Husband sabotage
Replies
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There is some truth to this, but expecting your spouse to at least not make a difficult thing more difficult is far from the same thing as expecting the entire world to accommodate you.
Exactly. Spouses are supposed to support each other through difficulty as they can.0 -
maillemaker wrote: »There is some truth to this, but expecting your spouse to at least not make a difficult thing more difficult is far from the same thing as expecting the entire world to accommodate you.
Exactly. Spouses are supposed to support each other through difficulty as they can.
My hubby supports me 100%, I STILL never stopped buying the things he liked!!
It wasn't easy for me, but I learned.0 -
maillemaker wrote: »There is some truth to this, but expecting your spouse to at least not make a difficult thing more difficult is far from the same thing as expecting the entire world to accommodate you.
Exactly. Spouses are supposed to support each other through difficulty as they can.
My hubby supports me 100%, I STILL never stopped buying the things he liked!!
It wasn't easy for me, but I learned.
Sharing what worked for you is fine, but judging by your posts and the OP, your relationship seems different than the OP's. She doesn't see his behavior as supportive. She probably knows him best.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »maillemaker wrote: »There is some truth to this, but expecting your spouse to at least not make a difficult thing more difficult is far from the same thing as expecting the entire world to accommodate you.
Exactly. Spouses are supposed to support each other through difficulty as they can.
My hubby supports me 100%, I STILL never stopped buying the things he liked!!
It wasn't easy for me, but I learned.
Sharing what worked for you is fine, but judging by your posts and the OP, your relationship seems different than the OP's. She doesn't see his behavior as supportive. She probably knows him best.
so he should just cow tow to everything she wants???? sorry, that ain't gonna happen.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »maillemaker wrote: »There is some truth to this, but expecting your spouse to at least not make a difficult thing more difficult is far from the same thing as expecting the entire world to accommodate you.
Exactly. Spouses are supposed to support each other through difficulty as they can.
My hubby supports me 100%, I STILL never stopped buying the things he liked!!
It wasn't easy for me, but I learned.
Sharing what worked for you is fine, but judging by your posts and the OP, your relationship seems different than the OP's. She doesn't see his behavior as supportive. She probably knows him best.
so he should just cow tow to everything she wants???? sorry, that ain't gonna happen.
You have a very odd interpretation of things.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »PeachyCarol wrote: »Anyone thinking in a mindset of "sabotage" is starting off on the wrong foot. I'm not even going to address the specific poster in this thread, I'm just going to put the whole thought out there.
Getting control over our own food intake is no one else's job. The world does not have to accommodate the fact that each of us have issues with it. That's our problem. We need to learn to handle multiple temptations in all sorts of situations, and that begins at home.
Expecting someone else to change because you're changing? Flip that scenario around? How put upon would you feel? And before anyone jumps in and says that they'd do it for their spouse out of WUV, think long and hard about changing all your habits out of the blue.
So all of you who believe in the concept of sabotage, just how do you deal with temptation at all? Honestly.
Weight loss and maintenance have abysmal long-term success rates, and I think a mindset like this might be one of the many factors why.
There is some truth to this, but expecting your spouse to at least not make a difficult thing more difficult is far from the same thing as expecting the entire world to accommodate you.
I'm married and I have celiac disease. I haven't been able to eat pizza in 18 years. Do you know how hard that was for me?
I never once thought it was okay to deprive my husband of it.
That's the mindset here. People are all "me me me". It's all well and fine thinking, oh the husband is "doing" this to her, when in reality, the husband is just wanting a donut. His food choice is no more about her than my husband having pizza is about me.
So YES, it is expecting the world to accommodate and revolve around you.
Typical victim mindset of people who are not truly focused enough.
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I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.0
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TheVirgoddess wrote: »I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.
apparently, the minute your wife goes on a diet it ceases to be your house.0 -
..Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »maillemaker wrote: »There is some truth to this, but expecting your spouse to at least not make a difficult thing more difficult is far from the same thing as expecting the entire world to accommodate you.
Exactly. Spouses are supposed to support each other through difficulty as they can.
My hubby supports me 100%, I STILL never stopped buying the things he liked!!
