My Husband!.... NOT ATTRACTED TO ME!
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ew, a cheater. You may have to divorce him.0
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LOL at the amount of people that have taken this seriously ...
What makes you think this is a troll?
We may never know but I have bets on - it's a troll.
The whole 4 years of dating and not knowing/not ..... amazes me.
Another interesting observation - you kept calling out Troll post but not once OP rebutted. And if they did I have missed it.
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I don't need to engage silly comments by two people who Cleary have nothing better to do.0 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and inappropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
I am bolding all the parts that support my evidence of a troll thread.
you said you were both virgins but then say that he expected more out of your sex life? If he was a virgin then how could he have higher expectations...??? Unless he is watching porn all the time and that is what he is basing his expectations off...
Ummmmm waaaaaaaay back in the day when I was a virgin and then had sex for the first time I was MASSIVELY dissapointed. I don't know anyone that could say that it was what they were expecting. lol. Hollywood hype has ruined what real sex is so when you do it for the first time (before figuring out stuff, trying new things etc.) it is complete sh@t compared to what you think it will be. Two virgins doing it together for the first time... ain't nobody doin' it right. This is no evidence of Troll. It IS evidence of lack of sexual experience .... I think it's great she approached him on it. I think searching out a sex therapist would be of tremendous benefit for their marriage. Good luck... I can say I'd have a completely different response to reading a text like that from my husband to another woman.
Thank You!0 -
Of_Monsters_and_Meat wrote: »OK OP. I feel for you. Here is my heartfelt advice from me to you:
http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi2846791705
lol I think I almost peed a little
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MoiAussi93 wrote: »I think it's very possible that you are making this up. But on the slim chance that you are not a troll and are actually telling the truth, I will give genuine advice.
1) You should not be discussing this with strangers on the Internet. Don't you have friends? Or family? Random strangers are NOT the way to go.
2) If he's bored with your sex life after only 5 months, he will cheat on you eventually. It's only a matter of time. He's already trying!!! If you are okay with an open marriage, then great. It works for some people. If not, get out now before you have kids and a bunch of other excuses. The simple fact is sex is a very big deal to most people. You can talk all you want about "love" which means different things to different people, but sex is an innate biological drive. Good sex makes a relationship stronger. Lukewarm sex weakens it. That is a fact.
3) You can't trust him. He will just cover his tracks better in the future.
4) You saw signs previously and still married him? That was just stupid. Sorry, but it's the truth. Don't ignore this sign. This is the equivalent of a neon red flashing sign saying "DIVORCE NOW"
5) People are ALWAYS attracted to people other than their partner. Get used to it. That is normal. Acting on it is the problem.
6) Reread number one. It's so important I'm saying it twice. THIS is not the place to look for answers.
If its not the place to look for anwers, then WHY PROPOSE YOUR SOLUTIONS. I have friends and have spoken to a couple, literally 2. Its not an easy thing going around telling your friends your husband of only 5 months is already not attracted to u and is attracted to another. It is easier, or so I thought, to get feedback from strangers and their views and feedback would be objective. Friends would get emotional and may not be able to give the soundest advice. Anyway, my final comment on this matter, thanks to those who offered sincere concern and advice. To the ones who called me a troll, well who cares, I only realized what it mean a few minutes ago.
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Sure, it's EASIER to get feedback from strangers...but it is not better or more helpful. And it can be very damaging.Fat2Fit145 wrote: »MoiAussi93 wrote: »I think it's very possible that you are making this up. But on the slim chance that you are not a troll and are actually telling the truth, I will give genuine advice.
1) You should not be discussing this with strangers on the Internet. Don't you have friends? Or family? Random strangers are NOT the way to go.
2) If he's bored with your sex life after only 5 months, he will cheat on you eventually. It's only a matter of time. He's already trying!!! If you are okay with an open marriage, then great. It works for some people. If not, get out now before you have kids and a bunch of other excuses. The simple fact is sex is a very big deal to most people. You can talk all you want about "love" which means different things to different people, but sex is an innate biological drive. Good sex makes a relationship stronger. Lukewarm sex weakens it. That is a fact.
3) You can't trust him. He will just cover his tracks better in the future.
