"Asking if I've lost weight isn't a compliment"
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christinev297 wrote: »
Grrrrrrrrr the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up! It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one
Ummm no, it's the holiday season. So happy holidays. They are not exclusive.0 -
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I love Stephen Fry.0
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christinev297 wrote: »
Grrrrrrrrr the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up! It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one
Ummm no, it's the holiday season. So happy holidays. They are not exclusive.
Yeah but I don't celebrate holidays, I celebrate Christmas, so I will say merry Christmas.
Your free to say happy Hanukkah or happy birthday Isaac Newton (he was born on the 25th right?) or happy what ever you celebrate.
It seems disrespectful to try and shove everyone's individual and varied beliefs, traditions and religions under the same bland "happy holidays"
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UltimateRBF wrote: »PeachyCarol wrote: »I love Stephen Fry.
I don't understand why he hasn't been knighted yet. He is a man among men. That may be poor phrasing on my part.
Yeah I am a bit surprised by that too.
Maybe he made one too many jokes about the royal family?
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This thread is a cluster *kitten*.0
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I take it as a compliment, love hearing it. Almost as tho what you have been doing is working, is noticeable and motivates me to continue.0
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DeguelloTex wrote: »
This. In fact it's even more comparable to "Did you change your hair?" vs "I like your new hairstyle".
If someone wants to know if you've lost weight, why can't they ask that? They don't necessarily mean "You look nice today". Why would anyone assume that's what they mean? It's best to assume people mean what they say instead of wanting to believe they mean something different. When they say "Have you lost weight?" They mean "Have you lost weight?"
Asking "Have you lost weight?" can't even be said to mean "Have you lost weight? Good for you!" - They didn't say that. So don't assume they mean it. So "Have you lost weight?" Isn't even a compliment. It's simply a question.
If you interpret it differently (especially from family or friends), isn't that on you, not the person who said it?
Is it wrong that this was my first thought. I don't see it as a compliment, simply a question.
"Have you lost weight?" -question
"You look great, have you lost weight?" -compliment/question
"Wow, you've lost weight!" -comment
There's no use in reading too much into what people say.
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mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »
Good point... I would probably be upset if someone asked if I'd gained weight, but I would rather someone told me. It took me being 2 stone overweight before I actually realised how much weight I'd put on, even though a few people around me noticed me gaining.
The whole telling someone they are gaining weight is tricky. It's certainly not something for random people to do. Now my husband or my sister, yes. Anyone else, absolutely no.0 -
I've been where the "Viv" in this article is. I have primary adrenal insufficiency. When I was a Sr in HS I lost 30 lbs that as far as I was concerned I didn't need to lose. I felt awful and was being blown off by my dr who said it was in my head. I knew I was dying. Everyone kept telling me how great I looked! My skin was turning colors (brown patches), my hair was falling out and I looked great? Because I was skeletal? It really messed me up because I thought I looked great before! It's been a bit of a struggle since as I need to take steroids daily to live. I could lose 25 lbs and am trying. I never use weight loss as a complement because I don't know why they're losing weight and I would never want to make anyone feel like it felt to me. Just my insight.0
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And yet, despite the fact that I'm fairly sure I've gained a bit of weight in this time, many friends and relatives greet me with "Have you lost weight?" when I am looking particularly good. They haven't gotten out the tape measure or scales; indeed I question whether they've even scoped out my frame for a potential change in size. What they mean by "Have you lost weight?" is "You look nice today".
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So why not just say that? What value does asking if I've lost weight add to the compliment?
Two words as to why not just say "you look nice": "Sexual Harassment".0 -
I don't get offended at all by "did you lose weight", as a coworker that I haven't worked a shift with in a few months(my schedule switched to nights and she works mornings) and she worked a shift with me the other day, and the first thing she said was "holy crap you've lost a lot of weight! You look great!" It gave me a great feeling for the day, like "hey, people I dont see every day actually notice!" It's great! No need to be offended, I think it's a huge compliment!0
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I agree that it depends on the context and also how they ask/state the comment. For example, I would take it as a compliment if someone said, "Wow you've lost a lot of weight" vs. "WOW you've lost A LOT of weight." Is it nit-picky? A bit. But if a person is offended I won't deny them of how they feel. Who am I to tell someone not to be offended? I think in a work setting it's totally off limits. It can be an HR nightmare so I keep away from personal topics like this at work. But outside of work I will compliment someone and tell them good job on their efforts. If they ten say they are sick I will profusely apologize and keep it moving. It wouldn't stop me from complimenting the next person though.0
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My mum came to stay on the weekend and I haven't seen her for a looong time. She said to me "you look so slim and beautiful! You're gorgeous honey and I am SO proud of you. It must be so hard to stick at this for so long".
I was on cloud 9 after that. I have worked hard, I do look better and I DID look dreadful when I started. So happy someone acknowledged my efforts. I don't see how any of that could be taken as an offense. Who looks good at a BMI of 52?!
Can I adopt your mum?0 -
I think it's fairly hilarious that OP hasn't given her thoughts on the article.
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People who write about not being able to get to a healthy weight are not of interest to me. The fact is that 90% or more people who lose weight gain it back within 2 to 5 years, so, of course one might get defensive about questions like this.
No one asks if I've lost weight. They ask how I've developed such attractive shoulders.
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Ready2Rock206 wrote: »Discussing my weight at all is not acceptable. It is a horribly rude topic and I'd rather be punched in the face then discuss my weight with random people with no social skills who think it is an acceptable topic.
I completely agree. I learned early in childhood that you shouldn't discuss others weight. It's just not right. I also had several friends in high school who had eating disorders so weight couldn't be discuss around them. Just based off of that alone I never talk about weight in public settings so I don't trigger anyone.0 -
You just triggered me.stephchadz wrote: »Ready2Rock206 wrote: »Discussing my weight at all is not acceptable. It is a horribly rude topic and I'd rather be punched in the face then discuss my weight with random people with no social skills who think it is an acceptable topic.
I completely agree. I learned early in childhood that you shouldn't discuss others weight. It's just not right. I also had several friends in high school who had eating disorders so weight couldn't be discuss around them. Just based off of that alone I never talk about weight in public settings so I don't trigger anyone.
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