Pushy Co-Workers
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And that should make her situation at work so much easier.On the off chance that this really is a big issue and your boss is genuinely forcing you to eat something you don't want then perhaps it's time to contact a lawyer. I'm sure that violates some kind of employer/employee boundary.
If the OP has a history of making an issue of what she can and can't eat because it "makes her sick" the "just order a salad" remark might have been made out of exasperation. Dealing with high maintenance co-workers can be really frustrating especially if it's an ongoing thing. I've had my share of them to deal with, believe me.
We spend as much time with the people we work with as we do with our family and friends. Learning to compromise to get along is as much a part of the job as our actual job duties. How we relate with the other people in the office can have a big impact on our ability to get promoted or get more favorable assignments. No one wants to work with the "difficult" person. Having a good relationship with people makes it easier to accomplish our jobs because when we ask for a favor they are more willing to accommodate us. Think about it. If the crabby lady from down the hall, the one who's always complaining about something and never has anything nice to say, asks you for a favor that's going to put you out, are you going to do it? How about if the friendly man who follows the same sports team you do and chats with you for a few minutes about it asks for the same favor?
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Did someone actually say that we sometimes have to eat a "shi( sandwich" YOU MAY but I don't and wont'
Social situations at work the restaurants chosen, the food at pot lucks etc are operating from an antiquated systems...be brave enough to help that system fall to the way side. The majority of office workers are obese for a reason...be brave.0 -
I must say this was an entertaining thread.0
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I'm surprised also how many people suggest being difficult.
It's not always necessary to be a demanding PitA. Let them order whatever they want and eat your meal before you go. Then you can just toss theirs out.
Not sure how this is even a big deal.
ETA: If their meals were already boxed I'd leave it sealed then swing by where the local pan handlers hang out and give it to someone in need. No waste and someone in need got a great meal.0 -
Is it boring or ill? Of course don't order food that makes you ill, but come on a salad? And as mentioned, how you're perceived by others will usually be about your actions. You don't control the perceptions, you control your actions.bigblondewolf wrote: »
Then order the salad and eat it or not. At the very least you're making an effort.bigblondewolf wrote: »Be a team player here. Just making the effort speaks louder of your integrity rather than opposing. It's one meal not a commitment to eating that way forever.
We always have potlucks at my office gym and people bring food that's considered "unhealthy" by many standards. Some eat it, some don't. But they at least show up and don't mock the others for doing so.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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It's not just about the healthy value of the food - as I stated earlier, a lot of the menu options they're giving make me feel very ill. And my boss is not accommodating.
And I didn't "mock" anyone for the way they eat. I don't care what other people eat, I just don't want to be forced to eat food I don't want and that doesn't make me feel good for the sake of keeping the social peace.
You don't have to mock people by saying anything. If you bring your own food to a luncheon that's being offered to everyone, the perception is that the food isn't good enough for you. Actions do speak volumes even when nothing is said.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
So by your logic I have to eat what everyone else is going to be eating (even if it makes me sick) or I'll appear judgey and overly difficult?
Obviously you do what you feel is right, but if for some reason you insist and then later hear gossip about how you refused to "party" with the others, don't be surprised. It sucks I know because I dealt with it for years as a manager for different companies. But TEAM play is more important at work than individual choices.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
So this happened to my husband but you wanna know the kicker, it was a lunch you had to pay $15 bucks for yourself. Ain't that some *kitten*.
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Look at all the trail-blazin bad@sses out there giving the finger to corporate culture... never knew we had so many tough guys in the average office.0
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Were it me and was told I HAD to order something, I'd order it, then throw it away, unopened, right in front of my boss.
No one has the right to tell you what you put in your body other than you.
And you're not being frigid, OP. Hell, these are coworkers. Though I'm sure you enjoy getting Ali g with them, work isn't a "social setting" and you shouldn't be forced to "break bread" with anyone.
