"Asking if I've lost weight isn't a compliment"

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  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    salembambi wrote: »
    I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......

    i was like wtf is happening...
    You could have let them know the topic was ok to discuss by bringing it up first.
  • triciab79
    triciab79 Posts: 1,713 Member
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    People routinely do not recognize me if they have not seen me since the weight loss. I run across people I haven't seen in years and they just look lost when I start talking to them. I'm like yeah we worked together for a year or so, I was your boss briefly. Then the light goes on. They don't bother to ask if I have lost weight.
  • MKEgal
    MKEgal Posts: 3,250 Member
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    christinev297 wrote:
    the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up!
    It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one
    Imposing your religion on everyone else rarely ends well.
    If I know what holiday a person celebrates, I'll give them the appropriate greeting.
    If I'm unsure, they get a generic "happy holidays" because there are many happening in a short time period,
    so pick your favorite and assume I'm talking about that.

    The one I have trouble with is people wishing me a happy mother's day.
    First, from a stranger you're just assuming that since I look middle-aged I must have a child.
    Second, that stranger is assuming that my relationship with the child they can't be sure I have is a happy one.
    I've learned not to break into tears in front of people, but it still hurts. They mean well, but it hurts.
  • barbecuesauce
    barbecuesauce Posts: 1,779 Member
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    MKEgal wrote: »
    christinev297 wrote:
    the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up!
    It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one
    Imposing your religion on everyone else rarely ends well.
    If I know what holiday a person celebrates, I'll give them the appropriate greeting.
    If I'm unsure, they get a generic "happy holidays" because there are many happening in a short time period,
    so pick your favorite and assume I'm talking about that.

    The one I have trouble with is people wishing me a happy mother's day.
    First, from a stranger you're just assuming that since I look middle-aged I must have a child.
    Second, that stranger is assuming that my relationship with the child they can't be sure I have is a happy one.
    I've learned not to break into tears in front of people, but it still hurts. They mean well, but it hurts.

    Same. I don't want to talk about why I hate this personally, but it's a hard day for many women. And it's a weird thing to presume, that someone must have a child because she's a female in her late 20s and above. Just don't do this.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    barbecuesauce wrote: »
    MKEgal wrote: »
    christinev297 wrote:
    the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up!
    It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one
    Imposing your religion on everyone else rarely ends well.
    If I know what holiday a person celebrates, I'll give them the appropriate greeting.
    If I'm unsure, they get a generic "happy holidays" because there are many happening in a short time period,
    so pick your favorite and assume I'm talking about that.

    The one I have trouble with is people wishing me a happy mother's day.
    First, from a stranger you're just assuming that since I look middle-aged I must have a child.
    Second, that stranger is assuming that my relationship with the child they can't be sure I have is a happy one.
    I've learned not to break into tears in front of people, but it still hurts. They mean well, but it hurts.

    Same. I don't want to talk about why I hate this personally, but it's a hard day for many women. And it's a weird thing to presume, that someone must have a child because she's a female in her late 20s and above. Just don't do this.

    I do not get why anyone would wish anyone they do not have a maternal connection to a happy mothers day.
  • flaminica
    flaminica Posts: 304 Member
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    The article is whiny drivel. Some delicate snowflake people always seek out offense, and aren't happy unless they have some micro-aggression to rail against.

    I've had people ask me hesitantly if I've lost weight and then backtrack and say "I didn't want to ask before because I thought maybe you were sick but I can see you're not." It's sad that normal people are afraid to speak to each other because of the miasma of fear that the Perpetually Offended create.

    My usual response is to laugh and say "If I lost this much weight and no one noticed, I'd be disappointed." Then I thank them and tell them how I lost it because they always want to know. It's a compliment: I accept it as such.
  • vixtris
    vixtris Posts: 688 Member
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    Personally, if someone asked me if I have lost weight, I would take it as a compliment (because I have and I worked hard to do it!)
  • ncboiler89
    ncboiler89 Posts: 2,408 Member
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    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    barbecuesauce wrote: »
    MKEgal wrote: »
    christinev297 wrote:
    the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up!
    It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one
    Imposing your religion on everyone else rarely ends well.
    If I know what holiday a person celebrates, I'll give them the appropriate greeting.
    If I'm unsure, they get a generic "happy holidays" because there are many happening in a short time period,
    so pick your favorite and assume I'm talking about that.

