Absence Before Marriage

moochachip

What people's thoughts were about abstinence from sex before marriage?

Would you not date someone who pledged that life style? Too old fashioned?

Or would you feel like that was an admirable thing to do?

Our culture is different then it use to be around that topic, but since no one seems to talk about abstaining from it, I wanted to see what others thought.

I think of it as a gift before the person I choose to marry; but I know from experience several guys who are put off by the idea. Maybe I am old fashioned, but it's not like I go and tell others who choose not to go that way that what they're doing is wrong. It's their choice, this one has been mine.

ChristinaR720

I'm assuming you mean "abstinence"?

Well, seeing as how I was 6 months prego when I got hitched (engaged for a year-and-a-half), it's definitely not for me! But, it's a personal choice, and I say "more power to ya" if abstaining is something that is important to you!

moochachip

I'm assuming you mean "abstinence"?

Yes, that is exactly what I meant. If only computers could figure out what word you really wanted to use..

Congratulations to you. I do think it's a choice for people; it's just that some people seem to think that and think it's great, then decide they would rather not be with that person because of the exact same reason.

links_slayer

My thoughts? What you want to do with your body is your business - not mine.

If you can't find someone that understands and appreciates your choices it's time to find someone else.

Doodlewhopper

I'm assuming you mean "abstinence"?

Yes, that is exactly what I meant. If only computers could figure out what word you really wanted to use..

Congratulations to you. I do think it's a choice for people; it's just that some people seem to think that and think it's great, then decide they would rather not be with that person because of the exact same reason.

Follow your own compass & you will be alright.

ChristinaR720

I'm assuming you mean "abstinence"?

Yes, that is exactly what I meant. If only computers could figure out what word you really wanted to use..

Good ol' auto correct! I do, however, support "absence" before (and, sometimes, after!) marriage, too! :laugh:

Kidding...love my hubby!

bernadettemelvin

i hear that!

kitka82

I say, if abstinence before marriage is truly important to you, then make sure you have some likeminded people in your life that you can talk to. And it makes it easier if the person you are dating respects your choice. Set up your boundaries now, and just stick to them. It is a personal choice.

xiamjackie

Absence before marriage? Is this like Runaway Bride?

alisonlynn1976

I don't think that sex is morally wrong, and I feel sorry for people who do. I don't think that the meaning of life, if any, is that the person who denies themselves the most pleasure wins at the end.

Iron_Lotus

I need to test drive the car before I buy it.

Jennisin1

I did it for my first marriage... was not successful. We just had such different expectations about what constitutes a healthy sex life that it eventually eroded our marriage. I wasn't willing to have just a best friend/roomate who wasn't really into sex.

ItsCasey

My thoughts? What you want to do with your body is your business - not mine.

If you can't find someone that understands and appreciates your choices it's time to find someone else.

Agree with this. You're an adult. This choice is yours to make, and if you are clear on why you are making it, then don't worry about what anyone else thinks about it. The right person for you will respect it, even if they may not agree with it themselves.

MelsAuntie

My opinion; a resounding NO. I would NEVER marry someone without living with them for a year or so first. Sex isn't a "gift", it's a normal part of life together. You have to know if you're sexually and otherwise compatible. I lived with my husband of 42 years now for several years before marriage. .( he went off to Vietnam, I went off to college) We are very well suited and have had a loving and happy marriage.

hannahthesoundgirl

Both my husband and I felt that it was important (abstinence), so we both waited. I've never been with anyone else, and neither has he. It was really, really hard to hold to that, especially once we got engaged, but I'm glad we did. And I'm really glad that we don't have any baggage from anyone else. Sex is a big deal. We had different expectations about sex coming into the marriage and we argued about it quite a bit the first year. But, as we've learned to trust each other, and gotten to know each other better, our sex life has improved (and we barely argue about it now). Anyway....all that to say, if you feel like it's important, then it is important. And if the person you're with doesn't think it's important, then maybe they aren't right for you. Either way, I feel like sex is a big enough deal, you'll want to be on the same page.

kitka82

I don't think that sex is morally wrong, and I feel sorry for people who do. I don't think that the meaning of life, if any, is that the person who denies themselves the most pleasure wins at the end.

I agree with this. While its a personal choice, I just can't wrap my head around why you would deny pleasure to yourself. Sex is a huge part of a relationship. It's not "special". It's just sex. It's almost like saying you're not going to talk to your partner until after marriage.

There are many things physically that matter a lot. Some people don't fit well together sexually. It's a huge deal. And, it really is a tad short-sided to think that sex isn't equally as important than all the other factors in your relationship.

There's a lot of emphasis on sexual compatibility. Sure, you will probably have issues if you have drastically different sexual preferences. But how can you say that "sex is a huge part of a relationship" while also saying sex is not "special"? I guess it just depends on the purpose of sex in your relationship. Sex bonds people together. Sex creates life. What about relationships in which one or both parties is physically unable to have sex, either regularly or at all?

I'm just asking these questions because I've always been curious as to why sex seems like either a big deal, or not that important at all. Help me understand, people. LOL.

wineplease

I don't think that sex is morally wrong, and I feel sorry for people who do.

Why would you "feel sorry for" someone who believes sex outside of marriage is morally wrong?

I don't think that the meaning of life, if any, is that the person who denies themselves the most pleasure wins at the end.

First, it sounds sad that you're not sure if there is a meanging of life at all. Secondly, denying ourselves certain pleasures is about more than just trying to win a game in the end.

To the OP- I find that people will respect you for standing on your convictions. Don't waffle, don't cave, don't let someone else make you question your own morals and values.

jackpotclown

wish I had the chance for an absence \m/

fluffykitsune

Sex looks ( and seems ) boring as hell to me.
I'd rather sleep.
What people do, people do. But I personally don't think sex / dating is just a game (meaning, I'd rather wait than fool around like every other teenager). If I'm going to bring someone into my life, then I'm going to be 150% positive that they aren't leaving.
Talking like this is how i ended up with 4 cats and 4 dogs. fml.

Fozzi43

I personally think you need to find out if you're compatible in EVERY way...hell..if I waited till I married someone and then found out they had a small ****, I'd be seriously pissed off.