Husband sabotage

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  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,325 Member
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    good. keep refusing to give in. 5 yr old in an adult body (its all about him so he has to learn its not) when a 5 yr old has a tantrum or goes on strike...ignore them. so ignore him.
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
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    so he brought home donuts...did he force feed them to you or were they just left somewhere where he can access them?
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
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    dubird wrote: »
    A lot of guys don't pick up on subtle clues from women. Not a knock on guys, they just communicate differently. Sitting down with a logical conversation planned will help, and be prepared to compromise. However, he'll have to be willing to make compromises too. Like, he can keep bringing home donuts, but you get uninterrupted hour for Zumba. Something like that.

    so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
  • TR0berts
    TR0berts Posts: 7,739 Member
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    urloved33 wrote: »
    good. keep refusing to give in. 5 yr old in an adult body (its all about him so he has to learn its not) when a 5 yr old has a tantrum or goes on strike...ignore them. so ignore him.


    Wait - because he doesn't have to change, he's a 5 yo? SMDH
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Sigh...

    767.gif
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
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    wearmi1 wrote: »
    My boyfriend is the same way, we had to have a come to the light moment because we were at dairy queen because he wanted ice cream and I couldn't have that so I was just sitting there miserable waiting for him to get done. Sometimes men although we love them just don't get it or have any idea how hard it is to struggle with weight loss especially if they don't have weight problems. Maybe your husband is the same way, it might take a very frank and up front conversation about your endeavors for him to understand.

    why can't you have ice cream?

    I eat ice cream every day and hit all my calorie/micro/macro targets...
  • vixtris
    vixtris Posts: 688 Member
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    I think you will just have to be a bit more firm. if he interrupts your exercising again, just say 'sorry, cant help you right now, its me time.' also, you will just have to be stronger with the food he brings. you can ask him to stop, but you cant really make him. its your responsibility to refuse to eat it.
  • slimzandra
    slimzandra Posts: 955 Member
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    Is DH dieting also? If not, then don't deprive him of his donuts. It's one thing to be supportive, it's another to inflict your woe and your interests on him. Since you are in it for the long run, just figure out a schedule that works for you both and while you are getting fit, your life still goes on, garbage needs to be emptied, dishes, etc. He's made it pretty clear he's not into zumba with you or hearing you do zumba. (Actually, I get that). If you want him to join you, then you should find activities you both can enjoy. Golfing, walking, playing tennis, racketball, swimming... etc., He might be more onboard if the mission was more palatable and less disruptive of his normal routine. Keep up the good work, but you don't need to be overly zealous to still be effective with your goals.
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
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    My husband still brings me donuts. Because I like donuts and he loves me. My "diet" is my business to manage - not his. It's not sabotage. It's realizing that the world doesn't actually revolve around me.
  • malibu927
    malibu927 Posts: 17,565 Member
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    I woke up yesterday to donuts on the counter. I ate a couple. In a year and a half of losing, that's only the second time I've had them, and I decided they were worth eating for once. Classifying foods as "bad" or "good" only leads to trouble...I knew eating them meant I'd have to work harder for my protein goal, but they still fit into my calories fine.
  • senecarr
    senecarr Posts: 5,377 Member
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    A guide to identifying sabotage
    Scenario A:
    Someone eats donuts in front of you.
    Scenario B:
    Someone force feeds you donuts against your will, or pours lard into your stomach via a feeding tube while you're sleeping.

    Scenario B is sabotage. Scenario A is not.

    Scenario A:
    Someone asks you do something while you're working out in a common area.
    Scenario B:
    Someone comes in and forcibly stops you any time you exercise.

    Scenario B is sabotage. Scenario A is not.
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,287 Member
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    have a donut. But if you really don't want one, don't. My husand is on a cardiac diet.....I don't follow it. Every day he has to watch me drink an energy drink he can no longer have, or watch his kids eat something he can't have. He has never complained because it's for him, not for us. He's not jealous, he's not sabotaging, he's not insecure, he's just being normal and you're looking for someone to blame for eating the donuts or not restarting your workout after an interruption. I have four kids, two under two.....yesterday in the middle of my deadlifts my two year old came out with her diaper off and poop all over her back.....omg is she sabotaging me?!
  • discretekim
    discretekim Posts: 314 Member
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    callmemaui wrote: »
    Oh yeah. He says he supports me in this and wants me to succeed but I don't see it.
    You often have to repeat things a lot with men. Mention it next time he interrupts you or does something else that bothers you. And keep saying it until it gets through.