    The one I have trouble with is people wishing me a happy mother's day.
    First, from a stranger you're just assuming that since I look middle-aged I must have a child.
    Second, that stranger is assuming that my relationship with the child they can't be sure I have is a happy one.
    I've learned not to break into tears in front of people, but it still hurts. They mean well, but it hurts.

    Same. I don't want to talk about why I hate this personally, but it's a hard day for many women. And it's a weird thing to presume, that someone must have a child because she's a female in her late 20s and above. Just don't do this.

    I do not get why anyone would wish anyone they do not have a maternal connection to a happy mothers day.

    You think too hard about this
  • thinnforever
    thinnforever Posts: 8 Member
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    99 percent of people look better when they lose weight.
    The article pissed me off. Boo Hoo. Cry me a river. Society loves thin over fat. Get over it.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
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    salembambi wrote: »
    I remember last Christmas when i showed up to Family Christmas crap after losing about 150 pounds ........not a single person said a damn thing about it or complimented or anything...they had not seen me in a year ......

    i was like wtf is happening...

    That's crazy and shows how weirdly uncomfortable people get.

    It reminds me of this one time, when I was about 21, someone at my school asked me if I knew another student, who happened to be a friend of mine. The person was looking for him, but didn't know him, so when I said I did and that he was just around the corner he asked me what he looked like. I uncomfortably started describing him -- about 5'7, dark hair, wearing a blue shirt, etc., without saying the most obvious (and in the surrounding area most helpful) identifying feature, that he happened to be black. It just was ridiculously uncomfortable for me (at that point in time) to acknowledge that I even noticed race or some such.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    ncboiler89 wrote: »
    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    barbecuesauce wrote: »
    MKEgal wrote: »
    christinev297 wrote:
    the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up!
    It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one
    Imposing your religion on everyone else rarely ends well.
    If I know what holiday a person celebrates, I'll give them the appropriate greeting.
    If I'm unsure, they get a generic "happy holidays" because there are many happening in a short time period,
    so pick your favorite and assume I'm talking about that.

    The one I have trouble with is people wishing me a happy mother's day.
    First, from a stranger you're just assuming that since I look middle-aged I must have a child.
    Second, that stranger is assuming that my relationship with the child they can't be sure I have is a happy one.
    I've learned not to break into tears in front of people, but it still hurts. They mean well, but it hurts.

    Same. I don't want to talk about why I hate this personally, but it's a hard day for many women. And it's a weird thing to presume, that someone must have a child because she's a female in her late 20s and above. Just don't do this.

    I do not get why anyone would wish anyone they do not have a maternal connection to a happy mothers day.

    You think too hard about this

    Really? I just find it weird. Same with Valentines Day. When I was in the States I was wished a Happy Valentines by so many random people. Here at home, unless you're boinking, or seriously considering boinking, someone valentines day doesn't really come up between people.
  • Livgetfit
    Livgetfit Posts: 352 Member
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    thinnforever wrote: »
    99 percent of people look better when they lose weight.
    The article pissed me off. Boo Hoo. Cry me a river. Society loves thin over fat. Get over it.

    I like you, your turn of phrase and your realism
  • ncboiler89
    ncboiler89 Posts: 2,408 Member
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    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    ncboiler89 wrote: »
    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    barbecuesauce wrote: »
    MKEgal wrote: »
    christinev297 wrote:
    the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up!
    It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one
    Imposing your religion on everyone else rarely ends well.
    If I know what holiday a person celebrates, I'll give them the appropriate greeting.
    If I'm unsure, they get a generic "happy holidays" because there are many happening in a short time period,
    so pick your favorite and assume I'm talking about that.

    The one I have trouble with is people wishing me a happy mother's day.
    First, from a stranger you're just assuming that since I look middle-aged I must have a child.
    Second, that stranger is assuming that my relationship with the child they can't be sure I have is a happy one.
    I've learned not to break into tears in front of people, but it still hurts. They mean well, but it hurts.

    Same. I don't want to talk about why I hate this personally, but it's a hard day for many women. And it's a weird thing to presume, that someone must have a child because she's a female in her late 20s and above. Just don't do this.

    I do not get why anyone would wish anyone they do not have a maternal connection to a happy mothers day.

    You think too hard about this

    Really? I just find it weird. Same with Valentines Day. When I was in the States I was wished a Happy Valentines by so many random people. Here at home, unless you're boinking, or seriously considering boinking, someone valentines day doesn't really come up between people.