4) You saw signs previously and still married him? That was just stupid. Sorry, but it's the truth. Don't ignore this sign. This is the equivalent of a neon red flashing sign saying "DIVORCE NOW"
5) People are ALWAYS attracted to people other than their partner. Get used to it. That is normal. Acting on it is the problem.
6) Reread number one. It's so important I'm saying it twice. THIS is not the place to look for answers.
If its not the place to look for anwers, then WHY PROPOSE YOUR SOLUTIONS. I have friends and have spoken to a couple, literally 2. Its not an easy thing going around telling your friends your husband of only 5 months is already not attracted to u and is attracted to another. It is easier, or so I thought, to get feedback from strangers and their views and feedback would be objective. Friends would get emotional and may not be able to give the soundest advice. Anyway, my final comment on this matter, thanks to those who offered sincere concern and advice. To the ones who called me a troll, well who cares, I only realized what it mean a few minutes ago.
First of all, feedback from strangers is NOT objective. Everybody has their own biases. You have no idea what our backgrounds and experiences are. Some people here are cheaters. Some were cheated on. Some are bitter towards men for various reasons. Some have open relationships and just don't believe in monogamy and therefore see no problem. You don't know WHY anybody here is saying what they are saying. Also, even more importantly, you have no relationship with anybody here. None of us spend time worrying about you.
Friends and family DO have your best interests at heart. They have biases as well, but at least you know something about their backgrounds and can put what they say in context and evaluate how seriously you should take it. They also know much more about you and your husband and have more information to base an opinion on. You are flying blind with everyone on here. And we have a few sentences to judge on. No good can come of that combination.
Also, two friends to talk about this with is enough. More opinions does not make the situation easier. This is not something to be put up for a vote...at the end of the day YOU have to decide what is best for you. Not your friends, not us.0 -
You can get rid of a lot of "useless weight" by getting a divorce....
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Honestly, in marriage feelings change, and change, and change. Meaning we all go through cycles, and during times where you are fighting, or arguing you maynot feel attracted to the other, but you still do not say it, nor come on to another woman. To me it sounds like your husband is a piece of work.
Yes, the grass often looks greener on the other side, which is why marriage takes work and effort. Almost no married man out there can probably say that they have never been attracted to someone else, it is the acting on, speaking of that is the problem.
I wish you luck, but honestly 10 lbs by itself I do not believe created this problem. And you should not beat yourself up. You need to love and respect yourself, because it seems like there is a lot of baggage that he is carrying that appears to be the bigger issue.0 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »LOL at the amount of people that have taken this seriously ...
What makes you think this is a troll?
We may never know but I have bets on - it's a troll.
The whole 4 years of dating and not knowing/not ..... amazes me.
Another interesting observation - you kept calling out Troll post but not once OP rebutted. And if they did I have missed it.
I don't need to engage silly comments by two people who Cleary have nothing better to do.
OK so you are not a troll.
Mine wasn't a silly comment it was a a genuine doubt. The poster kept calling out it's a troll post since yesterday and as an OP you not once rebutted until now. Not once.
You ignored this and let people doubt on your situation but don't ignore or take your personal situation lightly. Go after your husband. Kick him out of your life.
EDTA: Good Luck.0 -
MoiAussi93 wrote: »
Sure, it's EASIER to get feedback from strangers...but it is not better or more helpful. And it can be very damaging.Fat2Fit145 wrote: »MoiAussi93 wrote: »I think it's very possible that you are making this up. But on the slim chance that you are not a troll and are actually telling the truth, I will give genuine advice.
1) You should not be discussing this with strangers on the Internet. Don't you have friends? Or family? Random strangers are NOT the way to go.
2) If he's bored with your sex life after only 5 months, he will cheat on you eventually. It's only a matter of time. He's already trying!!! If you are okay with an open marriage, then great. It works for some people. If not, get out now before you have kids and a bunch of other excuses. The simple fact is sex is a very big deal to most people. You can talk all you want about "love" which means different things to different people, but sex is an innate biological drive. Good sex makes a relationship stronger. Lukewarm sex weakens it. That is a fact.
3) You can't trust him. He will just cover his tracks better in the future.
