Absence Before Marriage
Replies
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You said it:Instead I would like to look at this claim that wanting a mate that is able to sexually satisfy you is selfish. I would say it is justifiably selfish.
...you believe marriage is a life long commitment. You are basically saying. Get married to this person if they are terrible at sex and you get no satisfaction relax. The commitment will only last until one of you is dead.0 -
What really saddens me is that out of all these comments, I haven't seen but 1 or 2 that mention God and what He says about sex before marriage. God says that sex before marriage is fornication and fornication is an abomination.. I think if people would just get back to God's word and what He says about things like this then the world wouldn't be in the shape its in now. Not only when it comes to premarital sex but everything else too. If you really love someone and they really love you then both of you should be willing to wait for each other.
May I quote Matthew 7:1?
"Judge not, that ye be not judged."
Oh, logic. How ye slay me
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I think my point was missed. Let me rephrase. I have a friend who is an awesome guy! Love him dearly! He started dating a mutual friend he had been crushing on for years. In the heat of the moment and due to his emotions and nervousness, he misfired. That was the end of the relationship and friendship. She wasn't committed in any way to try again.
She missed out on a wonderful guy who would have supported her and made her happy. He was married for 15 years to someone else so I think it was a one-time thing but I didn't test-drive so I can't be sure. My point is stuff like that happens.
Whether you test-drive or not, you better have expectations that marriage is work no matter what room of the house you are in. If you have been married for 5 years and especially if you have kids, you KNOW what I mean!!
I also want to point out that abstinence is the only 100% protection against STDs, not just pregnancy. You sleep with everyone your partner slept with and vice versa. Abstinence protects the marriage bed.0 -
LOL God's words were written by humans. Wrap your mind around that.What really saddens me is that out of all these comments, I haven't seen but 1 or 2 that mention God and what He says about sex before marriage. God says that sex before marriage is fornication and fornication is an abomination.. I think if people would just get back to God's word and what He says about things like this then the world wouldn't be in the shape its in now. Not only when it comes to premarital sex but everything else too. If you really love someone and they really love you then both of you should be willing to wait for each other.
And some of us don't believe in god....gasp...0 -
I also want to point out that abstinence is the only 100% protection against STDs, not just pregnancy. You sleep with everyone your partner slept with and vice versa. Abstinence protects the marriage bed.
I literally want to hug you right now LITERALLY!Q0 -
I also want to point out that abstinence is the only 100% protection against STDs, not just pregnancy. You sleep with everyone your partner slept with and vice versa. Abstinence protects the marriage bed.
I literally want to hug you right now LITERALLY!Q
:flowerforyou:0 -
To clarify, I was more referring to those who chose to have sex with no real desire for commitment and marriage.
In essence, they're just using the other person to gratify a physical need rather than wanting to develop a true relationship which takes time, patience and mutual respect.
And what is wrong with satisfying our physical needs? If two peple have consensual sex for mere pleasure....what is wrong with that?0 -
YaYY for you!! I think abstinence is a treasure for your spouse! I agree that sex is special. Those who want to try out their potential mate for compatibility don't have it quite right, IMO. Many things can happen physically to hamper a sexual experience. Yeast infections can cause numbness. Surgeries or other illnesses will causes changes in sensations or performance issues. As in every other area of your married life, sexual intimacy and maintaing that relationship takes work.
What if you think a guy is perfect then you sleep with him? he doesn't perform up to your standard. he could have had 1 too many drinks. He could have had a stressful day at work and been very tired. You break up because you aren't compatible. He could have been a stud but for that one night and you lost Mr. Perfect.
This may be reaching but my point is that 1 sexual experience cannot and should not define your whole relationship. Nothing worth having comes easy and that includes a good sex life. After 23 years of marriage, I can promise you, even there, it is for better or worse. Most of the time, it is wonderful. Sometimes, one of us is off our game. Work in progress!!
