Husband sabotage
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A guide to identifying sabotage
Scenario A:
Someone eats donuts in front of you.
Scenario B:
Someone force feeds you donuts against your will, or pours lard into your stomach via a feeding tube while you're sleeping.
Scenario B is sabotage. Scenario A is not.
Scenario A:
Someone asks you do something while you're working out in a common area.
Scenario B:
Someone comes in and forcibly stops you any time you exercise.
Scenario B is sabotage. Scenario A is not.0 -
have a donut. But if you really don't want one, don't. My husand is on a cardiac diet.....I don't follow it. Every day he has to watch me drink an energy drink he can no longer have, or watch his kids eat something he can't have. He has never complained because it's for him, not for us. He's not jealous, he's not sabotaging, he's not insecure, he's just being normal and you're looking for someone to blame for eating the donuts or not restarting your workout after an interruption. I have four kids, two under two.....yesterday in the middle of my deadlifts my two year old came out with her diaper off and poop all over her back.....omg is she sabotaging me?!0
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You often have to repeat things a lot with men. Mention it next time he interrupts you or does something else that bothers you. And keep saying it until it gets through.callmemaui wrote: »Oh yeah. He says he supports me in this and wants me to succeed but I don't see it.
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callmemaui wrote: »HELP!!!! I think my husband us trying to sabotage my weight loss endeavor. When I explain to him that I am really trying hard this time, avoiding bad foods and trying to work out he's all for it. But his actions speak the exact opposite of support. Like yesterday he brought home donuts after work. And when I turn on my Zumba workout in the living room he gets annoyed and interrupts me to ask me to do something for him, like help him carry something to the garage. It's really frustrating. I was really hoping he would join me so we could go through this together, but it looks like I'm on my own. BUT I refuse to give in. I'm going to keep doing it and hopefully he'll get the hint that I'm in it for the long run.
So, he stopped your aerobic exercise and provided you with an option for anaerobic work albeit briefly. And, he brought donuts home. Yes, he is definitely out to ruin your efforts. Seriously. My wife brought a donut home yesterday for me. I thanked her and let one of the boys eat it. Done. Crisis averted.
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I want to drop some weight so I can be in a particular weight class for my next PL meet. I asked my wife to stop buying my favorite ice cream, since she doesn't eat it and I have sometimes have difficulty controlling myself (my issue - not hers). She continues to get the flavors she likes. I don't eat them.
Simple, really.0 -
A lot of guys don't pick up on subtle clues from women. Not a knock on guys, they just communicate differently. Sitting down with a logical conversation planned will help, and be prepared to compromise. However, he'll have to be willing to make compromises too. Like, he can keep bringing home donuts, but you get uninterrupted hour for Zumba. Something like that.
so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
duh he should eat them in the car. It's his job to configure her environment in such a way she can succeed without too much effort.
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callmemaui wrote: »HELP!!!! I think my husband us trying to sabotage my weight loss endeavor. When I explain to him that I am really trying hard this time, avoiding bad foods and trying to work out he's all for it. But his actions speak the exact opposite of support. Like yesterday he brought home donuts after work. And when I turn on my Zumba workout in the living room he gets annoyed and interrupts me to ask me to do something for him, like help him carry something to the garage. It's really frustrating. I was really hoping he would join me so we could go through this together, but it looks like I'm on my own. BUT I refuse to give in. I'm going to keep doing it and hopefully he'll get the hint that I'm in it for the long run.
Say no thanks to donuts or fit them in your calories. You might explain what your calorie goal is and show your dh your logging. A lot of people have no idea what the calorie count of foods are.
Food is food. Some food has more nutrients for the amount of calories or will be more filling. Don't label foods as bad, dirty or unhealthy. People get irritated when you say something they enjoy is bad. If they feel irritated they might shove it in your face more than if you just said it doesn't fit your calorie goal very well or you simply don't want it.
