"Asking if I've lost weight isn't a compliment"
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I do think what's getting lost a bit here is that the article was by someone who hasn't, and isn't trying to, lose weight. I like it when people notice I lose weight. But I'm trying to, and have.0
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Oh I definitely don't mind people asking me how old I am- I have always looked younger than my age so I usually get complimented on that. I hated it when I was 17 and I looked like I was 12 though- that was horrible!!0
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I've never once been asked how much I weigh.
I did have an acquaintance who I hadn't Seen in 2 years, ask me if I had cancer the other week!
I'd only lost 10ish kgs (20lbs)0 -
I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......
i was like wtf is happening...0 -
Rather than pick apart every little thing someone says to me I tend to look at intent. There are times I've heard "Have you lost weight? You look great." and times I've heard "You lost weight. Are you ok?" and neither has offended me - because the person asking meant well.
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christinev297 wrote: »I've never once been asked how much I weigh.
I did have an acquaintance who I hadn't Seen in 2 years, ask me if I had cancer the other week!
I'd only lost 10ish kgs (20lbs)
Okay seriously, that's rude!0 -
salembambi wrote: »I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......
i was like wtf is happening...
That's actually batsh%t crazy. 150 pounds is enough to render some people unrecognizable, and is certainly not easily ignored. I'd break my own rule of not making unsolicited remarks on others' bodies for that kind of loss.0 -
salembambi wrote: »I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......
i was like wtf is happening...
My family doesn't say a word about it either. Maybe they're so used to not commenting on my obesity that they're afraid to say anything about my weight loss as well.0 -
barbecuesauce wrote: »salembambi wrote: »I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......
i was like wtf is happening...
That's actually batsh%t crazy. 150 pounds is enough to render some people unrecognizable, and is certainly not easily ignored. I'd break my own rule of not making unsolicited remarks on others' bodies for that kind of loss.
Yup, especially with family.0 -
lindathom209 wrote: »I am completely against fat shaming but this is just stupid. If someone isn't intentionally trying to be rude, there is no reason to make them feel like *kitten* when they were just trying to give you a compliment.christinev297 wrote: »Seriously, if someone gets offended by something like this, then how do they get through everyday life??
All I can say is- Toughen up Buttercup!
Why is this thread five pages long when these two answers are all that are needed?0 -
salembambi wrote: »I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......
i was like wtf is happening...
Okay wow, that's absolutely incredible! WTG! Just trade the family part in
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salembambi wrote: »I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......
i was like wtf is happening...
maybe they didn't know who you were, and just kept thinking you were a friend that came with another family member haha
That's the only reason I can think of for this!!
Mind you, I've lost 120lbs and some people in my life have never said a single thing....
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My MIL always greets me with "You are losing weight!" I've been with my husband 10 years and she always has. Even when I was rapidly gaining her greeting was, "You're losing weight!" No. No, I've actually gained weight. "Well you look lovely!"
I never got offended because she was genuinely being kind but it is sad to me that she thinks that losing weight is the only complimentary thing to say about someone.0 -
When I had dropped 60 lbs a couple years back, I had a TSA agent tell me at screening that she wasn't sure she would let me through because I looked too different from my ID photo. I guess it was a complement.0
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Alatariel75 wrote: »barbecuesauce wrote: »salembambi wrote: »I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......
i was like wtf is happening...
That's actually batsh%t crazy. 150 pounds is enough to render some people unrecognizable, and is certainly not easily ignored. I'd break my own rule of not making unsolicited remarks on others' bodies for that kind of loss.
Yup, especially with family.
Thinking a little more about it, it actually reminds me of a cousin of mine who had two breast implant surgeries in a year (surgeons don't perform massive increases at once, I think). Only the twentysomething cousins knew she'd had them, none of the "grownups." When she showed up, absolutely nothing was said. (There was no missing the change--she went from mosquito bites to looking like she had been drawn by a 13-year-old boy.) But I was hanging out with all of the elderly relatives and they would start up as soon as she left the room. At one point, she must have known she was being discussed or something because she came back in. Topic changed. She leaves. Back on her enhancement. This repeated a couple of times.
It's a weird dynamic in both cases but I guess that's family for you.0 -
From some of the latest replies here, it seems a lot of people are terrified of offending someone, so they just say nothing at all
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The reason behind her objection is that she (supposedly) believes being less fat is not an improvement.ManiacalLaugh wrote: »I realize the author wasn't really trying to lose weight, and therefore, this might not mean the same to them, but it's still a remark intended on showing that person that "Hey, I can really tell that you're putting effort into trying to improve yourself." If they were trying to insult, there are a lot of other things they could've said. I've heard just about all of them.
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OP here. Strange sequence of events.
- Doing morning perusing of articles thinks to self "hmmm, I wonder what my MFP folks will make of this"
- Post article on the social commentary people face during body changes
- Begin work, forget about post
- Come back to MFP to log lunch
- Remember post
- Read through replies
- Think "must have clicked on wrong link, this is clearly something else"
- Hit back
- Nope, conversation has definitely spiraled, bizarrely, into an entirely different debate
- Shakes head, laughs aloud in office to my computer in a conspiratorial way
- Colleagues think I'm strange0 -
Several years ago I was asked if I had lost weight and I had not. I concluded that the outfit I was wearing was awesome on me and always felt pretty good wearing it after that. In no way did I get offended nor would I be if someone asked that question. If I lost weight because of a medical issue that the person didn't know about why would I get mad?
It is all just dumb small talk that people seem set on getting offended by. I don't feel that is a happy way to live.0 -
OP here. Strange sequence of events.
