Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
I’m not actually sure what the mental help options are; I didn’t turn in any of the disclosure forms and I’m afraid to ask in case they realize what a train wreck I am and decide they have to send me home. It probably wouldn’t happen, but it might... I have a meeting tomorrow with our director where I can either come clean and admit I’m an imposter who shouldn’t be here in the first place, or lie through my teeth for 15 minutes and keep faking it once I get home until I manage to actually become the person I’m pretending to be.JessicaMcB wrote: »@SoulOfRusalka I'm sorry if I've missed this bit but do you have any access to mental health care in Russia through your program? Purging is obviously very detrimental to your health and as someone who has suffered from an ED you really should be seen about this resurgence and I think you know that. Furthermore (and I apologize Melissa, not taking shots at your advice here I swear), coping with this with alcohol is an equally terrible idea imho. Drinking won't kill you as fast but as someone who comes from an alcoholic situation it can undoubtedly be your undoing. Don't replace one really unhealthy behavior (binge-purging) with another (binge drinking)- you are only going to create more problems for yourself.
Seek real help sweet girl, even if its chewing the ear off of crises mental line workers. Love from a fellow OCD sufferer who is six years dry and is rooting for you
LOL.
re: the alcohol, I’m going with the good old program advice of “work on your stuff in the order it’s killing you”. If it becomes a problem later, I’ll deal with it later...SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway
how about you?
On the whole I agree with you, although I secretly love Taylor's shake it off. Don't tell all my metal friends...2 -
Sorry to hear about the ed @SoulOfRusalka . I have no experience or advice of that.
But I do know how difficult a transition it can be on your year abroad. It's hyped up into the most important thing and you feel like if you're not enjoying and living every minute to the max, you're not getting as much out of it as you should. But in reality I think nearly everyone struggles at some point. It's a different culture. You might not know anyone. Everything feels weird. You get lonely. I know new experiences are good, but I almost cried when someone sent me some marmite while living in Austria!2 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »Fruit Loops for breakfast had ZERO staying power and I now have 810 calories left for lunch AND dinner. Guess it's going to be a maintenance calorie day.
Some days are like that. Roll with it.0 -
SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
I’m not actually sure what the mental help options are; I didn’t turn in any of the disclosure forms and I’m afraid to ask in case they realize what a train wreck I am and decide they have to send me home. It probably wouldn’t happen, but it might... I have a meeting tomorrow with our director where I can either come clean and admit I’m an imposter who shouldn’t be here in the first place, or lie through my teeth for 15 minutes and keep faking it once I get home until I manage to actually become the person I’m pretending to be.JessicaMcB wrote: »@SoulOfRusalka I'm sorry if I've missed this bit but do you have any access to mental health care in Russia through your program? Purging is obviously very detrimental to your health and as someone who has suffered from an ED you really should be seen about this resurgence and I think you know that. Furthermore (and I apologize Melissa, not taking shots at your advice here I swear), coping with this with alcohol is an equally terrible idea imho. Drinking won't kill you as fast but as someone who comes from an alcoholic situation it can undoubtedly be your undoing. Don't replace one really unhealthy behavior (binge-purging) with another (binge drinking)- you are only going to create more problems for yourself.
Seek real help sweet girl, even if its chewing the ear off of crises mental line workers. Love from a fellow OCD sufferer who is six years dry and is rooting for you
LOL.
re: the alcohol, I’m going with the good old program advice of “work on your stuff in the order it’s killing you”. If it becomes a problem later, I’ll deal with it later...SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway how about you?
On the whole I agree with you, although I secretly love Taylor's shake it off. Don't tell all my metal friends...
That's okay. I secretly love "Mine" and I generally think she should pound sand.1 -
SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
I hope you are feeling better by now!2 -
SoulOfRusalka wrote: »TMI spoilerz
I threw up twice this morning, not on purpose (thanks, bulimia and/or vodka?)
But I didn’t go home and took two of my midterms anyway and I think they went okay. Just grammar left now. And the meeting where I pretend to have my *kitten* together for 15 minutes.
I can’t wait for it to be Friday...
also this is the last *kitten* time I spend money at Starbucks.
Awww I wish I had some advice for you RE bulimia, but I honestly don't have a clue. At least it wasn't on purpose?
2 things down, 2 more to go, you are half way there! And also good news, tomorrow is Friday! Woop woop! What is the time difference in Russia? I'm in England, so right now it is coming up to 12.00 -midday I'm guessing 24 hours and you have weekend freedom!
