Pushy Co-Workers
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HardcoreP0rk wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »Be a team player here. Just making the effort speaks louder of your integrity rather than opposing. It's one meal not a commitment to eating that way forever.
We always have potlucks at my office gym and people bring food that's considered "unhealthy" by many standards. Some eat it, some don't. But they at least show up and don't mock the others for doing so.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's not just about the healthy value of the food - as I stated earlier, a lot of the menu options they're giving make me feel very ill. And my boss is not accommodating.
You don't have to order one that will make you feel ill. You can, as your boss suggested, order the salad. I get that it isn't exciting, but one lunch isn't really going to make you die of boredom.
I don't think objecting to being told what to put in my body is being overly difficult.
But if that's the consensus of the majority, then I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up.
I'll be honest, you sound like you're being a really high-maintenance PITA and I would be so annoyed if I were your boss. I don't think you should take it to HR. I don't think you should insist on doing your own thing.
I think you should order the least offensive thing possible, eat as much or as little as you can manage, have a good time, and add healthy snacks before and after if you need to. Once in a while, our work requirements extend past being at our desk from 9-5. Get used to it, and be a team player.
Frankly, I'm surprised at you and disappointed in how many people I see here suggesting you should be difficult about this.
I should probably clarify that's it's not just an issue of me being picky with my food. I have food allergies (that my work knows of) and I'm always wary of eating food that has been prepared by a chain restaurant.
It's a non-issue now anyway though, we've just been told that there are only two menu options, neither of which I can order due to allergies. So I'm off the hook I guess lol.
But thanks to everyone for the input!
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Fake it. Get the salad, mash it around and just eat a few bites while talking a lot. Hiding most of it in your napkin and sneakily throwing it away is expert level and depends on the seating arrangement, but it may be possible. Before and/or after this event, covertly eat your own lunch on break or something. I do this kind of thing all the time with inlaws, work, you name it. It would be a better world if we could just do what's right for us, but there are asshats everywhere and so I feel like it pays to learn the art of subterfuge.0
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I agree with most others, just pick something from the menu that you can eat without getting ill. At the end of the day this is supposed to be a celebratory lunch, the boss is treating everyone, you're supposed to enjoy it! Eat what you can, even if it's not much, say thank you and take it in the spirit of which it was offered.0
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HardcoreP0rk wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »Be a team player here. Just making the effort speaks louder of your integrity rather than opposing. It's one meal not a commitment to eating that way forever.
We always have potlucks at my office gym and people bring food that's considered "unhealthy" by many standards. Some eat it, some don't. But they at least show up and don't mock the others for doing so.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's not just about the healthy value of the food - as I stated earlier, a lot of the menu options they're giving make me feel very ill. And my boss is not accommodating.
You don't have to order one that will make you feel ill. You can, as your boss suggested, order the salad. I get that it isn't exciting, but one lunch isn't really going to make you die of boredom.
I don't think objecting to being told what to put in my body is being overly difficult.
But if that's the consensus of the majority, then I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up.
I'll be honest, you sound like you're being a really high-maintenance PITA and I would be so annoyed if I were your boss. I don't think you should take it to HR. I don't think you should insist on doing your own thing.
I think you should order the least offensive thing possible, eat as much or as little as you can manage, have a good time, and add healthy snacks before and after if you need to. Once in a while, our work requirements extend past being at our desk from 9-5. Get used to it, and be a team player.
Frankly, I'm surprised at you and disappointed in how many people I see here suggesting you should be difficult about this.
This is moronic. It's moronic that the company is trying to force her to eat from somewhere she doesn't want to eat. It's moronic that anyone would think it's OK that her company is trying to do this.
nobody is saying it isn't stupid, but sometimes it is the way of the world. My mom always said life's not fair and I hated it , but you know what, she's right.
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HardcoreP0rk wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »Be a team player here. Just making the effort speaks louder of your integrity rather than opposing. It's one meal not a commitment to eating that way forever.
We always have potlucks at my office gym and people bring food that's considered "unhealthy" by many standards. Some eat it, some don't. But they at least show up and don't mock the others for doing so.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's not just about the healthy value of the food - as I stated earlier, a lot of the menu options they're giving make me feel very ill. And my boss is not accommodating.