Let your dh know when you are going to begin your exercise... maybe set an exercise time. If he asks for help with something while you are exercising say I will be done in x minutes and can help then... unless he is having an actual emergency. Carrying stuff to the garage can wait 20 minutes.0 -
OP as you are new to all this I am jus going to put my standard advice here for you t review. Based on your donut comment, I would suggest you review my comments on realizing that there are no good/bad foods Donuts can be part of an overall healthy diet.
1. Enter stats into MFP and set for x amount of weight loss.
2. Eat to the number that MFP gives you.
3. get a food scale and weigh all solid foods, and as many liquids as possible.
4. log everything
5. make sure that you are using correct MFP database entries
6. realize that there are no bad foods and that while the majority of foods should come from nutrient dense sources, there is nothing wrong with having pizza, ice cream, cookies, etc, as long as ones micro and macro needs are met.
7. macro setting are typically .85 grams of protein per pound of body weight; .45 grams of fat per pound of body weight; fill in rest with carbs.
8. find a form of exercise that you like and do it < not necessary for weight loss, but is for overall health and body comp.
couple stickies I would recommend:
Recomposition:
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/33125652#Comment_33125652
Bulking:
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10049766/bulking-a-complete-guide-for-beginners
sidesteels guide:
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
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Jennloella wrote: »A lot of guys don't pick up on subtle clues from women. Not a knock on guys, they just communicate differently. Sitting down with a logical conversation planned will help, and be prepared to compromise. However, he'll have to be willing to make compromises too. Like, he can keep bringing home donuts, but you get uninterrupted hour for Zumba. Something like that.
so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
duh he should eat them in the car. It's his job to configure her environment in such a way she can succeed without too much effort.
oh right, how silly of me to think that marriages are a 50/50 thing...0 -
Workout in the morning before anyone can interrupt you.
Don't eat foods that won't fit your daily calories/macros (I always make doughnuts fit)
If he won't join you in your weight loss journey, oh well. Don't worry about what he is doing and keep on with your diet.0 -
so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
I'm with the OP on this.
Hubby can chow down on doughnuts all day while he's at work or stuff his face while driving home.
Bringing them home shows a lack of respect for his wife and indeed belies his professed support for his wife's efforts. Either that or he's simply an insensitive dolt that can't think obvious things through.
Eating his lump of flour, fat, and sugar elsewhere is not a hardship for the hub-meister.0 -
So. I'd be pissed if someone asked me to do something in the middle of my workout. I set time aside- leave me alone. I do morning pages in the morning- I expect him to leave me alone to write for 20 minutes- we are all adults- not toddlers- if you can't leave your spouse/significant other alone for 20-60 minutes you need to do some re-evaluating.
Secondly- he didn't sabotage you.
Thirdly- I wouldn't even bring it up at all- just make the changes and manage your food and general diet yourself.
Skip the "frank conversations" just don't talk about it and do what you need to do. It doesn't need to be a huge life altering choice- you aren't having a baby- you're just changing your diet.
I only tell mine what I"m doing so he understands why I chose not to eat something or eat extra somethings. If I'm cutting I'm more fussy- if I'm bulking- I eat all the things and then he complains I spend to much on food. We don't talk about him supporting me or not. I don't care if he supports me. I'm doing it for me. His opinion on it matters very little in the long run.
Also he gets to touch my butt- and he likes that- so he can't complain to much anyway. The leverage that comes with a sweet squat booty is powerful.0 -
so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
I'm with the OP on this.
Hubby can chow down on doughnuts all day while he's at work or stuff his face while driving home.
Bringing them home shows a lack of respect for his wife and indeed belies his professed support for his wife's efforts. Either that or he's simply an insensitive dolt that can't think obvious things through.
Eating his lump of flour, fat, and sugar elsewhere is not a hardship for the hub-meister.
I would consider having to eat out in the car like a kid in the 'time out' corner to be a hardship. And not everyone works in an office where they can chow down all day; my hubby works in a shop where there's no food allowed on the floor. I wouldn't dream of telling my husband he can't eat his favorite foods in the comfort of his own home.0 -
A guide to identifying sabotage
Scenario A:
Someone eats donuts in front of you.
Scenario B:
Someone force feeds you donuts against your will, or pours lard into your stomach via a feeding tube while you're sleeping.
