Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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Thanks for understanding my feelz Melissa
. I'm glad your dad is okay as he can be btw, aging parents are one of those things no one prepares you for imo. It sounds like you handle it beautifully!
Incredibly stupid vain confession ahoy. The award photos from Whistler 50 came out today and, while I knew I'd bulked my calves hard over the summer I thought my quads were relatively normal. Nah, my legs were huge in the pictures and its bumming me out hard because my legs *looked* perfect this time last year.
The trade off for performing well as an ultramarathon runner I guess, but I am sad and wondering if I should start buying the "All I've got going for me are thick thighs and sarcasm" shirts lol
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JessicaMcB wrote: »Thanks for understanding my feelz Melissa . I'm glad your dad is okay as he can be btw, aging parents are one of those things no one prepares you for imo. It sounds like you handle it beautifully!
Incredibly stupid vain confession ahoy. The award photos from Whistler 50 came out today and, while I knew I'd bulked my calves hard over the summer I thought my quads were relatively normal. Nah, my legs were huge in the pictures and its bumming me out hard because my legs *looked* perfect this time last year.
The trade off for performing well as an ultramarathon runner I guess, but I am sad and wondering if I should start buying the "All I've got going for me are thick thighs and sarcasm" shirts lol
Girlfriend, I would be very proud of thighs that can run 50 miles. Those are some healthy (& good looking IMO) legs!2 -
Prayers and positive I appreciated for my manager. Her dad (younger than mine) fell last week and has been on a ventilator since Wednesday of last week. Her mother made the decision to disconnect today after an EEG showed no improvement. As soon as all of the grandchildren arrive and say their goodbyes, they will remove the vent.
Confession: I feel like a bit of a rat for not wanting to do her project last week, even though I did it and never complained out loud.0 -
MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »JessicaMcB wrote: »Thanks for understanding my feelz Melissa . I'm glad your dad is okay as he can be btw, aging parents are one of those things no one prepares you for imo. It sounds like you handle it beautifully!
Incredibly stupid vain confession ahoy. The award photos from Whistler 50 came out today and, while I knew I'd bulked my calves hard over the summer I thought my quads were relatively normal. Nah, my legs were huge in the pictures and its bumming me out hard because my legs *looked* perfect this time last year.
The trade off for performing well as an ultramarathon runner I guess, but I am sad and wondering if I should start buying the "All I've got going for me are thick thighs and sarcasm" shirts lol
Girlfriend, I would be very proud of thighs that can run 50 miles. Those are some healthy (& good looking IMO) legs!
This! I would love those legs! I have proper thunder thighs. Chub rub and everything!
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MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »Prayers and positive I appreciated for my manager. Her dad (younger than mine) fell last week and has been on a ventilator since Wednesday of last week. Her mother made the decision to disconnect today after an EEG showed no improvement. As soon as all of the grandchildren arrive and say their goodbyes, they will remove the vent.
Confession: I feel like a bit of a rat for not wanting to do her project last week, even though I did it and never complained out loud.
Awww that is so sad. I really hope I don't have to make that kind of decision in my lifetime. The idea of being in charge of whether someone lives or dies is just too heartbreaking. I know you can make a logical decision like they have, but I'm pretty sure I would need therapy after making the decision to pull the plug.0 -
MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »@SoulOfRusalka and @Lois_1989 I am jumping into your music conversation to say that I love jazz, early rock (Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, etc.) and bluegrass, among other genres. I cried when Prince died, was upset by the death of Tom Petty and am devastated to hear that Fats Domino died today.
Hee hee I always took you for a jazz type.
I'm ashamed to say that I had to google Fats Domino. He was too far in the past for my generation I think.
I was really upset about Prince but I wasn't about Tom Petty. *Runs and hides*
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Awesome! ^^ I listen to mostly metal, but pretty much anything that sounds weird/uncommon and also sincere.SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway
how about you?
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TMI spoilerz
I threw up twice this morning, not on purpose (thanks, bulimia and/or vodka?)
