Husband sabotage
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »maillemaker wrote: »There is some truth to this, but expecting your spouse to at least not make a difficult thing more difficult is far from the same thing as expecting the entire world to accommodate you.
Exactly. Spouses are supposed to support each other through difficulty as they can.
My hubby supports me 100%, I STILL never stopped buying the things he liked!!
It wasn't easy for me, but I learned.
Sharing what worked for you is fine, but judging by your posts and the OP, your relationship seems different than the OP's. She doesn't see his behavior as supportive. She probably knows him best.
How she feels trumps how he feels?
We are only hearing one side of things.
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So. I'd be pissed if someone asked me to do something in the middle of my workout. I set time aside- leave me alone. I do morning pages in the morning- I expect him to leave me alone to write for 20 minutes- we are all adults- not toddlers- if you can't leave your spouse/significant other alone for 20-60 minutes you need to do some re-evaluating.
Secondly- he didn't sabotage you.
Thirdly- I wouldn't even bring it up at all- just make the changes and manage your food and general diet yourself.
Skip the "frank conversations" just don't talk about it and do what you need to do. It doesn't need to be a huge life altering choice- you aren't having a baby- you're just changing your diet.
I only tell mine what I"m doing so he understands why I chose not to eat something or eat extra somethings. If I'm cutting I'm more fussy- if I'm bulking- I eat all the things and then he complains I spend to much on food. We don't talk about him supporting me or not. I don't care if he supports me. I'm doing it for me. His opinion on it matters very little in the long run.
Also he gets to touch my butt- and he likes that- so he can't complain to much anyway. The leverage that comes with a sweet squat booty is powerful.
"leverage" really Leverage"
wow. yr husbands are not deaf dumb or blind and they are not 5 years old.
stop trying to raise them and raise the expectations that you have of them.
of course he should be supportive...did you marry him to break you down or stand silently beside you and observe. omg.
Those are the only two options? LOLOLOLLLL.0 -
carrying things to the garage is exercising!!! And donuts are fuel for long runs!!!!! He is trying to help!!!!!0
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TheVirgoddess wrote: »I don't understand how a person bringing food they enjoy into their own homes shows a lack of support for their spouse.
Some possible reasons:
Because some people can't take one without taking 6. Or they can't look at the box without (eventually) taking two. Because they've maybe asked the spouse not to do it and said spouse agreed
or how about this...I like donuts and I am going to keep eating them in my house...![Icestorm.gif]](http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/thefw.com/files/2013/05/Icestorm.gif])
I'm sorry, are you mistaking yourself for the OP's husband? :bigsmile:
nope, I am sticking up for a guy that works all day and wants to bring some donuts into his home.0 -
Is he really throwing shoes at you?0
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The problem with that is once she reaches goal and never learned to moderate them, then when donuts are place in front of her she will end up binging.These MFP friends should NOT be flagged! They promote communication that leads to better understanding!Alluminati wrote: »God forbid your husband interrupts you to do something for him. Good grief, lol.
I think its for the benefit of whom! I really don't think he would interrupt her if she was giving him pleasure, and may feel a little "God forbid" upset if she didn't finish and left him hanging to put something in the garage! He just needs a little help seeing her point of view! If he brings home doughnuts knowing they are a weakness for her (disrespect) she should make him eat the entire bunch right then and there! Maybe he won't do it again! HE can eat doughnuts just don't bring a BUNCH home! If there's communication and a respectful follow through EVERYONE gets a happy ending!
And for the love of all that's holy, haters, its just doughnuts (her trigger)!!! Its not like she is asking her hubby to convert from a "carnivorous" diet to "vegan"!!A lot of guys don't pick up on subtle clues from women. Not a knock on guys, they just communicate differently. Sitting down with a logical conversation planned will help, and be prepared to compromise. However, he'll have to be willing to make compromises too. Like, he can keep bringing home donuts, but you get uninterrupted hour for Zumba. Something like that.
so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
REALLY. It's called compromise love! Just until a goal is reached...not FOREVER!!
Maybe, but not necessarily. For me, I will say that dealing with certain items at work or other locations outside the home is different than having them at home. Possibly due to the items being in a shared area and clearly meant for dozens of people. And if you wait a couple hours it's out of sight out of mind, possibly already eaten by others. Whereas at home, people tend to spend a lot, if not most of their time and would be more likely to succumb to the temptation in larger quantities than they would have initially planned.
