Husband sabotage
Replies
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This type of post always makes me scratch my head.
My husband eats horribly, from a nutritional standpoint. The veggies he eats are spaghetti sauce, pizza sauce, and ketchup. His idea of an evening snack is a box of mozzarella sticks or a $5 pizza from Little Caesar's or a box of 25 Munchkins from Dunkin' Donuts. He drinks Coke for 90% of his liquid intake.
Guess what? None of the above has affected my weight loss one bit. Why is that? Because I'm responsible for what I put in my mouth. I like cheese sticks and pizza and donuts but not as much as I like being more fit and healthy so I've learned to moderate my intake. Not once have I asked him not to bring them home or to eat them in the other room or in the garage.
And as for interruptions while working out, they happen once in a great while and I know when they happen there's a good reason. How do I know that? Because we talk to each other and I know that he respects me just as I respect him. He wouldn't interrupt me for a stupid reason, period. So if he asked me in the middle of exercising if I could help him carry something to the garage I would finish my set and then help him out and then get back to work.
Bottom line, take responsibility for yourself and learn to communicate properly with your spouse but don't expect him to change his habits because you need to change yours.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »CorvusCorax77 wrote: »So I have read all the comments and so much face palm. My sweetie has the goal of gaining weight and is using MFP to do so. My goal is to lose weight and use MFP to do so. We both eat what we should and accommodate each other. He buys high calorie foods. I eat a salad. There is no frickin' issue. If I thought like some of you folks, neither of us would be allowed to eat in the same space or buy groceries together because I'd be sabotaging his weight gain and he would be sabotaging my weight loss.....
see the face palm action there???
Honestly I don't. You are describing your relationship and this thread is about the OP. The fact that she feels she is not being supported is key. Whether or not you or me or anyone else would feel the same doesn't matter because it's not about us.
This. It's great that other couples have sorted out their food issues and can eat whatever they want around the other, or spend the food budget however they want on whatever they want. That's great!
But not all couples are like that, and that's OK, too.
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maillemaker wrote: »I'm married and I have celiac disease. I haven't been able to eat pizza in 18 years. Do you know how hard that was for me?
I never once thought it was okay to deprive my husband of it.
That's the mindset here. People are all "me me me". It's all well and fine thinking, oh the husband is "doing" this to her, when in reality, the husband is just wanting a donut. His food choice is no more about her than my husband having pizza is about me.
So YES, it is expecting the world to accommodate and revolve around you.
Typical victim mindset of people who are not truly focused enough.
No one here has suggested, not even the OP, that they desire to deprive the husband of donuts. Nor that he cannot eat them.
What OP wants is for him not to bring them in the home.
If my husband told me I couldn't bring specific food in the house I'd be like GTFO and point to the door. Not even joking. He does not get to tell me what I can and cannot eat and where I can and cannot eat it, unless of course it could kill someone in our home due to allergy but that's a non-issue in our home... so no.0 -
PikaKnight wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »PikaKnight wrote: »maillemaker wrote: »I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.
If your spouse didn't like cats, and you went and got a pet cat, would you be showing a lack of consideration for your spouse's feelings on cats?
The issue here is it's not just one spouse's home. It belongs to both of them, and as such both have a say in what can be brought into the home. This is true whether we are talking about pets, cigarettes, shoes, or donuts.
That analogy doesn't work. At all. Not at all.
Why doesn't it? It all boils down to one spouse wants X in the house and the other does not.
Because a living, breathing thing that would require a huge financial and emotional commitment is the same as him bringing home donuts for him to eat once in awhile is completely comparable? What?
Oh you mean the specifics. Yes, the specifics are different. That one wants it and the other doesn't so someone has to give is the same.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »PikaKnight wrote: »maillemaker wrote: »I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.
If your spouse didn't like cats, and you went and got a pet cat, would you be showing a lack of consideration for your spouse's feelings on cats?
The issue here is it's not just one spouse's home. It belongs to both of them, and as such both have a say in what can be brought into the home. This is true whether we are talking about pets, cigarettes, shoes, or donuts.
That analogy doesn't work. At all. Not at all.