4) You saw signs previously and still married him? That was just stupid. Sorry, but it's the truth. Don't ignore this sign. This is the equivalent of a neon red flashing sign saying "DIVORCE NOW"
5) People are ALWAYS attracted to people other than their partner. Get used to it. That is normal. Acting on it is the problem.
6) Reread number one. It's so important I'm saying it twice. THIS is not the place to look for answers.
If its not the place to look for anwers, then WHY PROPOSE YOUR SOLUTIONS. I have friends and have spoken to a couple, literally 2. Its not an easy thing going around telling your friends your husband of only 5 months is already not attracted to u and is attracted to another. It is easier, or so I thought, to get feedback from strangers and their views and feedback would be objective. Friends would get emotional and may not be able to give the soundest advice. Anyway, my final comment on this matter, thanks to those who offered sincere concern and advice. To the ones who called me a troll, well who cares, I only realized what it mean a few minutes ago.
First of all, feedback from strangers is NOT objective. Everybody has their own biases. You have no idea what our backgrounds and experiences are. Some people here are cheaters. Some were cheated on. Some are bitter towards men for various reasons. Some have open relationships and just don't believe in monogamy and therefore see no problem. You don't know WHY anybody here is saying what they are saying. Also, even more importantly, you have no relationship with anybody here. None of us spend time worrying about you.
Friends and family DO have your best interests at heart. They have biases as well, but at least you know something about their backgrounds and can put what they say in context and evaluate how seriously you should take it. They also know much more about you and your husband and have more information to base an opinion on. You are flying blind with everyone on here. And we have a few sentences to judge on. No good can come of that combination.
Also, two friends to talk about this with is enough. More opinions does not make the situation easier. This is not something to be put up for a vote...at the end of the day YOU have to decide what is best for you. Not your friends, not us.
" None of us spend time worrying about you", yet you still chose to respond. AT the end of the day I can seek feedback from whomever I chose. It doesn't mean I take it. I never asked for a vote, or planned to vote on the matter, in fact I never even asked anyone what I should DO, You should refer to my opening post. I was simply expressing myself during a time of emotional hurt, and seeking support based on how I was feeling in the situation, from a community I assumed to be supportive.0 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »LOL at the amount of people that have taken this seriously ...
What makes you think this is a troll?
We may never know but I have bets on - it's a troll.
The whole 4 years of dating and not knowing/not ..... amazes me.
Another interesting observation - you kept calling out Troll post but not once OP rebutted. And if they did I have missed it.
I don't need to engage silly comments by two people who Cleary have nothing better to do.
OK so you are not a troll.
Mine wasn't a silly comment it was a a genuine doubt. The poster kept calling out it's a troll post since yesterday and as an OP you not once rebutted until now. Not once.
You ignored this and let people doubt on your situation but don't ignore or take your personal situation lightly. Go after your husband. Kick him out of your life.
EDTA: Good Luck.
.... I don't feel the need to defend what I do. If others believed it based on ONE persons comment, that's them.
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I responded, but I'm not going to lose any sleep worrying about what happens with you. I gave you my opinion based on the 10 lines of text you wrote...and I spent about ten seconds thinking about it. Same with everybody else who replied. If you think our opinions are somehow more valid than your own and people who actually know and care about you...well, then you've got problems other than your cheating hubby.Fat2Fit145 wrote: »MoiAussi93 wrote: »
Sure, it's EASIER to get feedback from strangers...but it is not better or more helpful. And it can be very damaging.Fat2Fit145 wrote: »MoiAussi93 wrote: »I think it's very possible that you are making this up. But on the slim chance that you are not a troll and are actually telling the truth, I will give genuine advice.
1) You should not be discussing this with strangers on the Internet. Don't you have friends? Or family? Random strangers are NOT the way to go.
2) If he's bored with your sex life after only 5 months, he will cheat on you eventually. It's only a matter of time. He's already trying!!! If you are okay with an open marriage, then great. It works for some people. If not, get out now before you have kids and a bunch of other excuses. The simple fact is sex is a very big deal to most people. You can talk all you want about "love" which means different things to different people, but sex is an innate biological drive. Good sex makes a relationship stronger. Lukewarm sex weakens it. That is a fact.
