Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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I'm desperately behind, but I wanted to check in and say hi.
I found out on Saturday that my dad most likely has cancer. He also was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. The prognosis is good, but he will be having surgery in the next few weeks to remove the tumors.
Obviously, I'm kind of a wreck right now.
I'm so sorry, my sympathy and good wishes to you and yours.0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »
That's horrible! But I can totally relate.Italian_Buju wrote: »Yeah, that is a nasty illness. Way earlier in the thread we were talking about serial killers and I said I knew a girl that was attacked by the local one we had. It was a savage attack and she was in the hospital for weeks and weeks, and neither of her parents visited her even once, because they were both just drunk all the time.....to make matters worse, her mother was a nasty drunk and when she was finally able to go home, her mother would get drunk and yell nasty stuff at her about hoping she caught AIDS from the rape and stuff. It was pretty tragic.....
Had something similar happen (to a much lesser degree!) when I was 16 and had to have emergency surgery... as in, saw the doctor at 4 PM and surgery booked for 11 PM that night... my parents brought me to the hospital, provided the insurance info, and left. They told the nurse to call and let them know how my surgery turned out. Their excuse was "We have to get up for work in the morning" but it was really all about not missing any drinking that evening.
I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.
I can relate to that because my mother did that to me! I was about 13 and was vomiting all day and in a lot of pain. A friend had slept over the night before, and by morning when she was leaving I headed over to the ER. My mother checked me in, and then left. I spent hours and hours in an ER room, puking my brains out and passing out over and over. The surgeon said I needed my appendix out, but they could not find my parents to sign the surgery consent. This was the mid 80's so before cell phones etc. My friend that had slept over stopped in with her mom that evening because they had been calling the house and could not get anyone so they came to the ER to see if I was still there. I vaguely remember seeing them between passing out. My friend's mother lost her mind when she realized I was there alone and that they hospital could not find my parents. She actually went out and hunted them down on her own. They were out at a restaurant having dinner. My father had come home from work, and my mother did not even tell him I was at the hospital or anything. I remember the DR reaming her out, and her excuse was that she was diabetic and needed dinner. REALLY? Grab a sandwich, wtf. Not only that, but she was gone for hours and hours before that.
Because they had to wait so long, my appendix burst while they were taking it out, I ended up in hospital for three weeks with a nasty infection and my scar is HUGE! My mother was a complete asshat. That is one of the lesser things she did to me......
Reading all of these stories about crappy parents puts me in a RAAAAAAGE! Uuugh that sucks so bad. I'm sorry.
^ This!! I want to just give all of you a hug.
One of the only times I stayed overnight at the hospital was when I had mono when I was 15/16. Celebrated my 16th birthday out of it sick on the couch. Couldn't eat or drink anything like 3 days before Christmas and finally snapped, was bawling my face off and couldn't breathe. Was admitted overnight for observations and to be loaded up with fluids and I just remember my mom sleeping on a chair next to my bed to make sure if I needed anything she'd be there. She snores like a freight train so I didn't really sleep but it was sweet nonetheless lol.
Confession: we had our safety luncheons today at work. I had every intention of packing my lunch and mayyybeee having one piece of pizza. Ended up having 3 pieces of pizza, 5 wings, and some of these cinnamon twist things and tottallyyyy forgot my lunch at home. Oops.0 -
These stories about the childhood stuff some of you went through make my heart hurt.
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Confession: I will use the same k-cup 2-3 times. lol
Worst confession I've read here, ewwwwwww. I loathe weak coffee...I'm the one who likes the cup from the bottom of the french press that's practically strong enough to stand up on its own.
But that leads to a confession that I do put a splash of cold water in my super-strong coffee to cool it down for maximum immediate gulbability, and that grosses most people out too.
I thought I was the only person who did this! I can down a 16 oz. coffee in under 5 minutes...it is the fastest way to get the caffeine in, without actually injecting it!0 -
ladybuggnorris wrote: »Confession: I will use the same k-cup 2-3 times. lol
Worst confession I've read here, ewwwwwww. I loathe weak coffee...I'm the one who likes the cup from the bottom of the french press that's practically strong enough to stand up on its own.
But that leads to a confession that I do put a splash of cold water in my super-strong coffee to cool it down for maximum immediate gulbability, and that grosses most people out too.