Why doesn't it? It all boils down to one spouse wants X in the house and the other does not.
If you don't know the fundamental difference between a food item and a pet, we can't help. SMH.
^THANK YOU. For a second, I thought I was losing my mind.0 -
maillemaker wrote: »I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.
If your spouse didn't like cats, and you went and got a pet cat, would you be showing a lack of consideration for your spouse's feelings on cats?
The issue here is it's not just one spouse's home. It belongs to both of them, and as such both have a say in what can be brought into the home. This is true whether we are talking about pets, cigarettes, shoes, or donuts.
Living animal =/= Doughnuts0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »PikaKnight wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »PikaKnight wrote: »maillemaker wrote: »I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.
If your spouse didn't like cats, and you went and got a pet cat, would you be showing a lack of consideration for your spouse's feelings on cats?
The issue here is it's not just one spouse's home. It belongs to both of them, and as such both have a say in what can be brought into the home. This is true whether we are talking about pets, cigarettes, shoes, or donuts.
That analogy doesn't work. At all. Not at all.
Why doesn't it? It all boils down to one spouse wants X in the house and the other does not.
Because a living, breathing thing that would require a huge financial and emotional commitment is the same as him bringing home donuts for him to eat once in awhile is completely comparable? What?
Oh you mean the specifics. Yes, the specifics are different. That one wants it and the other doesn't so someone has to give is the same.
*facepalm* I should know better than to try to have a logical convo with you. My bad. Apologies. I'll let you go ahead and compare your apples to oranges.0 -
PikaKnight wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »PikaKnight wrote: »maillemaker wrote: »I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.
If your spouse didn't like cats, and you went and got a pet cat, would you be showing a lack of consideration for your spouse's feelings on cats?
The issue here is it's not just one spouse's home. It belongs to both of them, and as such both have a say in what can be brought into the home. This is true whether we are talking about pets, cigarettes, shoes, or donuts.
That analogy doesn't work. At all. Not at all.
Why doesn't it? It all boils down to one spouse wants X in the house and the other does not.
If you don't know the fundamental difference between a food item and a pet, we can't help. SMH.
^THANK YOU. For a second, I thought I was losing my mind.
This thread will do that to you.0 -
Just because I chose to stop eating certain things does not mean my entire household has to put on the brakes and not bring it in the house because I had no control over what *I* put in my face. That's my problem, not theirs.
So does that mean that your husband can bring absolutely anything they want in the house and you just have to deal with it? Cigarettes? Cigars? Alcohol? Cocaine? Prostitutes? After all, it's your problem, not theirs...And guess what ... There's still ice cream, Oreo's, chocolate, cookies ... all sorts of treats in this house. The thing is, we've LEARNED to not be gluttons and eat them reasonably most of the time. I might finish off the cookie dough with wine tonight because I can and I'm a big enough girl to make those choices on my own. I assure you DH will not be forcing me to eat it, and I know better than to even ask him because he doesn't like it (and the wine is ALLLL MINE).
And that's wonderful, for your family. OP has stated she does not feel supported by her husband and she obviously has not yet learned to eat donuts reasonably. Your situation is not her situation. Sometimes, people have to start off with abstinence before they can handle moderation.0 -
When I lived alone my cupboard had nothing but lentils, dry beans, quinoa, oatmeal, seeds (flax and chia), sardines, whey protein powder; fridge had veggies, fruits, greek yogurt, eggs; freezer was stocked with staples lean meat and fish.
My beau moved in few months ago in my house and came with him are PB, cereal, all nuts imaginable! (these are my WEAKNESS! yum!), along with whole milk, frozen pizza, ice cream, pasta, bread, fruit juice, chips, buttered popcorn and SWEETS!!
I am accepting and welcoming. Su casa mi casa
I surely don't want to impose restrictive food rules just because it is my house. After all, those food item I tend to get ravenous on is part of his staples. I don't like to take them away from him. That'd be too awful of me.
I did communicate, however, if I disappear into the closet with a jar of PB or a box of cereal, he will stop me at all cost! And finally, I will accept his food choices as long as I can skinny dip and walk around on my birthday suit anytime I want. What can I say, I'm set on my ways
Communication and compromise.
