Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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quiksylver296 wrote: »
Shhh. Don't tell.
I was just so excited to see you in here this morning!!!1 -
Tell your friend that there are easier ways to make it look like an accident...How many years do you think you'd get for strangling a coworker with their own shoelaces.
Asking for a friend.
And in the meantime, this is what headphones and loud music are for. Can’t hear the stupid over the noise thank you.
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SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
If the Vodka keeps you from purging, go for it. (I am a nag, but I will worry about alcoholism later.) but please keep posting in here, because if you don't Lois and I will think you have literally died.3 -
We’re just going to keep kicking that can farther down the road; and if I do become an alcoholic it’s a family tradition so everyone will understand! :PMelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
If the Vodka keeps you from purging, go for it. (I am a nag, but I will worry about alcoholism later.) but please keep posting in here, because if you don't Lois and I will think you have literally died.
(But no I’m going to try not to.)
In the meantime, not literally dead! Hurrah!
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@SoulOfRusalka I'm sorry if I've missed this bit but do you have any access to mental health care in Russia through your program? Purging is obviously very detrimental to your health and as someone who has suffered from an ED you really should be seen about this resurgence and I think you know that. Furthermore (and I apologize Melissa, not taking shots at your advice here I swear), coping with this with alcohol is an equally terrible idea imho. Drinking won't kill you as fast but as someone who comes from an alcoholic situation it can undoubtedly be your undoing. Don't replace one really unhealthy behavior (binge-purging) with another (binge drinking)- you are only going to create more problems for yourself.
Seek real help sweet girl, even if its chewing the ear off of crises mental line workers. Love from a fellow OCD sufferer who is six years dry and is rooting for you
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SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?2 -
MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
If the Vodka keeps you from purging, go for it. (I am a nag, but I will worry about alcoholism later.) but please keep posting in here, because if you don't Lois and I will think you have literally died.
Yeah, this! Please don't go 0 -
SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
We’re just going to keep kicking that can farther down the road; and if I do become an alcoholic it’s a family tradition so everyone will understand! :PMelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
If the Vodka keeps you from purging, go for it. (I am a nag, but I will worry about alcoholism later.) but please keep posting in here, because if you don't Lois and I will think you have literally died.
(But no I’m going to try not to.)
In the meantime, not literally dead! Hurrah!
Woo hoo!
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I’m not actually sure what the mental help options are; I didn’t turn in any of the disclosure forms and I’m afraid to ask in case they realize what a train wreck I am and decide they have to send me home. It probably wouldn’t happen, but it might... I have a meeting tomorrow with our director where I can either come clean and admit I’m an imposter who shouldn’t be here in the first place, or lie through my teeth for 15 minutes and keep faking it once I get home until I manage to actually become the person I’m pretending to be.JessicaMcB wrote: »@SoulOfRusalka I'm sorry if I've missed this bit but do you have any access to mental health care in Russia through your program? Purging is obviously very detrimental to your health and as someone who has suffered from an ED you really should be seen about this resurgence and I think you know that. Furthermore (and I apologize Melissa, not taking shots at your advice here I swear), coping with this with alcohol is an equally terrible idea imho. Drinking won't kill you as fast but as someone who comes from an alcoholic situation it can undoubtedly be your undoing. Don't replace one really unhealthy behavior (binge-purging) with another (binge drinking)- you are only going to create more problems for yourself.
Seek real help sweet girl, even if its chewing the ear off of crises mental line workers. Love from a fellow OCD sufferer who is six years dry and is rooting for you
LOL.
re: the alcohol, I’m going with the good old program advice of “work on your stuff in the order it’s killing you”. If it becomes a problem later, I’ll deal with it later...
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It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
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THANK U FOR THE ENCOURAGING BIRB GIFSoulOfRusalka wrote: »
We’re just going to keep kicking that can farther down the road; and if I do become an alcoholic it’s a family tradition so everyone will understand! :PMelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
If the Vodka keeps you from purging, go for it. (I am a nag, but I will worry about alcoholism later.) but please keep posting in here, because if you don't Lois and I will think you have literally died.
(But no I’m going to try not to.)
In the meantime, not literally dead! Hurrah!
Woo hoo!
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Take care of you, @SoulOfRusalka! You have a lot of people rooting for you.
