Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
I’m not actually sure what the mental help options are; I didn’t turn in any of the disclosure forms and I’m afraid to ask in case they realize what a train wreck I am and decide they have to send me home. It probably wouldn’t happen, but it might... I have a meeting tomorrow with our director where I can either come clean and admit I’m an imposter who shouldn’t be here in the first place, or lie through my teeth for 15 minutes and keep faking it once I get home until I manage to actually become the person I’m pretending to be.JessicaMcB wrote: »@SoulOfRusalka I'm sorry if I've missed this bit but do you have any access to mental health care in Russia through your program? Purging is obviously very detrimental to your health and as someone who has suffered from an ED you really should be seen about this resurgence and I think you know that. Furthermore (and I apologize Melissa, not taking shots at your advice here I swear), coping with this with alcohol is an equally terrible idea imho. Drinking won't kill you as fast but as someone who comes from an alcoholic situation it can undoubtedly be your undoing. Don't replace one really unhealthy behavior (binge-purging) with another (binge drinking)- you are only going to create more problems for yourself.
Seek real help sweet girl, even if its chewing the ear off of crises mental line workers. Love from a fellow OCD sufferer who is six years dry and is rooting for you
LOL.
re: the alcohol, I’m going with the good old program advice of “work on your stuff in the order it’s killing you”. If it becomes a problem later, I’ll deal with it later...SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway
how about you?
On the whole I agree with you, although I secretly love Taylor's shake it off. Don't tell all my metal friends...
That's okay. I secretly love "Mine" and I generally think she should pound sand.
Meh, I had a thing for 'Umbrella', but that was mostly friend association. I could take or leave Rihanna. Sometimes I like her, and other times she does such stupid things I put my hands up in the air and walk off.
The only thing I like about Taylor was that lawsuit against the DJ who groped her and she only took $1. That proved she didn't do it for money and I'll give her kudos for that. Thinking about it, that is probably what got the ball rolling on the whole sexual harassment thing. So yeah, I'll give credit where credit is due. But she should stop making music...
No, she should go back to making country music. She's good at that.
Love you Mel1 -
SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
I’m not actually sure what the mental help options are; I didn’t turn in any of the disclosure forms and I’m afraid to ask in case they realize what a train wreck I am and decide they have to send me home. It probably wouldn’t happen, but it might... I have a meeting tomorrow with our director where I can either come clean and admit I’m an imposter who shouldn’t be here in the first place, or lie through my teeth for 15 minutes and keep faking it once I get home until I manage to actually become the person I’m pretending to be.JessicaMcB wrote: »@SoulOfRusalka I'm sorry if I've missed this bit but do you have any access to mental health care in Russia through your program? Purging is obviously very detrimental to your health and as someone who has suffered from an ED you really should be seen about this resurgence and I think you know that. Furthermore (and I apologize Melissa, not taking shots at your advice here I swear), coping with this with alcohol is an equally terrible idea imho. Drinking won't kill you as fast but as someone who comes from an alcoholic situation it can undoubtedly be your undoing. Don't replace one really unhealthy behavior (binge-purging) with another (binge drinking)- you are only going to create more problems for yourself.
Seek real help sweet girl, even if its chewing the ear off of crises mental line workers. Love from a fellow OCD sufferer who is six years dry and is rooting for you
LOL.
re: the alcohol, I’m going with the good old program advice of “work on your stuff in the order it’s killing you”. If it becomes a problem later, I’ll deal with it later...SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway how about you?
On the whole I agree with you, although I secretly love Taylor's shake it off. Don't tell all my metal friends...
Me, too. It's on my gym playlist.1 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »Fruit Loops for breakfast had ZERO staying power and I now have 810 calories left for lunch AND dinner. Guess it's going to be a maintenance calorie day.
Not even close. Went into full screw-it mode and ATE ALL THE THINGZ!0 -
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SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
Naps are my favorite institution.SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
All of that sounds exhausting, but hopefully worth it! Lol.SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
Oh cool! I hope you have funSoulOfRusalka wrote: »
Awesome! ^^ I listen to mostly metal, but pretty much anything that sounds weird/uncommon and also sincere.SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway how about you?
Woo hoo! I've found my taste in music has broadened the older I get. 15 years ago it was nothing but metal and now I'll give anything a try. I have to admit, Danny has been a huge influence in my musical taste, he has the biggest music collection on his iPod, but he has got that from his Dad, who has an even bigger music collection.
Speaking of which, we are going to a Public Service Broadcasting gig tonight. It is going to be a late night. I'm trying to set up an easy day of filing tomorrow.