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Unless the OP specifically asked her husband to not do specific things and he did them anyways, I can't see it being sabotage.
Here is another scenario: My roommate is also trying to lose weight. She has been doing WW for about a year with sporadic success. About a year ago I was out and about in the city and came across one of my favorite cupcake shops. Being the nice roommate I am...I bought not just one but a half dozen cupcakes. I brought them home and put them on the kitchen table with a nice note for either of my roommates to help themselves. My roommate came home and said that while it was a nice sentiment that she asked that I no longer buy and bring home things like that since she is struggling to lose weight, etc. I respected what he said and no longer bought extra sweets to bring home for her. If I kept bringing them home...that would be sabotage. However, she was a mature adult and told me what she needs and asked that I respect her wishes. She also didn't tell me I couldn't buy sweets for me, just asked me to stop bringing some for her.
But omg. If you don't stop a 100% then how can you be supportive? And it's totally different because that's your roommate...not a spouse. With a spouse, it's an all or nothing..forever and ever thing.
(Not serious. Just getting the eventual excuses out of the way ahead of time.)0 -
my husband loves ice cream, that will never change, nor do I expect him to NOT be able to keep it at home. I workout early in the mornings or when he's at work. If I want ice cream, I fit it into my calories and measure out my portion. Where there is a will, there is a way. I workout on my laptop since the kids like watching tv or my husband does. I do understand how annoying it would get if he saw me working out and waited to ask me to help with something in the middle of my workout, I mean a little common courtesy goes a long ways.
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So I have read all the comments and so much face palm. My sweetie has the goal of gaining weight and is using MFP to do so. My goal is to lose weight and use MFP to do so. We both eat what we should and accommodate each other. He buys high calorie foods. I eat a salad. There is no frickin' issue. If I thought like some of you folks, neither of us would be allowed to eat in the same space or buy groceries together because I'd be sabotaging his weight gain and he would be sabotaging my weight loss.....
see the face palm action there???0 -
callmemaui wrote: »HELP!!!! I think my husband us trying to sabotage my weight loss endeavor. When I explain to him that I am really trying hard this time, avoiding bad foods and trying to work out he's all for it. But his actions speak the exact opposite of support. Like yesterday he brought home donuts after work. And when I turn on my Zumba workout in the living room he gets annoyed and interrupts me to ask me to do something for him, like help him carry something to the garage. It's really frustrating. I was really hoping he would join me so we could go through this together, but it looks like I'm on my own. BUT I refuse to give in. I'm going to keep doing it and hopefully he'll get the hint that I'm in it for the long run.
I thought I was the only one. For me with healthy eating it does not exist. I am with an executive chef and boy can he cook. He is not interested in healthy eating and does not support my lifestyle change. It's like he enjoys me being fat. I need motivation and encouragement but I don't get this from him. When he cooks, it's always yummy and tempting and it's so hard to say NO.
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2020pinktogo wrote: »I adore my husband but he is not on the diet band wagon. For the first couple of weeks it was tough. He now has his own junk cupboard and if I go in it that's my problem. Same as there is one drawer in the fridge that is just mine so I always have food that's premeasured and ready to go. We still have some bumpy patches but he's not getting all cranky that I'm trying to change him and he's ok that there are times when I try to exercise like a minimum of 2 hours a day. I try to get in 1/2 while he's not home. Even if that means getting up at 4 and doing it before work. Best of luck!!
I like this. Thanks0 -
These MFP friends should NOT be flagged! They promote communication that leads to better understanding!Alluminati wrote: »God forbid your husband interrupts you to do something for him. Good grief, lol.
I think its for the benefit of whom! I really don't think he would interrupt her if she was giving him pleasure, and may feel a little "God forbid" upset if she didn't finish and left him hanging to put something in the garage! He just needs a little help seeing her point of view! If he brings home doughnuts knowing they are a weakness for her (disrespect) she should make him eat the entire bunch right then and there! Maybe he won't do it again! HE can eat doughnuts just don't bring a BUNCH home! If there's communication and a respectful follow through EVERYONE gets a happy ending!