I have a coworker who is constantly bringing in good. DELICIOUS food. She's a great cook. The other day, she offered me some lasagna she'd made. I said no thanks, looks awesome, but I brought something. She kept on. "Don't you love me, don't you think I cook good?" I said yes, just let me know next time, and I'll bring in some garlic bread. Later, she put a piece in a plate, came up to me, and tried FEEDING it to me like a kid, saying one piece won't hurt. Needless to say, it was thrown away.
If they call you insubordinate or try to write you up for not eating what they seem, speak with HR. That is 100% discrimination. And forcing you to potentially kill yourself by only giving options with things you're allergic to? Deliberate indifference. .0 -
Moronic no. It's appealing to the majority. She has the option not to eat, but does have the obligation to show up and order something because it's a TEAM function.HardcoreP0rk wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »Be a team player here. Just making the effort speaks louder of your integrity rather than opposing. It's one meal not a commitment to eating that way forever.
We always have potlucks at my office gym and people bring food that's considered "unhealthy" by many standards. Some eat it, some don't. But they at least show up and don't mock the others for doing so.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's not just about the healthy value of the food - as I stated earlier, a lot of the menu options they're giving make me feel very ill. And my boss is not accommodating.
You don't have to order one that will make you feel ill. You can, as your boss suggested, order the salad. I get that it isn't exciting, but one lunch isn't really going to make you die of boredom.
I don't think objecting to being told what to put in my body is being overly difficult.
But if that's the consensus of the majority, then I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up.
I'll be honest, you sound like you're being a really high-maintenance PITA and I would be so annoyed if I were your boss. I don't think you should take it to HR. I don't think you should insist on doing your own thing.
I think you should order the least offensive thing possible, eat as much or as little as you can manage, have a good time, and add healthy snacks before and after if you need to. Once in a while, our work requirements extend past being at our desk from 9-5. Get used to it, and be a team player.
Frankly, I'm surprised at you and disappointed in how many people I see here suggesting you should be difficult about this.
This is moronic. It's moronic that the company is trying to force her to eat from somewhere she doesn't want to eat. It's moronic that anyone would think it's OK that her company is trying to do this.
There are lots of veteran football players that don't need daily practices to be sharp for an upcoming game. Just being there and being part of the team is what counts though even if they don't practice. That's how it should be thought of here, not about personal individual preferences.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Did someone actually say that we sometimes have to eat a "shi( sandwich" YOU MAY but I don't and wont'
Social situations at work the restaurants chosen, the food at pot lucks etc are operating from an antiquated systems...be brave enough to help that system fall to the way side. The majority of office workers are obese for a reason...be brave.
I said that lol, and you know what I'll amend that, you absolutely don't have to eat that *kitten* sandwich but you do have to deal with the possible repercussions, so you have to decide if it's worth it. Sometimes you just have to pull up your grown up pants and do things you don't want to do so you don't have to deal with crappier consequences later.
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hollyrayburn wrote: »Were it me and was told I HAD to order something, I'd order it, then throw it away, unopened, right in front of my boss.
No one has the right to tell you what you put in your body other than you.
And you're not being frigid, OP. Hell, these are coworkers. Though I'm sure you enjoy getting Ali g with them, work isn't a "social setting" and you shouldn't be forced to "break bread" with anyone.
I have a coworker who is constantly bringing in good. DELICIOUS food. She's a great cook. The other day, she offered me some lasagna she'd made. I said no thanks, looks awesome, but I brought something. She kept on. "Don't you love me, don't you think I cook good?" I said yes, just let me know next time, and I'll bring in some garlic bread. Later, she put a piece in a plate, came up to me, and tried FEEDING it to me like a kid, saying one piece won't hurt. Needless to say, it was thrown away.
If they call you insubordinate or try to write you up for not eating what they seem, speak with HR. That is 100% discrimination. And forcing you to potentially kill yourself by only giving options with things you're allergic to? Deliberate indifference. .
Just. No.
