"Asking if I've lost weight isn't a compliment"
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lemurcat12 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »ogmomma2012 wrote: »ogmomma2012 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My parents in-law don't celebrate Christmas, due to their "religion". I still send them a merry Christmas card every year
I refuse to let anyone take it away from me!!
What privilege you must have, to force your holiday on people who don't want it.
Do you openly/publicly celebrate the 4th of July or Thanksgiving ? Because there are a lot of indigenous Americans who find those pretty horrific and would rather not have them forced upon them.
It's the same reason why you don't hear someone wishing Happy Channukah.
https://youtu.be/qUCNAnp2QAI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSJCSR4MuhU
That is adorable.
Oh wait.....I'm super offended right now.
*rage quits*
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missomgitsica wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »
I think if people are offended by it then they need to get over themselves as they are the ones who are encouraging all this crap in our lives where no one can say anything to anybody for fear of "offending" someone...even Merry Christmas is scrutinized now...happy holidays my butt.
Grrrrrrrrr the "happy holidays" thing makes my hackles stand up! It's Christmas, and everyone should have a MERRY one
I really don't see why people get so upset about people who say happy holidays instead of Merry Christmas.
I just think the whole thing is comical. I don't care what holiday people wish me. If someone says Happy Mothers' Day because they assume I have kids and I don't, who cares. But I do tend to say Happy Holidays if I don't know if someone celebrates Christmas (or know they don't), because why not try to be as inclusive as possible?
Similarly, I generally appreciate the sentiment if someone says "you look great, you lost a lot of weight!" or the like AND I understand why lots of people wouldn't bring it up. If I decide to tell someone else she looks great I try to avoid some of the more foot in your mouth comments I've gotten ("how much did you lose" seems too personal, trying to get a third party to say someone looks fabulous in front of that person is awkward, asking if I had weight loss surgery was pretty funny), but I generally take comments in the spirit in which they are intended and don't feel compelled to deconstruct how by trying to be nice they are reinforcing sexist hegemonic, thin-privilege patriarchy, because really.0 -
For those bringing up HAES and taking issue with it:
1. HAES, at its simplest, is about choosing to eat better, exercise, and do things that are good for you regardless of what you weigh. The basic idea is that you can do things to take care of yourself even if weight loss seems impossible or undesirable for some reason; it says that your body deserves respect and that you are worth taking care of even if you can't seem to get to where the BMI chart states you should be. It says that your worth and dignity as a human being are not tied to your size. It says that you have a right to compassionate, competent medical care whether you choose to lose weight or not. What leads to less disease? 300 pounds and sedentary or 300 pounds and active? 250 pounds and maintaining that weight with donuts and cheeseburgers or 250 pounds and maintaining that weight with fresh fruits and veggies, whole grains, healthy fats, and lean proteins? It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Maybe some people think of it differently, and I could see where that invites some criticism, but the basic concept and message is not hard to understand. Some people feel that their weight is an insurmountable obstacle and prescribing weight loss over and over to them isn't going to change that or do anything to help their physical and mental health where it is right then and there. Some people have lost and regained hundreds of pounds over and over. At a certain point, isn't it possible that it might be more beneficial for them to maintain a bigger body, eat healthier foods, and make activity a regular part of life instead of continuing to yo-yo? Chances are that better food choices and more activity will lead to at least some modest weight loss as a side effect. Is it better to lose 25 pounds permanently through a few small changes and still be obese or to feel like unless you can get into the normal weight category, there's no point in bothering with anything?
HAES says that there is still some hope and that you absolutely can do things that are good for your body and mental health (don't forget that health can be a bigger concept than just the physical idea) at any size. In a way, you could consider it harm reduction - like needle exchange programs or methadone clinics or lower risk tobacco products such as e-cigs or Swedish snus.
2. Other people being fat or choosing not to pursue physical fitness does not in any way take away from your accomplishments or fitness. I realize that is not what was stated, but I feel like it's important to point that out.0 -
This thread is going places.
Not necessarily good places, but definitely places.0 -
afatpersonwholikesfood wrote: »HAES, at its simplest, is about choosing to eat better, exercise, and do things that are good for you regardless of what you weigh.