I very nearly went to a concert last night but I decided I couldn’t justify it... stupid midterms.
I’ve been trying to broaden my musical tastes from “just weird metal” so that I have something to show people if they ask what I listen to, but....little luck so far
The gig was really good! Didn't get home until 12.30 though. I. am. knackered. I really didn't want to get up this morning, and I have an early start for work on Saturday, and Sunday we have the NFL so that will be an early start (for a Sunday anyway) and then back to work on Monday! WOO! *dies a little inside*
The only silver lining is that the clocks go back on Sunday, so I gain an hour of sleep somewhere.
Most of the time we Shazam music in adverts and TV programs and check out the album on iTunes. That is when you find the unknown bands.
And this is what naps are for.
SO TRUE! I naps so much. I haven't had time to have one recently. I might have to squeeze one in on Saturday after work...
Me, too! I a good, long nap! 1 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Fruit Loops for breakfast had ZERO staying power and I now have 810 calories left for lunch AND dinner. Guess it's going to be a maintenance calorie day.
Not even close. Went into full screw-it mode and ATE ALL THE THINGZ!
I can't decide whether to like this or not. And when did you even find time to eat all the things? Weren't you at Wrestling?0 -
Bad news - just ate half a carton of ice cream ... good news - sent the rest down the garbage disposal. I have no control with ice cream in the house.
If I could bring myself to throw away I've cream, my three sons wouldn't allow it. But if that's what you have to do, then good for you.1 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »
Meh, I have stuff to do, just don't want to do it.
Hour and a half left to go! I'm surprised how productive I have been actually. 1 -
SoulOfRusalka wrote: »I feel so guilty for buying food/drinks for myself when I’m not gonna keep them down anyway.
Starting now I think I just won’t eat lunch and I’ll go for a walk by myself and listen to music in between classes instead.
I probably should have just been honest yesterday and told V I’m losing it. If it gets any worse I’ll talk to her and see if I can get some kind of help or something. Because normies benefit from therapy too and I don’t have to be actually sick... but I’m pretty sure I can figure it out on my own.
Could you try eating something light like nuts, fruit or yogurt? You don't want to burn yourself out, or even worse pass out.
How much longer have you got on your course? Do you think you could hold it together until the end? If not maybe have a small conversation, not go into details, but enough that she knows you are struggling a little? You might get some leeway on deadlines. When I was at uni a girl in my class had a friend commit suicide near the end of her final year and she was given a 6 week extension just to ease the pressure.
I’m definitely not going to pass out if I haven’t already, so don’t worry about that. (Shame— I read too many novels as a child and always wanted to faint in dramatic situations but it never happened...)
I have just a bit less than two months left, so I should realistically be able to keep it together for that long. 2 -
Yes!!MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »SoulOfRusalka wrote: »I feel so guilty for buying food/drinks for myself when I’m not gonna keep them down anyway.
Starting now I think I just won’t eat lunch and I’ll go for a walk by myself and listen to music in between classes instead.
I probably should have just been honest yesterday and told V I’m losing it. If it gets any worse I’ll talk to her and see if I can get some kind of help or something. Because normies benefit from therapy too and I don’t have to be actually sick... but I’m pretty sure I can figure it out on my own.
I am going to hold you to this.
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MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
I’m not actually sure what the mental help options are; I didn’t turn in any of the disclosure forms and I’m afraid to ask in case they realize what a train wreck I am and decide they have to send me home. It probably wouldn’t happen, but it might... I have a meeting tomorrow with our director where I can either come clean and admit I’m an imposter who shouldn’t be here in the first place, or lie through my teeth for 15 minutes and keep faking it once I get home until I manage to actually become the person I’m pretending to be.JessicaMcB wrote: »@SoulOfRusalka I'm sorry if I've missed this bit but do you have any access to mental health care in Russia through your program? Purging is obviously very detrimental to your health and as someone who has suffered from an ED you really should be seen about this resurgence and I think you know that. Furthermore (and I apologize Melissa, not taking shots at your advice here I swear), coping with this with alcohol is an equally terrible idea imho. Drinking won't kill you as fast but as someone who comes from an alcoholic situation it can undoubtedly be your undoing. Don't replace one really unhealthy behavior (binge-purging) with another (binge drinking)- you are only going to create more problems for yourself.
Seek real help sweet girl, even if its chewing the ear off of crises mental line workers. Love from a fellow OCD sufferer who is six years dry and is rooting for you
LOL.
re: the alcohol, I’m going with the good old program advice of “work on your stuff in the order it’s killing you”. If it becomes a problem later, I’ll deal with it later...SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway how about you?