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emmydoodles83 wrote: »Did someone actually say that we sometimes have to eat a "shi( sandwich" YOU MAY but I don't and wont'
Social situations at work the restaurants chosen, the food at pot lucks etc are operating from an antiquated systems...be brave enough to help that system fall to the way side. The majority of office workers are obese for a reason...be brave.
I said that lol, and you know what I'll amend that you absolutely don't have to eat that *kitten* sandwich but you do have to deal with the possible repercussions, so you have to decide if it's worth it.
I have and I was brave enough to engage on a professional level and change the system. If people want to eat "whatever" they can...I don't have to its my body its my choice.
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janejellyroll wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »
Then order the salad and eat it or not. At the very least you're making an effort.bigblondewolf wrote: »Be a team player here. Just making the effort speaks louder of your integrity rather than opposing. It's one meal not a commitment to eating that way forever.
We always have potlucks at my office gym and people bring food that's considered "unhealthy" by many standards. Some eat it, some don't. But they at least show up and don't mock the others for doing so.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's not just about the healthy value of the food - as I stated earlier, a lot of the menu options they're giving make me feel very ill. And my boss is not accommodating.
And I didn't "mock" anyone for the way they eat. I don't care what other people eat, I just don't want to be forced to eat food I don't want and that doesn't make me feel good for the sake of keeping the social peace.
You don't have to mock people by saying anything. If you bring your own food to a luncheon that's being offered to everyone, the perception is that the food isn't good enough for you. Actions do speak volumes even when nothing is said.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
So by your logic I have to eat what everyone else is going to be eating (even if it makes me sick) or I'll appear judgey and overly difficult?
I'm somewhat confused: I thought your issue with ordering a salad is that it would be "boring," not that it would make you sick. Is there absolutely nothing you can order that will not make you ill?
Yes, that escalated when she didn't get the answer that she wanted. That seems to happen a lot around here.0 -
bigblondewolf wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »I'm guessing this isn't as big a deal as it seems. I'm betting if you pushed back and just bottom lined that you were doing a program/dieting/have specific dietary needs it'd be no big deal. Stand up for yourself. That aside, if you're going the no friction route just order the salad (or anything else) and just don't eat much or any of it. Say you're not hungry or you're full. Sneak off and dump it out. Say you feel ill and don't feel like eating it. On the off chance that this really is a big issue and your boss is genuinely forcing you to eat something you don't want then perhaps it's time to contact a lawyer. I'm sure that violates some kind of employer/employee boundary.
Yes, a lawsuit should set everything right.
I'd much rather hire a lawyer than pick at an unappealing salad.
It's an extreme for an extreme. If your employer is forcing you, and I mean literally saying "You will eat what we say or else," that's crossing a line. Like I said, this probably isn't the case.
I don't think her employer was going to monitor her intake or force her to clean her plate. He simply wanted her to participate in the celebration with the rest of the employees and (potentially) expressed it in a tone-deaf way.
I've often offered to bring my own food to corporate events (because, like OP, I consider my own cooking to be more interesting than the vegan options available or because I didn't want an admin to have to make a special effort on my part) and my offer is virtually always rejected. Bosses have this weird impression that you won't feel adequately recognized if they don't spend a bit of money buying you food, even if it is food you don't want. It's bizarre, but most of the time it comes from a decent place.
You can stand up for your principals and file a lawsuit (although I'm not sure it would survive) or you can recognize that the working world has some weird stuff and we should just let a lot of it go.
Some of the suggestions in this thread (hire a lawyer, go to HR) make me wonder what jobs people have. Maybe I've just been in the corporate world too long, but this sounds completely normal to me.
Well this thread got a little out of hand pretty quickly lol.
Yeah, I would never take this to HR let alone even a lawyer. That's overkill for sure.
It's a non-issue now though anyway. They've stated they're only doing two food options (neither of which I can eat due to allergies). So I'm assuming that lets me off the hook.