You don't have to order one that will make you feel ill. You can, as your boss suggested, order the salad. I get that it isn't exciting, but one lunch isn't really going to make you die of boredom.
I don't think objecting to being told what to put in my body is being overly difficult.
But if that's the consensus of the majority, then I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up.
I'll be honest, you sound like you're being a really high-maintenance PITA and I would be so annoyed if I were your boss. I don't think you should take it to HR. I don't think you should insist on doing your own thing.
I think you should order the least offensive thing possible, eat as much or as little as you can manage, have a good time, and add healthy snacks before and after if you need to. Once in a while, our work requirements extend past being at our desk from 9-5. Get used to it, and be a team player.
Frankly, I'm surprised at you and disappointed in how many people I see here suggesting you should be difficult about this.
This is moronic. It's moronic that the company is trying to force her to eat from somewhere she doesn't want to eat. It's moronic that anyone would think it's OK that her company is trying to do this.
That's corporate America. I remember the time I was young, broke, and living in New York and was expected to participate in a restaurant lunch that I couldn't afford and yet had to. Another girl and I split an entree. You do what you have to do.
I'm sorry OP, I do understand issues with food. I have celiac disease and am a vegetarian. But you can't put personal issues and wanting to be catered to at the forefront of your concerns if you want to be seen as a team player at work. You need to decide which is more important to you... your job and career goals, or one hour at lunch where you can pick at a small side salad?
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HardcoreP0rk wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »Be a team player here. Just making the effort speaks louder of your integrity rather than opposing. It's one meal not a commitment to eating that way forever.
We always have potlucks at my office gym and people bring food that's considered "unhealthy" by many standards. Some eat it, some don't. But they at least show up and don't mock the others for doing so.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's not just about the healthy value of the food - as I stated earlier, a lot of the menu options they're giving make me feel very ill. And my boss is not accommodating.
You don't have to order one that will make you feel ill. You can, as your boss suggested, order the salad. I get that it isn't exciting, but one lunch isn't really going to make you die of boredom.
I don't think objecting to being told what to put in my body is being overly difficult.
But if that's the consensus of the majority, then I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up.
I'll be honest, you sound like you're being a really high-maintenance PITA and I would be so annoyed if I were your boss. I don't think you should take it to HR. I don't think you should insist on doing your own thing.
I think you should order the least offensive thing possible, eat as much or as little as you can manage, have a good time, and add healthy snacks before and after if you need to. Once in a while, our work requirements extend past being at our desk from 9-5. Get used to it, and be a team player.
Frankly, I'm surprised at you and disappointed in how many people I see here suggesting you should be difficult about this.
this 
Why make a big deal about it? It is ONE lunch! We all do things occasionally that we would rather not do whether it is work or family related it is just part of life. 0 -
HardcoreP0rk wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »Be a team player here. Just making the effort speaks louder of your integrity rather than opposing. It's one meal not a commitment to eating that way forever.
We always have potlucks at my office gym and people bring food that's considered "unhealthy" by many standards. Some eat it, some don't. But they at least show up and don't mock the others for doing so.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's not just about the healthy value of the food - as I stated earlier, a lot of the menu options they're giving make me feel very ill. And my boss is not accommodating.
You don't have to order one that will make you feel ill. You can, as your boss suggested, order the salad. I get that it isn't exciting, but one lunch isn't really going to make you die of boredom.
I don't think objecting to being told what to put in my body is being overly difficult.
But if that's the consensus of the majority, then I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up.
I'll be honest, you sound like you're being a really high-maintenance PITA and I would be so annoyed if I were your boss. I don't think you should take it to HR. I don't think you should insist on doing your own thing.
I think you should order the least offensive thing possible, eat as much or as little as you can manage, have a good time, and add healthy snacks before and after if you need to. Once in a while, our work requirements extend past being at our desk from 9-5. Get used to it, and be a team player.
Frankly, I'm surprised at you and disappointed in how many people I see here suggesting you should be difficult about this.
This is moronic. It's moronic that the company is trying to force her to eat from somewhere she doesn't want to eat. It's moronic that anyone would think it's OK that her company is trying to do this.
