collection (I have a pixie haircut - showing off great ear rings is a big benefit of that for me) and a pretty good pendant collection. I just go for rocks rather than gems.
Love love love those earrings!
@Susieq_1994 your wedding bands are beautiful, I've never seen anything like them.
Wow, the Claddagh ring is really popular... is that Celtic heritage or just liking the design?
Bracelets are my thing but they tend to annoy me working on a computer most of the day, they're usually rattling on the keyboard.... so my collection sits unworn. I love unique handcrafted pieces and have a lot of leather bracelets.
I have the same problem with bracelets - they would annoy me while typing. I have a couple that I really love so I would just take them off at my desk if I did decide to wear one. My (additional) problem now is I wear my fitbit as a bracelet and I'm not sure where to put any other ones! I'm not very skilled at putting them on my right wrist and stacking them on the fitbit seems funny...0
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