Yeah, Starbucks is a once-in-a-blue-moon treat for me. Mostly because I don't go past one on a daily basis. I imagine if I did pass one, I would spend 90% of my wages in there
This made me giggle0 -
Bad news - just ate half a carton of ice cream ... good news - sent the rest down the garbage disposal. I have no control with ice cream in the house.1
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What did ice cream do to deserve that? I mean... well done for stopping at half a carton! Could have just put the lid back on though *grumbles to self*
I jest, you do what you got to do.
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MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
I’m not actually sure what the mental help options are; I didn’t turn in any of the disclosure forms and I’m afraid to ask in case they realize what a train wreck I am and decide they have to send me home. It probably wouldn’t happen, but it might... I have a meeting tomorrow with our director where I can either come clean and admit I’m an imposter who shouldn’t be here in the first place, or lie through my teeth for 15 minutes and keep faking it once I get home until I manage to actually become the person I’m pretending to be.JessicaMcB wrote: »@SoulOfRusalka I'm sorry if I've missed this bit but do you have any access to mental health care in Russia through your program? Purging is obviously very detrimental to your health and as someone who has suffered from an ED you really should be seen about this resurgence and I think you know that. Furthermore (and I apologize Melissa, not taking shots at your advice here I swear), coping with this with alcohol is an equally terrible idea imho. Drinking won't kill you as fast but as someone who comes from an alcoholic situation it can undoubtedly be your undoing. Don't replace one really unhealthy behavior (binge-purging) with another (binge drinking)- you are only going to create more problems for yourself.
Seek real help sweet girl, even if its chewing the ear off of crises mental line workers. Love from a fellow OCD sufferer who is six years dry and is rooting for you
LOL.
re: the alcohol, I’m going with the good old program advice of “work on your stuff in the order it’s killing you”. If it becomes a problem later, I’ll deal with it later...SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway how about you?
On the whole I agree with you, although I secretly love Taylor's shake it off. Don't tell all my metal friends...
That's okay. I secretly love "Mine" and I generally think she should pound sand.
Meh, I had a thing for 'Umbrella', but that was mostly friend association. I could take or leave Rihanna. Sometimes I like her, and other times she does such stupid things I put my hands up in the air and walk off.
The only thing I like about Taylor was that lawsuit against the DJ who groped her and she only took $1. That proved she didn't do it for money and I'll give her kudos for that. Thinking about it, that is probably what got the ball rolling on the whole sexual harassment thing. So yeah, I'll give credit where credit is due. But she should stop making music...2 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »Fruit Loops for breakfast had ZERO staying power and I now have 810 calories left for lunch AND dinner. Guess it's going to be a maintenance calorie day.
Yeah, cereal is a traitorous food.0 -
SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
Oh cool! I hope you have funSoulOfRusalka wrote: »
Awesome! ^^ I listen to mostly metal, but pretty much anything that sounds weird/uncommon and also sincere.SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway how about you?
Woo hoo! I've found my taste in music has broadened the older I get. 15 years ago it was nothing but metal and now I'll give anything a try. I have to admit, Danny has been a huge influence in my musical taste, he has the biggest music collection on his iPod, but he has got that from his Dad, who has an even bigger music collection.
Speaking of which, we are going to a Public Service Broadcasting gig tonight. It is going to be a late night. I'm trying to set up an easy day of filing tomorrow.
I very nearly went to a concert last night but I decided I couldn’t justify it... stupid midterms.
I’ve been trying to broaden my musical tastes from “just weird metal” so that I have something to show people if they ask what I listen to, but....little luck so far
The gig was really good! Didn't get home until 12.30 though. I. am. knackered. I really didn't want to get up this morning, and I have an early start for work on Saturday, and Sunday we have the NFL so that will be an early start (for a Sunday anyway) and then back to work on Monday! WOO! *dies a little inside*
The only silver lining is that the clocks go back on Sunday, so I gain an hour of sleep somewhere.
Most of the time we Shazam music in adverts and TV programs and check out the album on iTunes. That is when you find the unknown bands.1 -
Can you tell I'm trying to avoid working?1 -
All of that sounds exhausting, but hopefully worth it! Lol.SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
Oh cool! I hope you have funSoulOfRusalka wrote: »
Awesome! ^^ I listen to mostly metal, but pretty much anything that sounds weird/uncommon and also sincere.SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway how about you?
Woo hoo! I've found my taste in music has broadened the older I get. 15 years ago it was nothing but metal and now I'll give anything a try. I have to admit, Danny has been a huge influence in my musical taste, he has the biggest music collection on his iPod, but he has got that from his Dad, who has an even bigger music collection.