It's not moronic at all. It's corporate culture - and sometimes that includes events with food that is catered. If you have dietary restrictions, you can politely address those and work with you. But if you're going to make a big deal out of it and refuse to even try to work with the limited options that your diet allows, then YOU are the problem. Get with the program.0 -
bigblondewolf wrote: »I get that I can order a salad, but I don't see why I should have to get a boring salad when I could just eat my own delicious lunch. I mean, there's nothing wrong with bringing my own food and eating it at the table with them, is there?
You shouldn't have to. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that awkward friction comes with this territory though.
If you want to take a stand, take a stand. If you don't want friction, order the salad, eat as much of it as you care to, and enjoy your delicious packed lunch before or after the event.
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I don't think anyone thinks it's right that you have to suck it up and order a salad. But it's the smart thing to do because.... Reality.
You can be right, or you can be more secure in your current job than you would otherwise be. Sucks, but it's true.
And for god's sake don't even think about going to HR as was suggested. HR is NEVER your friend.
Next time just order a salad, pick at it during the event, and eat before or after. I assume no one is sitting there demanding that you clear your plate. Your only mistake so far, IMO, is bringing is up to your boss in the first place. Your boss doesn't care about your dietary needs or preferences. Only you should care. So unless you're hosting an even yourself and planning the menu, just take some food politely (or place your order) and move on mentally. This really isn't a big deal unless you let it bother you. And do you really need something like this to be stressed out about at work? Do they pay you enough for MORE unnecessary stress? Lol.... Doubt it. You do you!0 -
bigblondewolf wrote: »
Then order the salad and eat it or not. At the very least you're making an effort.bigblondewolf wrote: »Be a team player here. Just making the effort speaks louder of your integrity rather than opposing. It's one meal not a commitment to eating that way forever.
We always have potlucks at my office gym and people bring food that's considered "unhealthy" by many standards. Some eat it, some don't. But they at least show up and don't mock the others for doing so.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's not just about the healthy value of the food - as I stated earlier, a lot of the menu options they're giving make me feel very ill. And my boss is not accommodating.
And I didn't "mock" anyone for the way they eat. I don't care what other people eat, I just don't want to be forced to eat food I don't want and that doesn't make me feel good for the sake of keeping the social peace.
You don't have to mock people by saying anything. If you bring your own food to a luncheon that's being offered to everyone, the perception is that the food isn't good enough for you. Actions do speak volumes even when nothing is said.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
So by your logic I have to eat what everyone else is going to be eating (even if it makes me sick) or I'll appear judgey and overly difficult?
Uhm no, that's not what he said at all. By his logic you should APPEAR to eat what everyone else is eating and APPEAR to enjoy it. It's called playing nice in the sandbox. Nobody here has said that you HAVE to eat more than 1 bite. There really should be one thing on the menu that you can eat 1 bite of, otherwise you have some serious health issues and you should get a doctor's note or something.
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What an amazing change.0
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janejellyroll wrote: »I'm guessing this isn't as big a deal as it seems. I'm betting if you pushed back and just bottom lined that you were doing a program/dieting/have specific dietary needs it'd be no big deal. Stand up for yourself. That aside, if you're going the no friction route just order the salad (or anything else) and just don't eat much or any of it. Say you're not hungry or you're full. Sneak off and dump it out. Say you feel ill and don't feel like eating it. On the off chance that this really is a big issue and your boss is genuinely forcing you to eat something you don't want then perhaps it's time to contact a lawyer. I'm sure that violates some kind of employer/employee boundary.
Yes, a lawsuit should set everything right.
I'd much rather hire a lawyer than pick at an unappealing salad.
hahahhahaahha I love overly litigious people. The boss probably assumed a salad was a healthy, happy compromise it's not like he sexually harassed her! Hire a lawyer really? For being offered a salad? Come on people get real!0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »I'm guessing this isn't as big a deal as it seems. I'm betting if you pushed back and just bottom lined that you were doing a program/dieting/have specific dietary needs it'd be no big deal. Stand up for yourself. That aside, if you're going the no friction route just order the salad (or anything else) and just don't eat much or any of it. Say you're not hungry or you're full. Sneak off and dump it out. Say you feel ill and don't feel like eating it. On the off chance that this really is a big issue and your boss is genuinely forcing you to eat something you don't want then perhaps it's time to contact a lawyer. I'm sure that violates some kind of employer/employee boundary.
Yes, a lawsuit should set everything right.
I'd much rather hire a lawyer than pick at an unappealing salad.