That's the first time I've heard it described like that. The message I've always gotten is "I'm healthy even though I'm obese".
Interesting. What you said, I can agree with.
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Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »This thread is going places.
Not necessarily good places, but definitely places.
Detroit?
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Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »This thread is going places.
Not necessarily good places, but definitely places.
Detroit?
Australia
Where we say's it as we see's it 
:flowerforyou:
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christinev297 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »This thread is going places.
Not necessarily good places, but definitely places.
Detroit?
Australia Where we say's it as we see's it :flowerforyou:
Just so long as it takes a detour to that bar in Pricilla....
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christinev297 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »This thread is going places.
Not necessarily good places, but definitely places.
Detroit?
Australia Where we say's it as we see's it :flowerforyou:
Just so long as it takes a detour to that bar in Pricilla....
:laugh:
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The writer is waaaaaaay overthinking the issue. "Have you lost weight" is just an observation (unless they're being sarcastic). At my heaviest, I'd get asked every now and then by people I hadn't seen in a while if I had lost weight. I hadn't, though they insisted that I had, but it was nice, for me, to think that for whatever reason, I didn't look like a big fat pig that day, or at least, as much of a big fat pig as usual. It was GOOD for my self image. If the writer has such a problem with her weight that even compliments sound like insults, then that is HER problem. She is devaluing HERSELF because of her weight and projecting her negativity onto other people. She either needs to get over it if she doesn't want to do anything about it, or she needs to pop on over to MFP and start herself a profile.0
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PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »The writer is waaaaaaay overthinking the issue. "Have you lost weight" is just an observation (unless they're being sarcastic). At my heaviest, I'd get asked every now and then by people I hadn't seen in a while if I had lost weight. I hadn't, though they insisted that I had, but it was nice, for me, to think that for whatever reason, I didn't look like a big fat pig that day, or at least, as much of a big fat pig as usual. It was GOOD for my self image. If the writer has such a problem with her weight that even compliments sound like insults, then that is HER problem. She is devaluing HERSELF because of her weight and projecting her negativity onto other people. She either needs to get over it if she doesn't want to do anything about it, or she needs to pop on over to MFP and start herself a profile.
I'll cosign this. And awesome new avi pic, btw.0 -
afatpersonwholikesfood wrote: »For those bringing up HAES and taking issue with it:
1. HAES, at its simplest, is about choosing to eat better, exercise, and do things that are good for you regardless of what you weigh. The basic idea is that you can do things to take care of yourself even if weight loss seems impossible or undesirable for some reason; it says that your body deserves respect and that you are worth taking care of even if you can't seem to get to where the BMI chart states you should be. It says that your worth and dignity as a human being are not tied to your size. It says that you have a right to compassionate, competent medical care whether you choose to lose weight or not. What leads to less disease? 300 pounds and sedentary or 300 pounds and active? 250 pounds and maintaining that weight with donuts and cheeseburgers or 250 pounds and maintaining that weight with fresh fruits and veggies, whole grains, healthy fats, and lean proteins? It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Maybe some people think of it differently, and I could see where that invites some criticism, but the basic concept and message is not hard to understand. Some people feel that their weight is an insurmountable obstacle and prescribing weight loss over and over to them isn't going to change that or do anything to help their physical and mental health where it is right then and there. Some people have lost and regained hundreds of pounds over and over. At a certain point, isn't it possible that it might be more beneficial for them to maintain a bigger body, eat healthier foods, and make activity a regular part of life instead of continuing to yo-yo? Chances are that better food choices and more activity will lead to at least some modest weight loss as a side effect. Is it better to lose 25 pounds permanently through a few small changes and still be obese or to feel like unless you can get into the normal weight category, there's no point in bothering with anything?
HAES says that there is still some hope and that you absolutely can do things that are good for your body and mental health (don't forget that health can be a bigger concept than just the physical idea) at any size. In a way, you could consider it harm reduction - like needle exchange programs or methadone clinics or lower risk tobacco products such as e-cigs or Swedish snus.