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maillemaker wrote: »I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.
If your spouse didn't like cats, and you went and got a pet cat, would you be showing a lack of consideration for your spouse's feelings on cats?
The issue here is it's not just one spouse's home. It belongs to both of them, and as such both have a say in what can be brought into the home. This is true whether we are talking about pets, cigarettes, shoes, or donuts.
Dude, you're comparing apples to tractors here.
Now, suppose the husband decided he no longer wanted to eat bell peppers, and demanded that the wife not bring bell peppers into the home. Would that be okay?0 -
The reality is that many SO's, relatives, friends etc. don't really care that much about someone trying to lose weight. If they did, they would do what's constructively supportive to help. So to the OP, it's your endeavor to take on and your responsibility alone to make it happen. The great thing in the end is that NO ONE can make claim on the success, but you. You have to lose the weight. You have to figure out how to eat in deficit. You have to do the workouts. None of this can be done by anyone else's efforts but your own.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
I'm with the OP on this.
Hubby can chow down on doughnuts all day while he's at work or stuff his face while driving home.
Bringing them home shows a lack of respect for his wife and indeed belies his professed support for his wife's efforts. Either that or he's simply an insensitive dolt that can't think obvious things through.
Eating his lump of flour, fat, and sugar elsewhere is not a hardship for the hub-meister.
I disagree with you on this one, I am sorry. I am working on losing weight, my DH is not, neither are my children. I do most of the cooking so I make sure I make us healthy meals that fit into my goals, that they all also like to eat. However, when it comes to treats like donuts, cookies, ice cream etc. Just because I choose to eat a lot less of them then I used to, does not mean that my kids and hubby are not allowed to have them in the house. They live there too, DH pays the mortgage too. What I choose to eat is my choice and my decision, and is not something someone else is doing to me. In fact when I go grocery shopping is still buy and bring home all of their favorites. I also get them donuts every other Sunday for breakfast. I see so many times that people feel like their friends and family are not supporting them. Chances are they in fact do support, but support does not mean depriving themselves of foods they like in order to conform to what one other person wants.
Would you think the same if OP was a vegetarian and hubby brought home a hamburger to enjoy for himself? If your spouse were Vegan does that mean you have to be Vegan too? If you want to that's great, but we should never force our own choices onto someone else.0 -
Maybe the OP should specifically tell him that. If she lacks self control, she needs to convey that to him and hope he understands. Instead it seems she wants him to be a mind reader and when he is not, he gets pegged as a saboteur. That doesn't seem like a 50/50 compromise marriage to me.
Like I said, marriage is seldom 50/50 on every issue. But you are absolutely right - this is an issue she needs to convey to her husband and hopefully he understands and is willing to help his wife.OP needs to own her own behavior, ask for what she wants and realize her diet is not always going to be everyone's top concern. Sorry, not sorry.
She's not asking for her diet to be everyone's top concern. She hasn't even asked it to be her husband's top concern. She does, however, want him to not bring donuts home.0 -
There is nothing worse than someone that says "I do support you..." over and over while contradicting it with their actions. In any case, I recommend defining exactly what it means to give support. And if being specific about what it means to be supportive doesn't help, start yelling. That's what I do. That doesn't work either though.0
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This type of post always makes me scratch my head.
My husband eats horribly, from a nutritional standpoint. The veggies he eats are spaghetti sauce, pizza sauce, and ketchup. His idea of an evening snack is a box of mozzarella sticks or a $5 pizza from Little Caesar's or a box of 25 Munchkins from Dunkin' Donuts. He drinks Coke for 90% of his liquid intake.
Guess what? None of the above has affected my weight loss one bit. Why is that? Because I'm responsible for what I put in my mouth. I like cheese sticks and pizza and donuts but not as much as I like being more fit and healthy so I've learned to moderate my intake. Not once have I asked him not to bring them home or to eat them in the other room or in the garage.
And as for interruptions while working out, they happen once in a great while and I know when they happen there's a good reason. How do I know that? Because we talk to each other and I know that he respects me just as I respect him. He wouldn't interrupt me for a stupid reason, period. So if he asked me in the middle of exercising if I could help him carry something to the garage I would finish my set and then help him out and then get back to work.
