Husband won't let me get a dog unless I lose 10 lbs

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  • fitnesstam
    fitnesstam Posts: 9 Member
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    Aren't we all "strangers" supporting one another? A post like that tells me a lot about you.
    I love you guys! Thank you for the support, it really makes such a difference. I was concerned I was going to get responses like "a deal is a deal, lose the 10 lbs."
    Many of you have touched on the bigger issue, which is the control. I hate conflict but I need to have a serious talk with him. Wish me luck. In the meantime, keep those replies coming, I could use all the support I can get!

    Wow! So you're actually happy that strangers online are telling you to ditch your husband instead of losing 10 lbs like you told him you would? That tells a lot about your marriage.
  • gonnamakeanewaccount
    gonnamakeanewaccount Posts: 642 Member
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    Just break up.
  • poohpoohpeapod
    poohpoohpeapod Posts: 776 Member
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    you married him. sorry my condolences. Is he your Father why is he telling you what you can or cannot get?
  • poohpoohpeapod
    poohpoohpeapod Posts: 776 Member
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    You already have a dog..................it's your husband.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    do not isul t caninekind!!
  • sunnyskyjb
    sunnyskyjb Posts: 258 Member
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    It seems to me that you are already very healthy. So I just want to tell you a similar story. (I am not telling you what to do, just that something similar happened with us.) My husband really, really wanted a dog for a few months, but I had not yet agreed that I wanted one too. (I did not grow up with dogs, and I was always a little bit scared of them.) We were driving to another state, to visit friends, when he commented on the cheaper price of cigarettes in that state. I jokingly said that he would have more money to buy a dog if he quit smoking. Although of course I wanted him to quit, in that moment I was just being sarcastic. He was quiet for a minute, or two, and then said, 'If I quit smoking, could we get a dog?" We struck the bargain and just under a year later he quit, and then he got his dog. He never went back to smoking, and I loved the dog. (And no, we did not name the dog Smokey.)
  • jennifershoo
    jennifershoo Posts: 3,198 Member
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    Aren't we all "strangers" supporting one another? A post like that tells me a lot about you.
    I love you guys! Thank you for the support, it really makes such a difference. I was concerned I was going to get responses like "a deal is a deal, lose the 10 lbs."
    Many of you have touched on the bigger issue, which is the control. I hate conflict but I need to have a serious talk with him. Wish me luck. In the meantime, keep those replies coming, I could use all the support I can get!

    Wow! So you're actually happy that strangers online are telling you to ditch your husband instead of losing 10 lbs like you told him you would? That tells a lot about your marriage.

    Lol, ok. I'm not the one b1tching about someone I'm supposed to love on internet.
  • MrsLMKing
    MrsLMKing Posts: 50 Member
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    It seems to me that you are already very healthy. So I just want to tell you a similar story. (I am not telling you what to do, just that something similar happened with us.) My husband really, really wanted a dog for a few months, but I had not yet agreed that I wanted one too. (I did not grow up with dogs, and I was always a little bit scared of them.) We were driving to another state, to visit friends, when he commented on the cheaper price of cigarettes in that state. I jokingly said that he would have more money to buy a dog if he quit smoking. Although of course I wanted him to quit, in that moment I was just being sarcastic. He was quiet for a minute, or two, and then said, 'If I quit smoking, could we get a dog?" We struck the bargain and just under a year later he quit, and then he got his dog. He never went back to smoking, and I loved the dog. (And no, we did not name the dog Smokey.)

    I think this is different. Quitting smoking is obviously important because smoking is so terrible for your health. I don't think there is anyone out there that would say that a smoker SHOULDN'T quit smoking.

    If you were 100 pounds overweight and your health was being impacted, it might be different, but only if he approached it in a different way. Like, as a way to encourage you, not to control you, if that makes sense.

    It sounds like you are healthy and he is unhealthy, honestly. I understand that you made the "bargain," but I agree with another poster (can't remember which one) who said that you reacted that way because of how he treats you. You felt like begging and pleading and offering something that he wants (for you to lose 10 pounds) would help you get the dog that you want.