It wasn't easy for me, but I learned.
Sharing what worked for you is fine, but judging by your posts and the OP, your relationship seems different than the OP's. She doesn't see his behavior as supportive. She probably knows him best.
so he should just cow tow to everything she wants???? sorry, that ain't gonna happen.
You have a very odd interpretation of things.0 -
maillemaker wrote: »so the husband has to hide all the foods he likes in the car, and can't eat them in his house?
That's for the husband and wife to decide.and OP has indicated absolutely zero binging disorder, so for you to assume that is the care here is 1000% off base.
I've read enough of these posts to be able to read between the lines, as no doubt you have. OP would not be calling this behavior "husband sabotage" if her husband bringing donuts home was not causing her to have self-control issues.these threads always amaze me ..if relationships are a 50/50 deal why is it OK for the wife to tell him to stop eating everything he likes because she wants to lose weight????
First of all, relationships are seldom 50/50 on every issue. Secondly, if the wife has a health problem that requires behavior changes on the husband's part, than a loving, caring husband would make the required changes. For example, if the wife had asthma aggravated by smoking in the house, then I would expect the husband to not smoke in the house. My step-mother would not allow my father to smoke in the house with no health issues.
Second of all, no one is suggesting that the husband has to stop eating what he likes. The issue is bringing the donuts home. He is completely free to eat them outside the home.Bringing something into the house is not rubbing their noses in it. I suggested she ask him to put them away so she doesn't have to see them all the time. That's about all you can ask, imo.
It's not up to you to decide what is "rubbing your nose in it", though. Clearly OP feels like the husband bringing the donuts into the house is sabotaging her weight loss efforts. For some people, if it's in the house it's too easy to indulge.So he should never have any kind of foods he likes because she is on a diet?!?!
I never said that. OP does not say she has a problem with her husband eating donuts, just bringing them home. Presumably OP does not care if her husband goes and eats all the donuts he wants at the donut shop.I do the grocery shopping and when I was losing weight, I still bought my boys and hubby foods they like!! They don't have to be on the diet, I am, I can either work those foods in or don't have them at all!!!!!
Good for you! That is the healthy relationship everyone should strive for with food. Not everyone is there yet.
I am not surprised you feel this way.
Equating cigarettes with foodstuff is quite a reach.
Tell me, should people expect the grocery store to move their bakery case out of their line of site? After all, if they have willpower issues, everything's a trap, right?
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PeachyCarol wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »PeachyCarol wrote: »Anyone thinking in a mindset of "sabotage" is starting off on the wrong foot. I'm not even going to address the specific poster in this thread, I'm just going to put the whole thought out there.
Getting control over our own food intake is no one else's job. The world does not have to accommodate the fact that each of us have issues with it. That's our problem. We need to learn to handle multiple temptations in all sorts of situations, and that begins at home.
Expecting someone else to change because you're changing? Flip that scenario around? How put upon would you feel? And before anyone jumps in and says that they'd do it for their spouse out of WUV, think long and hard about changing all your habits out of the blue.
So all of you who believe in the concept of sabotage, just how do you deal with temptation at all? Honestly.
Weight loss and maintenance have abysmal long-term success rates, and I think a mindset like this might be one of the many factors why.
There is some truth to this, but expecting your spouse to at least not make a difficult thing more difficult is far from the same thing as expecting the entire world to accommodate you.
I'm married and I have celiac disease. I haven't been able to eat pizza in 18 years. Do you know how hard that was for me?
I never once thought it was okay to deprive my husband of it.
That's the mindset here. People are all "me me me". It's all well and fine thinking, oh the husband is "doing" this to her, when in reality, the husband is just wanting a donut. His food choice is no more about her than my husband having pizza is about me.
So YES, it is expecting the world to accommodate and revolve around you.
Typical victim mindset of people who are not truly focused enough.
Um, wow. Alrighty then. No changing that mindset.0 -
TheVirgoddess wrote: »I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.