I thought I was the only person who did this! I can down a 16 oz. coffee in under 5 minutes...it is the fastest way to get the caffeine in, without actually injecting it!
This is why I
iced coffee 
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almondbutterbay wrote: »almondbutterbay wrote: »I've eaten things I'm allergic to the last four days and because of that I've been sick for four days. Ugh why can't I stop?
I love bubble tea though.almondbutterbay wrote: »I ate gluten today again by accident. This is the fourth day in a row and I wish I was dead because it hurts so much #sendhelp. Not sure why I keep accidently eating considering I go months at a time and do fine.
I'm really sorry you've been feeling ill and because of food
Has something triggered the food choices? Is there someway of trying to be more aware of what you're eating? - A food/mood diary perhaps? Wishing you a speedy recovery!
I've been logging what I eat on here cause when I do I pretty much don't ever eat anything I'm allergic to. I went to my friends house on Thursday and when I was there I was super tempted to eat ice cream cause they were all eating it and I know that's no excuse but sometimes I get sick of not feeling like I can be normal. So the I ate some and then up until yesterday I had been feeling so sick, bloated, sad, and fat that I was making bad food choices cause I just felt like I hated myself so much. Thanks for caring
To anyone who heard that I started my new job last week, it's been going really well still
Yay for the new job :-)
I k now what you mean about wanting to be normal and just have what everyone else has. Then having it. Then really wishing you hadn't. Sorry, no wise words, just wanted you to know you're not alone.
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I sometimes put a cube or 2 of ice in my coffee. But that's only if I take my coffee with me. I hate driving and having to blow in the travel mug the whole time, barely drinking my coffee.
A 3rd brew of the k-cup is rare.
The 1st brew I use the large cup setting, the 2nd brew I use the small cup setting since it will be weaker. I use creamer too, but less creamer is used on the 2nd brew of course.
Now lets get along people! *warm and fuzzies*
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Using MFP made me realize (though I already knew) that I was eating mayonnaise on something EVERY DAY. I do love mayonnaise, but at 90 calories a tbsp, my love was becoming a roadblock... I can't even keep it moderate, because I like LOTS of mayo... like, I put mayo on both pieces of bread before I even put my chicken salad (made with mayo) on...
So, alas.. I've mostly cut mayo out altogether, saving it for when I have my cheeseburger every other week or so... And I've taken a shine to mashing and spreading half an avocado onto my sandwiches instead. Sure, it has more calories in the quantity I use it, but it's more satiating and actually nutritious... and the consistency is just right for getting my "fatty creamy topping" fix.
And on cheeseburger day, when they bring me a little cup with at least two tbsp of the white stuff in it for my burger, I totally reserve some so I can dip my fries in it, too. Did I mention I love mayo?0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »
That's horrible! But I can totally relate.Italian_Buju wrote: »Yeah, that is a nasty illness. Way earlier in the thread we were talking about serial killers and I said I knew a girl that was attacked by the local one we had. It was a savage attack and she was in the hospital for weeks and weeks, and neither of her parents visited her even once, because they were both just drunk all the time.....to make matters worse, her mother was a nasty drunk and when she was finally able to go home, her mother would get drunk and yell nasty stuff at her about hoping she caught AIDS from the rape and stuff. It was pretty tragic.....
Had something similar happen (to a much lesser degree!) when I was 16 and had to have emergency surgery... as in, saw the doctor at 4 PM and surgery booked for 11 PM that night... my parents brought me to the hospital, provided the insurance info, and left. They told the nurse to call and let them know how my surgery turned out. Their excuse was "We have to get up for work in the morning" but it was really all about not missing any drinking that evening.
I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.
I can relate to that because my mother did that to me! I was about 13 and was vomiting all day and in a lot of pain. A friend had slept over the night before, and by morning when she was leaving I headed over to the ER. My mother checked me in, and then left. I spent hours and hours in an ER room, puking my brains out and passing out over and over. The surgeon said I needed my appendix out, but they could not find my parents to sign the surgery consent. This was the mid 80's so before cell phones etc. My friend that had slept over stopped in with her mom that evening because they had been calling the house and could not get anyone so they came to the ER to see if I was still there. I vaguely remember seeing them between passing out. My friend's mother lost her mind when she realized I was there alone and that they hospital could not find my parents. She actually went out and hunted them down on her own. They were out at a restaurant having dinner. My father had come home from work, and my mother did not even tell him I was at the hospital or anything. I remember the DR reaming her out, and her excuse was that she was diabetic and needed dinner. REALLY? Grab a sandwich, wtf. Not only that, but she was gone for hours and hours before that.
