Online dating. WTH!

ldrosophila

And just so everyone doesn't think I'm some douche who only cares about looks that isn't the case.

LOL out of the 7 observations in your OP 4 were related to looks. Hmmmmm...

ldrosophila

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I'll play Devil's Advocate here. Are you telling me you'd be happy with a woman who doesn't work, has no career prospects and little money? Are you genuinely able to say "I don't care"? Most men can't - I know. I've been ill for a long, long time and my illness has pushed people away online and offline. I am not a "desirable" person to be with, basically. I DO agree that SOME women will look for those attributes but I also know that MEN look for certain parameters too, so it's not one sided.

If she is hot, she can get away with a lot, not having job is one of those things.

totally men love to rescue the hot maiden in distress even if she has 4 kids from 4 different men, no aspiration to better her life, possible drug abuse, and is crazier than a looney bird.

OOPS to the previous poster this is not in reference to you at all. Just answering the hot comment with sarcasm...well mostly.

vtmoon

]

I'll play Devil's Advocate here. Are you telling me you'd be happy with a woman who doesn't work, has no career prospects and little money? Are you genuinely able to say "I don't care"? Most men can't - I know. I've been ill for a long, long time and my illness has pushed people away online and offline. I am not a "desirable" person to be with, basically. I DO agree that SOME women will look for those attributes but I also know that MEN look for certain parameters too, so it's not one sided.

If she is hot, she can get away with a lot, not having job is one of those things.

totally men love to rescue the hot maiden in distress even if she has 4 kids from 4 different men, no aspiration to better her life, possible drug abuse, and is crazier than a looney bird.

OOPS to the previous poster this is not in reference to you at all. Just answering the hot comment with sarcasm...well mostly.

How many women do you know of that are still considered hot, that have 4 kids from 4 different men, with no aspiration to better her life, and possible drug abuse, and crazier than a looney bird?

Give me one example that meets all those contradicting criteria and I will show you a unicorn.

faithsimmons526

sounds like he's just overwhelmed with decisions so uses any arbitrary measure to eliminate options, vs investing in each. i think people advising him to just try meet people 'in real life' are probably right


Ya I think so too.

I kind of lost track around page 10, so sorry if I am repeating something that's already been mentioned.

Have you tried googling 'meetup'? There are tons of meetup groups IN YOUR AREA (unless you live WAYY far out in the sticks), that cover every interest under the sun. Into cars? there's a group. Into nature? there's a group. Like your cat? there's a group. Wish you could do card tricks better? there's a group.

Whether it be a singles dance or organic foods enthusiast (etc etc) group, wouldn't it be great to meet like-minded people -- many of them female -- with similar interests to your own? The first thing that would happen is that you find someone to talk to who is interested in your opinions. After that it's up to you where it goes ....

edit to add:

I met one of my best friends at an 'Occupy' meetup. Turns out I now have a friend with similar interests to my own ... even though she's not a 'romantic' interest, she does have some cute male friends who I had the opportunity to meet at a future celebration. You just never know ...

Jennisin1

As a professional single mom with two young kids, I don't have time to get out and just float around hoping to run into someone single.

But that said, I think men are more upfront about their looks then women.. but then, I'm a cutie, so I frequently update my profile pics and I am looking for a relationship.. not a hook-up, but that doesn't mean I am jumping into anything.

I like to say I am not running towards anything, but I am looking for someone who is open to all possibilties, so I don't run into a glass wall.

Timshel_

I've NEVER actively looked for a relationship, and certainly nothing serious enough for marriage. That is just disaster looking for a home.

faithsimmons526

I've NEVER actively looked for a relationship, and certainly nothing serious enough for marriage. That is just disaster looking for a home.

Awww ... sorry you've had a rough go so far Chaelaz. Some of us (probably including me) have other things to do in our lives than to 'commit romantic relationship'. Just so long as we don't avoid it out of fear .... yes?

djshari

It is funny that someone suggested video gaming as I've dated a few guys I met that way, though one was long distance.

I really disliked my experience with online sites. I was very up front in my profile and as much as I wanted to post an ugly photo on purpose I held back... lol. There were several points I had to change my photo and my profile. The first time I took down a photo I had from the waist up because apparently my boobs looked too good because I got too many messages about my bra size. Another guy after insisting on a phone call mentioned how tall I am... ummm what?? I'm 5'2" where did you get that idea? So I changed the very first line of my profile to say that I am short and fat (and some other nice things non physical attributes) hoping to weed out the jerks who think I'm trying to trick them into dating a fat girl.