Some possible reasons:
Because some people can't take one without taking 6. Or they can't look at the box without (eventually) taking two. Because they've maybe asked the spouse not to do it and said spouse agreed
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Dang there are a lot of insensitive trolls on here! Even if there are some good points here and there the way you say it does nothing but show what a *kitten* you are. Anyway I'm sorry your feeling unsupported by the most influential person in your life. Hope you two talk it out and find some common ground. Hugs to you and remember no matter what don't let anyone bring you down. You got this!!0
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These MFP friends should NOT be flagged! They promote communication that leads to better understanding!Alluminati wrote: »God forbid your husband interrupts you to do something for him. Good grief, lol.
I think its for the benefit of whom! I really don't think he would interrupt her if she was giving him pleasure, and may feel a little "God forbid" upset if she didn't finish and left him hanging to put something in the garage! He just needs a little help seeing her point of view! If he brings home doughnuts knowing they are a weakness for her (disrespect) she should make him eat the entire bunch right then and there! Maybe he won't do it again! HE can eat doughnuts just don't bring a BUNCH home! If there's communication and a respectful follow through EVERYONE gets a happy ending!
And for the love of all that's holy, haters, its just doughnuts (her trigger)!!! Its not like she is asking her hubby to convert from a "carnivorous" diet to "vegan"!!A lot of guys don't pick up on subtle clues from women. Not a knock on guys, they just communicate differently. Sitting down with a logical conversation planned will help, and be prepared to compromise. However, he'll have to be willing to make compromises too. Like, he can keep bringing home donuts, but you get uninterrupted hour for Zumba. Something like that.
so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
REALLY. It's called compromise love! Just until a goal is reached...not FOREVER!!
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TheVirgoddess wrote: »I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.
Some possible reasons:
Because some people can't take one without taking 6. Or they can't look at the box without (eventually) taking two. Because they've maybe asked the spouse not to do it and said spouse agreed
or how about this...I like donuts and I am going to keep eating them in my house...
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PeachyCarol wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »PeachyCarol wrote: »Anyone thinking in a mindset of "sabotage" is starting off on the wrong foot. I'm not even going to address the specific poster in this thread, I'm just going to put the whole thought out there.
Getting control over our own food intake is no one else's job. The world does not have to accommodate the fact that each of us have issues with it. That's our problem. We need to learn to handle multiple temptations in all sorts of situations, and that begins at home.
Expecting someone else to change because you're changing? Flip that scenario around? How put upon would you feel? And before anyone jumps in and says that they'd do it for their spouse out of WUV, think long and hard about changing all your habits out of the blue.
So all of you who believe in the concept of sabotage, just how do you deal with temptation at all? Honestly.
Weight loss and maintenance have abysmal long-term success rates, and I think a mindset like this might be one of the many factors why.
There is some truth to this, but expecting your spouse to at least not make a difficult thing more difficult is far from the same thing as expecting the entire world to accommodate you.
I'm married and I have celiac disease. I haven't been able to eat pizza in 18 years. Do you know how hard that was for me?
I never once thought it was okay to deprive my husband of it.
That's the mindset here. People are all "me me me". It's all well and fine thinking, oh the husband is "doing" this to her, when in reality, the husband is just wanting a donut. His food choice is no more about her than my husband having pizza is about me.
So YES, it is expecting the world to accommodate and revolve around you.
Typical victim mindset of people who are not truly focused enough.
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TheVirgoddess wrote: »I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.
Some possible reasons:
Because some people can't take one without taking 6. Or they can't look at the box without (eventually) taking two. Because they've maybe asked the spouse not to do it and said spouse agreed
or how about this...I like donuts and I am going to keep eating them in my house...![Icestorm.gif]](http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/thefw.com/files/2013/05/Icestorm.gif])
I'm sorry, are you mistaking yourself for the OP's husband? :bigsmile:
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The problem with that is once she reaches goal and never learned to moderate them, then when donuts are place in front of her she will end up binging.These MFP friends should NOT be flagged! They promote communication that leads to better understanding!Alluminati wrote: »God forbid your husband interrupts you to do something for him. Good grief, lol.