It's an extreme for an extreme. If your employer is forcing you, and I mean literally saying "You will eat what we say or else," that's crossing a line. Like I said, this probably isn't the case.
I don't think her employer was going to monitor her intake or force her to clean her plate. He simply wanted her to participate in the celebration with the rest of the employees and (potentially) expressed it in a tone-deaf way.
I've often offered to bring my own food to corporate events (because, like OP, I consider my own cooking to be more interesting than the vegan options available or because I didn't want an admin to have to make a special effort on my part) and my offer is virtually always rejected. Bosses have this weird impression that you won't feel adequately recognized if they don't spend a bit of money buying you food, even if it is food you don't want. It's bizarre, but most of the time it comes from a decent place.
You can stand up for your principals and file a lawsuit (although I'm not sure it would survive) or you can recognize that the working world has some weird stuff and we should just let a lot of it go.
Some of the suggestions in this thread (hire a lawyer, go to HR) make me wonder what jobs people have. Maybe I've just been in the corporate world too long, but this sounds completely normal to me.
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HardcoreP0rk wrote: »HardcoreP0rk wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »Be a team player here. Just making the effort speaks louder of your integrity rather than opposing. It's one meal not a commitment to eating that way forever.
We always have potlucks at my office gym and people bring food that's considered "unhealthy" by many standards. Some eat it, some don't. But they at least show up and don't mock the others for doing so.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's not just about the healthy value of the food - as I stated earlier, a lot of the menu options they're giving make me feel very ill. And my boss is not accommodating.
You don't have to order one that will make you feel ill. You can, as your boss suggested, order the salad. I get that it isn't exciting, but one lunch isn't really going to make you die of boredom.
I don't think objecting to being told what to put in my body is being overly difficult.
But if that's the consensus of the majority, then I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up.
I'll be honest, you sound like you're being a really high-maintenance PITA and I would be so annoyed if I were your boss. I don't think you should take it to HR. I don't think you should insist on doing your own thing.
I think you should order the least offensive thing possible, eat as much or as little as you can manage, have a good time, and add healthy snacks before and after if you need to. Once in a while, our work requirements extend past being at our desk from 9-5. Get used to it, and be a team player.
Frankly, I'm surprised at you and disappointed in how many people I see here suggesting you should be difficult about this.
This is moronic. It's moronic that the company is trying to force her to eat from somewhere she doesn't want to eat. It's moronic that anyone would think it's OK that her company is trying to do this.
It's not moronic at all. It's corporate culture - and sometimes that includes events with food that is catered. If you have dietary restrictions, you can politely address those and work with you. But if you're going to make a big deal out of it and refuse to even try to work with the limited options that your diet allows, then YOU are the problem. Get with the program.
Yes, it is moronic. Regardless of the "culture," it is.0 -
bigblondewolf wrote: »HardcoreP0rk wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »Be a team player here. Just making the effort speaks louder of your integrity rather than opposing. It's one meal not a commitment to eating that way forever.
We always have potlucks at my office gym and people bring food that's considered "unhealthy" by many standards. Some eat it, some don't. But they at least show up and don't mock the others for doing so.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's not just about the healthy value of the food - as I stated earlier, a lot of the menu options they're giving make me feel very ill. And my boss is not accommodating.
You don't have to order one that will make you feel ill. You can, as your boss suggested, order the salad. I get that it isn't exciting, but one lunch isn't really going to make you die of boredom.
I don't think objecting to being told what to put in my body is being overly difficult.
But if that's the consensus of the majority, then I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up.
I'll be honest, you sound like you're being a really high-maintenance PITA and I would be so annoyed if I were your boss. I don't think you should take it to HR. I don't think you should insist on doing your own thing.
I think you should order the least offensive thing possible, eat as much or as little as you can manage, have a good time, and add healthy snacks before and after if you need to. Once in a while, our work requirements extend past being at our desk from 9-5. Get used to it, and be a team player.
Frankly, I'm surprised at you and disappointed in how many people I see here suggesting you should be difficult about this.
I should probably clarify that's it's not just an issue of me being picky with my food. I have food allergies (that my work knows of) and I'm always wary of eating food that has been prepared by a chain restaurant.
It's a non-issue now anyway though, we've just been told that there are only two menu options, neither of which I can order due to allergies. So I'm off the hook I guess lol.