  • _Terrapin_
    _Terrapin_ Posts: 4,302 Member
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    callmemaui wrote: »
    HELP!!!! I think my husband us trying to sabotage my weight loss endeavor. When I explain to him that I am really trying hard this time, avoiding bad foods and trying to work out he's all for it. But his actions speak the exact opposite of support. Like yesterday he brought home donuts after work. And when I turn on my Zumba workout in the living room he gets annoyed and interrupts me to ask me to do something for him, like help him carry something to the garage. It's really frustrating. I was really hoping he would join me so we could go through this together, but it looks like I'm on my own. BUT I refuse to give in. I'm going to keep doing it and hopefully he'll get the hint that I'm in it for the long run.

    So, he stopped your aerobic exercise and provided you with an option for anaerobic work albeit briefly. And, he brought donuts home. Yes, he is definitely out to ruin your efforts. Seriously. My wife brought a donut home yesterday for me. I thanked her and let one of the boys eat it. Done. Crisis averted.

  • TR0berts
    TR0berts Posts: 7,739 Member
    edited July 2015
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    I want to drop some weight so I can be in a particular weight class for my next PL meet. I asked my wife to stop buying my favorite ice cream, since she doesn't eat it and I have sometimes have difficulty controlling myself (my issue - not hers). She continues to get the flavors she likes. I don't eat them.

    Simple, really.
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,287 Member
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    ndj1979 wrote: »
    dubird wrote: »
    A lot of guys don't pick up on subtle clues from women. Not a knock on guys, they just communicate differently. Sitting down with a logical conversation planned will help, and be prepared to compromise. However, he'll have to be willing to make compromises too. Like, he can keep bringing home donuts, but you get uninterrupted hour for Zumba. Something like that.

    so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???

    duh he should eat them in the car. It's his job to configure her environment in such a way she can succeed without too much effort.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    callmemaui wrote: »
    HELP!!!! I think my husband us trying to sabotage my weight loss endeavor. When I explain to him that I am really trying hard this time, avoiding bad foods and trying to work out he's all for it. But his actions speak the exact opposite of support. Like yesterday he brought home donuts after work. And when I turn on my Zumba workout in the living room he gets annoyed and interrupts me to ask me to do something for him, like help him carry something to the garage. It's really frustrating. I was really hoping he would join me so we could go through this together, but it looks like I'm on my own. BUT I refuse to give in. I'm going to keep doing it and hopefully he'll get the hint that I'm in it for the long run.


    Say no thanks to donuts or fit them in your calories. You might explain what your calorie goal is and show your dh your logging. A lot of people have no idea what the calorie count of foods are.
    Food is food. Some food has more nutrients for the amount of calories or will be more filling. Don't label foods as bad, dirty or unhealthy. People get irritated when you say something they enjoy is bad. If they feel irritated they might shove it in your face more than if you just said it doesn't fit your calorie goal very well or you simply don't want it.

    Let your dh know when you are going to begin your exercise... maybe set an exercise time. If he asks for help with something while you are exercising say I will be done in x minutes and can help then... unless he is having an actual emergency. Carrying stuff to the garage can wait 20 minutes.
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
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    OP as you are new to all this I am jus going to put my standard advice here for you t review. Based on your donut comment, I would suggest you review my comments on realizing that there are no good/bad foods Donuts can be part of an overall healthy diet.

    1. Enter stats into MFP and set for x amount of weight loss.
    2. Eat to the number that MFP gives you.
    3. get a food scale and weigh all solid foods, and as many liquids as possible.
    4. log everything
    5. make sure that you are using correct MFP database entries
    6. realize that there are no bad foods and that while the majority of foods should come from nutrient dense sources, there is nothing wrong with having pizza, ice cream, cookies, etc, as long as ones micro and macro needs are met.
    7. macro setting are typically .85 grams of protein per pound of body weight; .45 grams of fat per pound of body weight; fill in rest with carbs.
    8. find a form of exercise that you like and do it < not necessary for weight loss, but is for overall health and body comp.

    couple stickies I would recommend:

    Recomposition:
    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/33125652#Comment_33125652

    Bulking:
    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10049766/bulking-a-complete-guide-for-beginners

    sidesteels guide:
    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
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    Jennloella wrote: »
    ndj1979 wrote: »
    dubird wrote: »
    A lot of guys don't pick up on subtle clues from women. Not a knock on guys, they just communicate differently. Sitting down with a logical conversation planned will help, and be prepared to compromise. However, he'll have to be willing to make compromises too. Like, he can keep bringing home donuts, but you get uninterrupted hour for Zumba. Something like that.

    so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???

    duh he should eat them in the car. It's his job to configure her environment in such a way she can succeed without too much effort.

    oh right, how silly of me to think that marriages are a 50/50 thing...
  • cathipa
    cathipa Posts: 2,991 Member
    edited July 2015
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    Workout in the morning before anyone can interrupt you.
    Don't eat foods that won't fit your daily calories/macros (I always make doughnuts fit)
    If he won't join you in your weight loss journey, oh well. Don't worry about what he is doing and keep on with your diet.

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