What nobody tells you about losing weight
Replies
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FatAFNoMore wrote: »LauraInTheWater wrote: »Not only that but in my life I have NEVER been ok with getting too much male attention unless it is on my terms. So the hiding thing makes sense.
I figured this out the last time I lost 50 pounds and started to have my curvy figure be very obvious. I tried to see a therapist to help me figure out why I freak out at a certain size and blow up again but I can't find one that is really getting the problem. They all seem to use the cognitive behavior approach, which is okay I guess, it's about how to think/act in situations but I want to know WHY, get to the root and really fix it instead of having crutches to deal with it. But when they simply don't understand and say how that's so unusual I know they will suck. Now that I'm dealing with medical issues I'm hoping I'll keep going when I finally get to my tipping point because I really need to but I still wish I had a good therapist to help me. I'm super private so just the idea of trying yet again to find one that fits me is overwhelming. So I guess I'll use you guys?
We are WAY cheaper! And someone here has probably dealt with this the same way you have. I understand needing to know the why behind behavior. It's why I studied psychology in undergrad. Keep digging, keep talking to someone who you trust and you'll get there.7 -
FatAFNoMore wrote: »LauraInTheWater wrote: »Not only that but in my life I have NEVER been ok with getting too much male attention unless it is on my terms. So the hiding thing makes sense.
I figured this out the last time I lost 50 pounds and started to have my curvy figure be very obvious. I tried to see a therapist to help me figure out why I freak out at a certain size and blow up again but I can't find one that is really getting the problem. They all seem to use the cognitive behavior approach, which is okay I guess, it's about how to think/act in situations but I want to know WHY, get to the root and really fix it instead of having crutches to deal with it. But when they simply don't understand and say how that's so unusual I know they will suck. Now that I'm dealing with medical issues I'm hoping I'll keep going when I finally get to my tipping point because I really need to but I still wish I had a good therapist to help me. I'm super private so just the idea of trying yet again to find one that fits me is overwhelming. So I guess I'll use you guys?
Yes, feel free to use us! If you do want to find someone who can help you get at the root cause, consider looking for someone who specializes in body psychotherapy. For them, it's not about weight issues but the link between body and mind - how does what is going on in your subconscious manifest itself in your body. They are all about root causes. They will use the movement of the body to see what it triggers for you, then investigate what's behind it. But it doesn't have to be nosy movement - it can just be talking.
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FickleFruitBat wrote: »I've notices a lot of people mentioning their resentment of people who don't take care of their bodies. Remember that was you once, practice compassion. You might just inspire someone to change their life!
"Once" being the key word. To expound on that, I personally don't resent people that don't take care of their bodies (unless it infringes on my personal space) but I DO get annoyed af with people who complain about being fat on one hand while shoving in a Big Mac with the other. I don't have time for that.18 -
I'm getting a lot more 'looks' from the women in my building. It's certainly unexpected, and not necessarily unwelcome, but it's definitely something I'm not used to.17
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VeronicaA76 wrote: »
For example, I went out the other night and got a "light" option that I feel is just as tasty as the full calorie option, but I just felt like I was that woman you know? The one who isn't overweight, but is getting the low calorie option and you're wondering why because it's not like she's fat.
Oh dear yes, all of this. Ordering a salad, because I want a salad and get looks of "why are you ordering a salad, you can eat whatever you want, you're not fat". Clothing, well, they do make most things in an extra small. Or we could just shop in the children's section, it's cheaper anyways. And who knows, you'll just have to find a way to rock that Dora the Explorer t-shirt!
Going back to this ^
I met a guy a few years ago and we became mates. He was/is your average young, slim good looking guy in his early 20s...I just assumed because he was so slender (and spent a lot of time in the gym), like most blokes his build and age, he had a lightening speed metabolism and could eat like a horse. I then noticed that on nights out he would drink vodka/gin with diet tonic or diet coke when the other guys were on pints. I also spotted that when we went out together as a group for food, occasionally he wouldn't join in or would order something really small, just saying that he ate loads earlier.
Eventually I got to know him enough to ask him about this, and he just laughed, pulled up a photo on his phone and said "that's why!". It turns out he used to be really overweight, put in the work and lost it and had been maintaining with these little tricks for several years.