But I didn’t go home and took two of my midterms anyway and I think they went okay. Just grammar left now. And the meeting where I pretend to have my *kitten* together for 15 minutes.
I can’t wait for it to be Friday...
also this is the last *kitten* time I spend money at Starbucks.0 -
SoulOfRusalka wrote: »TMI spoilerz
I threw up twice this morning, not on purpose (thanks, bulimia and/or vodka?)
But I didn’t go home and took two of my midterms anyway and I think they went okay. Just grammar left now. And the meeting where I pretend to have my *kitten* together for 15 minutes.
I can’t wait for it to be Friday...
also this is the last *kitten* time I spend money at Starbucks.
Awww I wish I had some advice for you RE bulimia, but I honestly don't have a clue. At least it wasn't on purpose?
2 things down, 2 more to go, you are half way there! And also good news, tomorrow is Friday! Woop woop! What is the time difference in Russia? I'm in England, so right now it is coming up to 12.00 -midday I'm guessing 24 hours and you have weekend freedom!
Yeah, Starbucks is a once-in-a-blue-moon treat for me. Mostly because I don't go past one on a daily basis. I imagine if I did pass one, I would spend 90% of my wages in there 1 -
SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
Awesome! ^^ I listen to mostly metal, but pretty much anything that sounds weird/uncommon and also sincere.SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway how about you?
Woo hoo! I've found my taste in music has broadened the older I get. 15 years ago it was nothing but metal and now I'll give anything a try. I have to admit, Danny has been a huge influence in my musical taste, he has the biggest music collection on his iPod, but he has got that from his Dad, who has an even bigger music collection.
Speaking of which, we are going to a Public Service Broadcasting gig tonight. It is going to be a late night. I'm trying to set up an easy day of filing tomorrow.1 -
MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »@SoulOfRusalka and @Lois_1989 I am jumping into your music conversation to say that I love jazz, early rock (Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, etc.) and bluegrass, among other genres. I cried when Prince died, was upset by the death of Tom Petty and am devastated to hear that Fats Domino died today.
Hee hee I always took you for a jazz type.
I'm ashamed to say that I had to google Fats Domino. He was too far in the past for my generation I think.
I was really upset about Prince but I wasn't about Tom Petty. *Runs and hides*
I was upset about Tom Petty because he was my high school music. I was upset over Prince because I loved his music. Fats Domino was my mom's favorite. Johnny Cash was my dad's. I'm eclectic from way back... I also like Bing Crosby, thanks to my parents.
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Oh cool! I hope you have funSoulOfRusalka wrote: »
Awesome! ^^ I listen to mostly metal, but pretty much anything that sounds weird/uncommon and also sincere.SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway how about you?
Woo hoo! I've found my taste in music has broadened the older I get. 15 years ago it was nothing but metal and now I'll give anything a try. I have to admit, Danny has been a huge influence in my musical taste, he has the biggest music collection on his iPod, but he has got that from his Dad, who has an even bigger music collection.
Speaking of which, we are going to a Public Service Broadcasting gig tonight. It is going to be a late night. I'm trying to set up an easy day of filing tomorrow. I very nearly went to a concert last night but I decided I couldn’t justify it... stupid midterms.
I’ve been trying to broaden my musical tastes from “just weird metal” so that I have something to show people if they ask what I listen to, but....little luck so far2 -
This morning has sucked so far. My hairdryer quit working (and I was apparently too tired to figure out it had just tripped the GFI). I dropped cottage cheese all over the kitchen floor, and that was going to be my breakfast. My son tells me, right before I leave for work, that he needs a mouth guard by tonight for his wrestling meet. I was already going to have to push it to even get to the meet, much less stop at a sporting goods store and get a mouth guard.
I'm eating my feelz. With skeleton bones marshmallows!!! (I measured out a serving, and am having what cottage cheese didn't hit the floor to make breakfast a bit healthier.)