These are the things I've noticed about guys and I am relieved that most have been mentioned earlier in this thread:

-Guys that are too PUSHY... OP said girls get clingy but guys do it too "WHY HAVENT YOU MESSAGED ME BACK ITS BEEN A WHOLE 5 MINS" or asking me to meet them when I say specifically in my profile that I am not interested in meeting right away. I have guys who see that I like video gaming and tell me that I HAVE TO get some game because they play it even if I no interest in it. If I have to tell them something like that more than once I just stop talking to them.

-The weight thing has been talked about a lot and I agree with saying that you are looking for active people or your activity level instead of saying you are looking for a certain body type. The ones who ask for a specific body type are usually NOT as good looking as they expect their prospective dates to be. Personally I find it funny, a lot of less than average joes thinking they deserve nothing less than Angelina Jolie...

-The money thing. I know lots of guys think women place a lot of importance on money and some do but I seem to find more guys that don't work or live at home and think that because I support myself I have all kinds of money to give them. This is getting old... let me tell you. I don't really care how much money you have as long as you can at least pay for yourself. If I decided to start a family this might be an issue but I don't expect him to pay for everything.

I cancelled my account just because it isn't easy to really get to know someone. Some wanted to meet right away and I understand that - see if there is a spark and get it out of the way right? I don't feel comfortable being judged in that kind of away. I need to be able to have a decent conversation with them BEFORE we meet. My minimum expectation was to see if I got along with someone and go from there. There were too many guys that didn't seem to read my profile at all. Some of them had things in their profile like they are looking for someone very active who likes parasailing and rock climbing and I didn't understand why they were contacting me when my physical activities mostly listed walking and swimming. Ideally I would just like to meet someone in every day life who I get along with and go from there without all the pressure, lies, judgement, etc of "dating" but so far not there yet. I may reconsider in the future but I doubt it will change much.

MrMillion

i have always used online dating. But there a limit to it. I always like finding women in person rather online.

BeTheFire

And FWIW I wouldn't have signed up at all if not for kids/school/work etc preventing me from going out on a regular basis.

You don't have to justify it bro; the way of the world now with technology changing and schedules filling up, I don't begrudge someone for the online option. Best of luck to you sir.

gypsyrose64

"A few extra pounds" can be and often is 75+lbs overweight.
"Average body type" can be and sometimes is up to 75lbs overweight.

The only option "up" is BBW... sometimes it doesn't seem to fit either. There was a point where I tried using "not specified" but that didn't seem to fly either.

Many are "actively seeking a relationship" OR even "actively seeking a husband" (WHAT THE ****!?!)

There is a big gap between wanting a special person in your life that you can trust and trying to wed the first chap that comes along. Putting "casual dating" as an option just screams "wants to sleep around". You can't make assumptions on the few options those sites gives us to label our intentions. You have to dig a little to find out.

Apparently people can get attached even with just a tiny bit of chatting. I'm expecting to get a message like "why didn't you answer my message" or "what took so long to answer my message"

Some people aren't wired right. The internet gives some a false sense of intimacy. A few kissy faces later on chat, and you've got a stalker. LOL

I often see face only pictures. That's fine. But don't post face only pictures and then after someone starts chatting then post a full picture and suddenly The average body type is 75lbs over weight.

Ahhh, the "bait and switch" move.... yea, I had one guy claim to be 40 and 5'10.... when we met for coffee, he was 50 and 5'4"! (like I wouldn't notice?!)

Maybe it just boils down to I'm not really into the hassle of going on dates. I see women that are from a town just a few miles away, but I don't like the town so I won't message. Or don't like the hair color, or don't like who knows what. There is always something.

It's a lot of work. Sifting through emails and pics, and trying to figure out who is worth talking to.

I don't care how many pictures I posted, or how I labeled myself a few years ago, I could not win as an overweight, older woman. I actually got to the point of posting my measurements to ward off the ones that wanted to argue with me, that I wasn't BBW....only to meet later and tell me I misrepresented myself.

If weight and looks are that important to you, just write that you prefer someone "FIT and height/weight proportionate"....that should ward off the fatties. There were plenty of times I saw those words, and kept on clicking.

Just lighten up and have fun with it. Be specific and don't be afraid to say "this isn't what I'm looking for". It's a numbers game that I personally didn't have the willpower to endure anymore. Good luck.