A Success Story Of A Different Nature

AmandaReimer1

You look amazing and strong! Congrats on a better you! It doesn't matter if you had to gain weight to be healthy, fitness is on all levels, wether needing to gain or lose.

wbandel

You look happy, strong, and healthier. Great job!

heatherloveslifting

I'm so glad you posted this- I think there are a lot of women who need to see stories like this. You are doing great and I bet your stronger, healthier body *feels* great too! Way to go beautiful!

maiaroman18

Congratulations! You look great!!! And overcoming your ED is just awe inspiring!

meggyshae

WOW very inspiring!!!

learnerdriver

you are doing a fab job-thank you for sharing your story.

ChristineDiet

I am choked up reading your story. You have truly come along way and I know that dealing with ED is such a difficult thing to do but to be able to refocus your thoughts on your health and being 'in control' with your strength training is just amazing and fantastic that you found that.

You are doing a great job and look a million times better. It's a long haul of a ride getting over something like ED, I lost a friend to it when I was 14, I was also suffering from ED - I then went the other way and emotional ate! so I am trying to lose the weight now but hoping I will find my focus too in strength training.

good luck. xx

Martucha123

You look so much better now. Congrats on getting stronger!

Graelwyn75

Thankyou, to those who commented while I was asleep.

Graelwyn75

I thought since I have just returned from a long period of time away from this site, that I should update this post as a great deal has happened since. And not in a good way. My success is diminished a little bit in the years since I first posted this. To cut a long story short, in 2014 due to mental health issues, I left my gym and soon after ended up on anti depressants. I was also finally diagnosed officially with Autistic Spectrum Disorder after a lifetime of struggling. I have not fully accepted it yet. It makes me feel somehow lesser.

The anti depressants, Cymbalta, basically stopped me caring about anything and I stopped going out and became entirely inactive. I also hit the largest size I have ever been in my life and went up 3-4 sizes in the space of two months towards the end of being on the medication. I had never been that size even when I had been inactive and a binge eater in the past. The worst part is that I didn't care. Nevertheless I weaned myself off the medication and gradually worked up to walking again and, for a time, returned to the gym and to classes. It was incredibly painful as obviously my lungs had deteriorated a bit (COPD). I lost heart because it was taking so long to get my stamina back and quit again. Rather foolish of me I must admit.

My weight had returned to around 140 pounds from what I estimate to have been 168 within 6 months of stopping the medication and getting out and about again but I was not fit. I was getting and am still getting severe panic attacks, I was getting a lot of anger and I had such a build up of negativity and depression due to there being no focused outlet for all of my energy. I ended up on quetiapine to try and control my agitation.

I had dropped down to 125 pounds due to the stress of getting into a relationship and because I felt like a failure in all aspects of my life. I could not stop analysing all of the things that I lost out on in my past due to my mental health issues and due to my undiagnosed Autism. once again I was obsessed with controlling that silly little number on the scale. It was like Groundhog Day as those who remember me from before will remember that I had this before and turned it around before.

A week ago I finally decided I had had enough. I remembered that intense exercise had helped me in the past. I logically knew that constantly striving for a specific scale number was very self defeating and made for a miserable life. I also remembered that I felt just as good, if not better, being strong and fit and independent. So, I got my bike back and have now been out daily on it. It isn't easy. My lungs need to be built up again. I fear getting a panic attack in the middle of nowhere. But I do not want my freedom to be controlled by a primitive bodily response. I know it is going to take me sometime to get back to where I was. I may not achieve it as I am now 42 years old. But I am determined to try.

Already my focus on the scale has lessened. I was 128 pounds last I checked at 5'9.2. I know that is not a sustainable weight for me. I am disappointed in myself. I rediscovered this post of mine and thought to myself, so many people were inspired. Sure. I haven't slipped back into full on anorexia but I did allow myself to slip nevertheless.

Anyway. I hope to get back to the gym soon as well and work on building my strength back up. I know that I will never go on another anti depressant again. Although they can be beneficial for others they just seem to mess me up more. Exercise is the way for me. That and my voluntary work.

I apologise for the long winded post and for any discomfort I might have caused those who view mental health issues in a negative light. I just felt that if anyone still posts here who knew me before, I should give an honest update. Please be kind if you do respond, as always. I know I tend to overstate and be very open and you can feel free to ignore if it disturbs you.

I also wish good luck to anyone here who also struggles with mental health issues and/or eating disorders and I hope your journey has less backward steps than my own lol. Just don't lose faith and take every challenge and struggle as a learning experience. It is all any of us can do. Here's to getting my strength back. All forms of it.

Graelwyn75

Since all my original photos seem to have been barred thanks to photobucket's linking charges, I will add the originals here alongside current shots, just in case anyone was curious. I do not seek attention, merely to replace what was removed from the original post. I am not proud of most of these shots as they show a somewhat chaotic relationship with my body and with eating. However, I am still proud of what I achieved when this topic was originally posted.

This is when I was having a relapse with the anorexia. My parents never took photos of me at my most severe (70Ibs). I was around 112 here.



This is soon after I started hitting the gym, back in 2012, I believe.



These two are when I was at the peak of my fitness, back in 2013 when I posted this originally.




This is when I had gained around 28Ibs whilst on medication, and was taken around a year after those last shots.



This is how I look currently... As you can see, I obviously need to put some weight back on and build up my muscle mass again. Apologies for the public bathroom shots. I took them whilst out cycling.

enyagoboom

much patience to you; these are strong demons to deal with. your honesty is brave and good for you for coming back and getting back to it.

rdevol

I just read over your old posts and the one you just posted yesterday. My goodness, you have been through a lot! I'm sorry that you've had so many struggles over the years, but congratulations on your strength and perseverance through it all. You have amazing courage and a great attitude about moving past your setbacks. Thanks for sending the original post and the update. I'm sure you helped many people with your inspiring story. Best of luck to you - you got this!

Graelwyn75

rdevol wrote: »

I just read over your old posts and the one you just posted yesterday. My goodness, you have been through a lot! I'm sorry that you've had so many struggles over the years, but congratulations on your strength and perseverance through it all. You have amazing courage and a great attitude about moving past your setbacks. Thanks for sending the original post and the update. I'm sure you helped many people with your inspiring story. Best of luck to you - you got this!

Thank you