On the whole I agree with you, although I secretly love Taylor's shake it off. Don't tell all my metal friends...
That's okay. I secretly love "Mine" and I generally think she should pound sand.
Meh, I had a thing for 'Umbrella', but that was mostly friend association. I could take or leave Rihanna. Sometimes I like her, and other times she does such stupid things I put my hands up in the air and walk off.
The only thing I like about Taylor was that lawsuit against the DJ who groped her and she only took $1. That proved she didn't do it for money and I'll give her kudos for that. Thinking about it, that is probably what got the ball rolling on the whole sexual harassment thing. So yeah, I'll give credit where credit is due. But she should stop making music...
No, she should go back to making country music. She's good at that.
Love you Mel
Ok, I apologise for the GIF. I just have a deep rooted hatred for Pop music.
I just don't like how fabricated it all is.
Forgive me?
2 -
SoulOfRusalka wrote: »SoulOfRusalka wrote: »I feel so guilty for buying food/drinks for myself when I’m not gonna keep them down anyway.
Starting now I think I just won’t eat lunch and I’ll go for a walk by myself and listen to music in between classes instead.
I probably should have just been honest yesterday and told V I’m losing it. If it gets any worse I’ll talk to her and see if I can get some kind of help or something. Because normies benefit from therapy too and I don’t have to be actually sick... but I’m pretty sure I can figure it out on my own.
Could you try eating something light like nuts, fruit or yogurt? You don't want to burn yourself out, or even worse pass out.
How much longer have you got on your course? Do you think you could hold it together until the end? If not maybe have a small conversation, not go into details, but enough that she knows you are struggling a little? You might get some leeway on deadlines. When I was at uni a girl in my class had a friend commit suicide near the end of her final year and she was given a 6 week extension just to ease the pressure.
I’m definitely not going to pass out if I haven’t already, so don’t worry about that. (Shame— I read too many novels as a child and always wanted to faint in dramatic situations but it never happened...)
I have just a bit less than two months left, so I should realistically be able to keep it together for that long.
You'll be surprised. I nearly passed out Christmas shopping one year. I started when the shops opened at 8am on a small breakfast and I didn't stop until 7 in the evening when I went all woozy in a shop.0 -
MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
I’m not actually sure what the mental help options are; I didn’t turn in any of the disclosure forms and I’m afraid to ask in case they realize what a train wreck I am and decide they have to send me home. It probably wouldn’t happen, but it might... I have a meeting tomorrow with our director where I can either come clean and admit I’m an imposter who shouldn’t be here in the first place, or lie through my teeth for 15 minutes and keep faking it once I get home until I manage to actually become the person I’m pretending to be.JessicaMcB wrote: »@SoulOfRusalka I'm sorry if I've missed this bit but do you have any access to mental health care in Russia through your program? Purging is obviously very detrimental to your health and as someone who has suffered from an ED you really should be seen about this resurgence and I think you know that. Furthermore (and I apologize Melissa, not taking shots at your advice here I swear), coping with this with alcohol is an equally terrible idea imho. Drinking won't kill you as fast but as someone who comes from an alcoholic situation it can undoubtedly be your undoing. Don't replace one really unhealthy behavior (binge-purging) with another (binge drinking)- you are only going to create more problems for yourself.
Seek real help sweet girl, even if its chewing the ear off of crises mental line workers. Love from a fellow OCD sufferer who is six years dry and is rooting for you
LOL.
re: the alcohol, I’m going with the good old program advice of “work on your stuff in the order it’s killing you”. If it becomes a problem later, I’ll deal with it later...SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway how about you?
On the whole I agree with you, although I secretly love Taylor's shake it off. Don't tell all my metal friends...
That's okay. I secretly love "Mine" and I generally think she should pound sand.
Meh, I had a thing for 'Umbrella', but that was mostly friend association. I could take or leave Rihanna. Sometimes I like her, and other times she does such stupid things I put my hands up in the air and walk off.
The only thing I like about Taylor was that lawsuit against the DJ who groped her and she only took $1. That proved she didn't do it for money and I'll give her kudos for that. Thinking about it, that is probably what got the ball rolling on the whole sexual harassment thing. So yeah, I'll give credit where credit is due. But she should stop making music...
No, she should go back to making country music. She's good at that.
Love you Mel
Ok, I apologise for the GIF. I just have a deep rooted hatred for Pop music. I just don't like how fabricated it all is.
Forgive me?
For what? I wasn't offended. Taylor Swift is terrible at pop music and should go back to country, but she won't so Gif away. 0 -
SoulOfRusalka wrote: »SoulOfRusalka wrote: »I feel so guilty for buying food/drinks for myself when I’m not gonna keep them down anyway.