    I just can't imagine ever being in a relationship where the one who is supposed to love me unconditionally reads the nutrition facts on everything that I eat. I am a chubster, and my BF is naturally slim and in pretty good shape, but he has NEVER said ANYTHING out of the way to me about my weight. NEVER. Since I've started my weight loss journey, he has been very supportive, but he never tells me I need to do this or that or whatever.

    It really does sound like your marriage needs some work. I wouldn't say "ditch your husband and get a dog." Marriages aren't disposable like that...or they shouldn't be, anyway. I do think that the two of you need to talk to someone. I also think you deserve your dog.
  • lillith1991
    lillith1991 Posts: 70
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    Ok since people didn't seem to get it the first time I will say it again. Using a living creature as a bargaining chip isn't mature or adult like.
  • sunnyskyjb
    sunnyskyjb Posts: 258 Member
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    I agree with the above poster, this IS different. You don't need to lose weight, my husband did need to quit smoking.

    Also, note that although the idea came from me (I was being sarcastic), my husband was the one who took the comment and decided to make it into a serious commitment.

    And, I should add, although he had never tried to quit before this, he had already been thinking about quitting. The motivation was coming from within, while the offer of the dog just gave him the extra edge to stick with it.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
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    I completely understand your need for a dog, if I didn't, I wouldn't have so many. But I think it's important that you two talk and figure out what really is important to you so you guys can work it out or part ways before you bring another, depenant (basically) into your home.

    I'm not trying to lecture or act like I know everything or anything like that. I know your situation would not be as extreme as mine but I want you to know that I'm sincere with my answer and would like to share with you a brief piece of my history.

    I have 18 dogs that live at our house. 14 of them belong to my mom and me. We had the bad habit of taking in strays and because of the horror stories of people adopting animals for the sole purpose of abusing them and well meaning people who adopt them just to neglect them, we just kept keeping them and their puppies. At one point my mom and I owned 23 dogs.

    ***It's not illegal where I live. Believe it or not.***

    I'm tied to my family and can't even date people seriously because our dogs really are family to me. I would never choose someone over them. I have yet to meet a man or woman who is cool with that.

    Dogs are very sensitive to what goes on around them. I agree with most of the people here about dumping him and getting the dog, however, since I don't really know your life, I agree that you should go to a marriage counselor.

    Also it's important to remember that the cats and your 7 year old if they are not already being affected by this situation, most likely they will be.

    SO, Uh, nobody saw this post? Okay. I hope you are rich with a huge farm, can pay people to train, exercise, and care for these 18 dogs, can clean up after and monitor their behavior.

    I have three and it's overwhelming at times. The vet bills, training, supervising, knowing their personalities and making sure everyone gets along. I can only imagine it's a doggy free for all in your house with no real leadership. I doubt they're all up to date on their shots, I doubt you have the money for heartworm and regular vaccinations and dental care for all those animals, much less getting them spayed or neutered. You said you end up keeping all the strays AND their puppies. So you're compounding the problem of animal population.

    O had to break up a terrible dog fight the other day between my dog and another. Imagine if several of your dogs get into it at once ... What would you even do? Just one injured dog has taken hours of care and monitoring.

    Unless you are ridiculously rich and can afford to care properly for them and have several people on hand to help with care, then these animals are no better off with you than they are on the street.

    I bet the strays warn other strays about you. "Watch out for that one, she'll come at you like Overly Attached Girlfriend, and you'll never see the light of day again. "
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    A lot of this reminds me of my first marriage.
    And well ...

    That didn't go well, it only got worse.

    I'd say go to therapy now. I'm not blaming you or him, but something in the way your relationship works makes him think that statement was ok.

    Was it said in a kidding way, or a point blank serious way.