But thanks to everyone for the input!
If they are only offering 2 options, which both affect your food allergies then you're definitely off the hook. We handle food allergies for our people and take that stuff seriously. So at our events, they will bring out a separate plate for the 2-3 people that have issues. We do not have anyone, not even people with extremely severe Crohn's disease, who refuses to eat what we provide at any event. Ever.
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janejellyroll wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »I'm guessing this isn't as big a deal as it seems. I'm betting if you pushed back and just bottom lined that you were doing a program/dieting/have specific dietary needs it'd be no big deal. Stand up for yourself. That aside, if you're going the no friction route just order the salad (or anything else) and just don't eat much or any of it. Say you're not hungry or you're full. Sneak off and dump it out. Say you feel ill and don't feel like eating it. On the off chance that this really is a big issue and your boss is genuinely forcing you to eat something you don't want then perhaps it's time to contact a lawyer. I'm sure that violates some kind of employer/employee boundary.
Yes, a lawsuit should set everything right.
I'd much rather hire a lawyer than pick at an unappealing salad.
It's an extreme for an extreme. If your employer is forcing you, and I mean literally saying "You will eat what we say or else," that's crossing a line. Like I said, this probably isn't the case.
I don't think her employer was going to monitor her intake or force her to clean her plate. He simply wanted her to participate in the celebration with the rest of the employees and (potentially) expressed it in a tone-deaf way.
I've often offered to bring my own food to corporate events (because, like OP, I consider my own cooking to be more interesting than the vegan options available or because I didn't want an admin to have to make a special effort on my part) and my offer is virtually always rejected. Bosses have this weird impression that you won't feel adequately recognized if they don't spend a bit of money buying you food, even if it is food you don't want. It's bizarre, but most of the time it comes from a decent place.
You can stand up for your principals and file a lawsuit (although I'm not sure it would survive) or you can recognize that the working world has some weird stuff and we should just let a lot of it go.
Some of the suggestions in this thread (hire a lawyer, go to HR) make me wonder what jobs people have. Maybe I've just been in the corporate world too long, but this sounds completely normal to me.
Well this thread got a little out of hand pretty quickly lol.
Yeah, I would never take this to HR let alone even a lawyer. That's overkill for sure.
It's a non-issue now though anyway. They've stated they're only doing two food options (neither of which I can eat due to allergies). So I'm assuming that lets me off the hook. 0 -
Is it boring or ill? Of course don't order food that makes you ill, but come on a salad? And as mentioned, how you're perceived by others will usually be about your actions. You don't control the perceptions, you control your actions.bigblondewolf wrote: »
Then order the salad and eat it or not. At the very least you're making an effort.bigblondewolf wrote: »Be a team player here. Just making the effort speaks louder of your integrity rather than opposing. It's one meal not a commitment to eating that way forever.
We always have potlucks at my office gym and people bring food that's considered "unhealthy" by many standards. Some eat it, some don't. But they at least show up and don't mock the others for doing so.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's not just about the healthy value of the food - as I stated earlier, a lot of the menu options they're giving make me feel very ill. And my boss is not accommodating.
And I didn't "mock" anyone for the way they eat. I don't care what other people eat, I just don't want to be forced to eat food I don't want and that doesn't make me feel good for the sake of keeping the social peace.
You don't have to mock people by saying anything. If you bring your own food to a luncheon that's being offered to everyone, the perception is that the food isn't good enough for you. Actions do speak volumes even when nothing is said.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
So by your logic I have to eat what everyone else is going to be eating (even if it makes me sick) or I'll appear judgey and overly difficult?
Obviously you do what you feel is right, but if for some reason you insist and then later hear gossip about how you refused to "party" with the others, don't be surprised. It sucks I know because I dealt with it for years as a manager for different companies. But TEAM play is more important at work than individual choices.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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ok wait, if this is allergy territory, that's serious.... then this can actually be a matter of life or death. I would get a doctor's note. Would those of you "suck it up-ers" tell someone allergic to peanuts or shrimp to eat them and then have anaphylactic shock because that would fit better with the corporate culture? That's insane! and that WOULD be reasonable to bring a lawsuit over. You don't risk serious illness or death because your boss is an @$$tard. Or any reason at all.0
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