Bottom line, take responsibility for yourself and learn to communicate properly with your spouse but don't expect him to change his habits because you need to change yours.
*bow* Well said! My bf is the same with everything you mentioned - dunkin' doughnuts munchkins, coca cola, pizza, yes yes yes. All I ask is that he doesn't buy extras for me...only to share one munchkin.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »PikaKnight wrote: »maillemaker wrote: »I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.
If your spouse didn't like cats, and you went and got a pet cat, would you be showing a lack of consideration for your spouse's feelings on cats?
The issue here is it's not just one spouse's home. It belongs to both of them, and as such both have a say in what can be brought into the home. This is true whether we are talking about pets, cigarettes, shoes, or donuts.
That analogy doesn't work. At all. Not at all.
Why doesn't it? It all boils down to one spouse wants X in the house and the other does not.
Exactly. The analogy works perfectly, and you said it perfectly. It all boils down to one spouse wants X in the house and the other does not. They are going to have to work out who wins.
You don't always get what you want when you are married.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »PikaKnight wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »PikaKnight wrote: »maillemaker wrote: »I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.
If your spouse didn't like cats, and you went and got a pet cat, would you be showing a lack of consideration for your spouse's feelings on cats?
The issue here is it's not just one spouse's home. It belongs to both of them, and as such both have a say in what can be brought into the home. This is true whether we are talking about pets, cigarettes, shoes, or donuts.
That analogy doesn't work. At all. Not at all.
Why doesn't it? It all boils down to one spouse wants X in the house and the other does not.
Because a living, breathing thing that would require a huge financial and emotional commitment is the same as him bringing home donuts for him to eat once in awhile is completely comparable? What?
Oh you mean the specifics. Yes, the specifics are different. That one wants it and the other doesn't so someone has to give is the same.
Exactly. Obviously the specifics are different. But the situation is the same.
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maillemaker wrote: »Just because I chose to stop eating certain things does not mean my entire household has to put on the brakes and not bring it in the house because I had no control over what *I* put in my face. That's my problem, not theirs.
So does that mean that your husband can bring absolutely anything they want in the house and you just have to deal with it? Cigarettes? Cigars? Alcohol? Cocaine? Prostitutes? After all, it's your problem, not theirs...And guess what ... There's still ice cream, Oreo's, chocolate, cookies ... all sorts of treats in this house. The thing is, we've LEARNED to not be gluttons and eat them reasonably most of the time. I might finish off the cookie dough with wine tonight because I can and I'm a big enough girl to make those choices on my own. I assure you DH will not be forcing me to eat it, and I know better than to even ask him because he doesn't like it (and the wine is ALLLL MINE).
And that's wonderful, for your family. OP has stated she does not feel supported by her husband and she obviously has not yet learned to eat donuts reasonably. Your situation is not her situation. Sometimes, people have to start off with abstinence before they can handle moderation.
You are dense as hell and can't stay on the topic of food to save your life can you? If you could manage to actually stay in the realm of reason I would be shocked. I'd rather hold a conversation with my ex-husband because he's more rational.
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If my husband told me I couldn't bring specific food in the house I'd be like GTFO and point to the door. Not even joking. He does not get to tell me what I can and cannot eat and where I can and cannot eat it, unless of course it could kill someone in our home due to allergy but that's a non-issue in our home... so no.
So I assume your husband is allowed to bring absolutely anything into the home he wants? And if you say no to anything he can say, "GTFO"?0 -
maillemaker wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »PikaKnight wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »PikaKnight wrote: »maillemaker wrote: »I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.
If your spouse didn't like cats, and you went and got a pet cat, would you be showing a lack of consideration for your spouse's feelings on cats?
The issue here is it's not just one spouse's home. It belongs to both of them, and as such both have a say in what can be brought into the home. This is true whether we are talking about pets, cigarettes, shoes, or donuts.
That analogy doesn't work. At all. Not at all.
Why doesn't it? It all boils down to one spouse wants X in the house and the other does not.
