Husband sabotage

callmemaui

HELP!!!! I think my husband us trying to sabotage my weight loss endeavor. When I explain to him that I am really trying hard this time, avoiding bad foods and trying to work out he's all for it. But his actions speak the exact opposite of support. Like yesterday he brought home donuts after work. And when I turn on my Zumba workout in the living room he gets annoyed and interrupts me to ask me to do something for him, like help him carry something to the garage. It's really frustrating. I was really hoping he would join me so we could go through this together, but it looks like I'm on my own. BUT I refuse to give in. I'm going to keep doing it and hopefully he'll get the hint that I'm in it for the long run.

KirstenAFerreira

Have you tried talking to him about it?.

callmemaui

Oh yeah. He says he supports me in this and wants me to succeed but I don't see it.

Alatariel75

Is it maybe that you're making changes and he isn't so you're seeing what he sees as 'normal' as sabotage?

KirstenAFerreira

My husband was like that somewhat.. except I was lucky enough to exercise during the day
But dieting and then he comes home with a chocolate! Argh!
Husbands hate wives having a problem with themselves and dieting it seems.

Things have changed now because although my husband loves me as is. He knows the confidence I'll have will be amazing in comparison to how self conscious I am.

It's weird. But make this weight loss challenge something to look forward to for him, something exciting for the two of you personally.

And if he brings home donuts. Don't eat them! It's tough, but just ignore their existence and get your exercise done

Want yourself to succeed, commit to it, and I think eventually he'll get the hint

amgreenwell

I agree with the above poster... if you just stick to what you need to do for you he will see that you are commited. yes, it hard to avoid donuts and other food brought into the house that is so tempting, but you can do this!!! My husband loves ice cream and I buy it and i eat it, but i make sure I run/walk a little extra that day too

laineliss

It sounds like you really want his total support? But, I think your realizing you may not get it. You are now coping with the lack of support. You might try setting a boundary, like no donuts in the house, "Please!" Hopefully, he will respect that. I had to do the same with my hubby. Every few days I would try a new boundary, like no chips in the living room. Good luck!

TheLittleGingerDoesWeightLoss

I don't think he is proactively trying to sabotage you. I think in regards to the donuts, if he did it before then maybe habit is popping up. I know I had to break some habits between me and food, but my significant other would be a third party to that so it's going to take longer for him to break that. Plus the benefit is for you until he decides to share the same goals as well.

The idea of him getting "the hint that I'm in it for the long run," is not logical. None of us are mind readers, so talk to him face to face. And have good legitimate reasons for why you are doing this. If my SO approached me with "I'm trying to get beach body ready for 2015," I wouldn't take that seriously. But if he said, "I look and feel like crap and there is diabetes in my family that I am trying to avoid," then I would do what I could for them.

Just give it time, patience, and a good conversation. It probably isn't so much likely sabotage, then your husband likely believing he can interrupt you during Zumba just like you might interrupt him during something he enjoys.

callmemaui

Thank you so much for the advice and support! You're right. I can only control myself. I don't have to eat the donuts, and I do realize that I need to be more specific with him. I'm going to have a good talk with him this evening.

dubird

A lot of guys don't pick up on subtle clues from women. Not a knock on guys, they just communicate differently. Sitting down with a logical conversation planned will help, and be prepared to compromise. However, he'll have to be willing to make compromises too. Like, he can keep bringing home donuts, but you get uninterrupted hour for Zumba. Something like that.

Capt_Apollo

you are not an ammunition train in Europe during World War 2. No one is trying to sabotage you. you are in charge of your own workouts and what you put in your mouth.

Alluminati

God forbid your husband interrupts you to do something for him. Good grief, lol.

snowiebuggie

I know that feeling my hubby is the same way the only difference is that my hubby is one of those guys who can eat anything and not gain a pound. So he brings in the ice cream, cookies, and junk food. All triggers for me. I talk to him about it and he does support me but see's it as it's not hurting him. So what I do is find things that I can eat that will satisfy he cravings instead of the junk food. Seeing the results are far more better then a few bites of a cookie or pop

Alluminati

Capt_Apollo wrote: »

you are not an ammunition train in Europe during World War 2. No one is trying to sabotage you. you are in charge of your own workouts and what you put in your mouth.

maybe she is Beastie Boys

almondaddict

Sometimes people are afraid of change. Your husband could subconciously be going through the period of insecurity and uncertainty that comes with having a SO who is making drastic changes. In the back of his mind there could be a voice telling him that you'll be too good for him when you reach your goals, and he's afraid of losing the you that you used to be. But give him time, and remind him that this change will make you happier, which will fill his life with more joy and enthusiasm in the long run. Maybe he just needs reassurance that while your fat is going to disappear, you aren't going anywhere.

