"Asking if I've lost weight isn't a compliment"

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  • PeachyCarol
    PeachyCarol Posts: 8,029 Member
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    Everyone wants the world to revolve around them, and be sensitive to their feels and it's getting tiring. The undertones of the HAES movement in the piece didn't sit well with me either.

    I get that it's a blow to your feelings when someone says something like that to you and you haven't put in the effort.

    So, those of us, who have put in the effort, need to have our hard work and dedication to our health go unacknowledged (because that would be the outcome of this kinder, gentler world) to spare some feelings?

    Life's not fair. People say things you're not going to like. We didn't come out of the womb wrapped in cotton wool. There is nothing wrong with empathy and consideration, but that goes both ways. There has to be the consideration in assuming that someone who says something you find hurtful MEANT WELL, because generally? Most people do.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,626 Member
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    I don't need to read the article to know that it is rude to make someone else's body your topic of conversation.

    Imagine prefacing it. Imagine saying to a coworker, "Hey, I'd like to talk about your body." Nobody would do that, so why just start doing it?
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
    edited July 2015
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    I see no issue with it...

    I actually had to owner of the company I work for stop in the middle of the catwalk at work and follow me to my office after he saw me for the first time in about 1 year...(older guy totally innocent) and he said he was just amazed and want to let me know that he noticed such a big difference and asked me how I did it..

    Was I offended...absolutely not. I blushed and told him how and he said "keep up the good work"

    He wasn't being rude...and discussing my weight loss is not discussing my body, he didn't comment that my legs looked smaller or my butt looked higher...It is weight loss and noticing that I am on a healthier path than I have been for 20 years...I was flattered and grateful.

    I think if people are offended by it then they need to get over themselves as they are the ones who are encouraging all this crap in our lives where no one can say anything to anybody for fear of "offending" someone...even Merry Christmas is scrutinized now...happy holidays my butt.

  • MoiAussi93
    MoiAussi93 Posts: 1,948 Member
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    Some people are ridiculously thin skinned and try their best to be offended when no offense was intended. The article was very whiny. Seriously, if someone offers a compliment (and asking an overweight person if they lost weight is generally meant in a positive way), just accept it graciously. It really isn't that hard.
  • faithyang
    faithyang Posts: 297 Member
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    I don't have a problem with it - I think it really depends on the intention of the words being said and the person's frame of mind.
    With a negative/insecure frame of mind you can literally feel like to smash someone in the face even if they commented on something completely unrelated like the weather because you've projected your insecurities into the sentence/comment.

    If the person's intention is to hurt through a comment that sounds like roses - it is malicious because its intentions are insincere and they are projecting on you.

    But these things are really used to compliment you because people assume most women (it is usually 90% true anyway) are constantly watching their weights and waist lines. By product of our shallow image-conscious society.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    edited July 2015
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    christinev297 wrote: »
    Seriously, if someone gets offended by something like this, then how do they get through everyday life??

    TBH, I'm not completely convinced they do....
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
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    SezxyStef wrote: »

    I think if people are offended by it then they need to get over themselves as they are the ones who are encouraging all this crap in our lives where no one can say anything to anybody for fear of "offending" someone...even Merry Christmas is scrutinized now...happy holidays my butt.

    Grrrrrrrrr the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up! It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one :#

  • afatpersonwholikesfood
    afatpersonwholikesfood Posts: 577 Member
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    I don't mind being asked if I have lost weight, but I agree with the spirit of the article.
  • macgurlnet
    macgurlnet Posts: 1,946 Member
    edited July 2015
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    christinev297 wrote: »
    momasox wrote: »
    I can't wait for someone to ask if I have lost weight. Seems like a great compliment to me.

    Definitely! I would take it as a compliment.
    On the same token, I wouldn't be offended if someone asked me if I'd gained weight either. Often times other people notice before we do..

    This is me.

    I may take offense to HOW the person expresses themselves but the observation itself is whatever.

    Someone coming up to me and saying "Wow you look like an anorexic twig" would not be okay. Saying "Hey, have you lost weight?" is whatever, even if it's from someone I don't know very well.

    I have better things to get upset about.

    ETA:
    christinev297 wrote: »
    SezxyStef wrote: »

    I think if people are offended by it then they need to get over themselves as they are the ones who are encouraging all this crap in our lives where no one can say anything to anybody for fear of "offending" someone...even Merry Christmas is scrutinized now...happy holidays my butt.

    Grrrrrrrrr the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up! It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one :#

    omg me too!!!

    Honestly if you don't celebrate Christmas, fine. Wish me a happy something else in return or just ignore what I've said!

    ~Lyssa
  • MelissaPhippsFeagins
    MelissaPhippsFeagins Posts: 8,063 Member
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    It depends on the context. Some people mean it as a compliment. Others are green with envy. Some people are concerned because they know I have some health issues. Who says it determines my answer.
  • MoiAussi93
    MoiAussi93 Posts: 1,948 Member
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    christinev297 wrote: »
    SezxyStef wrote: »

    I think if people are offended by it then they need to get over themselves as they are the ones who are encouraging all this crap in our lives where no one can say anything to anybody for fear of "offending" someone...even Merry Christmas is scrutinized now...happy holidays my butt.

    Grrrrrrrrr the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up! It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one :#

    Agreed! I say Merry Christmas. And I send Christmas cards, not "happy holidays"...even to friends who aren't religious or are non-Christian religions...because Christmas is also a secular holiday...not just a religious one. Well adjusted people don't get offended by things like that...they take it as the expression of goodwill it was intended as.
  • ogmomma2012
    ogmomma2012 Posts: 1,520 Member
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    I didn't read the article, but I'm very open about my weightloss journey and where I started.

    Also, it's NOT always Christmas for some people, just because you're the majority it's better to be inclusive in holiday celebrations. And have a HAPPY HOLIDAY, whatever that holiday is!
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    edited July 2015
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    .
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
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    My parents in-law don't celebrate Christmas, due to their "religion". I still send them a merry Christmas card every year :naughty:
    I refuse to let anyone take it away from me!!
  • ogmomma2012
    ogmomma2012 Posts: 1,520 Member
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    christinev297 wrote: »
    My parents in-law don't celebrate Christmas, due to their "religion". I still send them a merry Christmas card every year :naughty:
    I refuse to let anyone take it away from me!!

    What privilege you must have, to force your holiday on people who don't want it.
  • BarbWhite09
    BarbWhite09 Posts: 1,128 Member
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    I get super uncomfortable if people mention my weight, even if they have good intentions. I prefer nobody say anything.
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
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    I'm not forcing anything on anyone. All 5 of their kids have issues from their upbringing.. There is a method in my madness
  • ogmomma2012
    ogmomma2012 Posts: 1,520 Member
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    christinev297 wrote: »
    I'm not forcing anything on anyone. All 5 of their kids have issues from their upbringing.. There is a method in my madness

    So you just like insulting their belief choices because you think they have a terrible religion or made terrible parenting choices? You can have Christmas, no one is taking that holiday away. But there are other holidays and it's kinder to acknowledge that not everyone has the same culture.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    ogmomma2012 wrote: »
    christinev297 wrote: »
    My parents in-law don't celebrate Christmas, due to their "religion". I still send them a merry Christmas card every year :naughty:
    I refuse to let anyone take it away from me!!

    What privilege you must have, to force your holiday on people who don't want it.

    Do you openly/publicly celebrate the 4th of July or Thanksgiving ? Because there are a lot of indigenous Americans who find those pretty horrific and would rather not have them forced upon them.

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