Absence Before Marriage

wineplease

Well in my experience "absence" is one of the only ways to ensure "abstinence" before marriage. "Absinthe" is not. Neither are "abs sins". The end.

Her mistake has already been called out. But, thanks for playing.

DatMurse

I want to know if someone is willing to get down as much as me. having a high sex drive blows. They also have to find it fun.

walleyclan1

Sex in and of itself is not "morally wrong".

I believe God designed it as a special gift between a husband and wife.
It is the most intimate part of your relationship.

When you wait you are demonstrating a selfless type of love that says, I love you so much that I am willing to deny myself in order to do what is best for you and our marriage.
It is the highest level of respect you can give someone.

I don't see it as a restriction but rather as a protection from a loving God.
He wants the very best for people and knows that more and more of that special intimacy and trust will be lost with each subsequent sexual partner.

Yes!

It was important to me. My husband was not a virgin when we married but he understood and respected my beliefs and waited through 2 1/2 years of dating and 6 months of being engaged.

bloominheck

This may sounds strange to some, but my mom always told me once married you are in for life with one partner and to be faithful. So have a blast in College, date and you know what with as many guys as I want. I guess a get out of your system thing. :blushing: I love my mom.

jamiesillimandunn

I believe it is admirable to be " pure" going into marriage ....today's world puts a lot of pressure on people to be sexy and condone multiple partners prior to marriage . Honeslty it is a bit awkward to share partners with your soon to be hubby ....so even to save a little face , its beneficial ! It is all your choice , in my opinion it is something to be PROUD of , something you will look back on and most likely NOT regret I preach this to my teen daughters all the time !! Your body is a temple , treat it as one , people who want to pass you up because your not open to the public ...so be it, your temple is open to VIP ONLY I say kudos to those who have the will to wait !!! I totally RESPECT that in a person ...love yourself enough to not have to put yourself aside for another's benefit , love is never one sided ....it is a PARTNERSHIP , always give one what they give you ....in simple terms ....you offering a purity, to someone who can only offer sex, is like diamonds and Cubi zirconia , they are both really nice but one is WAAAAAY more valuable !!

knitbytes

It's none of my business how anyone besides myself lives their life.

However, I will say that I personally never even considered abstinence before marriage, because sex is important to me and I didn't want to go into marriage without knowing how it would be with my spouse. Also, it's nice to know that your partner has SOME experience so they won't be clueless & scared. Same goes for living together. I would NEVER have considered marrying someone without first living with them for a couple of years. You never know if you're truly compatible until you're in the situation, and for myself, I wanted to be certain.

BeccaBollons

I have a success story!
My husband and I were both virgins when we got married. Deciding to wait made the engagement REALLY difficult, but it did mean we had to think of other ways to enjoy ourselves, and really got to know each other well before getting married. We renovated a house together, which we then lived in for 10 years, and it was so special, and I think it helped us cement our relationship. After marriage, well obviously we were both learners, but we got the hang of it!

For us, keeping our virginity until marriage made the union as sacred as God intended it to be. We have been married 12 years in August, and sex still is special and like a gift each time

OP, there are like-minded people, don't settle for second best, there is only one "first time"!

Sqeekyjojo

Sex looks ( and seems ) boring as hell to me.
I'd rather sleep.
What people do, people do. But I personally don't think sex / dating is just a game (meaning, I'd rather wait than fool around like every other teenager). If I'm going to bring someone into my life, then I'm going to be 150% positive that they aren't leaving.
Talking like this is how i ended up with 4 cats and 4 dogs. fml.

It's only boring if you're not doing it right.

MaydayParadeGirl

I don't understand all these people who are saying they couldn't just jump right into marrying someno without living with them. That really has nothing to do with the original question asked since you can live with someone and not have sex with them..

Kelley528

What people's thoughts were about abstinence from sex before marriage?

Would you not date someone who pledged that life style? Too old fashioned?

Or would you feel like that was an admirable thing to do?

Our culture is different then it use to be around that topic, but since no one seems to talk about abstaining from it, I wanted to see what others thought.

I think of it as a gift before the person I choose to marry; but I know from experience several guys who are put off by the idea. Maybe I am old fashioned, but it's not like I go and tell others who choose not to go that way that what they're doing is wrong. It's their choice, this one has been mine.

I dont look at it as a gift before marriage but I do believe it strengthens the bond in relationships when the focus is not on sex. I have had enough boyfriends in my life to know all but 2 of them were more focused on sex than anything else that they never made a true connection. They never knew how to truly be part of a partnership.

Sex confuses feelings and emotions expecially when relationships are newer. To get caught up in all that passion can delude people into thinking they feel something they dont because they are so blinded by the "bliss" that closeness creates that they tend to overlook other less than compatible attributes of their partner.

Don't get me wrong, I am all for sex. I just think there would be more committed, stronger, deeper, relationships if people truly spent time with their partner and learned who they are. People jump in the sack so quickly that they still haven't seen their partner at their best or at their worst yet the closeness associated with sex convinces people they are in love or, leaving love out of it, makes them think they are closer than they actually are.