    Two sides to everything so it's hard to say anything except seek couples therapy if you really want this marriage to continue.
  • taichilass
    taichilass Posts: 301 Member
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    Listen, this he won't let me stuff is ridiculous! It should be a decision you make together! Not one based on whether or not you lose 10 lbs! Can you say controlling?
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    Don't get a dog - sort your relationship issues out first. It is not fair to each other...or to the dog.
  • WonderCort
    WonderCort Posts: 128 Member
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    Work on the marriage, wait to get the dog. You and your husband need to get your marriage back on track.
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
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    Your husband is a control freak and that isn't ok. Mine tries to be but not as extreme as this and he has no chance with me! It is your body, you do what you want to do about it and if you want a dog and are prepared to look after it without his help then go get one. He isn't your boss and he needs help if he thinks a 6" man should be eating as little as he does. This is not fair. You are an adult, not a child!
  • lillith1991
    lillith1991 Posts: 70
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    I agree with the above poster, this IS different. You don't need to lose weight, my husband did need to quit smoking.

    Also, note that although the idea came from me (I was being sarcastic), my husband was the one who took the comment and decided to make it into a serious commitment.

    And, I should add, although he had never tried to quit before this, he had already been thinking about quitting. The motivation was coming from within, while the offer of the dog just gave him the extra edge to stick with it.

    Id hug you if I could! You and your hubby treated the descision with the respect it deserved. It gave him an additional reason to quite but wasn't the only one. The OP and her husband on the other hand arent. That's just disrepectful.
  • runsandjumps
    runsandjumps Posts: 19 Member
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    Tell him the dog is going to be your exercise partner.

    Yep!
  • SteelySunshine
    SteelySunshine Posts: 1,092 Member
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    I hope your husband is somewhat overweight. If he isn't then you won't have to worry about him for too long. If he is exercising the way you say and trying to restrict down to 1200 calories a day and he sticks to that, it won't be long before he makes himself very sick. He may already be sick. He is 6 foot tall so he has less time to figure out how to avoid death by starvation than he would if he was much shorter. Of course there are people that live a long time in a skeletal like state, but they are mostly people that are naturally underweight and try to eat enough to gain weight. He isn't doing that, he's restricting, it's an eating disorder and it's potentially deadly.

    Not much you can do about that, but you can suggest he see a doctor. Then you will have done all you can do. Or you can just walk away and take your child so that s/he doesn't have to watch his/her father waste away.
  • fit4lifeUcan2
    fit4lifeUcan2 Posts: 1,458 Member
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    He flipped out and said that "the conditions have not been met" and that if I could show him that I cared enough about what he wants by keeping an exercise plan then he would be accepting about a dog.

    This, right here ^ is NOT okay.
    If you cared enough about what *he* wants??? Is this a joke?
    Your body is NOT his. It is yours.

    If he is not happy with your body, enough to 'restrict' you as his wife from adopting a dog, you need to seek counseling together or have some very calm & open discussions about how he is coming off as manipulative. It doesn't really seem like this issue is even about the dog for him...

    You are an adult. I assume you are working? You contribute to the finances, you are on the title of your home, correct? Then it is your choice whether or not you have a dog for yourself, so long as you are taking full responsibility for it.

    Assuming what you have written is basically verbatim...Not in a million years would I put up that.

    What does he do if you don't do the dishes, pick up your dirty clothes off the floor or god forbid you don't do your homework? Oh wait... he's your husband? Not your father?

    you two have a lot of problems. First in a marriage you need to discuss things. If he is dictating to you maybe he has a control issue or maybe you just never follow through with things? You said he didn't want cats and you had a big argument about getting a cat on the way home from your honeymoon. So you dragged him to an animal shelter and a kitty reached through the cage and tapped on his hat. He was hooked after that and you now have a what..2 or 3 kitties? Maybe he's tired of you getting animals and not taking care of them? Are you paying for all of the food or strapping him with all the bills? We don't know all of the sides of this story. Sounds like you're needy and demanding and he's tired of it.

    Go to marriage counseling asap!

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