2. Other people being fat or choosing not to pursue physical fitness does not in any way take away from your accomplishments or fitness. I realize that is not what was stated, but I feel like it's important to point that out.
I have yet to run across a HAES blogger who puts it like that. Most seem to interpret it as "Doctors should never discuss weight with patients," as exemplified by that stupid card that ends up posted in every HAES thread. I agree that the overall quality of health care should not be less simply because a person is obese; however I think a physician is certainly within their right to deny someone certain procedures until they get their weight under control. Why put a new set of knees in a morbidly obese 30-year-old when they're going to continue to abuse their body, have a greater chance of complications such as deep vein thrombosis, and may well be among the 2% who see failure within 5 years? Is it really compassionate to put someone's body through surgery when they have a greater risk of these complications?
-Sent from my Blackberry in a Detroit Waffle House bathroom
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The part that really annoyed me about that article was the whole facebook debate. My word what did you get out of making that person feel like **** when they were genuinely trying to compliment you. And then going for the sympathy vote for being ill with which that person has no responsibility of you having it. The comment made on the weight loss had no reference to her illness and they twisted and turned it in to a stupid debate just so their high horses could get a little higher. And then to say that they won the debate with "triumph" just shows how intentionally negative thier approach was and how perposfully they attacked and ridiculed the person. (I bet that person was just so lost and confused).
There are a million ways to reject or let someone know that you don't appreciate what they are saying to you. If you're such a righteous person why not choose the humble way rather than being all offensive about it.
For example some people think that just because I'm a loud and an open person(who's trying to do something about my weight) that they can call me "fatty". According to them they're joking or showing affection (errr what?). I mainly just ignore them. "Ignorance is bliss". So I leave them be. Inside my head I'm thinking yes I might be fat but it's easily changeable unlike someones attitude, mind or heart.
And this is coming from a person who can and would argue like there's no tomorrow. ☺️
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My favorite compliment.0
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It feels like sometimes people want everyone to just sit still and if you do engage in conversation don't discuss anything other than the weather or other neutral topics.
Because heaven forbide you touch on a unpleasant or embarrassing topic.
People say that asking about weight etc shows poor social skills, seems like not being able to handle a touchy subject is the real lack of social skills.
I imagine for most people losing weight is a positive thing, they aimed to lose weight, get healthier and if they achieve it then why can't people compliment them.
Should we eliminate entire topics from discussion just because some people may have lost weight for bad reasons like illness?
If that's the case we can't talk about people's children since they might be sick, we can't talk about their friends or family in case one is sick or dying, don't even ask about sports in case their team lost on the weekend. Don't ask how they are going even if they look sad or depressed cause you might get a bad response or rub salt in a wound. Don't congratulate someone for getting a first aid certificate in case they don't renew it when it expires.
So are people too sensitive? Assuming the worst of people, thinking compliments are backhanded insults?
Most of us have eyes, are very visual so why is physical appearance such a sore area. What will you notice first, a new hair cut, losing 20kg or a change to your personality or intellect? Got to start the conversation somewhere?
Wonder how much flack I'll get for this.0 -
I know we're 4 pages into this already, but this over-sensitivity regarding something someone most likely meant as a compliment kind of irks me. I've heard this from random people who I don't know (customers, neighbors, etc.), people I know casually (coworkers), and friends and family. In none of these contexts did I think the comment/question was inappropriate or rude.
You better believe I'll take it as a compliment. I've worked my butt off in the gym on days when I felt like curling up and taking a nap. I've gone hungry because I knew a snack wouldn't fit into my calories. I've tracked calories, fat, sugar, and have tried almost every fad diet in the book. So YES, by all means - NOTICE THAT I'VE BEEN DOING SOMETHING.
I realize the author wasn't really trying to lose weight, and therefore, this might not mean the same to them, but it's still a remark intended on showing that person that "Hey, I can really tell that you're putting effort into trying to improve yourself." If they were trying to insult, there are a lot of other things they could've said. I've heard just about all of them.
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Ha. I just googled the writer and found her website. "WRITER | SINGER | FAT LADY" Size is unimportant, yet she identifies as a fat lady to the public. Seems a little wishy-washy.0
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