    Mother's day is less personal than valentine day. Wishing someone a happy mother's day is more of a sign of respect. Damn now I'm thinking too much about it!!
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
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    ncboiler89 wrote: »
    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    barbecuesauce wrote: »
    MKEgal wrote: »
    christinev297 wrote:
    the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up!
    It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one
    Imposing your religion on everyone else rarely ends well.
    If I know what holiday a person celebrates, I'll give them the appropriate greeting.
    If I'm unsure, they get a generic "happy holidays" because there are many happening in a short time period,
    so pick your favorite and assume I'm talking about that.

    The one I have trouble with is people wishing me a happy mother's day.
    First, from a stranger you're just assuming that since I look middle-aged I must have a child.
    Second, that stranger is assuming that my relationship with the child they can't be sure I have is a happy one.
    I've learned not to break into tears in front of people, but it still hurts. They mean well, but it hurts.

    Same. I don't want to talk about why I hate this personally, but it's a hard day for many women. And it's a weird thing to presume, that someone must have a child because she's a female in her late 20s and above. Just don't do this.

    I do not get why anyone would wish anyone they do not have a maternal connection to a happy mothers day.

    You think too hard about this

    Some people just without thinking wish people a happy whatever holiday it is. It's something I wouldn't do but, again, wouldn't hold against anyone who meant well.
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
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    Ready2Rock206 wrote: »
    Discussing my weight at all is not acceptable. It is a horribly rude topic and I'd rather be punched in the face then discuss my weight with random people with no social skills who think it is an acceptable topic.
    *than

    Otherwise you are saying that first you would like to be punched in the face

    Thennnn discuss your weight.
  • emtjmac
    emtjmac Posts: 1,320 Member
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    Waaaa someone complimented me, waaaaaa I'm entitled to be insulated from the observations of other people, waaaaaaaaa... I didn't even read the article but that's my official response to it.
  • MKEgal
    MKEgal Posts: 3,250 Member
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    afatpersonwholikesfood wrote:
    HAES, at its simplest, is about choosing to eat better, exercise, and do
    things that are good for you regardless of what you weigh.
    Mr_Knight wrote:
    That's the first time I've heard it described like that.
    The message I've always gotten is "I'm healthy even though I'm obese".
    Interesting. What you said, I can agree with.
    Yeah, what he said.


    .
    kjm wrote:
    Right now I'm pregnant and any and every comment about how I look is annoying to me whether
    it be a compliment or the dumbass woman at target who asked if I was having twins.
    Hormones. Really, it's hormones. Weepy, angry, whatever, it will eventually go away.
    Meanwhile, everyone should realize that pregnant women are hormonally volatile, and do
    absolutely nothing that could possibly in any way cause any emotional reaction. (Other than
    perhaps family & close friends hugging you, that sort of thing.)

    I think the only person who really shocked me was the (complete stranger) who had come to
    speak with the class I was helping with (about her religion... it was a comparative religion class
    for the church I used to attend)     ran over to me as I entered the room, a look of complete
    joy on her face, grabbed my belly, and made Happy Sounds [TM] about me being pregnant.
    (While looking at my abdomen.)
    I was not happy, about her or about being pregnant, but I didn't kill her. Didn't even hurt her.
    Why is it strangers feel compelled to touch a pregnant belly? :angry:
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    Cranquistador wrote: »
    Ready2Rock206 wrote: »
    Discussing my weight at all is not acceptable. It is a horribly rude topic and I'd rather be punched in the face then discuss my weight with random people with no social skills who think it is an acceptable topic.
    *than

    Otherwise you are saying that first you would like to be punched in the face

    Thennnn discuss your weight.

    Maybe it would be a good distraction from the upcoming weight talk? :D
  • minties82
    minties82 Posts: 907 Member
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    If losing weight didnt make us look/feel/live better then we wouldn't do it. Why on earth someone pointing out that you look better would be taken as an insult, I do not know...
  • slaite1
    slaite1 Posts: 1,307 Member
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    ImpracticalGirl wrote: »
    afatpersonwholikesfood wrote: »
    HAES, at its simplest, is about choosing to eat better, exercise, and do things that are good for you regardless of what you weigh.
    Me thinks that if a person chooses to eat better, exercise, and do things that are good for themselves, they'd end up losing weight. QED.

    What if they don't weigh their food?!?

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