I think its for the benefit of whom! I really don't think he would interrupt her if she was giving him pleasure, and may feel a little "God forbid" upset if she didn't finish and left him hanging to put something in the garage! He just needs a little help seeing her point of view! If he brings home doughnuts knowing they are a weakness for her (disrespect) she should make him eat the entire bunch right then and there! Maybe he won't do it again! HE can eat doughnuts just don't bring a BUNCH home! If there's communication and a respectful follow through EVERYONE gets a happy ending!
And for the love of all that's holy, haters, its just doughnuts (her trigger)!!! Its not like she is asking her hubby to convert from a "carnivorous" diet to "vegan"!!A lot of guys don't pick up on subtle clues from women. Not a knock on guys, they just communicate differently. Sitting down with a logical conversation planned will help, and be prepared to compromise. However, he'll have to be willing to make compromises too. Like, he can keep bringing home donuts, but you get uninterrupted hour for Zumba. Something like that.
so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
REALLY. It's called compromise love! Just until a goal is reached...not FOREVER!!
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So. I'd be pissed if someone asked me to do something in the middle of my workout. I set time aside- leave me alone. I do morning pages in the morning- I expect him to leave me alone to write for 20 minutes- we are all adults- not toddlers- if you can't leave your spouse/significant other alone for 20-60 minutes you need to do some re-evaluating.
Secondly- he didn't sabotage you.
Thirdly- I wouldn't even bring it up at all- just make the changes and manage your food and general diet yourself.
Skip the "frank conversations" just don't talk about it and do what you need to do. It doesn't need to be a huge life altering choice- you aren't having a baby- you're just changing your diet.
I only tell mine what I"m doing so he understands why I chose not to eat something or eat extra somethings. If I'm cutting I'm more fussy- if I'm bulking- I eat all the things and then he complains I spend to much on food. We don't talk about him supporting me or not. I don't care if he supports me. I'm doing it for me. His opinion on it matters very little in the long run.
Also he gets to touch my butt- and he likes that- so he can't complain to much anyway. The leverage that comes with a sweet squat booty is powerful.
"leverage" really Leverage"
wow. yr husbands are not deaf dumb or blind and they are not 5 years old.
stop trying to raise them and raise the expectations that you have of them.
of course he should be supportive...did you marry him to break you down or stand silently beside you and observe. omg.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »maillemaker wrote: »There is some truth to this, but expecting your spouse to at least not make a difficult thing more difficult is far from the same thing as expecting the entire world to accommodate you.
Exactly. Spouses are supposed to support each other through difficulty as they can.
My hubby supports me 100%, I STILL never stopped buying the things he liked!!
It wasn't easy for me, but I learned.
Sharing what worked for you is fine, but judging by your posts and the OP, your relationship seems different than the OP's. She doesn't see his behavior as supportive. She probably knows him best.
How she feels trumps how he feels?
We are only hearing one side of things.
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So. I'd be pissed if someone asked me to do something in the middle of my workout. I set time aside- leave me alone. I do morning pages in the morning- I expect him to leave me alone to write for 20 minutes- we are all adults- not toddlers- if you can't leave your spouse/significant other alone for 20-60 minutes you need to do some re-evaluating.
Secondly- he didn't sabotage you.
Thirdly- I wouldn't even bring it up at all- just make the changes and manage your food and general diet yourself.
Skip the "frank conversations" just don't talk about it and do what you need to do. It doesn't need to be a huge life altering choice- you aren't having a baby- you're just changing your diet.
I only tell mine what I"m doing so he understands why I chose not to eat something or eat extra somethings. If I'm cutting I'm more fussy- if I'm bulking- I eat all the things and then he complains I spend to much on food. We don't talk about him supporting me or not. I don't care if he supports me. I'm doing it for me. His opinion on it matters very little in the long run.
Also he gets to touch my butt- and he likes that- so he can't complain to much anyway. The leverage that comes with a sweet squat booty is powerful.
"leverage" really Leverage"
wow. yr husbands are not deaf dumb or blind and they are not 5 years old.
stop trying to raise them and raise the expectations that you have of them.
of course he should be supportive...did you marry him to break you down or stand silently beside you and observe. omg.
Those are the only two options? LOLOLOLLLL.0 -
carrying things to the garage is exercising!!! And donuts are fuel for long runs!!!!! He is trying to help!!!!!0
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TheVirgoddess wrote: »I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.
