Husband won't let me get a dog unless I lose 10 lbs

FitandFab33

Wow.

If my husband wouldn't "let" me do something, the dog wouldn't be the only one trying to get a bone.

dmpizza

NOTHING in this whole world works if people don't connect the dots correctly.

Lose weight because you want to and if pleasing your husband is nice then for that too.

Get a dog if you can take care of it, and your husband can deal with it.

dym123

Get the dog, dump the husband. Dogs will love you unconditionally. Although, you are tiny already! I really want to smack him.

THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

schondell

You're husband clearly has an eating disorder which you've made pretty obvious. If you want a dog and it won't affect his sleep than there is really no reason as to why you should not get one!

fitnesstam

Thank you!

You bring up good points: To answer these questions and a few others that were raised:

1. Yes, I work full time, contribute fully to the finances and make a respectable salary. My husband does make more than I do and I think this is partly why he thinks he is entitled to control the household.
2. I exercise most days of the week but don't feel the need to report it to him.
3. The conversation I quoted is almost verbatim from a text he sent to me.
4. I agree that rants about a spouse are often one sided and I will say that he has many other wonderful qualities including being a great father and someone that would never cheat on me or physically abuse.
5. I will not get rid of the "cat pantry" as one poster suggested.
6. Yes, it was stupid of me to ever, even half jokingly, tie together getting a dog and losing weight.

He flipped out and said that "the conditions have not been met" and that if I could show him that I cared enough about what he wants by keeping an exercise plan then he would be accepting about a dog.

This, right here ^ is NOT okay.
If you cared enough about what *he* wants??? Is this a joke?
Your body is NOT his. It is yours.

If he is not happy with your body, enough to 'restrict' you as his wife from adopting a dog, you need to seek counseling together or have some very calm & open discussions about how he is coming off as manipulative. It doesn't really seem like this issue is even about the dog for him...

You are an adult. I assume you are working? You contribute to the finances, you are on the title of your home, correct? Then it is your choice whether or not you have a dog for yourself, so long as you are taking full responsibility for it.

Assuming what you have written is basically verbatim...Not in a million years would I put up that.

schondell

And LOL at the comments that say "dump" or "ditch" the husband.. That's a ridiculous reason to get divorced.

originalcookiemonster

Seems like you are both a controlling couple.

You want a dog and are trying to control him with your whining (sorry but it seems true(

He is trying to control you with asking that you stick to your bargain of weight loss.

IMO I think you both need to work on your relationship before you add a dog into the equation.

Once the dog arrives you will (forecast) put on weight, hubby will take a back seat in your mind, hubby in his mind will feel left out even more...relationship will go t*ts up.

You and dog will live happily ever after, you will not lose weight and you will lose your hubby.

None of what you just said makes ANY sense whatsoever. NONE of your posts do.

jkal1979

So what would happen if you started gaining the weight back, would he then get rid of the dog?

Both marital and individual counseling might be a good idea.

Sandytoes71

My husband got me a dog and she was my exercise partner. Unfortunately she passed away last year from stomach cancer (she was a rescue and was a bred over and over for five years. She was rescued from a puppy mill and all the dogs from the mill have the same condition. When we got her fixed they had found a mass, but then it disappeared. They think it moved. She was a basset hound and was 8 when she passed). ever since, I have been wanting another dog, my husband wants another cat (on top of the 2 kitties we have) so I told him "no more cats until i get a dog" he says "no more dogs, only kitties". :laugh: Our 16 month old doesn't know what to think.

Your husband sounds controlling and honestly sounds like if he doesn't get help then its going to get ugly.

Also, doggies are best friends :happy: I grew up with dogs so I understand how that goes (I had a doberman and a toy poodle. Then after we moved to Ashland, we got a mini toy).

Your basset hound was an exercise partner?? Wow, lol, I would end up carrying my basset hound home halfway down the street! But in all seriousness, I am so sorry for your loss!!!! Losing a pet is so heartbreaking. And kudos to you for rescuing her!!

simplyciera

This whole situation is wrong wrong wrong. Getting an animal is like having another child. If one doesn't want it, you can't convince them. It's also obvious that there are other issues. Getting a dog would be putting a band aid over a deep wound. It'll make you feel good for now, but after awhile, the wound will get infected.
1. If your husband doesn't like animals, you kind of should respect it. You knew that from the jump the same way he knew you wanted animals from the jump. The two of you have to compromise.
2. If you know he has an issue with health, perhaps show him this site so that he can seek health & then take him to a doctor to help him with whatever issues he is having
3. If you're seriously coming online to a bunch of strangers on marital advice, perhaps you should reevaluate a few things. Marriage is hard. You don't get everything you want. You don't bxtch about it; you suck it up, love your partner flaws and all and get through it together...as a unit.
I wish you guys the best though. For the sake of your child, be responsible and talk things out maturely with a nuetral, objective and KNOWLEDGEABLE (preferably marriage counseling certified) third party who can find the root to these problems and help you guys get through it.

originalcookiemonster

Does anyone seem to understand this is a `one sided` post

I am all for women being women and fighting for their femininity etc. but really....she has a husband that wants to eat healthily and is having arguments about her weight.

