Absence Before Marriage

JingleMuffin

I had sex before I was married but before that I also dated a guy who was very opposed to that and I still dated him. I had no problem not having sex in a relationship if it was against his beliefs. Ultimately he broke up with me, I think he may have been intimidated.

JessiBelleW

I don't think that sex is morally wrong, and I feel sorry for people who do. I don't think that the meaning of life, if any, is that the person who denies themselves the most pleasure wins at the end.

I agree with this. While its a personal choice, I just can't wrap my head around why you would deny pleasure to yourself. Sex is a huge part of a relationship. It's not "special". It's just sex. It's almost like saying you're not going to talk to your partner until after marriage.

There are many things physically that matter a lot. Some people don't fit well together sexually. It's a huge deal. And, it really is a tad short-sided to think that sex isn't equally as important than all the other factors in your relationship.

There's a lot of emphasis on sexual compatibility. Sure, you will probably have issues if you have drastically different sexual preferences. But how can you say that "sex is a huge part of a relationship" while also saying sex is not "special"? I guess it just depends on the purpose of sex in your relationship. Sex bonds people together. Sex creates life. What about relationships in which one or both parties is physically unable to have sex, either regularly or at all?

I'm just asking these questions because I've always been curious as to why sex seems like either a big deal, or not that important at all. Help me understand, people. LOL.

Sex isn't a big deal until it goes wrong, and then it is a HUGE deal! Sex is made out to be this huge thing before you have it "gift from god", check romance novels for how this is played up. I feel which side of the virginity line you are on determines how important to you sex it. Also some people take sex too seriously - it had to be this big romantic, perfect thing. Duno maybe if you have sex with someone who was your friend first and you can pause in the middle for a giggle, perhaps this is where you see maybe its not so serious.

However if you feel that the person you have sex with first needs to be in your life forever then it seems to be you are doing the smart thing by abstaining until after you are married. How you figure out if the person you are going to be sharing this sex with wants the same things as you if you have no idea what you want I'm not sure.

Sex is pretty fantastic, not only do you get to be all intimate and share trust, you get lovely bonded feelings when your done and all those lovely nuro (did I spell this right) -chemicals -> way better than runners high.

K_Serz

I think you mean Absinthe



And the answer is YES

edge_dragoncaller

Me and my wife waiting for marriage, then of course we were to tired, so it was the day after. Sex is a gift to be given and won and anyone who does it before they have a marriage license issued by the state is just a filthy person in my opinion. yuk no thank you.
After marriage we immediately started to experiment and got into some pretty wild swingers parties with a lot of coke. I don't even remember half of those nights. crazy times. So after marriage sex is ok. We currently each have several partners of each gender and everyone IS married so its ok. I try to only use the coke in moderation as its a rather bad habit I'm told.

DUDE, Can I get an invite for me and my wife to one of those parties.

eric_sg61

Gotta test drive that car first, if the engine has too many miles on it just thank the salesman for the ride and move on to another vehicle.

SlimJanette

Sex is not morally wrong. I personally think that you need to be compatible in every aspect of the relationship. I have a few friends that have only been with their spouse and they wonder now years later what it would be like to be with someone else. Is there something out there that they are missing. I personally wouldn't want that feeling.

AlongCame_Molly

To those who express a need to "test drive the car" before buying--you all know how much the value of a car plummets the minute it's driven off the lot, right? I feel that sex is no different. It's cheapened if you give it out before marriage.

Nice to think of women in terms of resale value.


Which is exactly where the concept of virginity/being non shop soiled came from. Buying and selling women and girls.

I didn't say just women. I fully mean this to apply to men, too.

So you're slut-shaming both men and women.......wonderful. :grumble:

Yeah, it's pretty low to compare your own body to a market commodity. Have some self respect. Your sexuality only deepens and enhances as you gain experience. Restricting that experience on the notion that you can "use up" your sexual value is a sick, twisted idea.