Because they had to wait so long, my appendix burst while they were taking it out, I ended up in hospital for three weeks with a nasty infection and my scar is HUGE! My mother was a complete asshat. That is one of the lesser things she did to me......
This makes me sad beyond belief. I am the first to say that being a parent is the hardest job there is, but I cannot believe the terrible things you and so many others have endured.
I still beat myself up regularly for all the ways I feel like I've failed my children. Whenever they have an issue or a problem I immediately think about what I could've done differently or should have not done or said, but they DO know I love them and I'm their biggest fan in spite of my faults and shortcomings. I cannot comprehend the way some parents treat their own children. That's where my ranting about "don't have kids unless you really want to!" comes to play. Some people are not meant to be parents, but they don't think it out ahead of time.
BZAH10, I don't know if it will help to hear this, but I hope that it does... because I think it's normal for good and caring parents (such as yourself) to question things, after the fact, and to ponder what they could have done differently (albeit utilizing wisdom and experience gained in years since (but it doesn't 'work that way'
))...
Years ago, I saw an interview that involved a parent with one of her adult children... and the mother stated, in the interview, that she felt as though she'd failed her children, and that she wished she had done so many things differently... and her son immediately spoke up, and asked her, 'so you're not proud of us? -- you don't like how we turned out? -- you want a 'do-over'...?' -- and she then saw things from her son's perspective... and realized that what she desired to have done 'better', as a parent, was being interpreted by her child as a 'we didn't turn out good enough' sort of 'indictment' -- and she knew that wasn't the case -- she loved and adored her children, and she was proud of them... she just needed to find a way to show herself the kind of understanding (and 'forgiveness', if necessary) that she would show other well-intentioned, loving parents, who engaged in similar reflective 'questioning' of their parental actions... and to not look at her actions in a way that her children could find to be a form of 'regret' 'for' them being who they were/are...
...good parents need to find a way to 'give themselves a break'...
...while bad parents (and goodness knows there are MANY of them) rarely question anything they've done...
And so... there's this irony associated with such... in that good parents often 'torture' themselves, silently, in an ongoing(-over-time) questioning of what they could have done better -- because they care, and they want to do their best -- not only out of a moral, ethical, and loving imperative 'toward' and 'for' their children, but because they care beyond words about 'doing right by' them, altogether... and the medium of language is highly inadequate for describing the depths of their love for their children...
...while bad parents can often 'not lose any sleep' over anything they've done (that is, if they even 'admit' to themselves what they did -- and didn't do)...
...whereas, if a kind of parent-specific 'positive after-the-fact' were able to emanate in the 'wake' of parenting a child... bad parents would be able to recognize and acknowledge reality for what it is (and do their damndest to figure out their problems... and in cases where it would not be further destructive, want to salvage a possible relationship with their adult children -- if and when it were possible (or advisable) for said children to even 're-engage' with any such parent who had 'failed' them (it would depend on the circumstance))... and good parents would be able to focus on the good they did, instead of questioning any perceived 'could-have-been-better' -type 'anything'... and save any 'would have done ____ differently, and in ____ way, and for these reasons...' -type 'anything' for current generation parents, should they happen to ask...
And the reality is... that kids come to know the difference... and as adults -- and especially when they become parents themselves -- they often acquire an even deeper understanding and appreciation for what their parents did, if their parents were 'good' parents... and if they had bad parents -- the incomprehensibility of what took place while growing up can become all the more 'magnified', and result in a kind of 'stalwart defense' of their children, to ensure that their kids never experience any 'form' of what they did, when said parent was a child...
And as much as many of us have survived parenting 'approaches' that belong in some sort of Hall of Fame for What Not To Do (Ever)... I feel compelled to 'point out', to all of the good parents out there, that they have no idea what another child's circumstance might happen to be (and despite what it might 'appear' to be)... and how even a moment of a good parent's actions around their child can help a child who 'witnesses' such, and who might only be around them on occasion, or even fleetingly... being around various friends' parents, while growing up, showed me how, and among so many ways, good and loving parents cared for their children... and simply 'being around it', can be a form of 'emotional oxygen' that various kids need in order to survive their home environments...