Any person who had true feelings for you would wait until you were ready for sex. If someone cant fathom being in a relationship if you have a different value on sex before marriage then that person isnt right for you anyway. Anyone who truly valued the person would stick around until the time was right for both people.



I

I_Will_End_You

Ugh. Out. No thanks. Never. If someone is that religious that they won't do it before marriage, I don't want to date them because we obviously would not be compatible.

Sparlingo

It was important to my husband and to me, and we are happy with our decision . Worth the three year wait for us.

Lochlyn_D

I'm not willing to spend the rest of my life with someone who may or may not be good in bed.

momzeeee

What people's thoughts were about abstinence from sex before marriage?

Would you not date someone who pledged that life style? Too old fashioned?

Or would you feel like that was an admirable thing to do?

Our culture is different then it use to be around that topic, but since no one seems to talk about abstaining from it, I wanted to see what others thought.

I think of it as a gift before the person I choose to marry; but I know from experience several guys who are put off by the idea. Maybe I am old fashioned, but it's not like I go and tell others who choose not to go that way that what they're doing is wrong. It's their choice, this one has been mine.

I can only speak for myself, but my husband and I dated for four years, were engaged for another year and were both virgins on our wedding night. Been married almost 11 years now and still going strong

joleenl

All though, I had a baby at 16 and have never been married. I think it is a great thing. I think it's incrediable romatic to find someone worth waiting for and that thinks your worth waiting for. I admire and respect those that choose to do it. (Although I do not respect those that choose not to wait any less.) I do agree it is a choice and is not for everyone. I know that this isn't the same but I have been in a relationship now for the past 14 years and even though we both were not virgins we did decide to wait 6 months into dating. We feel it made our first time more special. For me, it was like proof that he loved me because in this day it is hard to find someone willing to wait.

joleenl

What people's thoughts were about abstinence from sex before marriage?

Would you not date someone who pledged that life style? Too old fashioned?

Or would you feel like that was an admirable thing to do?

Our culture is different then it use to be around that topic, but since no one seems to talk about abstaining from it, I wanted to see what others thought.

I think of it as a gift before the person I choose to marry; but I know from experience several guys who are put off by the idea. Maybe I am old fashioned, but it's not like I go and tell others who choose not to go that way that what they're doing is wrong. It's their choice, this one has been mine.

I dont look at it as a gift before marriage but I do believe it strengthens the bond in relationships when the focus is not on sex. I have had enough boyfriends in my life to know all but 2 of them were more focused on sex than anything else that they never made a true connection. They never knew how to truly be part of a partnership.

Sex confuses feelings and emotions expecially when relationships are newer. To get caught up in all that passion can delude people into thinking they feel something they dont because they are so blinded by the "bliss" that closeness creates that they tend to overlook other less than compatible attributes of their partner.

Don't get me wrong, I am all for sex. I just think there would be more committed, stronger, deeper, relationships if people truly spent time with their partner and learned who they are. People jump in the sack so quickly that they still haven't seen their partner at their best or at their worst yet the closeness associated with sex convinces people they are in love or, leaving love out of it, makes them think they are closer than they actually are.

Any person who had true feelings for you would wait until you were ready for sex. If someone cant fathom being in a relationship if you have a different value on sex before marriage then that person isnt right for you anyway. Anyone who truly valued the person would stick around until the time was right for both people.

^^ Thanks for putting my thoughts into words. This is exactly how I feel.

holothuroidea

I believe that the concept of "virginity" comes from a very harmful place and I'm totally against the whole abstinence thing, but I understand that there are people who conceptualize it differently than I do.

I think a person should do whatever they are personally comfortable with.

As for me, if I'm in love, sex is soon to follow. I've never felt rushed or forced or uncomfortable but I've never waited very long either. For me I guess it's just... a normal thing to do? I don't know, I don't make a huge big deal about it. It's like eating or sleeping. I eat when I'm hungry, sleep when I'm tired, and have sex when I'm feeling amorous. :P

MaydayParadeGirl

Ugh. Out. No thanks. Never. If someone is that religious that they won't do it before marriage, I don't want to date them because we obviously would not be compatible.

It's not always a religious thing sometimes it's as simple as a personal prefrence. To assume it's always a religious thing is just silly.

MaydayParadeGirl

I believe that the concept of "virginity" comes from a very harmful place and I'm totally against the whole abstinence thing, but I understand that there are people who conceptualize it differently than I do.

How is the concept of virginity coming from a harmful place? I just want to understand as I can't figure that out at all...

soldier4242

If someone chooses not to have sex before they are married I see it as a personal preference that does not deserve ridicule.

If someone chooses to have sex before they are married I see it as a personal preference that does not deserve ridicule.

The things is I don't see either of these choices as morally superior to the other and I do not think anyone deserves some higher level of respect for it either.

That is the macro cosmic level.

On the personally level I don't see it as a very good idea to abstain from sex before marriage. Assuming we are talking about monogamous relationships of course. Marriage is a life long commitment and I would not want to leave the knowledge of the sexual proclivities of my only sexual partner for the rest of my life a mystery. If you take the idea of the commitment being life long seriously then there is no way you should even considering going in it completely inexperienced.