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quiksylver296 wrote: »This morning has sucked so far. My hairdryer quit working (and I was apparently too tired to figure out it had just tripped the GFI). I dropped cottage cheese all over the kitchen floor, and that was going to be my breakfast. My son tells me, right before I leave for work, that he needs a mouth guard by tonight for his wrestling meet. I was already going to have to push it to even get to the meet, much less stop at a sporting goods store and get a mouth guard.
I'm eating my feelz. With skeleton bones marshmallows!!! (I measured out a serving, and am having what cottage cheese didn't hit the floor to make breakfast a bit healthier.)
Can you post me the shadow light that you get?
I solidly approve of anything marshmallow at any time of day.
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quiksylver296 wrote: »This morning has sucked so far. My hairdryer quit working (and I was apparently too tired to figure out it had just tripped the GFI). I dropped cottage cheese all over the kitchen floor, and that was going to be my breakfast. My son tells me, right before I leave for work, that he needs a mouth guard by tonight for his wrestling meet. I was already going to have to push it to even get to the meet, much less stop at a sporting goods store and get a mouth guard.
I'm eating my feelz. With skeleton bones marshmallows!!! (I measured out a serving, and am having what cottage cheese didn't hit the floor to make breakfast a bit healthier.)
Can you post me the shadow light that you get?
I solidly approve of anything marshmallow at any time of day.
I don't know if our box had that. I didn't notice it.0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »This morning has sucked so far. My hairdryer quit working (and I was apparently too tired to figure out it had just tripped the GFI). I dropped cottage cheese all over the kitchen floor, and that was going to be my breakfast. My son tells me, right before I leave for work, that he needs a mouth guard by tonight for his wrestling meet. I was already going to have to push it to even get to the meet, much less stop at a sporting goods store and get a mouth guard.
I'm eating my feelz. With skeleton bones marshmallows!!! (I measured out a serving, and am having what cottage cheese didn't hit the floor to make breakfast a bit healthier.)
Can you post me the shadow light that you get?
I solidly approve of anything marshmallow at any time of day.
I don't know if our box had that. I didn't notice it.
Payton called dibs; you'll have to buy another box to get one for Lois. 3 -
Confession: my head hurts and I feel nauseated, therefore, I don't want to work today. However, I would feel guilty if I went home because my boss is gone and her boss may need my help.
2nd Confession: I am totally judging the guy who came here for a meeting, took off his backpack, plugged in his laptop, then put the backpack back on. Do you know how dumb you look sitting in an office chair wearing a backpack?8 -
Fruit Loops for breakfast had ZERO staying power and I now have 810 calories left for lunch AND dinner. Guess it's going to be a maintenance calorie day. 0
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SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
I’m not actually sure what the mental help options are; I didn’t turn in any of the disclosure forms and I’m afraid to ask in case they realize what a train wreck I am and decide they have to send me home. It probably wouldn’t happen, but it might... I have a meeting tomorrow with our director where I can either come clean and admit I’m an imposter who shouldn’t be here in the first place, or lie through my teeth for 15 minutes and keep faking it once I get home until I manage to actually become the person I’m pretending to be.JessicaMcB wrote: »@SoulOfRusalka I'm sorry if I've missed this bit but do you have any access to mental health care in Russia through your program? Purging is obviously very detrimental to your health and as someone who has suffered from an ED you really should be seen about this resurgence and I think you know that. Furthermore (and I apologize Melissa, not taking shots at your advice here I swear), coping with this with alcohol is an equally terrible idea imho. Drinking won't kill you as fast but as someone who comes from an alcoholic situation it can undoubtedly be your undoing. Don't replace one really unhealthy behavior (binge-purging) with another (binge drinking)- you are only going to create more problems for yourself.
Seek real help sweet girl, even if its chewing the ear off of crises mental line workers. Love from a fellow OCD sufferer who is six years dry and is rooting for you
LOL.
re: the alcohol, I’m going with the good old program advice of “work on your stuff in the order it’s killing you”. If it becomes a problem later, I’ll deal with it later...SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway how about you?
On the whole I agree with you, although I secretly love Taylor's shake it off. Don't tell all my metal friends...2
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