And for the love of all that's holy, haters, its just doughnuts (her trigger)!!! Its not like she is asking her hubby to convert from a "carnivorous" diet to "vegan"!!A lot of guys don't pick up on subtle clues from women. Not a knock on guys, they just communicate differently. Sitting down with a logical conversation planned will help, and be prepared to compromise. However, he'll have to be willing to make compromises too. Like, he can keep bringing home donuts, but you get uninterrupted hour for Zumba. Something like that.
so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
REALLY. It's called compromise love! Just until a goal is reached...not FOREVER!!
OP never said that doughnuts were a trigger food for her, she never said they were 'her weakness'. She never mentioned BED. To me it just sounds like she has to learn to resist temptation. It's not like she's never going to see a doughnut again.0 -
CorvusCorax77 wrote: »So I have read all the comments and so much face palm. My sweetie has the goal of gaining weight and is using MFP to do so. My goal is to lose weight and use MFP to do so. We both eat what we should and accommodate each other. He buys high calorie foods. I eat a salad. There is no frickin' issue. If I thought like some of you folks, neither of us would be allowed to eat in the same space or buy groceries together because I'd be sabotaging his weight gain and he would be sabotaging my weight loss.....
see the face palm action there???
wait, so you guys don't rent separate apartments for your bulk/cut cycles...you can actually live together????0 -
DontJustWishForItWorkForIt wrote: »Dang there are a lot of insensitive trolls on here! Even if there are some good points here and there the way you say it does nothing but show what a *kitten* you are. Anyway I'm sorry your feeling unsupported by the most influential person in your life. Hope you two talk it out and find some common ground. Hugs to you and remember no matter what don't let anyone bring you down. You got this!!
Well said!
I am someone who is new to the MFP forum community and I am really glad that there are people who manage to be helpful and considerate. There are quite a few regulars here on MFP that post in a way that reminds me of my 12-year-old son's gaming forum. We laugh about those ones, too!
On topic: You will figure things out, OP. Some people need to transition through a phase where you have no choice but to struggle through temptation, which will be all around you, not just in your own kitchen. But, overcoming that will feel great. Sometimes people give up, and there could be a thousand different reasons for that. If that happens, try to analyze why and then give it another go.
There isn't anything wrong with asking your hubby to help you through that phase. Does that mean no doughnuts come home ever again? Of course not. But if it will help you get through a tough couple of weeks, then it's no big deal. Marriage goes hand-in-hand with helping each other out. Good luck!
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justrollme wrote: »DontJustWishForItWorkForIt wrote: »Dang there are a lot of insensitive trolls on here! Even if there are some good points here and there the way you say it does nothing but show what a *kitten* you are. Anyway I'm sorry your feeling unsupported by the most influential person in your life. Hope you two talk it out and find some common ground. Hugs to you and remember no matter what don't let anyone bring you down. You got this!!
Well said!
I am someone who is new to the MFP forum community and I am really glad that there are people who manage to be helpful and considerate. There are quite a few regulars here on MFP that post in a way that reminds me of my 12-year-old son's gaming forum. We laugh about those ones, too!
On topic: You will figure things out, OP. Some people need to transition through a phase where you have no choice but to struggle through temptation, which will be all around you, not just in your own kitchen. But, overcoming that will feel great. Sometimes people give up, and there could be a thousand different reasons for that. If that happens, try to analyze why and then give it another go.
There isn't anything wrong with asking your hubby to help you through that phase. Does that mean no doughnuts come home ever again? Of course not. But if it will help you get through a tough couple of weeks, then it's no big deal. Marriage goes hand-in-hand with helping each other out. Good luck!
Lolz.0 -
justrollme wrote: »DontJustWishForItWorkForIt wrote: »Dang there are a lot of insensitive trolls on here! Even if there are some good points here and there the way you say it does nothing but show what a *kitten* you are. Anyway I'm sorry your feeling unsupported by the most influential person in your life. Hope you two talk it out and find some common ground. Hugs to you and remember no matter what don't let anyone bring you down. You got this!!
Well said!
I am someone who is new to the MFP forum community and I am really glad that there are people who manage to be helpful and considerate. There are quite a few regulars here on MFP that post in a way that reminds me of my 12-year-old son's gaming forum. We laugh about those ones, too!