Scenario B is sabotage. Scenario A is not.
Scenario A:
Someone asks you do something while you're working out in a common area.
Scenario B:
Someone comes in and forcibly stops you any time you exercise.
Scenario B is sabotage. Scenario A is not.
Is failing to have self control called sabotage?0 -
so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
I'm with the OP on this.
Hubby can chow down on doughnuts all day while he's at work or stuff his face while driving home.
Bringing them home shows a lack of respect for his wife and indeed belies his professed support for his wife's efforts. Either that or he's simply an insensitive dolt that can't think obvious things through.
Eating his lump of flour, fat, and sugar elsewhere is not a hardship for the hub-meister.
Isn't it his house too? So if you work in an office setting others should also avoid bringing in cakes, cookies, doughnuts etc. because someone has decided to change THEIR diet? No. If you have decided to change YOUR diet to lose weight then its called showing some will power. Don't impose on others.0 -
so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
I'm with the OP on this.
Hubby can chow down on doughnuts all day while he's at work or stuff his face while driving home.
Bringing them home shows a lack of respect for his wife and indeed belies his professed support for his wife's efforts. Either that or he's simply an insensitive dolt that can't think obvious things through.
Eating his lump of flour, fat, and sugar elsewhere is not a hardship for the hub-meister.
It's his home also!! He has the right to eat where he wants to!!!!!0 -
so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
I'm with the OP on this.
Hubby can chow down on doughnuts all day while he's at work or stuff his face while driving home.
Bringing them home shows a lack of respect for his wife and indeed belies his professed support for his wife's efforts. Either that or he's simply an insensitive dolt that can't think obvious things through.
Eating his lump of flour, fat, and sugar elsewhere is not a hardship for the hub-meister.
wut? really? So husband can work all day to pay the mortgage and bills on his house, but he can't bring the foods he likes into a home that he owns half of????
you can't be serious...0 -
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so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
I'm with the OP on this.
Hubby can chow down on doughnuts all day while he's at work or stuff his face while driving home.
Bringing them home shows a lack of respect for his wife and indeed belies his professed support for his wife's efforts. Either that or he's simply an insensitive dolt that can't think obvious things through.
Eating his lump of flour, fat, and sugar elsewhere is not a hardship for the hub-meister.
Don't you think that there might be better solutions?
So she tells him to go eat his donuts in the car...what if he says "I will if you agree to do your Zumba in the car.".
Doing Zumba in the car is possible...search youtube and there are several videos for seated Zumba.
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TheVirgoddess wrote: »My husband still brings me donuts. Because I like donuts and he loves me. My "diet" is my business to manage - not his. It's not sabotage. It's realizing that the world doesn't actually revolve around me.
I like this one best .0 -
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so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
I'm with the OP on this.
Hubby can chow down on doughnuts all day while he's at work or stuff his face while driving home.
Bringing them home shows a lack of respect for his wife and indeed belies his professed support for his wife's efforts. Either that or he's simply an insensitive dolt that can't think obvious things through.
Eating his lump of flour, fat, and sugar elsewhere is not a hardship for the hub-meister.
Very bad quality you show in this post.
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so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
If someone has self control issues with item X, it's not very helpful when people bring that item around you. Nobody wants to have their noses rubbed in what they are trying to avoid but love to indulge in.
Eventually, maybe, they will be able to tolerate being around donuts without eating them. Or maybe they will have enough calories in their daily allotment to devote 500 calories to an ice cream cone or 200 calories for a donut, along with the willpower to stop at just one.
But a lot of people are not there right now. I wish people would stop the false incredulity as if this was a difficult situation to understand.0 -
maillemaker wrote: »so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
If someone has self control issues with item X, it's not very helpful when people bring that item around you. Nobody wants to have their noses rubbed in what they are trying to avoid but love to indulge in.
Eventually, maybe, they will be able to tolerate being around donuts without eating them. Or maybe they will have enough calories in their daily allotment to devote 500 calories to an ice cream cone or 200 calories for a donut, along with the willpower to stop at just one.