I'm glad you found a solution to your issue. Sometimes lack of options is a good thing -- I've lucked out that way myself sometimes! 0 -
emmydoodles83 wrote: »Did someone actually say that we sometimes have to eat a "shi( sandwich" YOU MAY but I don't and wont'
Social situations at work the restaurants chosen, the food at pot lucks etc are operating from an antiquated systems...be brave enough to help that system fall to the way side. The majority of office workers are obese for a reason...be brave.
I said that lol, and you know what I'll amend that you absolutely don't have to eat that *kitten* sandwich but you do have to deal with the possible repercussions, so you have to decide if it's worth it.
I have and I was brave enough to engage on a professional level and change the system. If people want to eat "whatever" they can...I don't have to its my body its my choice.
Engaging on a professional level is a great idea. You can speak with who is organizing the event. You can say "I have these dietary restrictions. Can we call the restaurant in advance to see what they can do?" You can help event organizers increase their awareness about food allergies. But I don't think bringing your own food in is the way to do it. And if you aren't explicit about the *allergy* then you will instead give off the impression that you're just being picky.
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Did someone actually say that we sometimes have to eat a "shi( sandwich" YOU MAY but I don't and wont'
Social situations at work the restaurants chosen, the food at pot lucks etc are operating from an antiquated systems...be brave enough to help that system fall to the way side. The majority of office workers are obese for a reason...be brave.
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emmydoodles83 wrote: »Did someone actually say that we sometimes have to eat a "shi( sandwich" YOU MAY but I don't and wont'
Social situations at work the restaurants chosen, the food at pot lucks etc are operating from an antiquated systems...be brave enough to help that system fall to the way side. The majority of office workers are obese for a reason...be brave.
I said that lol, and you know what I'll amend that you absolutely don't have to eat that *kitten* sandwich but you do have to deal with the possible repercussions, so you have to decide if it's worth it.
I have and I was brave enough to engage on a professional level and change the system. If people want to eat "whatever" they can...I don't have to its my body its my choice.
I never said eat anything, I said push it around. But good for you, doesn't always work out that way for everyone, you know your situation, you don't know hers or my husbands(who went thru pretty much the same thing) who that wouldn't have worked very well for. It's a case by case, person by person.
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PeachyPlum wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »bigblondewolf wrote: »
Then order the salad and eat it or not. At the very least you're making an effort.bigblondewolf wrote: »Be a team player here. Just making the effort speaks louder of your integrity rather than opposing. It's one meal not a commitment to eating that way forever.
We always have potlucks at my office gym and people bring food that's considered "unhealthy" by many standards. Some eat it, some don't. But they at least show up and don't mock the others for doing so.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's not just about the healthy value of the food - as I stated earlier, a lot of the menu options they're giving make me feel very ill. And my boss is not accommodating.
And I didn't "mock" anyone for the way they eat. I don't care what other people eat, I just don't want to be forced to eat food I don't want and that doesn't make me feel good for the sake of keeping the social peace.
You don't have to mock people by saying anything. If you bring your own food to a luncheon that's being offered to everyone, the perception is that the food isn't good enough for you. Actions do speak volumes even when nothing is said.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
So by your logic I have to eat what everyone else is going to be eating (even if it makes me sick) or I'll appear judgey and overly difficult?
I'm somewhat confused: I thought your issue with ordering a salad is that it would be "boring," not that it would make you sick. Is there absolutely nothing you can order that will not make you ill?
Yes, that escalated when she didn't get the answer that she wanted. That seems to happen a lot around here.
No, it was clear from the start that I had food allergies. It might have gotten buried under the posts suggesting I get a lawyer though lol.
I do agree with everyone that it's best to make as few waves at possible in the corporate environment. And my original post was asking how to navigate the situation in a diplomatic way without stepping on toes.0 -
RealFoodisGood wrote: »HardcoreP0rk wrote: »Look at all the trail-blazin bad@sses out there giving the finger to corporate culture... never knew we had so many tough guys in the average office.
You don't. The tough guys climb higher than average.
And yet, everyone in my annual sales kickoff makes over $100k annually and they all still manage to eat, drink, and play nicely with the others.
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