...and so... good parents often end up doing more good than they realize... and can positively affect the lives of other children, and even if said parents never know it... good parents -- caring people, caring for children, and doing their best, at the age, time, and life-experience that they have 'then' -- do more good in this world than I can put into words... I don't know that I'd be alive today if it weren't for my friends' parents, and the important difference they made in my life, when I was an adolescent... and I think of three sets, specifically, to this day... and am grateful to them beyond what any language could ever express... and I privately visit the graves of two of them, when I'm near the relevant cemetery... good parents can be a kind of 'superhero' in the lives of children they never 'parented' -- and for whom even 'witnessing' such parenting can have powerfully positive, reverberatory impact that 'lasts a lifetime'...
In closing... and getting back to some playfulness...
BZAH10, to borrow phrasing from two McDonald's advertising slogans, from 'moons ago' ... "you deserve a break today... understand and 'forgive away'... 'cause you meant well -- and did it all for them..."
...and it might help to keep in mind... that there is no such thing as a "perfect" parent... and that well-intentioned caring, trying, and loving, is 'worth its weight in gold' (that is, if any of those actually 'weighed' anything...
).
So, BZAH10, on this upcoming Mother's Day -- don't engage in a 'glass half-empty' -type 'look' at parenting, or self-assigned parenting 'report card', or think anything of the kind -- know that your children embrace and celebrate every last 'drop' of that glass being 'way more than half full' (and even if they have the luxury of taking any of it for granted)... and that they wouldn't 'trade you for the world' (just as you wouldn't, them)... you all were meant to be in each other's lives... and you love each other... and that's priceless, and so flippin' beautiful...0 -
HollandOats wrote: »Using MFP made me realize (though I already knew) that I was eating mayonnaise on something EVERY DAY. I do love mayonnaise, but at 90 calories a tbsp, my love was becoming a roadblock... I can't even keep it moderate, because I like LOTS of mayo... like, I put mayo on both pieces of bread before I even put my chicken salad (made with mayo) on...
So, alas.. I've mostly cut mayo out altogether, saving it for when I have my cheeseburger every other week or so... And I've taken a shine to mashing and spreading half an avocado onto my sandwiches instead. Sure, it has more calories in the quantity I use it, but it's more satiating and actually nutritious... and the consistency is just right for getting my "fatty creamy topping" fix.
And on cheeseburger day, when they bring me a little cup with at least two tbsp of the white stuff in it for my burger, I totally reserve some so I can dip my fries in it, too. Did I mention I love mayo?
I will start dedicating some of my mayo to you, since more is a good thing for me.0 -
HollandOats wrote: »Using MFP made me realize (though I already knew) that I was eating mayonnaise on something EVERY DAY. I do love mayonnaise, but at 90 calories a tbsp, my love was becoming a roadblock... I can't even keep it moderate, because I like LOTS of mayo... like, I put mayo on both pieces of bread before I even put my chicken salad (made with mayo) on...
So, alas.. I've mostly cut mayo out altogether, saving it for when I have my cheeseburger every other week or so... And I've taken a shine to mashing and spreading half an avocado onto my sandwiches instead. Sure, it has more calories in the quantity I use it, but it's more satiating and actually nutritious... and the consistency is just right for getting my "fatty creamy topping" fix.
And on cheeseburger day, when they bring me a little cup with at least two tbsp of the white stuff in it for my burger, I totally reserve some so I can dip my fries in it, too. Did I mention I love mayo?
I HEART MAYO TOO! On sandwiches I love to load it on there- I loeve mixing it with ketchup and mustard on on hotdogs and my favorite is mixing ketchup and mayo together for dipping my fries. I'm going through withdraw- I feel your pain.0 -
HollandOats wrote: »Using MFP made me realize (though I already knew) that I was eating mayonnaise on something EVERY DAY. I do love mayonnaise, but at 90 calories a tbsp, my love was becoming a roadblock... I can't even keep it moderate, because I like LOTS of mayo... like, I put mayo on both pieces of bread before I even put my chicken salad (made with mayo) on...