I agree that sex is special. But I don't think anyone here is saying that they would dump a person because the sex was bad once. I think assuming most people here are adults, no one would just toss someone to the side because the first time was not up to their standards. My fiance and I have sex. The first time was very sweet...but very awful. Neither of us knew what the hell we were doing. Obviously, practice makes perfect, so as we learned each others' bodies better, our sexual compatibility seemed a lot better. I think given that most people know these things, the idea of finding out if you are sexually compatible with someone is extremely important. As someone who has been married for 26 years, you should know that sex is important in a serious relationship.0 -
To clarify, I was more referring to those who chose to have sex with no real desire for commitment and marriage.
In essence, they're just using the other person to gratify a physical need rather than wanting to develop a true relationship which takes time, patience and mutual respect.
And what is wrong with satisfying our physical needs? If two peple have consensual sex for mere pleasure....what is wrong with that?
Apparently wanting pleasure with no strings attached is a bad thing. Sex is to be enjoyed ONLY for procreation and ONLY if you have an expensive ring on your finger........
The logic of this burns my brains something fierce:noway:0 -
To clarify, I was more referring to those who chose to have sex with no real desire for commitment and marriage.
In essence, they're just using the other person to gratify a physical need rather than wanting to develop a true relationship which takes time, patience and mutual respect.
I agree. Sexual attraction is a wonderful, very natural thing. Some people prefer to find someone special to share it with. Some people don't, and see it as a natural desire and nothing to be ashamed of, which it isn't. There's nothing wrong with either of those situations.0 -
Apparently wanting pleasure with no strings attached is a bad thing. Sex is to be enjoyed ONLY for procreation and ONLY if you have an expensive ring on your finger........
The logic of this burns my brains something fierce:noway:
Yeah, I definitely don't get it! I guess I would be burned alive if people knew I have had one night stands and pity sex!!0 -
I say kudos to those who pledge abstinence before marriage and go through with it.0
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Absinthe before Marriage? I prefer vodka...0
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What really saddens me is that out of all these comments, I haven't seen but 1 or 2 that mention God and what He says about sex before marriage. God says that sex before marriage is fornication and fornication is an abomination.. I think if people would just get back to God's word and what He says about things like this then the world wouldn't be in the shape its in now. Not only when it comes to premarital sex but everything else too. If you really love someone and they really love you then both of you should be willing to wait for each other.
If only we could all agree on what God said!
And who's god or who's interpretation of god and what god is or is not. People always seem to forget that not everyone worships the same god . If it were really that easy, there wouldn't be so many religions0 -
For me it is simple. Yet I am simple minded. I wouldn't go buy a car without test driving it.
However the choice above it just that a choice, my choice. If someone wanted to abstain then that is their choice. I just wouldnt be part of it.0 -
To clarify, I was more referring to those who chose to have sex with no real desire for commitment and marriage.
In essence, they're just using the other person to gratify a physical need rather than wanting to develop a true relationship which takes time, patience and mutual respect.
And what is wrong with satisfying our physical needs? If two peple have consensual sex for mere pleasure....what is wrong with that?
Not to mention, we are just animals...highly intelligent animals, but animals none-the-less. All animals I've ever seen pretty much have sex when they want with whatever they want...0 -
To clarify, I was more referring to those who chose to have sex with no real desire for commitment and marriage.
In essence, they're just using the other person to gratify a physical need rather than wanting to develop a true relationship which takes time, patience and mutual respect.
And what is wrong with satisfying our physical needs? If two peple have consensual sex for mere pleasure....what is wrong with that?
Not to mention, we are just animals...highly intelligent animals, but animals none-the-less. All animals I've ever seen pretty much have sex when they want with whatever they want...
Reminds me of the song "You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals,So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel".0 -
I could never fathom being stuck in an endless relationship with someone I could potentially have no sexual compatibility. Now, I just can't fathom being stuck in an endless relationship.0
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What really saddens me is that out of all these comments, I haven't seen but 1 or 2 that mention God and what He says about sex before marriage. God says that sex before marriage is fornication and fornication is an abomination.. I think if people would just get back to God's word and what He says about things like this then the world wouldn't be in the shape its in now. Not only when it comes to premarital sex but everything else too. If you really love someone and they really love you then both of you should be willing to wait for each other.