It really made me think about the assumptions I make when I meet people. If I had met him whilst he was big, I wouldn't have questioned for a second why he was making these choices. It also blew my mind a little that this person that I'd only known as a fit young guy with used to be obese!
I only hope that one day I'm the one laughing and pulling the chubby photos out to explain my eating choices. Well done guys!!
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VeronicaA76 wrote: »
For example, I went out the other night and got a "light" option that I feel is just as tasty as the full calorie option, but I just felt like I was that woman you know? The one who isn't overweight, but is getting the low calorie option and you're wondering why because it's not like she's fat.
Oh dear yes, all of this. Ordering a salad, because I want a salad and get looks of "why are you ordering a salad, you can eat whatever you want, you're not fat". Clothing, well, they do make most things in an extra small. Or we could just shop in the children's section, it's cheaper anyways. And who knows, you'll just have to find a way to rock that Dora the Explorer t-shirt!
Going back to this ^
I met a guy a few years ago and we became mates. He was/is your average young, slim good looking guy in his early 20s...I just assumed because he was so slender (and spent a lot of time in the gym), like most blokes his build and age, he had a lightening speed metabolism and could eat like a horse. I then noticed that on nights out he would drink vodka/gin with diet tonic or diet coke when the other guys were on pints. I also spotted that when we went out together as a group for food, occasionally he wouldn't join in or would order something really small, just saying that he ate loads earlier.
Eventually I got to know him enough to ask him about this, and he just laughed, pulled up a photo on his phone and said "that's why!". It turns out he used to be really overweight, put in the work and lost it and had been maintaining with these little tricks for several years.
It really made me think about the assumptions I make when I meet people. If I had met him whilst he was big, I wouldn't have questioned for a second why he was making these choices. It also blew my mind a little that this person that I'd only known as a fit young guy with used to be obese!
I only hope that one day I'm the one laughing and pulling the chubby photos out to explain my eating choices. Well done guys!!
I cheesed off my office mate yesterday (day before?) because of this. I was eating a Kodiak cakes muffin when she walked in with a turkey sub and some chips. She told me the union rep was giving away the sandwiches and to go get one. I pointed at the muffin and said I was good; she got huffy and she'd wouldn't eat the sandwich and that she'd take it to another coworker.
It wasn't my intention to upset her, but she knows I plan my eating. I'm pretty open about it and my past weight loss, but then I'm also pretty alpha when I need to be. I don't apologize for eating light or not accepting food, but I try not to be a jerk about either.20 -
Might be tmi.. but it's a lot easier shaving everywhere now. lol29
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You feel you can do more. Hitting one goal was not enough... you want more. And the pleasure is chasing a goal.
At the same time - i'm amazed at how quickly people give up or settle... and that I was like that.14 -
being conscious of how baggy my clothes look13
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So far the biggest things I have noticed since losing weight has been the comments. I have had people tell me well I do the exact same thing your doing and I haven't lost anything. While they are telling me this they are snacking on potato chips and have a snickers bar on their desk. Really! I have also been told you look fine the way you are and don't need to bother to lose anymore weight, skinny people never look right. But on a more positive note I can now fit into my daughter's clothes. She doesn't really like it, because now I take her jackets and pants. Oh well all is fair in love and weight loss.19
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I'm getting a lot more 'looks' from the women in my building. It's certainly unexpected, and not necessarily unwelcome, but it's definitely something I'm not used to.
I'm noticing the same.. they are smiling more and gazing at me longer.......hmmm interesting. Maybe it's my clothes fitting better?6 -
farmerpam1 wrote: »Lots of positives, the only downside, I have one "friend" I've known for years and she's said nothing. Really? I mean complete strangers have commented, cashiers at the grocery, dentist etc, so it's not as if you can't tell I've lost about 40 pounds, I mean I'm barely 5 feet tall! Last time I saw her she was very passive aggressive, laughed because I was wearing a skirt. I've known her since high school and I was always the chubby one, she was tall and slim, but she's not anymore. I realized that my success made her feel like a failure, in her mind. The last time I saw her will be the last time.
I have a long time friend who for easily 15+ years NEVER complimented me on anything, hair, clothes, new car, spaceship purchase (LMAO)...it did not matter her mouth was sealed. But she never appeared to have a problem complimenting everyone else. I only noticed it because you know how you have those days where you know that you are ooonnnn point and are receiving compliments left and right all day long, but her mouth never opened lol. She still does not compliment me really EXCEPT in cases where I post a picture on social media and loads of other people are complimenting me and I feel like she feels like people will wonder how someone who is supposedly so close to me never comments. As I am typing this I am recognizing that the rare compliments I have received recently all occurred after she got Lap-Band surgery (hmm).