So, alas.. I've mostly cut mayo out altogether, saving it for when I have my cheeseburger every other week or so... And I've taken a shine to mashing and spreading half an avocado onto my sandwiches instead. Sure, it has more calories in the quantity I use it, but it's more satiating and actually nutritious... and the consistency is just right for getting my "fatty creamy topping" fix.
And on cheeseburger day, when they bring me a little cup with at least two tbsp of the white stuff in it for my burger, I totally reserve some so I can dip my fries in it, too. Did I mention I love mayo?
I will start dedicating some of my mayo to you, since more is a good thing for me.
This warms my little mayo-loving heart.HollandOats wrote: »Using MFP made me realize (though I already knew) that I was eating mayonnaise on something EVERY DAY. I do love mayonnaise, but at 90 calories a tbsp, my love was becoming a roadblock... I can't even keep it moderate, because I like LOTS of mayo... like, I put mayo on both pieces of bread before I even put my chicken salad (made with mayo) on...
So, alas.. I've mostly cut mayo out altogether, saving it for when I have my cheeseburger every other week or so... And I've taken a shine to mashing and spreading half an avocado onto my sandwiches instead. Sure, it has more calories in the quantity I use it, but it's more satiating and actually nutritious... and the consistency is just right for getting my "fatty creamy topping" fix.
And on cheeseburger day, when they bring me a little cup with at least two tbsp of the white stuff in it for my burger, I totally reserve some so I can dip my fries in it, too. Did I mention I love mayo?
I HEART MAYO TOO! On sandwiches I love to load it on there- I loeve mixing it with ketchup and mustard on on hotdogs and my favorite is mixing ketchup and mayo together for dipping my fries. I'm going through withdraw- I feel your pain.
Mayo lovers unite!!
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ladybuggnorris wrote: »Confession: I will use the same k-cup 2-3 times. lol
Worst confession I've read here, ewwwwwww. I loathe weak coffee...I'm the one who likes the cup from the bottom of the french press that's practically strong enough to stand up on its own.
But that leads to a confession that I do put a splash of cold water in my super-strong coffee to cool it down for maximum immediate gulbability, and that grosses most people out too.
I thought I was the only person who did this! I can down a 16 oz. coffee in under 5 minutes...it is the fastest way to get the caffeine in, without actually injecting it!
I got tired of the whole coffee thing. Felt like it was more work than it was worth and I don't like it hot so I would drink 2, 3, 4 day old coffee. I started taking half a 5 Hour Energy in the morning and half in the afternoon and it works much better for me.0 -
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kellienw335 wrote: »ladybuggnorris wrote: »Confession: I will use the same k-cup 2-3 times. lol
Worst confession I've read here, ewwwwwww. I loathe weak coffee...I'm the one who likes the cup from the bottom of the french press that's practically strong enough to stand up on its own.
But that leads to a confession that I do put a splash of cold water in my super-strong coffee to cool it down for maximum immediate gulbability, and that grosses most people out too.
I thought I was the only person who did this! I can down a 16 oz. coffee in under 5 minutes...it is the fastest way to get the caffeine in, without actually injecting it!
I got tired of the whole coffee thing. Felt like it was more work than it was worth and I don't like it hot so I would drink 2, 3, 4 day old coffee. I started taking half a 5 Hour Energy in the morning and half in the afternoon and it works much better for me.
RE: 5 Hour Energy:
You can buy B Vitamin Complex in liquid form from any vitamin shoppe (I think mine are from Puritan's Pride) and it comes with a dropper, you drop a measure of the liquid under your tongue. It's like ultra-concentrated 5 Hour Energy, for a much lower cost per use. And I can attest, when my butt is dragging, and I drop a double dose under my tongue, I am perked up within the half hour! (Those 5 hour energies can get expensive).
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qn4bx9pzg8aifd wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »
That's horrible! But I can totally relate.Italian_Buju wrote: »Yeah, that is a nasty illness. Way earlier in the thread we were talking about serial killers and I said I knew a girl that was attacked by the local one we had. It was a savage attack and she was in the hospital for weeks and weeks, and neither of her parents visited her even once, because they were both just drunk all the time.....to make matters worse, her mother was a nasty drunk and when she was finally able to go home, her mother would get drunk and yell nasty stuff at her about hoping she caught AIDS from the rape and stuff. It was pretty tragic.....