Speaking of which, we are going to a Public Service Broadcasting gig tonight. It is going to be a late night. I'm trying to set up an easy day of filing tomorrow. I very nearly went to a concert last night but I decided I couldn’t justify it... stupid midterms.
I’ve been trying to broaden my musical tastes from “just weird metal” so that I have something to show people if they ask what I listen to, but....little luck so far
The gig was really good! Didn't get home until 12.30 though. I. am. knackered. I really didn't want to get up this morning, and I have an early start for work on Saturday, and Sunday we have the NFL so that will be an early start (for a Sunday anyway) and then back to work on Monday! WOO! *dies a little inside*
The only silver lining is that the clocks go back on Sunday, so I gain an hour of sleep somewhere.
Most of the time we Shazam music in adverts and TV programs and check out the album on iTunes. That is when you find the unknown bands.
And this is what naps are for.
1 -
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SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
All of that sounds exhausting, but hopefully worth it! Lol.SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
Oh cool! I hope you have funSoulOfRusalka wrote: »
Awesome! ^^ I listen to mostly metal, but pretty much anything that sounds weird/uncommon and also sincere.SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway how about you?
Woo hoo! I've found my taste in music has broadened the older I get. 15 years ago it was nothing but metal and now I'll give anything a try. I have to admit, Danny has been a huge influence in my musical taste, he has the biggest music collection on his iPod, but he has got that from his Dad, who has an even bigger music collection.
Speaking of which, we are going to a Public Service Broadcasting gig tonight. It is going to be a late night. I'm trying to set up an easy day of filing tomorrow. I very nearly went to a concert last night but I decided I couldn’t justify it... stupid midterms.
I’ve been trying to broaden my musical tastes from “just weird metal” so that I have something to show people if they ask what I listen to, but....little luck so far
The gig was really good! Didn't get home until 12.30 though. I. am. knackered. I really didn't want to get up this morning, and I have an early start for work on Saturday, and Sunday we have the NFL so that will be an early start (for a Sunday anyway) and then back to work on Monday! WOO! *dies a little inside*
The only silver lining is that the clocks go back on Sunday, so I gain an hour of sleep somewhere.
Most of the time we Shazam music in adverts and TV programs and check out the album on iTunes. That is when you find the unknown bands.
And this is what naps are for.
SO TRUE! I naps so much. I haven't had time to have one recently. I might have to squeeze one in on Saturday after work... 2 -
Naps are my favorite institution.SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
All of that sounds exhausting, but hopefully worth it! Lol.SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
Oh cool! I hope you have funSoulOfRusalka wrote: »
Awesome! ^^ I listen to mostly metal, but pretty much anything that sounds weird/uncommon and also sincere.SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway how about you?
Woo hoo! I've found my taste in music has broadened the older I get. 15 years ago it was nothing but metal and now I'll give anything a try. I have to admit, Danny has been a huge influence in my musical taste, he has the biggest music collection on his iPod, but he has got that from his Dad, who has an even bigger music collection.
Speaking of which, we are going to a Public Service Broadcasting gig tonight. It is going to be a late night. I'm trying to set up an easy day of filing tomorrow. I very nearly went to a concert last night but I decided I couldn’t justify it... stupid midterms.
I’ve been trying to broaden my musical tastes from “just weird metal” so that I have something to show people if they ask what I listen to, but....little luck so far
The gig was really good! Didn't get home until 12.30 though. I. am. knackered. I really didn't want to get up this morning, and I have an early start for work on Saturday, and Sunday we have the NFL so that will be an early start (for a Sunday anyway) and then back to work on Monday! WOO! *dies a little inside*
The only silver lining is that the clocks go back on Sunday, so I gain an hour of sleep somewhere.
Most of the time we Shazam music in adverts and TV programs and check out the album on iTunes. That is when you find the unknown bands.
And this is what naps are for.
SO TRUE! I naps so much. I haven't had time to have one recently. I might have to squeeze one in on Saturday after work...
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I feel so guilty for buying food/drinks for myself when I’m not gonna keep them down anyway.
Starting now I think I just won’t eat lunch and I’ll go for a walk by myself and listen to music in between classes instead.
I probably should have just been honest yesterday and told V I’m losing it. If it gets any worse I’ll talk to her and see if I can get some kind of help or something. Because normies benefit from therapy too and I don’t have to be actually sick... but I’m pretty sure I can figure it out on my own.