But a lot of people are not there right now. I wish people would stop the false incredulity as if this was a difficult situation to understand.
so the husband has to hide all the foods he likes in the car, and can't eat them in his house?
and OP has indicated absolutely zero binging disorder, so for you to assume that is the care here is 1000% off base.
these threads always amaze me ..if relationships are a 50/50 deal why is it OK for the wife to tell him to stop eating everything he likes because she wants to lose weight????0 -
maillemaker wrote: »so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
If someone has self control issues with item X, it's not very helpful when people bring that item around you. Nobody wants to have their noses rubbed in what they are trying to avoid but love to indulge in.
Eventually, maybe, they will be able to tolerate being around donuts without eating them. Or maybe they will have enough calories in their daily allotment to devote 500 calories to an ice cream cone or 200 calories for a donut, along with the willpower to stop at just one.
But a lot of people are not there right now. I wish people would stop the false incredulity as if this was a difficult situation to understand.
So he should never have any kind of foods he likes because she is on a diet?!?!
I do the grocery shopping and when I was losing weight, I still bought my boys and hubby foods they like!! They don't have to be on the diet, I am, I can either work those foods in or don't have them at all!!!!!0 -
I'm sure you two can find common ground. Maybe give him a bread box for his treats. As said before, you can also schedule a treat into your plan and enjoy them together. Or, think about what motivates your husband. Even if he is not dieting, he might want to become healthier. My husband was a sweet JUNKIE, but he is also frugal. I showed him how much money we can save if we don't buy cookies. He was posting his calories and exercise on MFP by sundown.
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maillemaker wrote: »so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
If someone has self control issues with item X, it's not very helpful when people bring that item around you. Nobody wants to have their noses rubbed in what they are trying to avoid but love to indulge in.
Eventually, maybe, they will be able to tolerate being around donuts without eating them. Or maybe they will have enough calories in their daily allotment to devote 500 calories to an ice cream cone or 200 calories for a donut, along with the willpower to stop at just one.
But a lot of people are not there right now. I wish people would stop the false incredulity as if this was a difficult situation to understand.
so the husband has to hide all the foods he likes in the car, and can't eat them in his house?
and OP has indicated absolutely zero binging disorder, so for you to assume that is the care here is 1000% off base.
these threads always amaze me ..if relationships are a 50/50 deal why is it OK for the wife to tell him to stop eating everything he likes because she wants to lose weight????
50/50 don't be silly. Happy wife happy life. Any sayings you have with the husband?
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It took me a lot to adjust to the idea that me and my bf's worlds don't revolve around one another. If they did, we'd both have pretty unhealthy habits by leaning on one another to eat too much, snack too much, drink too much etc...
Now that I've made definitive guidelines for *myself* regarding what's going to fit into my cals for the day, my bf doesn't have any control over what I consume... whether he brings home a bag of candy or wants Chinese food for dinner. He can do those things. I have my own plan already set and I stick to it. It took months of getting used to for me, but I feel much healthier and more independent.0 -
so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
I'm with the OP on this.
Hubby can chow down on doughnuts all day while he's at work or stuff his face while driving home.
Bringing them home shows a lack of respect for his wife and indeed belies his professed support for his wife's efforts. Either that or he's simply an insensitive dolt that can't think obvious things through.
Eating his lump of flour, fat, and sugar elsewhere is not a hardship for the hub-meister.
how is bringing home food a lack of respect? taunting her by going- oh little piggey you can't have your doughnuts I'll eat them for you"
that's a lack of respect.
My BF brings home crap all the time when he visits- I just don't eat them. Like the poptarts above the fridge- they stay above the fridge- he eats them when he wants them- I just leave them alone.
Insulting a man you don't know calling him a dolt because he likes doughnuts is damn rude.0 -
My house is divided. Good healthy stuff on my side; bad yet wonderfully delicious snacks and sweets on my wife’s side. Talk about willpower! Do I grab some raw broccoli or join my wife in finishing off the remaining M&M’s from the candy jar? Does that make her an evil, evil person? Yes!0
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