Was the OP overweight when they got married? Maybe hubby is trying to give her an incentive to lose weight in a nice way, which we are not reading from the OP`s account?

There are 2 sides to every story, don`t always condemn the person from the story of the person that you hear from first

Husband wants to eat 1200 calories and is over 6 foot. That's not healthy. I'm all for couples managing their problems through therapy if need be, but your advice is seriously flawed and your opinions make no sense to me. SMH.

fitnesstam

I'm sorry to hear about your puppy . I know how awful that is...my mom has had a couple of rescues that passed from cancer at an early age.

Funny about the cats: when we got married, my husband was adamantly against getting a cat. In fact we argued about it on the way back from our honeymoon. A month later, I dragged him to the local humane society. A kitty picked him out by reaching her paw out and touching his cap through the cage. Now (and two more cats later) he loves kitties and says he'd have no problem getting a kitten but no dogs.

My husband got me a dog and she was my exercise partner. Unfortunately she passed away last year from stomach cancer (she was a rescue and was a bred over and over for five years. She was rescued from a puppy mill and all the dogs from the mill have the same condition. When we got her fixed they had found a mass, but then it disappeared. They think it moved. She was a basset hound and was 8 when she passed). ever since, I have been wanting another dog, my husband wants another cat (on top of the 2 kitties we have) so I told him "no more cats until i get a dog" he says "no more dogs, only kitties". :laugh: Our 16 month old doesn't know what to think.

Your husband sounds controlling and honestly sounds like if he doesn't get help then its going to get ugly.

Also, doggies are best friends :happy: I grew up with dogs so I understand how that goes (I had a doberman and a toy poodle. Then after we moved to Ashland, we got a mini toy).

Pelly57

Lots of advice here, some good, some not. Here's my two cents.

First of all, get to a marriage counselor, if he won't go, go by yourself. I think we tend to treat marriage far to casually sometimes, it may not be salvageable, but you need to talk to someone before you make that kind of decision. There are definately some unhealthy dynamics going on, for instance, his control over food, yours and his and the fact that you let him have this kind of control.

Also, nobody should be held to this kind of agreement, its just not sound.

Don't go running out and rescue a dog yet. As others have said, the dog deserves to come into a home where all will welcome it.

You are worthy of a happy, healthy partnership. Work on that, your marriage and your child and eventually your dog will thank you. You also may want to work on your own self image, you seem to be a very fit, beautiful woman.

frantim528

What you need to do is get totally ripped, kick his *kitten*, and tell him you're getting a dog, he needs to build a bridge and get over it.

salladeve

1) You shouldn't buy something as important as a pet without both spouses agreeing. It is an important addition to your family and you will both be responsible for care, love and feeding of the pet. If one person doesn't want the pet, they will resent the time, attention and money spent on the pet.

2) He is your husband not your father. I assume you are a mature adult that can make your own decisions and don't need your spouse to "allow" you to do anything. You have some serious problems in your marriage that needs to be address before you add to your family. Each person should be respected and heard on an equal basis in a marriage, and each important decision needs to be agreed upon.

CJ_Holmes

The dynamic you describe sounds just like my first marriage. You are being treated like a child and that is NOT how a healthy marriage ought to be. For the sake of the dog, do not bring one into the situation. For the sake of yourself and your child, get some individual counseling and give some real thought to whether or not you want to stay in the marriage.

This.

lintino

I haven't read anything else but OP. You are an adult. You should be able to get what you want. Your husband is a controlling SOB. Get counseling if you want to stay with him.!!!@!

lillith1991

To be honest I don't think either you or your husband are acting maturly. Why?

1- You guys used another living creature as a bargaining chip. That is not reasonable or mature. I don't think you guys are ready for a dog.

2- your view point was the only one described for the first few pages till they bashed him too much for your comfort.

3- Don't paint cats and dogs with the same banner. They may still be fur babies but they are as different as night and day. A dog has a completely different personality to a cat. If he isn't a dog person which many cat people aren't then he just isn't and nothing will change that.

5- you guys need counseling before even thinking of adding a fur baby.

jennifershoo

I love you guys! Thank you for the support, it really makes such a difference. I was concerned I was going to get responses like "a deal is a deal, lose the 10 lbs."
Many of you have touched on the bigger issue, which is the control. I hate conflict but I need to have a serious talk with him. Wish me luck. In the meantime, keep those replies coming, I could use all the support I can get!

Wow! So you're actually happy that strangers online are telling you to ditch your husband instead of losing 10 lbs like you told him you would? That tells a lot about your marriage.

jessgetshealthy

I don't think this is the right place for you to be asking this. I think you and your husband need to seek professional help not the opinions of rank amateurs like us.

^^ This. What he is doing/thinking is not healthy--for you or him. Please think about addressing your relationship issues before you bring a dog into the marriage.