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I'm getting a lot more 'looks' from the women in my building. It's certainly unexpected, and not necessarily unwelcome, but it's definitely something I'm not used to.
I'm noticing the same.. they are smiling more and gazing at me longer.......hmmm interesting. Maybe it's my clothes fitting better?
That's probably part of it, and the fact I'm one of the few men in the building (and definitely the only one around my age) who's belly doesn't hang over their pants. That, and the time I've spent in the gym is showing.10 -
"I DO get annoyed af with people who complain about being fat on one hand while shoving in a Big Mac with the other. I don't have time for that.
I agree if someone is complaining but not doing anything that is not cool. I feel this way in every aspect of life. If you are complaining but busting your butt, then I'll listen all day with a smile on my face. Otherwise no way.
When we all see someone overweight and only have the visual to judge we have to realize we know nothing. That fatso lard butt could have just lost 20 pounds and is on their way to a healthier self, not continuing the march up the scale. FYI that fatso lard butt is me in this example but I need to do that too, not judge small or 'average' people. I don't know their story.15 -
When people ask me how old I am and they say "damn you look good for your age"
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Got my license renewed today and the clerk said "Wow! You have lost a lot of weight since your last picture." My DH said "Yes she has!" 58 pounds to be exact!26
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There was a clearance in the workout clothes at khols (check it out. I went today FYI) and I actually found clothing in my size in the stack because I was just an xl instead of a 2 or 3x. $1.60 for t shirts and $3 for leggings! I got a few outfits.23
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No one told me how much my butt/hips would hurt when sitting or laying for long periods of time. I can't see these bones body image-wise but I am super aware they are there now. Also I am cold 95% of the time now.17
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That people have no effing qualms about calling you anorexic in public. I just ran into an old "friend" who proclaimed loudly, the following underhanded compliment:
"Wow! You've lost a lot of weight. Hope you're doing it the healthy way. Are you eating?" Even my laid back husband said that was tacky when we got into the car.
I forgot to mention the kicker: we were in a restaurant and we were eating a slice of cake when the guy walked up to us. Lol.16 -
unigirl143 wrote: »No one told me how much my butt/hips would hurt when sitting or laying for long periods of time. I can't see these bones body image-wise but I am super aware they are there now. Also I am cold 95% of the time now.
I ended up having to buy a new computer chair (an expensive one) with a memory foam pad. I also keep an extra pillow in the bed to tuck under the bonier spots during the night. And I've got some nice 'mink' blankets from Korea.
But I like sweaters, so that's a plus. I've got a beautiful one I picked up in Denmark back in the '80s; it fits nicely now. But most of the ones I have now are too big. Guess they're going to Goodwill.8 -
Took a photo from behind in a mirror only to find a huge random chunk of fat on the back of my left thigh. The right is looking much leaner!
Laughed myself silly after I'd got over the shock
Doubt the weight went on evenly though so I can't expect it to come off that way!!!11 -
The discovery of a fashion sense. Never knew I had one.
I still have a long way to go, but I am already becoming more acquainted with my body. "Oh, I have a dimple there, oh, I never knew my back could curve like that." I am also receiving signals from my body better. I picked up I was feeling ill sooner than I normally would.
I actually have more energy now, and I can't sit still for long periods of time anymore. I felt so restless I went and played fetch with my dog in the middle of an episode I was watching.
Feeling scared that I will change so much that I won't recognize myself in the mirror. I have never been thin before so it is entirely new territory for me. Will I look like my mother, or more like my aunt? Will I have a strong jaw line? What shape will my face end up being? It's frightening and I am afraid that I will struggle with body image problems after this process.20 -
VeronicaA76 wrote: »
For example, I went out the other night and got a "light" option that I feel is just as tasty as the full calorie option, but I just felt like I was that woman you know? The one who isn't overweight, but is getting the low calorie option and you're wondering why because it's not like she's fat.
Oh dear yes, all of this. Ordering a salad, because I want a salad and get looks of "why are you ordering a salad, you can eat whatever you want, you're not fat". Clothing, well, they do make most things in an extra small. Or we could just shop in the children's section, it's cheaper anyways. And who knows, you'll just have to find a way to rock that Dora the Explorer t-shirt!