Starting now I think I just won’t eat lunch and I’ll go for a walk by myself and listen to music in between classes instead.
I probably should have just been honest yesterday and told V I’m losing it. If it gets any worse I’ll talk to her and see if I can get some kind of help or something. Because normies benefit from therapy too and I don’t have to be actually sick... but I’m pretty sure I can figure it out on my own.
Could you try eating something light like nuts, fruit or yogurt? You don't want to burn yourself out, or even worse pass out.
How much longer have you got on your course? Do you think you could hold it together until the end? If not maybe have a small conversation, not go into details, but enough that she knows you are struggling a little? You might get some leeway on deadlines. When I was at uni a girl in my class had a friend commit suicide near the end of her final year and she was given a 6 week extension just to ease the pressure.
I’m definitely not going to pass out if I haven’t already, so don’t worry about that. (Shame— I read too many novels as a child and always wanted to faint in dramatic situations but it never happened...)
I have just a bit less than two months left, so I should realistically be able to keep it together for that long.
I am going to say that fainting in public is highly overrated. "you know, that girl who faints." is not a great desciptor to have attached to you. I am that girl (anemia is vile) and I can think of at least 3 times it's happened to me.0 -
MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
I’m not actually sure what the mental help options are; I didn’t turn in any of the disclosure forms and I’m afraid to ask in case they realize what a train wreck I am and decide they have to send me home. It probably wouldn’t happen, but it might... I have a meeting tomorrow with our director where I can either come clean and admit I’m an imposter who shouldn’t be here in the first place, or lie through my teeth for 15 minutes and keep faking it once I get home until I manage to actually become the person I’m pretending to be.JessicaMcB wrote: »@SoulOfRusalka I'm sorry if I've missed this bit but do you have any access to mental health care in Russia through your program? Purging is obviously very detrimental to your health and as someone who has suffered from an ED you really should be seen about this resurgence and I think you know that. Furthermore (and I apologize Melissa, not taking shots at your advice here I swear), coping with this with alcohol is an equally terrible idea imho. Drinking won't kill you as fast but as someone who comes from an alcoholic situation it can undoubtedly be your undoing. Don't replace one really unhealthy behavior (binge-purging) with another (binge drinking)- you are only going to create more problems for yourself.
Seek real help sweet girl, even if its chewing the ear off of crises mental line workers. Love from a fellow OCD sufferer who is six years dry and is rooting for you
LOL.
re: the alcohol, I’m going with the good old program advice of “work on your stuff in the order it’s killing you”. If it becomes a problem later, I’ll deal with it later...SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway how about you?
On the whole I agree with you, although I secretly love Taylor's shake it off. Don't tell all my metal friends...
That's okay. I secretly love "Mine" and I generally think she should pound sand.
Meh, I had a thing for 'Umbrella', but that was mostly friend association. I could take or leave Rihanna. Sometimes I like her, and other times she does such stupid things I put my hands up in the air and walk off.
The only thing I like about Taylor was that lawsuit against the DJ who groped her and she only took $1. That proved she didn't do it for money and I'll give her kudos for that. Thinking about it, that is probably what got the ball rolling on the whole sexual harassment thing. So yeah, I'll give credit where credit is due. But she should stop making music...
I think most of Rihanna's music is good.....as for Taylor, I love Shake It Off but cannot think of another one I like or even know the name of, lol.1 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
I’m not actually sure what the mental help options are; I didn’t turn in any of the disclosure forms and I’m afraid to ask in case they realize what a train wreck I am and decide they have to send me home. It probably wouldn’t happen, but it might... I have a meeting tomorrow with our director where I can either come clean and admit I’m an imposter who shouldn’t be here in the first place, or lie through my teeth for 15 minutes and keep faking it once I get home until I manage to actually become the person I’m pretending to be.JessicaMcB wrote: »@SoulOfRusalka I'm sorry if I've missed this bit but do you have any access to mental health care in Russia through your program? Purging is obviously very detrimental to your health and as someone who has suffered from an ED you really should be seen about this resurgence and I think you know that. Furthermore (and I apologize Melissa, not taking shots at your advice here I swear), coping with this with alcohol is an equally terrible idea imho. Drinking won't kill you as fast but as someone who comes from an alcoholic situation it can undoubtedly be your undoing. Don't replace one really unhealthy behavior (binge-purging) with another (binge drinking)- you are only going to create more problems for yourself.