Some possible reasons:
Because some people can't take one without taking 6. Or they can't look at the box without (eventually) taking two. Because they've maybe asked the spouse not to do it and said spouse agreed
or how about this...I like donuts and I am going to keep eating them in my house...
I'm sorry, are you mistaking yourself for the OP's husband? :bigsmile:
nope, I am sticking up for a guy that works all day and wants to bring some donuts into his home.0 -
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Is he really throwing shoes at you?0
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The problem with that is once she reaches goal and never learned to moderate them, then when donuts are place in front of her she will end up binging.These MFP friends should NOT be flagged! They promote communication that leads to better understanding!Alluminati wrote: »God forbid your husband interrupts you to do something for him. Good grief, lol.
I think its for the benefit of whom! I really don't think he would interrupt her if she was giving him pleasure, and may feel a little "God forbid" upset if she didn't finish and left him hanging to put something in the garage! He just needs a little help seeing her point of view! If he brings home doughnuts knowing they are a weakness for her (disrespect) she should make him eat the entire bunch right then and there! Maybe he won't do it again! HE can eat doughnuts just don't bring a BUNCH home! If there's communication and a respectful follow through EVERYONE gets a happy ending!
And for the love of all that's holy, haters, its just doughnuts (her trigger)!!! Its not like she is asking her hubby to convert from a "carnivorous" diet to "vegan"!!A lot of guys don't pick up on subtle clues from women. Not a knock on guys, they just communicate differently. Sitting down with a logical conversation planned will help, and be prepared to compromise. However, he'll have to be willing to make compromises too. Like, he can keep bringing home donuts, but you get uninterrupted hour for Zumba. Something like that.
so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
REALLY. It's called compromise love! Just until a goal is reached...not FOREVER!!
Maybe, but not necessarily. For me, I will say that dealing with certain items at work or other locations outside the home is different than having them at home. Possibly due to the items being in a shared area and clearly meant for dozens of people. And if you wait a couple hours it's out of sight out of mind, possibly already eaten by others. Whereas at home, people tend to spend a lot, if not most of their time and would be more likely to succumb to the temptation in larger quantities than they would have initially planned.
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Unless the OP specifically asked her husband to not do specific things and he did them anyways, I can't see it being sabotage.
Here is another scenario: My roommate is also trying to lose weight. She has been doing WW for about a year with sporadic success. About a year ago I was out and about in the city and came across one of my favorite cupcake shops. Being the nice roommate I am...I bought not just one but a half dozen cupcakes. I brought them home and put them on the kitchen table with a nice note for either of my roommates to help themselves. My roommate came home and said that while it was a nice sentiment that she asked that I no longer buy and bring home things like that since she is struggling to lose weight, etc. I respected what he said and no longer bought extra sweets to bring home for her. If I kept bringing them home...that would be sabotage. However, she was a mature adult and told me what she needs and asked that I respect her wishes. She also didn't tell me I couldn't buy sweets for me, just asked me to stop bringing some for her.
But omg. If you don't stop a 100% then how can you be supportive? And it's totally different because that's your roommate...not a spouse. With a spouse, it's an all or nothing..forever and ever thing.
(Not serious. Just getting the eventual excuses out of the way ahead of time.)0 -
my husband loves ice cream, that will never change, nor do I expect him to NOT be able to keep it at home. I workout early in the mornings or when he's at work. If I want ice cream, I fit it into my calories and measure out my portion. Where there is a will, there is a way. I workout on my laptop since the kids like watching tv or my husband does. I do understand how annoying it would get if he saw me working out and waited to ask me to help with something in the middle of my workout, I mean a little common courtesy goes a long ways.
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So I have read all the comments and so much face palm. My sweetie has the goal of gaining weight and is using MFP to do so. My goal is to lose weight and use MFP to do so. We both eat what we should and accommodate each other. He buys high calorie foods. I eat a salad. There is no frickin' issue. If I thought like some of you folks, neither of us would be allowed to eat in the same space or buy groceries together because I'd be sabotaging his weight gain and he would be sabotaging my weight loss.....
see the face palm action there???0
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