Going back to this ^
I met a guy a few years ago and we became mates. He was/is your average young, slim good looking guy in his early 20s...I just assumed because he was so slender (and spent a lot of time in the gym), like most blokes his build and age, he had a lightening speed metabolism and could eat like a horse. I then noticed that on nights out he would drink vodka/gin with diet tonic or diet coke when the other guys were on pints. I also spotted that when we went out together as a group for food, occasionally he wouldn't join in or would order something really small, just saying that he ate loads earlier.
Eventually I got to know him enough to ask him about this, and he just laughed, pulled up a photo on his phone and said "that's why!". It turns out he used to be really overweight, put in the work and lost it and had been maintaining with these little tricks for several years.
It really made me think about the assumptions I make when I meet people. If I had met him whilst he was big, I wouldn't have questioned for a second why he was making these choices. It also blew my mind a little that this person that I'd only known as a fit young guy with used to be obese!
I only hope that one day I'm the one laughing and pulling the chubby photos out to explain my eating choices. Well done guys!!
HI CAN SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE? HOW DO YOU CREATE A NEW COMMENT NOT A NEW DISCUSSION0 -
I THINK I FOUND IT THANKS0
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I have a full wardrobe and NOTHING fits me. Só to me will be start dressing my lovely clothes and we'll take it from there3
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jcummings6 wrote: »Anyone struggle with how to respond when people tell you that you look good? I'm trying to figure out what it is that makes me feel uncomfortable. When I had lost some weight but was still bigger than most of my friends I loved sharing my progress but now I'm smaller than most of my friends and I feel really uncomfortable sharing when I meet another fitness or weight loss goal.
Just say "Thank you."
I do just say "Thank you" the problem is some people continue on and I get really uncomfortable talking about it. Someone mentioned saying just a little more which I may use. Like "Thank you, it's a challenge each day, but it's been worth it." Something like that... thanks for your reply.8 -
jcummings6 wrote: »Anyone struggle with how to respond when people tell you that you look good? I'm trying to figure out what it is that makes me feel uncomfortable. When I had lost some weight but was still bigger than most of my friends I loved sharing my progress but now I'm smaller than most of my friends and I feel really uncomfortable sharing when I meet another fitness or weight loss goal.
I usually tell them "Thank You, its a battle everyday, but so worth it"
Enjoy the compliment you worked HARD for it
I really like that, thank you. I've found that a simple "Thank you" doesn't turn the attention away, it's almost like I need a closing line after. lol4 -
I wrote this on my Facebook a while back after posting a "before" photo for the first time:
ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY LBS DOWN!! In the years I've been on a weight loss journey, I've never done this on my personal page. In fact, I've done my best to avoid catching even a glimpse of a dreaded "before" photo. This particular photo, however, popped up popped up in my Facebook memories earlier this week (thanks, Cassy!) and I just stopped and stared at the girl in it. I don't recognize her, I don't relate to her, and I no longer know her. But I am no longer ashamed of her, either. So, on a morning in which I received a heartbreaking message from a close friend relating the struggles she is experiencing with her own weight as well as a message asking me to support a popular weight loss product I've never even tried, I'm putting her out there for the first time for all of you to see.
You would think that the biggest result of losing weight would be ... well ... losing the weight. That hasn't been the case for me at all, though. I've found that the physical changes are completely secondary to lessons I had never even considered that I'd learn. The lessons have been at times painful, but they are incredibly important. So, in case there are any others out there struggling like my friend from this morning ...
• This is a journey that will never, ever end.
• You will not become a better or happier person because the scale flashed a particular number.
• Those who treated you like crap before will likely still treat you like crap.
• People will still comment on your size, what you eat, your exercise activities, etc.
• There will be days you will fail and this will happen often.
• Your body insecurities will not go away, they will just morph into something new.
• Every piece of clothing you try on will still not fit perfectly.
• Your talents will not increase.
• You will not suddenly have all of the answers.
• The world will not fall at your feet.
YOU DO NOT BECOME MORE OF ANYTHING BY BECOMING "LESS."
This process hasn't been about increasing my worth based on my size. It's been about learning how worthy that girl on the left (in the before photo) has always been.
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