- Doing morning perusing of articles thinks to self "hmmm, I wonder what my MFP folks will make of this"
- Post article on the social commentary people face during body changes
- Begin work, forget about post
- Come back to MFP to log lunch
- Remember post
- Read through replies
- Think "must have clicked on wrong link, this is clearly something else"
- Hit back
- Nope, conversation has definitely spiraled, bizarrely, into an entirely different debate
- Shakes head, laughs aloud in office to my computer in a conspiratorial way
- Colleagues think I'm strange
Welcome to MFP.0 -
You could have let them know the topic was ok to discuss by bringing it up first.salembambi wrote: »I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......
i was like wtf is happening...
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People routinely do not recognize me if they have not seen me since the weight loss. I run across people I haven't seen in years and they just look lost when I start talking to them. I'm like yeah we worked together for a year or so, I was your boss briefly. Then the light goes on. They don't bother to ask if I have lost weight.0
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Imposing your religion on everyone else rarely ends well.christinev297 wrote:the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up!
It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one
If I know what holiday a person celebrates, I'll give them the appropriate greeting.
If I'm unsure, they get a generic "happy holidays" because there are many happening in a short time period,
so pick your favorite and assume I'm talking about that.
The one I have trouble with is people wishing me a happy mother's day.
First, from a stranger you're just assuming that since I look middle-aged I must have a child.
Second, that stranger is assuming that my relationship with the child they can't be sure I have is a happy one.
I've learned not to break into tears in front of people, but it still hurts. They mean well, but it hurts.0 -
Imposing your religion on everyone else rarely ends well.christinev297 wrote:the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up!
It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one
If I know what holiday a person celebrates, I'll give them the appropriate greeting.
If I'm unsure, they get a generic "happy holidays" because there are many happening in a short time period,
so pick your favorite and assume I'm talking about that.
The one I have trouble with is people wishing me a happy mother's day.
First, from a stranger you're just assuming that since I look middle-aged I must have a child.
Second, that stranger is assuming that my relationship with the child they can't be sure I have is a happy one.
I've learned not to break into tears in front of people, but it still hurts. They mean well, but it hurts.
Same. I don't want to talk about why I hate this personally, but it's a hard day for many women. And it's a weird thing to presume, that someone must have a child because she's a female in her late 20s and above. Just don't do this.0 -
barbecuesauce wrote: »
Imposing your religion on everyone else rarely ends well.christinev297 wrote:the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up!
It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one
If I know what holiday a person celebrates, I'll give them the appropriate greeting.
If I'm unsure, they get a generic "happy holidays" because there are many happening in a short time period,
so pick your favorite and assume I'm talking about that.
The one I have trouble with is people wishing me a happy mother's day.
First, from a stranger you're just assuming that since I look middle-aged I must have a child.
Second, that stranger is assuming that my relationship with the child they can't be sure I have is a happy one.
I've learned not to break into tears in front of people, but it still hurts. They mean well, but it hurts.
Same. I don't want to talk about why I hate this personally, but it's a hard day for many women. And it's a weird thing to presume, that someone must have a child because she's a female in her late 20s and above. Just don't do this.
I do not get why anyone would wish anyone they do not have a maternal connection to a happy mothers day.0 -
The article is whiny drivel. Some delicate snowflake people always seek out offense, and aren't happy unless they have some micro-aggression to rail against.
I've had people ask me hesitantly if I've lost weight and then backtrack and say "I didn't want to ask before because I thought maybe you were sick but I can see you're not." It's sad that normal people are afraid to speak to each other because of the miasma of fear that the Perpetually Offended create.
My usual response is to laugh and say "If I lost this much weight and no one noticed, I'd be disappointed." Then I thank them and tell them how I lost it because they always want to know. It's a compliment: I accept it as such.0 -
Personally, if someone asked me if I have lost weight, I would take it as a compliment (because I have and I worked hard to do it!)0
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Alatariel75 wrote: »barbecuesauce wrote: »
Imposing your religion on everyone else rarely ends well.christinev297 wrote:the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up!
It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one
If I know what holiday a person celebrates, I'll give them the appropriate greeting.
If I'm unsure, they get a generic "happy holidays" because there are many happening in a short time period,
so pick your favorite and assume I'm talking about that.
The one I have trouble with is people wishing me a happy mother's day.
First, from a stranger you're just assuming that since I look middle-aged I must have a child.
Second, that stranger is assuming that my relationship with the child they can't be sure I have is a happy one.
I've learned not to break into tears in front of people, but it still hurts. They mean well, but it hurts.
Same. I don't want to talk about why I hate this personally, but it's a hard day for many women. And it's a weird thing to presume, that someone must have a child because she's a female in her late 20s and above. Just don't do this.
I do not get why anyone would wish anyone they do not have a maternal connection to a happy mothers day.
You think too hard about this0 -
99 percent of people look better when they lose weight.
The article pissed me off. Boo Hoo. Cry me a river. Society loves thin over fat. Get over it.-1 -
salembambi wrote: »I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......
i was like wtf is happening...
That's crazy and shows how weirdly uncomfortable people get.
It reminds me of this one time, when I was about 21, someone at my school asked me if I knew another student, who happened to be a friend of mine. The person was looking for him, but didn't know him, so when I said I did and that he was just around the corner he asked me what he looked like. I uncomfortably started describing him -- about 5'7, dark hair, wearing a blue shirt, etc., without saying the most obvious (and in the surrounding area most helpful) identifying feature, that he happened to be black. It just was ridiculously uncomfortable for me (at that point in time) to acknowledge that I even noticed race or some such.0
This discussion has been closed.
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