I was responding to the people who used the cars analogy, with another car analogy, to express how silly it is to think of people in terms of cars. It's cute how the analogy can be used to DEFEND anti-abstinence, but is ridiculed and attacked when it's put on the other foot and used to counter it, huh?

ladymiseryali

To those who express a need to "test drive the car" before buying--you all know how much the value of a car plummets the minute it's driven off the lot, right? I feel that sex is no different. It's cheapened if you give it out before marriage.

Nice to think of women in terms of resale value.


Which is exactly where the concept of virginity/being non shop soiled came from. Buying and selling women and girls.

I didn't say just women. I fully mean this to apply to men, too.

So you're slut-shaming both men and women.......wonderful. :grumble:

Thanks for the personal attack, but no. If you had bothered to read my original post without running your mouth first, you'd have seen that I specifically said I did NOT judge anyone for doing it differently. And seeing as neither my husband nor I were virgins when we married, I can't very well "slut-shame" (whatever that even means, anyway) anyone without calling myself a slut.

But yay for attacking people who believe differently from you! It's nice to know that it's not just Christians who do it! :flowerforyou: :noway:

Not attacking you. Just going by what you said. You said that sex before marriage cheapens, which sounds like you're saying that those who don't wait are cheap, which is another term for "slut". So don't get mad that I came to this conclusion based on your own words. If that's not what you meant, then you should have worded your post more carefully.

skparker2

Absence before marriage? Is this like Runaway Bride?

Hahhaha

jill604

Well said! I definitely agree with this!

brit21187

Agree 100 %.

brit21187

Gotta test drive that car first, if the engine has too many miles on it just thank the salesman for the ride and move on to another vehicle.

hahah this is a good one.

Mcctin65

I think it's a gift you can only give once. Make sure that person is worth it. You can't take it back.

Mr_Bad_Example

I don't care what other people do. My only real issue is when people feel that abstinence makes them a more worthy person who is not. It doesn't -- everyone is worth more than the sum of their sexual partners.

I would not have dated somebody who was choosing abstinence because physical intimacy is just as important to me as emotional intimacy, particularly in committed relationships. I also have never felt comfortable in relationships that prized sexual fidelity over everything else.


ETA: BAHAHAHAH, this will teach my husband to leave his MFP up. This response was actually brought to you by Anh720.

billsica

Me and my wife waiting for marriage, then of course we were to tired, so it was the day after. Sex is a gift to be given and won and anyone who does it before they have a marriage license issued by the state is just a filthy person in my opinion. yuk no thank you.
After marriage we immediately started to experiment and got into some pretty wild swingers parties with a lot of coke. I don't even remember half of those nights. crazy times. So after marriage sex is ok. We currently each have several partners of each gender and everyone IS married so its ok. I try to only use the coke in moderation as its a rather bad habit I'm told.

DUDE, Can I get an invite for me and my wife to one of those parties.

message me, your in.

AlongCame_Molly

To those who express a need to "test drive the car" before buying--you all know how much the value of a car plummets the minute it's driven off the lot, right? I feel that sex is no different. It's cheapened if you give it out before marriage.

Nice to think of women in terms of resale value.


Which is exactly where the concept of virginity/being non shop soiled came from. Buying and selling women and girls.

I didn't say just women. I fully mean this to apply to men, too.

So you're slut-shaming both men and women.......wonderful. :grumble:

Thanks for the personal attack, but no. If you had bothered to read my original post without running your mouth first, you'd have seen that I specifically said I did NOT judge anyone for doing it differently. And seeing as neither my husband nor I were virgins when we married, I can't very well "slut-shame" (whatever that even means, anyway) anyone without calling myself a slut.

But yay for attacking people who believe differently from you! It's nice to know that it's not just Christians who do it! :flowerforyou: :noway:

Not attacking you. Just going by what you said. You said that sex before marriage cheapens, which sounds like you're saying that those who don't wait are cheap, which is another term for "slut". So don't get mad that I came to this conclusion based on your own words. If that's not what you meant, then you should have worded your post more carefully.