If only we could all agree on what God said!
And who's god or who's interpretation of god and what god is or is not. People always seem to forget that not everyone worships the same god . If it were really that easy, there wouldn't be so many religions
Agree! That's why I said that some of us don't believe in god.....so why would I follow what he says?0 -
I don't think that sex is morally wrong, and I feel sorry for people who do. I don't think that the meaning of life, if any, is that the person who denies themselves the most pleasure wins at the end.
I don't think sex before marriage is wrong either, but I also don't think there is anything sad for someone who does. Fact is, much of the drama and issues we have in the world is because people DON'T have enough self-control and won't deny themselves every pleasure they can get. Often times at the expense of of others or their own character.
But to each their own.0 -
I think my point was missed. Let me rephrase. I have a friend who is an awesome guy! Love him dearly! He started dating a mutual friend he had been crushing on for years. In the heat of the moment and due to his emotions and nervousness, he misfired. That was the end of the relationship and friendship. She wasn't committed in any way to try again.
Jeeze if I got rid of every guy that misfired I'd be one lonely woman. I think they all do that quick draw mcgraws. I usually give them 10 minutes to recoup and impress me. Most dont disappoint on the 2nd time and by the 3rd you know youre in for all night.
If you can hold out on your sexual desires then I think abstinence is a beautiful thing! I know couples that have been able to go up until the wedding night, and they were always satisfied and happy they waited. Unfortunately, it's usually one bite to the neck and ears for me and all my virtues goes out the door.0 -
You mean the God who hates gays, thinks it's ok that priests diddle boys, the God who will smote people just for fun or because they were "bad"?
Man hate's, not God. Preist diddle, not God. Judging and depraivity are considered sins.
God also doesn't smite anyone, or (I believe) cause them ill. That is all part of free will, natural process, and the life cycle.
Thread will end up being locked soon anyway.0 -
I don't understand abstinence at all, your virginity isn't a gift to give someone, it was treasured before because back then there was no DNA tests and wealthy men wanted to insure that the son that will inherit his wealth is ACTUALLY his.
Sex isn't a gift to give to man either, since both parties should be able to enjoy it equally if it is done right.
To all the men and women saying that they would date someone with "too many miles on them", shame on you. How does respecting someone correlates with how many ****s you had in you?!
Also abstinence is the most ridiculous form of contraception, use condoms
Educate yourselves and stop slut-shaming.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCw2MzKjpoo 0 -
I don't think that sex is morally wrong, and I feel sorry for people who do. I don't think that the meaning of life, if any, is that the person who denies themselves the most pleasure wins at the end.
I don't think sex before marriage is wrong either, but I also don't think there is anything sad for someone who does. Fact is, much of the drama and issues we have in the world is because people DON'T have enough self-control and won't deny themselves every pleasure they can get. Often times at the expense of of others or their own character.
But to each their own.
maybe the person who said that may have been referencing people who actually believe that sex is morally wrong. they might not have been saying that those that believe in waiting also believe it is morally wrong.
There are actually people that believe it is morally wrong and is only for procreation and should not be enjoyed married or not0 -
I don't think that sex is morally wrong, and I feel sorry for people who do. I don't think that the meaning of life, if any, is that the person who denies themselves the most pleasure wins at the end.
I don't think sex before marriage is wrong either, but I also don't think there is anything sad for someone who does. Fact is, much of the drama and issues we have in the world is because people DON'T have enough self-control and won't deny themselves every pleasure they can get. Often times at the expense of of others or their own character.
But to each their own.
maybe the person who said that may have been referencing people who actually believe that sex is morally wrong. they might not have been saying that those that believe in waiting also believe it is morally wrong.