3) You can't trust him. He will just cover his tracks better in the future.
4) You saw signs previously and still married him? That was just stupid. Sorry, but it's the truth. Don't ignore this sign. This is the equivalent of a neon red flashing sign saying "DIVORCE NOW"
5) People are ALWAYS attracted to people other than their partner. Get used to it. That is normal. Acting on it is the problem.
6) Reread number one. It's so important I'm saying it twice. THIS is not the place to look for answers.
If its not the place to look for anwers, then WHY PROPOSE YOUR SOLUTIONS. I have friends and have spoken to a couple, literally 2. Its not an easy thing going around telling your friends your husband of only 5 months is already not attracted to u and is attracted to another. It is easier, or so I thought, to get feedback from strangers and their views and feedback would be objective. Friends would get emotional and may not be able to give the soundest advice. Anyway, my final comment on this matter, thanks to those who offered sincere concern and advice. To the ones who called me a troll, well who cares, I only realized what it mean a few minutes ago.
First of all, feedback from strangers is NOT objective. Everybody has their own biases. You have no idea what our backgrounds and experiences are. Some people here are cheaters. Some were cheated on. Some are bitter towards men for various reasons. Some have open relationships and just don't believe in monogamy and therefore see no problem. You don't know WHY anybody here is saying what they are saying. Also, even more importantly, you have no relationship with anybody here. None of us spend time worrying about you.
Friends and family DO have your best interests at heart. They have biases as well, but at least you know something about their backgrounds and can put what they say in context and evaluate how seriously you should take it. They also know much more about you and your husband and have more information to base an opinion on. You are flying blind with everyone on here. And we have a few sentences to judge on. No good can come of that combination.
Also, two friends to talk about this with is enough. More opinions does not make the situation easier. This is not something to be put up for a vote...at the end of the day YOU have to decide what is best for you. Not your friends, not us.
" None of us spend time worrying about you", yet you still chose to respond. AT the end of the day I can seek feedback from whomever I chose. It doesn't mean I take it. I never asked for a vote, or planned to vote on the matter, in fact I never even asked anyone what I should DO, You should refer to my opening post. I was simply expressing myself during a time of emotional hurt, and seeking support based on how I was feeling in the situation, from a community I assumed to be supportive.
When I need emotional support, I go to my boyfriend or a close friend or family member. Not random internet strangers. But to each his own I suppose. Good luck.
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After only 5 months? Sounds like he was never fully on board to begin with.1
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This isn't about you at all, it's about him. And he is probably lying about his attraction to you and telling the other woman what he thinks she wants to hear. You should talk it over with him but don't let anyone make you feel like you are less than you are. Everyone deserves to be loved and valued, especially from their spouse.
This is exactly how I feel. It sounds to me like is he is just unfaithful and is telling this girl how "unattractive" you are just to get what he wants from her.0 -
acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman"
There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control 
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
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christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
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mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
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christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
Ok so denial is not just a river in Egypt then.
I'm not saying to rub one out to other men or anything, I'm saying if you see another guy - who maybe even looks like your significant other - and you can't say jeez, what a handsome guy or he's cute or whatever then there's an issue. Sure, I didn't find other guys AS attractive as my partner (when we were together, even to this day he's hot just emotionally we aren't compatible and don't want the same things) but still, attractive.
I'm also not saying to whistle or act like a pervert and saying "Nice tits" or something - no, that's disrespectful. But noticing when someone is attractive isn't crossing a line, for me. Emotional cheating is when you take your relationship issues and talk to someone else, or spend time in the intimate way you would with your partner with someone else and having that intimate emotional connection.
Also, there's a massive difference between checking out a woman/man and lusting after them.
To me, it sounds like there's some big insecurities on both sides. But hey, if it works for you then it does. Just from my experience, there a bigger things to work on in a relationship and worry about then simply finding another woman/man attractive. Relationships are bigger than physical attraction. I get it's important - oh trust me, I get it - but a good relationship has more to it than just physical attraction.