No, in this case I chose my words carefully and I do not wish to reword them. I said "cheapen" as in it cheapens the experience, not the person. If you were less defensive toward people who live different lifestyles you might not have jumped to such a harsh conclusion. I always do my best to not assume the worst of people, but hey, that's just me. You have a nice day, now.

silver_arrow3

I want a sexual person as I have a high drive. I want to see if the person Im planning on being faithful to can keep up. I dont want to have to find out a couple of months after getting married that I'm with someone who has a lower drive then me.

If a person saves themselves for marriage can they possibly have a high drive? I dont really think so.

Sex is fun. I dont hold it against anyone for having had a sexual lifestyle prior to meeting me.
I dont hold it against anyone for choosing to wait till marriage either. Personal choices are made for differnt reasons and I dont judge others on that basis.

I agree with this. I did wait... for a while. But then I realized that I'm a 20-something with no marriage prospects and a reasonably high sex drive. So I made a decision not to wait any more. I think I could have made a better decision about my "first" but I think it could have been worse.

I recently "met" (online) a nice guy who is attractive and sweet and fun, and a virgin. I'm really kind of torn about it because as admirable as I think his decision is to wait, I know how important sex will be in my future relationship. I would hate to find out that my drive is considerably higher than my partner's. As other people have said, it really puts a strain on a relationship.

Ghlt4

Sex in and of itself is not "morally wrong".

I believe God designed it as a special gift between a husband and wife.
It is the most intimate part of your relationship.

When you wait you are demonstrating a selfless type of love that says, I love you so much that I am willing to deny myself in order to do what is best for you and our marriage.
It is the highest level of respect you can give someone.

I don't see it as a restriction but rather as a protection from a loving God.
He wants the very best for people and knows that more and more of that special intimacy and trust will be lost with each subsequent sexual partner.

^^This^^

MaydayParadeGirl

I'm not religious, and I have some pretty strong ideas about the "purity" concept as a way to control women. I read a lot of books including "The Purity Myth" by Jessica Valenti in my late teens which really influenced my feelings on the subject. I'm not a big fan of marriage generally either, so I think my stance on the subject is probably pretty clear. I wouldn't date anyone who believed in the necessity of abstinence before marriage because there would obviously be some incompatible core values there. Fortunately, though, I have the perfect man for me already.

This is brilliant. Let me also add that if abstinence is something a person feels deeply about, why wear it on their sleeve? Do it because it makes you warm and fuzzy and don't expect a medal.

I don't agree with running around flashing purity rings and **** like that, as a matter of fact because of how much time has changed I don't see a lot of my friends really 'bragging' about waiting it out because you get that bad stigma that you're some super religious nut job when you're waiting. If this had been years ago no one would have this problem, and the people who did have a problem with people who were waiting would be few and far between. I honestly don't think there are that many people running around announcing to the world that they're waiting anymore, and if they are announcing it they're probably lying (every star disney channel ever put in front of us with a purity ring for example...sorry i grew up with that so it probably sounds childish to reference it lmao)

edge_dragoncaller

Me and my wife waiting for marriage, then of course we were to tired, so it was the day after. Sex is a gift to be given and won and anyone who does it before they have a marriage license issued by the state is just a filthy person in my opinion. yuk no thank you.
After marriage we immediately started to experiment and got into some pretty wild swingers parties with a lot of coke. I don't even remember half of those nights. crazy times. So after marriage sex is ok. We currently each have several partners of each gender and everyone IS married so its ok. I try to only use the coke in moderation as its a rather bad habit I'm told.

DUDE, Can I get an invite for me and my wife to one of those parties.

message me, your in.

Schweet! Coke and promiscuity. I know what we're doing for our anniversary!