Had something similar happen (to a much lesser degree!) when I was 16 and had to have emergency surgery... as in, saw the doctor at 4 PM and surgery booked for 11 PM that night... my parents brought me to the hospital, provided the insurance info, and left. They told the nurse to call and let them know how my surgery turned out. Their excuse was "We have to get up for work in the morning" but it was really all about not missing any drinking that evening.
I was sexually assaulted by an older male coworker when I was 17 and didn't tell my parents, for fear of hearing negative and unsupportive comments.
I can relate to that because my mother did that to me! I was about 13 and was vomiting all day and in a lot of pain. A friend had slept over the night before, and by morning when she was leaving I headed over to the ER. My mother checked me in, and then left. I spent hours and hours in an ER room, puking my brains out and passing out over and over. The surgeon said I needed my appendix out, but they could not find my parents to sign the surgery consent. This was the mid 80's so before cell phones etc. My friend that had slept over stopped in with her mom that evening because they had been calling the house and could not get anyone so they came to the ER to see if I was still there. I vaguely remember seeing them between passing out. My friend's mother lost her mind when she realized I was there alone and that they hospital could not find my parents. She actually went out and hunted them down on her own. They were out at a restaurant having dinner. My father had come home from work, and my mother did not even tell him I was at the hospital or anything. I remember the DR reaming her out, and her excuse was that she was diabetic and needed dinner. REALLY? Grab a sandwich, wtf. Not only that, but she was gone for hours and hours before that.
Because they had to wait so long, my appendix burst while they were taking it out, I ended up in hospital for three weeks with a nasty infection and my scar is HUGE! My mother was a complete asshat. That is one of the lesser things she did to me......
This makes me sad beyond belief. I am the first to say that being a parent is the hardest job there is, but I cannot believe the terrible things you and so many others have endured.
I still beat myself up regularly for all the ways I feel like I've failed my children. Whenever they have an issue or a problem I immediately think about what I could've done differently or should have not done or said, but they DO know I love them and I'm their biggest fan in spite of my faults and shortcomings. I cannot comprehend the way some parents treat their own children. That's where my ranting about "don't have kids unless you really want to!" comes to play. Some people are not meant to be parents, but they don't think it out ahead of time.
BZAH10, I don't know if it will help to hear this, but I hope that it does... because I think it's normal for good and caring parents (such as yourself) to question things, after the fact, and to ponder what they could have done differently (albeit utilizing wisdom and experience gained in years since (but it doesn't 'work that way' ))...
Years ago, I saw an interview that involved a parent with one of her adult children... and the mother stated, in the interview, that she felt as though she'd failed her children, and that she wished she had done so many things differently... and her son immediately spoke up, and asked her, 'so you're not proud of us? -- you don't like how we turned out? -- you want a 'do-over'...?' -- and she then saw things from her son's perspective... and realized that what she desired to have done 'better', as a parent, was being interpreted by her child as a 'we didn't turn out good enough' sort of 'indictment' -- and she knew that wasn't the case -- she loved and adored her children, and she was proud of them... she just needed to find a way to show herself the kind of understanding (and 'forgiveness', if necessary) that she would show other well-intentioned, loving parents, who engaged in similar reflective 'questioning' of their parental actions... and to not look at her actions in a way that her children could find to be a form of 'regret' 'for' them being who they were/are...
...good parents need to find a way to 'give themselves a break'...
...while bad parents (and goodness knows there are MANY of them) rarely question anything they've done...
And so... there's this irony associated with such... in that good parents often 'torture' themselves, silently, in an ongoing(-over-time) questioning of what they could have done better -- because they care, and they want to do their best -- not only out of a moral, ethical, and loving imperative 'toward' and 'for' their children, but because they care beyond words about 'doing right by' them, altogether... and the medium of language is highly inadequate for describing the depths of their love for their children...
...while bad parents can often 'not lose any sleep' over anything they've done (that is, if they even 'admit' to themselves what they did -- and didn't do)...
...whereas, if a kind of parent-specific 'positive after-the-fact' were able to emanate in the 'wake' of parenting a child... bad parents would be able to recognize and acknowledge reality for what it is (and do their damndest to figure out their problems... and in cases where it would not be further destructive, want to salvage a possible relationship with their adult children -- if and when it were possible (or advisable) for said children to even 're-engage' with any such parent who had 'failed' them (it would depend on the circumstance))... and good parents would be able to focus on the good they did, instead of questioning any perceived 'could-have-been-better' -type 'anything'... and save any 'would have done ____ differently, and in ____ way, and for these reasons...' -type 'anything' for current generation parents, should they happen to ask...