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SoulOfRusalka wrote: »I feel so guilty for buying food/drinks for myself when I’m not gonna keep them down anyway.
Starting now I think I just won’t eat lunch and I’ll go for a walk by myself and listen to music in between classes instead.
I probably should have just been honest yesterday and told V I’m losing it. If it gets any worse I’ll talk to her and see if I can get some kind of help or something. Because normies benefit from therapy too and I don’t have to be actually sick... but I’m pretty sure I can figure it out on my own.
Could you try eating something light like nuts, fruit or yogurt? You don't want to burn yourself out, or even worse pass out.
How much longer have you got on your course? Do you think you could hold it together until the end? If not maybe have a small conversation, not go into details, but enough that she knows you are struggling a little? You might get some leeway on deadlines. When I was at uni a girl in my class had a friend commit suicide near the end of her final year and she was given a 6 week extension just to ease the pressure.0 -
MelissaPhippsFeagins wrote: »SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
I’m not actually sure what the mental help options are; I didn’t turn in any of the disclosure forms and I’m afraid to ask in case they realize what a train wreck I am and decide they have to send me home. It probably wouldn’t happen, but it might... I have a meeting tomorrow with our director where I can either come clean and admit I’m an imposter who shouldn’t be here in the first place, or lie through my teeth for 15 minutes and keep faking it once I get home until I manage to actually become the person I’m pretending to be.JessicaMcB wrote: »@SoulOfRusalka I'm sorry if I've missed this bit but do you have any access to mental health care in Russia through your program? Purging is obviously very detrimental to your health and as someone who has suffered from an ED you really should be seen about this resurgence and I think you know that. Furthermore (and I apologize Melissa, not taking shots at your advice here I swear), coping with this with alcohol is an equally terrible idea imho. Drinking won't kill you as fast but as someone who comes from an alcoholic situation it can undoubtedly be your undoing. Don't replace one really unhealthy behavior (binge-purging) with another (binge drinking)- you are only going to create more problems for yourself.
Seek real help sweet girl, even if its chewing the ear off of crises mental line workers. Love from a fellow OCD sufferer who is six years dry and is rooting for you
LOL.
re: the alcohol, I’m going with the good old program advice of “work on your stuff in the order it’s killing you”. If it becomes a problem later, I’ll deal with it later...SoulOfRusalka wrote: »
It’s the best! What kind of music do you like?SoulOfRusalka wrote: »This is my last day of purging, I swear to god. I’m saying it here to make it official. I feel like *kitten*. Shaky and scattered and weak and not-here, and I know I’ll feel like this all the time and get used to it quick. My health is already fading, and it was so strong for a few months (it turns out I have a good immune system when I’m not suppressing it, who knew?)
Bulimia is expensive and exhausting and overall just really *kitten* stupid and a waste of time. Every time I let it go for a second everything falls apart.
I have three midterms tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. Then a meeting with our director where we talk about how we’re doing and what our goals were for this point in the semester.
I avoided turning in all physical and mental health paperwork, so she doesn’t know that my goal was simply “don’t literally die”.
I bought vodka so that and music are my socially acceptable coping mechanisms now.
Well, I appreciate that you're talking about it! We are rooting for you. It's good that your immune system is ok, hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and get back on track once things calm down and all your midterms are handed in. Music has been my coping mechanism for years and years. Maybe 15 years?
(Sorry if that’s, like, a middle-schooler question. I promise I will want to be your friend no matter what music you listen to lolol)
Hmmmmm tricky question. It's easier to say I'm not the biggest fan of pop, rap, or 'mainstream' music. I'm more of a rock/metal/punk/alternative/grunge/ or anything out of the ordinary. I do make exceptions though. I like Jay-Z, I'll happily listen to the radio, and I can appreciate people like Beyoncé. But people like Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift need to live in a cave and stay there. In my opinion anyway how about you?
On the whole I agree with you, although I secretly love Taylor's shake it off. Don't tell all my metal friends...
That's okay. I secretly love "Mine" and I generally think she should pound sand.
Meh, I had a thing for 'Umbrella', but that was mostly friend association. I could take or leave Rihanna. Sometimes I like her, and other times she does such stupid things I put my hands up in the air and walk off.
The only thing I like about Taylor was that lawsuit against the DJ who groped her and she only took $1. That proved she didn't do it for money and I'll give her kudos for that. Thinking about it, that is probably what got the ball rolling on the whole sexual harassment thing. So yeah, I'll give credit where credit is due. But she should stop making music...
No, she should go back to making country music. She's good at that.0 -
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