There are actually people that believe it is morally wrong and is only for procreation and should not be enjoyed married or not
I think people are getting off track here. the question was:
"What people's thoughts were about abstinence from sex BEFORE marriage? "
ETA: no offense, just trying to bring people back to the original point of the thread. some people need to calm down. we are here to express our opinions not bash on other people for what they think.0 -
YaYY for you!! I think abstinence is a treasure for your spouse! I agree that sex is special. Those who want to try out their potential mate for compatibility don't have it quite right, IMO. Many things can happen physically to hamper a sexual experience. Yeast infections can cause numbness. Surgeries or other illnesses will causes changes in sensations or performance issues. As in every other area of your married life, sexual intimacy and maintaing that relationship takes work.
What if you think a guy is perfect then you sleep with him? he doesn't perform up to your standard. he could have had 1 too many drinks. He could have had a stressful day at work and been very tired. You break up because you aren't compatible. He could have been a stud but for that one night and you lost Mr. Perfect.
This may be reaching but my point is that 1 sexual experience cannot and should not define your whole relationship. Nothing worth having comes easy and that includes a good sex life. After 23 years of marriage, I can promise you, even there, it is for better or worse. Most of the time, it is wonderful. Sometimes, one of us is off our game. Work in progress!!
I agree that sex is special. But I don't think anyone here is saying that they would dump a person because the sex was bad once. I think assuming most people here are adults, no one would just toss someone to the side because the first time was not up to their standards. My fiance and I have sex. The first time was very sweet...but very awful. Neither of us knew what the hell we were doing. Obviously, practice makes perfect, so as we learned each others' bodies better, our sexual compatibility seemed a lot better. I think given that most people know these things, the idea of finding out if you are sexually compatible with someone is extremely important. As someone who has been married for 26 years, you should know that sex is important in a serious relationship.
That's my point. Sexual compatibility improves with TIME! It also ebbs and flows, just like passion and love and friendship. After 23 years of marriage, I passionately love my husband at times. i passionately hate him at times. I desire him at times. I hate the thought of him touching me at times. He is my best friend and a few days later, my worst enemy. Then, a few days after that, he is my best friend and lover again. Marriage, and everything that comes with it, is a commitment. If you are committed to one another, you are compatible in every way because you shoose to be in the relationship and with one another for the long haul, no matter what. You can't test drive committment. If you don't choose to committ to someone 100%, you won't be compatible anywhere. You will keep looking for the next better thing.0 -
I don't understand abstinence at all, your virginity isn't a gift to give someone, it was treasured before because back then there was no DNA tests and wealthy men wanted to insure that the son that will inherit his wealth is ACTUALLY his.
Sex isn't a gift to give to man either, since both parties should be able to enjoy it equally if it is done right.
To all the men and women saying that they would date someone with "too many miles on them", shame on you. How does respecting someone correlates with how many ****s you had in you?!
Also abstinence is the most ridiculous form of contraception, use condoms
Educate yourselves and stop slut-shaming.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCw2MzKjpoo
100% fool proof is ridiculous?0 -
To clarify, I was more referring to those who chose to have sex with no real desire for commitment and marriage.
In essence, they're just using the other person to gratify a physical need rather than wanting to develop a true relationship which takes time, patience and mutual respect.
And what is wrong with satisfying our physical needs? If two peple have consensual sex for mere pleasure....what is wrong with that?
^this
Just because this is not how I personally go about it doesn't mean I see anything wrong with other people functioning that way. I don't get the judgy judginess. I do right by me, you do right by you. I hope we all find someone (or many someones) that we can share our lives with and be happy.0 -
To clarify, I was more referring to those who chose to have sex with no real desire for commitment and marriage.
In essence, they're just using the other person to gratify a physical need rather than wanting to develop a true relationship which takes time, patience and mutual respect.
And what is wrong with satisfying our physical needs? If two peple have consensual sex for mere pleasure....what is wrong with that?
^this
Just because this is not how I personally go about it doesn't mean I see anything wrong with other people functioning that way. I don't get the judgy judginess. I do right by me, you do right by you. I hope we all find someone (or many someones) that we can share our lives with and be happy.
this^
to each their own
something I tend to live my life by that has done me very well is "it's not better, it's not worse, it is just different"0 -
why buy a car before you try it?
My partner and I have not led that life. However, we plan on being abstinent for a few days before the wedding!0
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