Lame Jokes. And I mean REALLY lame.
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How could George Washington throw a silver dollar across the Delaware?
Money went further in those days0 -
I told my doctor that when I woke up in the morning I couldn’t stand looking at myself in the mirror. He said, “At least we know your vision is perfect.”
What does an annoying pepper do? It get’s jalapeño face
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
“Knock knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Europe”
“Europe who?”
“No you’re a poo!”
When’s a good time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty0 -
What do you call a Rabbit who was raised in a home and never leaves?
An in-grown Hair (Hare)0 -
A dyslexic walks into a bra...0
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I love corny jokes, I am that Dad, embarrassing my kids was always fun0
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What time did Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?
About ten-ish0 -
why did the cowboy get a dauchsund? So he can get a long little doggie
what do you call a man with no nose and no body? nobody knows
what do you call an alligator wearing a vest? an investigator
what did the one goldfish say to the other in the tank? you man the gun I'll drive
why was 6 afraid of 7? because 7 was a registered 6 offender0 -
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in the front of his pants, the bartender says "Hey Pirate! you've got a steering wheel in the front of your pants!" The pirate responds
ARGHHHHH! IT'S DRIVIN' ME NUTS!0 -
What do you call a man in a tree holding a suitcase? A branch manager0
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I stayed up all night wondering where the day went. Then it dawned on me.0
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Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella? FO DRIZZLE0
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Did you know grapes don't fight back when you step on them? They do wine a little bit though.0
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Why do elephants paint their toe nails red?
To Hid in Cherry trees.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Works doesn't it0 -
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.0 -
what did the one fish say to the other after hitting a wall? dam0
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A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."0
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Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
Brunette: "I don’t know."
Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"0 -
a big guy walks up to a little guy knocks him down and says that was karate from japan. Little guy gets up and brushes himself off. the big guy knocks him down and says that was ta kwon do from korea. Little guys again picks himself up and brushes himself off. Once again the big guy knocks him down and says that was Kung fu from China. Little guy picks himself up and tells the big guy to wait a minute I will be right back. Little guy leave and comes back in a few moments and BAM right in the back of the head of the big guy. Little guy gathers the people who had been watching all of this and says, when he wakes up tell him that was crowbar from Wal-Mart.1
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where do cows go for their first date?
the mooooooooovies!0 -
A Brunette, a red head and a blonde were at the hospital about to give birth.
The Brunette says "I was on top so I'm going to have a boy"
The red head says "I was on bottom so I'm going to have a girl"
The Blonde starts crying uncontrollably "I'm going to have puppies, waaaaaaa"0 -
Where is Moscow?
In the barn next to Pa's cow0 -
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one
What kind of cheese isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese
What did the letter say to the stamps?
"Stick with me and we'll go places"
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn at the dinner table?
Where's pop corn?
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5 old guys stand around talking
Guy 1 says after I hit 70 I cant't take a really good pee
Guy 2 says after I hit 70 I cant have a really good bowel movement
Guy 3 says after I hit 70 I can't get and erection.
Guy 4 says after I hit 70 I can't sleep past 6am
Guy 5 says every morning around 6 am I pee, have a bowel movement, and get an erection, only problem is I don't wake up till 8am
I am always afraid this is going to happen to me when I get old just for telling this joke so often.1 -
This is better said than written.
Did you hear about the wine made by Long Island Housewives .... (said in winey voice) but I waaanna go to miamiiii0 -
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Look for the fresh prints.
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A snare drum and a cymbal fall out of a tree.
*ba-dum ching*
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KrysKiss87 wrote: »A snare drum and a cymbal fall out of a tree.
*ba-dum ching*
Good one.. Makes me think of:
How do Chinese name their kids?
..they go to the kitchen and throw silverware in the air and listen as it hits the floor -
"Ching ...Chang.. Chong ..."0 -
So two snare drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff…
Ba Dum TsshKrysKiss87 wrote: »A snare drum and a cymbal fall out of a tree.
*ba-dum ching*
I feel like I have heard something similar before...
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yeah, I didn't read through them all. Sorry for the repeat.
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KrysKiss87 wrote: »yeah, I didn't read through them all. Sorry for the repeat.
No need to apologize, just pickin' on ya.
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