Because a living, breathing thing that would require a huge financial and emotional commitment is the same as him bringing home donuts for him to eat once in awhile is completely comparable? What?
Oh you mean the specifics. Yes, the specifics are different. That one wants it and the other doesn't so someone has to give is the same.
Exactly. Obviously the specifics are different. But the situation is the same.
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TheVirgoddess wrote: »My husband still brings me donuts. Because I like donuts and he loves me. My "diet" is my business to manage - not his. It's not sabotage. It's realizing that the world doesn't actually revolve around me.
This. 100%
Your body. Your choices.0 -
PrizePopple wrote: »maillemaker wrote: »I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.
If your spouse didn't like cats, and you went and got a pet cat, would you be showing a lack of consideration for your spouse's feelings on cats?
The issue here is it's not just one spouse's home. It belongs to both of them, and as such both have a say in what can be brought into the home. This is true whether we are talking about pets, cigarettes, shoes, or donuts.
Living animal =/= Doughnuts
I did not claim that a living animal was the same as a donut.
I said bringing a cat home when your wife doesn't want cats in the house is no different than bringing a donut in the home if your wife doesn't want donuts in the house.
Or shoes. Or cigarettes. Or guns. Or whatever.
Both spouses get a say as to what can be brought in the house.0 -
CandyMonster160 wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »My husband still brings me donuts. Because I like donuts and he loves me. My "diet" is my business to manage - not his. It's not sabotage. It's realizing that the world doesn't actually revolve around me.
This. 100%
Your body. Your choices.
Quoting because it can't be said any less clearer.0 -
maillemaker wrote: »I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.
If your spouse didn't like cats, and you went and got a pet cat, would you be showing a lack of consideration for your spouse's feelings on cats?
The issue here is it's not just one spouse's home. It belongs to both of them, and as such both have a say in what can be brought into the home. This is true whether we are talking about pets, cigarettes, shoes, or donuts.
Your analogy stinks. So if my hubby doesn't like something, I can't have in our house or the other way round. HHhhhmmmmm....0 -
Your analogy stinks. So if my hubby doesn't like something, I can't have in our house or the other way round. HHhhhmmmmm....
If your hubby doesn't like something to where he doesn't want it in the house, then you two will have to figure out how to resolve that situation. Someone is going to be disappointed. It just depends how bad you want something and how willing you are to disappoint your spouse to have it.
What if you like guns but your husband doesn't want them in the house?
What if your husband likes to smoke pipes but you don't want them smoked in the house?
What if your husband likes to wear shoes in the house but you don't want people wearing shoes in the house?
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You are dense as hell and can't stay on the topic of food to save your life can you? If you could manage to actually stay in the realm of reason I would be shocked. I'd rather hold a conversation with my ex-husband because he's more rational.
I'm sorry you are unable to follow the conversation.0 -
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maillemaker wrote: »Your analogy stinks. So if my hubby doesn't like something, I can't have in our house or the other way round. HHhhhmmmmm....
If your hubby doesn't like something to where he doesn't want it in the house, then you two will have to figure out how to resolve that situation. Someone is going to be disappointed. It just depends how bad you want something and how willing you are to disappoint your spouse to have it.
What if you like guns but your husband doesn't want them in the house? No problem with that.
What if your husband likes to smoke pipes but you don't want them smoked in the house? He doesn't.
What if your husband likes to wear shoes in the house but you don't want people wearing shoes in the house? No issues there. LOL
We compromise, something a lot people don't understand. 0 -
maillemaker wrote: »Your analogy stinks. So if my hubby doesn't like something, I can't have in our house or the other way round. HHhhhmmmmm....
If your hubby doesn't like something to where he doesn't want it in the house, then you two will have to figure out how to resolve that situation. Someone is going to be disappointed. It just depends how bad you want something and how willing you are to disappoint your spouse to have it.
What if you like guns but your husband doesn't want them in the house?
What if your husband likes to smoke pipes but you don't want them smoked in the house?
What if your husband likes to wear shoes in the house but you don't want people wearing shoes in the house?
We compromise, something a lot people don't understand.
As is made obvious by the entirety of this thread.0
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