Seek real help sweet girl, even if its chewing the ear off of crises mental line workers. Love from a fellow OCD sufferer who is six years dry and is rooting for you
LOL.
re: the alcohol, I’m going with the good old program advice of “work on your stuff in the order it’s killing you”. If it becomes a problem later, I’ll deal with it later...SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway how about you?
On the whole I agree with you, although I secretly love Taylor's shake it off. Don't tell all my metal friends...
That's okay. I secretly love "Mine" and I generally think she should pound sand.
Meh, I had a thing for 'Umbrella', but that was mostly friend association. I could take or leave Rihanna. Sometimes I like her, and other times she does such stupid things I put my hands up in the air and walk off.
The only thing I like about Taylor was that lawsuit against the DJ who groped her and she only took $1. That proved she didn't do it for money and I'll give her kudos for that. Thinking about it, that is probably what got the ball rolling on the whole sexual harassment thing. So yeah, I'll give credit where credit is due. But she should stop making music...
I think most of Rihanna's music is good.....as for Taylor, I love Shake It Off but cannot think of another one I like or even know the name of, lol.
The latest Taylor song is "Look What You Made Me Do" and even my 23 year old daughter hates it.2 -
MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Fruit Loops for breakfast had ZERO staying power and I now have 810 calories left for lunch AND dinner. Guess it's going to be a maintenance calorie day.
Not even close. Went into full screw-it mode and ATE ALL THE THINGZ!
I can't decide whether to like this or not. And when did you even find time to eat all the things? Weren't you at Wrestling?
I'm skilled like that. 3 -
SoulOfRusalka wrote: »SoulOfRusalka wrote: »I feel so guilty for buying food/drinks for myself when I’m not gonna keep them down anyway.
Starting now I think I just won’t eat lunch and I’ll go for a walk by myself and listen to music in between classes instead.
I probably should have just been honest yesterday and told V I’m losing it. If it gets any worse I’ll talk to her and see if I can get some kind of help or something. Because normies benefit from therapy too and I don’t have to be actually sick... but I’m pretty sure I can figure it out on my own.
Could you try eating something light like nuts, fruit or yogurt? You don't want to burn yourself out, or even worse pass out.
How much longer have you got on your course? Do you think you could hold it together until the end? If not maybe have a small conversation, not go into details, but enough that she knows you are struggling a little? You might get some leeway on deadlines. When I was at uni a girl in my class had a friend commit suicide near the end of her final year and she was given a 6 week extension just to ease the pressure.
I’m definitely not going to pass out if I haven’t already, so don’t worry about that. (Shame— I read too many novels as a child and always wanted to faint in dramatic situations but it never happened...)
I have just a bit less than two months left, so I should realistically be able to keep it together for that long.
The only time I've ever passed out in public was on the London underground following a night of food poisoning. It was hot and stuffy and I was dehydrated and luckily my husband caught me. But nobody helped! He had both our bags (we were on the way home from a short break) and was trying to to hold me up and get me off the train, and nobody even asked if we were ok. Londoners! (Sorry Lois, but it wouldn't happen in Yorkshire0 -
SoulOfRusalka wrote: »SoulOfRusalka wrote: »I feel so guilty for buying food/drinks for myself when I’m not gonna keep them down anyway.
Starting now I think I just won’t eat lunch and I’ll go for a walk by myself and listen to music in between classes instead.
I probably should have just been honest yesterday and told V I’m losing it. If it gets any worse I’ll talk to her and see if I can get some kind of help or something. Because normies benefit from therapy too and I don’t have to be actually sick... but I’m pretty sure I can figure it out on my own.
Could you try eating something light like nuts, fruit or yogurt? You don't want to burn yourself out, or even worse pass out.
How much longer have you got on your course? Do you think you could hold it together until the end? If not maybe have a small conversation, not go into details, but enough that she knows you are struggling a little? You might get some leeway on deadlines. When I was at uni a girl in my class had a friend commit suicide near the end of her final year and she was given a 6 week extension just to ease the pressure.
I’m definitely not going to pass out if I haven’t already, so don’t worry about that. (Shame— I read too many novels as a child and always wanted to faint in dramatic situations but it never happened...)
I have just a bit less than two months left, so I should realistically be able to keep it together for that long.
The only time I've ever passed out in public was on the London underground following a night of food poisoning. It was hot and stuffy and I was dehydrated and luckily my husband caught me. But nobody helped! He had both our bags (we were on the way home from a short break) and was trying to to hold me up and get me off the train, and nobody even asked if we were ok. Londoners! (Sorry Lois, but it wouldn't happen in Yorkshire
I can't actually imagine Lois or POF not helping someone in obvious need, but I have a co-irker from NY who just doesn't see anything that doesn't directly concern her.1
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