On topic: You will figure things out, OP. Some people need to transition through a phase where you have no choice but to struggle through temptation, which will be all around you, not just in your own kitchen. But, overcoming that will feel great. Sometimes people give up, and there could be a thousand different reasons for that. If that happens, try to analyze why and then give it another go.
There isn't anything wrong with asking your hubby to help you through that phase. Does that mean no doughnuts come home ever again? Of course not. But if it will help you get through a tough couple of weeks, then it's no big deal. Marriage goes hand-in-hand with helping each other out. Good luck!
TIL that you aren't allowed to have the same/similar posting styles on different types of forums.0 -
The problem with that is once she reaches goal and never learned to moderate them, then when donuts are place in front of her she will end up binging.These MFP friends should NOT be flagged! They promote communication that leads to better understanding!Alluminati wrote: »God forbid your husband interrupts you to do something for him. Good grief, lol.
I think its for the benefit of whom! I really don't think he would interrupt her if she was giving him pleasure, and may feel a little "God forbid" upset if she didn't finish and left him hanging to put something in the garage! He just needs a little help seeing her point of view! If he brings home doughnuts knowing they are a weakness for her (disrespect) she should make him eat the entire bunch right then and there! Maybe he won't do it again! HE can eat doughnuts just don't bring a BUNCH home! If there's communication and a respectful follow through EVERYONE gets a happy ending!
And for the love of all that's holy, haters, its just doughnuts (her trigger)!!! Its not like she is asking her hubby to convert from a "carnivorous" diet to "vegan"!!A lot of guys don't pick up on subtle clues from women. Not a knock on guys, they just communicate differently. Sitting down with a logical conversation planned will help, and be prepared to compromise. However, he'll have to be willing to make compromises too. Like, he can keep bringing home donuts, but you get uninterrupted hour for Zumba. Something like that.
so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
REALLY. It's called compromise love! Just until a goal is reached...not FOREVER!!
You might be right love! Or, as a couple they may learn to support each other buy learning each others strengths and weaknesses so that their marriage will last! One day her hubby might want her support with something!0 -
MarziPanda95 wrote: »These MFP friends should NOT be flagged! They promote communication that leads to better understanding!Alluminati wrote: »God forbid your husband interrupts you to do something for him. Good grief, lol.
I think its for the benefit of whom! I really don't think he would interrupt her if she was giving him pleasure, and may feel a little "God forbid" upset if she didn't finish and left him hanging to put something in the garage! He just needs a little help seeing her point of view! If he brings home doughnuts knowing they are a weakness for her (disrespect) she should make him eat the entire bunch right then and there! Maybe he won't do it again! HE can eat doughnuts just don't bring a BUNCH home! If there's communication and a respectful follow through EVERYONE gets a happy ending!
And for the love of all that's holy, haters, its just doughnuts (her trigger)!!! Its not like she is asking her hubby to convert from a "carnivorous" diet to "vegan"!!A lot of guys don't pick up on subtle clues from women. Not a knock on guys, they just communicate differently. Sitting down with a logical conversation planned will help, and be prepared to compromise. However, he'll have to be willing to make compromises too. Like, he can keep bringing home donuts, but you get uninterrupted hour for Zumba. Something like that.
so because the wife is on a diet the husband can't bring home some donuts, really???
REALLY. It's called compromise love! Just until a goal is reached...not FOREVER!!
OP never said that doughnuts were a trigger food for her, she never said they were 'her weakness'. She never mentioned BED. To me it just sounds like she has to learn to resist temptation. It's not like she's never going to see a doughnut again.
Exactly! I see donuts at work at least 3 times a week. On other days there are other temptations. Personally, I am MORE tempted by sweets at work than at home (where I typically ignore them easily), since I'm not home all that much and I tend to be more stressed or in search of some reason to procrastinate at work (yes, it's a shortcoming). Also, if I'm home I can decide to exercise or something or cook other foods.
Therefore, if I took the position that I couldn't be successful if around foods that I like to eat but which don't fit in my calories, I'd fail. Given how prevalent food is in our society, I think dealing with temptation is something that is beneficial for everyone to learn, and I'm glad I had to.
And given that it's summer and my parking spot is outdoors, I am not convinced that the "keep it in the car" strategy of food management is practical. Good thing it's not ice cream, at least!0 -
@PikaKnight My 12-year-old son says, "wot m8 fite me."
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