SweetPeasMom55

I adore my husband but he is not on the diet band wagon. For the first couple of weeks it was tough. He now has his own junk cupboard and if I go in it that's my problem. Same as there is one drawer in the fridge that is just mine so I always have food that's premeasured and ready to go. We still have some bumpy patches but he's not getting all cranky that I'm trying to change him and he's ok that there are times when I try to exercise like a minimum of 2 hours a day. I try to get in 1/2 while he's not home. Even if that means getting up at 4 and doing it before work. Best of luck!!

emdeesea

Could it be possible that the reason he brings home donuts is because even though you SAY you're committed, he knows that you're not, and that you'll cave and eat "just one?"

This could be where partners know each other better than they know themselves. I'm not knocking your willpower, I'm just saying that maybe he's been there, done that before and he knows better. In which case, it's up to you. You're going to have many, many temptations in life, and you can't expect everyone to change to suit you. He can bring them in, just don't eat them.

As far as the Zumba, well, I don't know what to say. I'd probably be annoyed if someone took up the living room for a workout too. But that's something you'll have to discuss with him to share space.

Escloflowne

KirstenAFerreira wrote: »

Have you tried talking to him about it?.

Don't promote your healthy relationship propaganda on the MFP forums!!!!

wearmi1

My boyfriend is the same way, we had to have a come to the light moment because we were at dairy queen because he wanted ice cream and I couldn't have that so I was just sitting there miserable waiting for him to get done. Sometimes men although we love them just don't get it or have any idea how hard it is to struggle with weight loss especially if they don't have weight problems. Maybe your husband is the same way, it might take a very frank and up front conversation about your endeavors for him to understand.

MsJulesRenee

Look on it from the other side: maybe you are sabotaging his doughnut feast I've given up on my bf joining me, I do what I need to do and hope he can catch up one day. I cook for his tastes and make it a lower calorie for me. If he interrupts me during exercise I tell him I'm busy and will be happy help as soon as I'm done, period. Said it enough times that it finally got through, he doesn't ask until I'm done now - Consistency and mutual respect.

JudithNYC

So if he knows that donuts are a weak spot it makes it OK? I say it makes it worse. Yes, we all should be able to resist temptation or eat just half a donut or whatever, but if it were so easy there would not be millions of obese people. And sometimes we need all the help we can get. It's not like donuts are necessary.

urloved33

good. keep refusing to give in. 5 yr old in an adult body (its all about him so he has to learn its not) when a 5 yr old has a tantrum or goes on strike...ignore them. so ignore him.

ndj1979

so he brought home donuts...did he force feed them to you or were they just left somewhere where he can access them?

ndj1979

dubird wrote: »

A lot of guys don't pick up on subtle clues from women. Not a knock on guys, they just communicate differently. Sitting down with a logical conversation planned will help, and be prepared to compromise. However, he'll have to be willing to make compromises too. Like, he can keep bringing home donuts, but you get uninterrupted hour for Zumba. Something like that.

so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???

TR0berts

urloved33 wrote: »

good. keep refusing to give in. 5 yr old in an adult body (its all about him so he has to learn its not) when a 5 yr old has a tantrum or goes on strike...ignore them. so ignore him.

Wait - because he doesn't have to change, he's a 5 yo? SMDH

randomtai

Sigh...

ndj1979

wearmi1 wrote: »

My boyfriend is the same way, we had to have a come to the light moment because we were at dairy queen because he wanted ice cream and I couldn't have that so I was just sitting there miserable waiting for him to get done. Sometimes men although we love them just don't get it or have any idea how hard it is to struggle with weight loss especially if they don't have weight problems. Maybe your husband is the same way, it might take a very frank and up front conversation about your endeavors for him to understand.

why can't you have ice cream?

I eat ice cream every day and hit all my calorie/micro/macro targets...

vixtris

I think you will just have to be a bit more firm. if he interrupts your exercising again, just say 'sorry, cant help you right now, its me time.' also, you will just have to be stronger with the food he brings. you can ask him to stop, but you cant really make him. its your responsibility to refuse to eat it.

slimzandra

Is DH dieting also? If not, then don't deprive him of his donuts. It's one thing to be supportive, it's another to inflict your woe and your interests on him. Since you are in it for the long run, just figure out a schedule that works for you both and while you are getting fit, your life still goes on, garbage needs to be emptied, dishes, etc. He's made it pretty clear he's not into zumba with you or hearing you do zumba. (Actually, I get that). If you want him to join you, then you should find activities you both can enjoy. Golfing, walking, playing tennis, racketball, swimming... etc., He might be more onboard if the mission was more palatable and less disruptive of his normal routine. Keep up the good work, but you don't need to be overly zealous to still be effective with your goals.

TheVirgoddess

My husband still brings me donuts. Because I like donuts and he loves me. My "diet" is my business to manage - not his. It's not sabotage. It's realizing that the world doesn't actually revolve around me.

malibu927

I woke up yesterday to donuts on the counter. I ate a couple. In a year and a half of losing, that's only the second time I've had them, and I decided they were worth eating for once. Classifying foods as "bad" or "good" only leads to trouble...I knew eating them meant I'd have to work harder for my protein goal, but they still fit into my calories fine.