However, if this works for you then by all means I'm happy it does. I couldn't handle it if someone told me not to come onto MFP because of some stupid avatar of a musclar dude. No thank you.0 -
Yeah i agree. there's huge insecurities here. But i honestly don't know why. I've never been cheated on, and definitely never been with a man that stares at other women. I have no idea what the root cause is. I wish i wasn't like this, and just didn't give a *kitten*. If i could switch this off right now, i would. It would make life so much easier and less stressful. I think a part of me also thinks,"you're not going to treat me like a clueless dumb and blind woman"
I was in the grocery store the other day, and i kept passing this husband and wife down every isle, he stared at me every single time, like obviously checking out my boobs etc etc. I was getting more and more angry each time. Until i passed them once again and just stopped, looked at the wife and said "your husband is a pig"!! I felt like saying, wake up woman! Stop letting him do this to you ffs. Her response was "I know" and punched him in the arm. I refuse to be one of those women0 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »MoiAussi93 wrote: »
Sure, it's EASIER to get feedback from strangers...but it is not better or more helpful. And it can be very damaging.Fat2Fit145 wrote: »MoiAussi93 wrote: »I think it's very possible that you are making this up. But on the slim chance that you are not a troll and are actually telling the truth, I will give genuine advice.
1) You should not be discussing this with strangers on the Internet. Don't you have friends? Or family? Random strangers are NOT the way to go.
2) If he's bored with your sex life after only 5 months, he will cheat on you eventually. It's only a matter of time. He's already trying!!! If you are okay with an open marriage, then great. It works for some people. If not, get out now before you have kids and a bunch of other excuses. The simple fact is sex is a very big deal to most people. You can talk all you want about "love" which means different things to different people, but sex is an innate biological drive. Good sex makes a relationship stronger. Lukewarm sex weakens it. That is a fact.
3) You can't trust him. He will just cover his tracks better in the future.
4) You saw signs previously and still married him? That was just stupid. Sorry, but it's the truth. Don't ignore this sign. This is the equivalent of a neon red flashing sign saying "DIVORCE NOW"
5) People are ALWAYS attracted to people other than their partner. Get used to it. That is normal. Acting on it is the problem.
6) Reread number one. It's so important I'm saying it twice. THIS is not the place to look for answers.
If its not the place to look for anwers, then WHY PROPOSE YOUR SOLUTIONS. I have friends and have spoken to a couple, literally 2. Its not an easy thing going around telling your friends your husband of only 5 months is already not attracted to u and is attracted to another. It is easier, or so I thought, to get feedback from strangers and their views and feedback would be objective. Friends would get emotional and may not be able to give the soundest advice. Anyway, my final comment on this matter, thanks to those who offered sincere concern and advice. To the ones who called me a troll, well who cares, I only realized what it mean a few minutes ago.
First of all, feedback from strangers is NOT objective. Everybody has their own biases. You have no idea what our backgrounds and experiences are. Some people here are cheaters. Some were cheated on. Some are bitter towards men for various reasons. Some have open relationships and just don't believe in monogamy and therefore see no problem. You don't know WHY anybody here is saying what they are saying. Also, even more importantly, you have no relationship with anybody here. None of us spend time worrying about you.
Friends and family DO have your best interests at heart. They have biases as well, but at least you know something about their backgrounds and can put what they say in context and evaluate how seriously you should take it. They also know much more about you and your husband and have more information to base an opinion on. You are flying blind with everyone on here. And we have a few sentences to judge on. No good can come of that combination.
Also, two friends to talk about this with is enough. More opinions does not make the situation easier. This is not something to be put up for a vote...at the end of the day YOU have to decide what is best for you. Not your friends, not us.
" None of us spend time worrying about you", yet you still chose to respond. AT the end of the day I can seek feedback from whomever I chose. It doesn't mean I take it. I never asked for a vote, or planned to vote on the matter, in fact I never even asked anyone what I should DO, You should refer to my opening post. I was simply expressing myself during a time of emotional hurt, and seeking support based on how I was feeling in the situation, from a community I assumed to be supportive.
You're basically crowd-sourcing therapy. It's not a bad idea. You need to be careful which advice you take and which you ignore (I strongly suggest ignoring the 'punch him in the face/balls' comments). The advantage of internet forums is that you get the advice of many, many people from different backgrounds and different experiences and can cherry-pick what works for you.0
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