I literally have NOTHING to do at work right now. I finished everything. This is going to be a LONG day, as it's only 10:33 a.m. here currently.0 -
JessicaMcB wrote: »@SoulOfRusalka I'm sorry if I've missed this bit but do you have any access to mental health care in Russia through your program? Purging is obviously very detrimental to your health and as someone who has suffered from an ED you really should be seen about this resurgence and I think you know that. Furthermore (and I apologize Melissa, not taking shots at your advice here I swear), coping with this with alcohol is an equally terrible idea imho. Drinking won't kill you as fast but as someone who comes from an alcoholic situation it can undoubtedly be your undoing. Don't replace one really unhealthy behavior (binge-purging) with another (binge drinking)- you are only going to create more problems for yourself.
Seek real help sweet girl, even if its chewing the ear off of crises mental line workers. Love from a fellow OCD sufferer who is six years dry and is rooting for you
I am not offended, Jessica. I know that drinking isn't the optimal way not to purge, but I also know that the purging is more immediately life threatening than the vodka. (plus, I really did eat butter to get more calories during my recovery and vodka is calories she is keeping down)
@SoulOfRusalka see how many people are here for you. Type to us. We want to help.3 -
MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »JessicaMcB wrote: »@SoulOfRusalka I'm sorry if I've missed this bit but do you have any access to mental health care in Russia through your program? Purging is obviously very detrimental to your health and as someone who has suffered from an ED you really should be seen about this resurgence and I think you know that. Furthermore (and I apologize Melissa, not taking shots at your advice here I swear), coping with this with alcohol is an equally terrible idea imho. Drinking won't kill you as fast but as someone who comes from an alcoholic situation it can undoubtedly be your undoing. Don't replace one really unhealthy behavior (binge-purging) with another (binge drinking)- you are only going to create more problems for yourself.
Seek real help sweet girl, even if its chewing the ear off of crises mental line workers. Love from a fellow OCD sufferer who is six years dry and is rooting for you
I am not offended, Jessica. I know that drinking isn't the optimal way not to purge, but I also know that the purging is more immediately life threatening than the vodka. (plus, I really did eat butter to get more calories during my recovery and vodka is calories she is keeping down)
@SoulOfRusalka see how many people are here for you. Type to us. We want to help.
I’m so touched by all of your support. 1 -
Ah thanks guys! It's crazy how its only been what... 2 weeks and the habit came back so easily and so strong. I hate how irritable I feel right now. I know it will pass, it's just getting back past it again
I don't think of it as you shoving it in anyone's face at all! I would rather you talk through your feelings in a way we might be able to help you or support you. We know people slip up, I'm pretty sure most of us are mid-slip as we speak, but having people around us softens the blows and alleviates the suffering a little.
I think at times it's easier to discuss dietary, fitness, or other health frustrations here rather than real life, because most people don't want to hear about it.
I remember I was heading down a slippery path of purging by exercise & binging/restricting the first time I was in maintenance. I remember days I would eat around 3,000 calories then try to burn just as much on one of my days off or try to restrict my calories to unreasonably low amounts usually anywhere from 1200-1400 when I knew my body gets hangry at that low of an amount. The worst being the day I thought it would be a good idea to restrict my calories to 800-900. That definitely didn't end well.1 -
SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway
how about you? 0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »So my day just took a bounce off the rails. My dad has fallen and hit his head on his porch rail. My husband works five minutes from dad's house and has been dispatched to give me an update.
Parenting my dad is harder than parenting my middle and high schoolers.
Oh, no! Hopefully it's minor.
Ouch! Hoping nothing is broken or no concussions!0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »Take care of you, @SoulOfRusalka! You have a lot of people rooting for you.
I literally have NOTHING to do at work right now. I finished everything. This is going to be a LONG day, as it's only 10:33 a.m. here currently.
Sounds like a time to play Klondike on the computer2 -
kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »So my day just took a bounce off the rails. My dad has fallen and hit his head on his porch rail. My husband works five minutes from dad's house and has been dispatched to give me an update.
Parenting my dad is harder than parenting my middle and high schoolers.
Oh, no! Hopefully it's minor.
Ouch! Hoping nothing is broken or no concussions!
Nothing broken except the skin on his knees and his pride. I always worry when gets a cut though because he has diabetes and RA, which is an autoimmune disease so it never heals quickly.0 -
@SoulOfRusalka and @Lois_1989 I am jumping into your music conversation to say that I love jazz, early rock (Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, etc.) and bluegrass, among other genres. I cried when Prince died, was upset by the death of Tom Petty and am devastated to hear that Fats Domino died today.
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