And the reality is... that kids come to know the difference... and as adults -- and especially when they become parents themselves -- they often acquire an even deeper understanding and appreciation for what their parents did, if their parents were 'good' parents... and if they had bad parents -- the incomprehensibility of what took place while growing up can become all the more 'magnified', and result in a kind of 'stalwart defense' of their children, to ensure that their kids never experience any 'form' of what they did, when said parent was a child...
And as much as many of us have survived parenting 'approaches' that belong in some sort of Hall of Fame for What Not To Do (Ever)... I feel compelled to 'point out', to all of the good parents out there, that they have no idea what another child's circumstance might happen to be (and despite what it might 'appear' to be)... and how even a moment of a good parent's actions around their child can help a child who 'witnesses' such, and who might only be around them on occasion, or even fleetingly... being around various friends' parents, while growing up, showed me how, and among so many ways, good and loving parents cared for their children... and simply 'being around it', can be a form of 'emotional oxygen' that various kids need in order to survive their home environments...
...and so... good parents often end up doing more good than they realize... and can positively affect the lives of other children, and even if said parents never know it... good parents -- caring people, caring for children, and doing their best, at the age, time, and life-experience that they have 'then' -- do more good in this world than I can put into words... I don't know that I'd be alive today if it weren't for my friends' parents, and the important difference they made in my life, when I was an adolescent... and I think of three sets, specifically, to this day... and am grateful to them beyond what any language could ever express... and I privately visit the graves of two of them, when I'm near the relevant cemetery... good parents can be a kind of 'superhero' in the lives of children they never 'parented' -- and for whom even 'witnessing' such parenting can have powerfully positive, reverberatory impact that 'lasts a lifetime'...
In closing... and getting back to some playfulness...
BZAH10, to borrow phrasing from two McDonald's advertising slogans, from 'moons ago' ... "you deserve a break today... understand and 'forgive away'... 'cause you meant well -- and did it all for them..."
...and it might help to keep in mind... that there is no such thing as a "perfect" parent... and that well-intentioned caring, trying, and loving, is 'worth its weight in gold' (that is, if any of those actually 'weighed' anything...).
So, BZAH10, on this upcoming Mother's Day -- don't engage in a 'glass half-empty' -type 'look' at parenting, or self-assigned parenting 'report card', or think anything of the kind -- know that your children embrace and celebrate every last 'drop' of that glass being 'way more than half full' (and even if they have the luxury of taking any of it for granted)... and that they wouldn't 'trade you for the world' (just as you wouldn't, them)... you all were meant to be in each other's lives... and you love each other... and that's priceless, and so flippin' beautiful...
Wow. I am beyond overwhelmed. At the risk of sounding crazy or creepy or whatever, this is by FAR the longest, most thoughtful, nicest thing anyone has ever written to me! Yes, hearing from the child's perspective makes a world of difference. Also, your experience with other parents - that I agree with as well. I do know for a fact that my husband and I did help a few of our kids friends. Generally, we wouldn't really pick up on it until someone would spend the night and then 4 days later still be there. Quietly trying to move in. Our kids wanted out, but their friends wanted in. Figured we weren't THAT bad after all.
We have what we all refer to as a "weirdly blended family", none of which I've mentioned here, but it adds to the dynamics. Again, I cannot express how much your post means to me! I'm printing it and saving it. And, reading it on Mother's Day! Thanks again!0 -
Confession: I will use the same k-cup 2-3 times. lol
Worst confession I've read here, ewwwwwww. I loathe weak coffee...I'm the one who likes the cup from the bottom of the french press that's practically strong enough to stand up on its own.
But that leads to a confession that I do put a splash of cold water in my super-strong coffee to cool it down for maximum immediate gulbability, and that grosses most people out too.
Here, here! My almost daily drink from Starbucks is a triple ristretto with a bit of steamed soy milk. Regular coffee, much like the pathetic stuff served at hotels and breakfast places is what I refer to as "hot, brown water". Would rather suffer caffeine withdrawals that try to keep that stuff down. Oddly, if I go a day or two without my super strong coffee it doesn't bother me, though.0
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