Lame Jokes. And I mean REALLY lame.

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  • Texasgntlman
    Texasgntlman Posts: 50 Member
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    Where is Moscow?
    In the barn next to Pa's cow
  • NewLIFEstyle4ME
    NewLIFEstyle4ME Posts: 4,440 Member
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    Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
    In case he got a hole in one


    What kind of cheese isn't yours?
    Nacho Cheese


    What did the letter say to the stamps?
    "Stick with me and we'll go places"


    What did the baby corn say to the mama corn at the dinner table?
    Where's pop corn?
  • Rivers2k
    Rivers2k Posts: 380 Member
    edited March 2015
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    5 old guys stand around talking

    Guy 1 says after I hit 70 I cant't take a really good pee
    Guy 2 says after I hit 70 I cant have a really good bowel movement
    Guy 3 says after I hit 70 I can't get and erection.
    Guy 4 says after I hit 70 I can't sleep past 6am
    Guy 5 says every morning around 6 am I pee, have a bowel movement, and get an erection, only problem is I don't wake up till 8am

    I am always afraid this is going to happen to me when I get old just for telling this joke so often.
  • Rivers2k
    Rivers2k Posts: 380 Member
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    This is better said than written.

    Did you hear about the wine made by Long Island Housewives .... (said in winey voice) but I waaanna go to miamiiii
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,908 Member
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    How do you find Will Smith in the snow?



    Look for the fresh prints.
  • KrysKiss87
    KrysKiss87 Posts: 124 Member
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    A snare drum and a cymbal fall out of a tree.

    *ba-dum ching*
  • Texasgntlman
    Texasgntlman Posts: 50 Member
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    KrysKiss87 wrote: »
    A snare drum and a cymbal fall out of a tree.

    *ba-dum ching*

    Good one.. Makes me think of:

    How do Chinese name their kids?
    ..they go to the kitchen and throw silverware in the air and listen as it hits the floor -
    "Ching ...Chang.. Chong ..."
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
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    Hornsby wrote: »
    So two snare drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff…


    Ba Dum Tssh
    KrysKiss87 wrote: »
    A snare drum and a cymbal fall out of a tree.

    *ba-dum ching*

    I feel like I have heard something similar before... ;)
  • KrysKiss87
    KrysKiss87 Posts: 124 Member
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    yeah, I didn't read through them all. Sorry for the repeat.
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
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    KrysKiss87 wrote: »
    yeah, I didn't read through them all. Sorry for the repeat.
    :) No need to apologize, just pickin' on ya.

  • danielabe1985
    danielabe1985 Posts: 1,582 Member
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    not sure if it has been done but it is my fav
    How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh???
    Ten tickles
  • whitneysin
    whitneysin Posts: 605 Member
    edited March 2015
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    danielabe1985 wrote: »
    not sure if it has been done but it is my fav
    How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh???
    Ten tickles

    I love that! ^

    A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "why the long face?"
  • AgentOrangeJuice
    AgentOrangeJuice Posts: 1,069 Member
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    Who cleans up the Sea?

    Mer-maids.
  • ShibaEars
    ShibaEars Posts: 3,928 Member
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    Texasgntlman wrote: »
    There is a whole list of jokes about a guy with no arms and no legs: I'll start it and you can ad too it.
    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of the door? -Matt
    What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in the lake? -Bob
    What do you call a man with no arms and legs beside a hole in the ground? -Doug

    What do you call a man with no arms and legs hanging on the wall? - Art
  • ShibaEars
    ShibaEars Posts: 3,928 Member
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    Rivers2k wrote: »
    This one might get me beat up.

    Why does a woman where white on their wedding day. So they can match the other kitchen appliances.

    I don't really believe this please don't hurt me.

    I shouldn't be encouraging this, but:

    Why are women's feet smaller than men's? To stand closer to the sink
  • markiend
    markiend Posts: 461 Member
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    what does DNA stand for ?






    national dyslexic association
  • ShibaEars
    ShibaEars Posts: 3,928 Member
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    They did a study to find out why when geese fly in their "V" formation one side's longer than the other. Do you know why?


    There's more geese on that side.
  • johhunt47
    johhunt47 Posts: 30 Member
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    Two blondes walked into a bar...the brunette ducked
  • johhunt47
    johhunt47 Posts: 30 Member
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    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean...Bob
    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting in front of a door...Matt
    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall...Art
  • ShifuYaku
    ShifuYaku Posts: 504 Member
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    So the worst joke I ever read on a Laffy Taffy wrapper was:

    "what do you get when you mix a fly, a car, and a pet?"

    "a flying carpet"

    :|:#

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