Husband sabotage

_YourLoss_ wrote: »

For me, I would be upset if my spouse posted a thread on here airing all his grievances about me. What if OP talks to him tonight and he has some sort of epiphany and signs up for MFP only to stumble upon this? It's best to keep private matters private, imo.

maillemaker wrote: »

I am not surprised you feel this way.

Equating cigarettes with foodstuff is quite a reach.

Tell me, should people expect the grocery store to move their bakery case out of their line of site? After all, if they have willpower issues, everything's a trap, right?

First of all, I am not equating cigarettes with foodstuff.

I am equating the act of smoking in the house with the act of bringing foodstuffs in the house. My step-mother doesn't smoke. My father does. She thinks it stinks. So the arrangement they have worked out is that he won't smoke in the house. Is it terrible that he can't smoke cigarettes inside his own home? Nope. That's marriage.

Here's another one for you. I shoot guns a lot. When I was single, I'd clean them sitting in front of the TV. But my wife thinks Hoppes #9 and Balistol cleaning solvents stink. So as a courtesy to her, I clean the guns out in the garage instead. Is it terrible that I can't bring what I want into my own home? Nope. That's marriage.

I get the impression that some of you in this thread are not married. Being married does not mean that each spouse gets to do what they want all the time. Whether it's choosing where to go out to dinner, whether you can wear your shoes in the house, whether you can smoke in the house, whether pets are allowed on the furniture or not - there are a million things where one spouse makes concessions to the other spouse.

Why do we do it? Because we are crazy. Uh, I mean because we are in love with that person and want to support them where we can.

Someone once told me, "Marriage is not 50/50 give/take. It's 90/10 give/take. And if you're lucky, half the time you're getting the 90."

Everyone is saying that no one should start off with excluding foods because you have to learn moderation sometime. It is absolutely true that everyone has to learn moderation eventually. But not everyone can start off with moderation.

OP has stated she feels "sabotaged" because her husband is bringing donuts into the house. Clearly she has self-control issues with eating the donuts because otherwise she would be indifferent about it and would not be posting here about being sabotaged. Clearly she is not ready to have a moderation relationship with donuts. There is nothing wrong with this, and it's something she and her husband will have to work out. If he's supportive and empathetic, he'll stop bringing the donuts into the house.

drregina885 wrote: »

My Family is very resistant to change. I don't think my husband and the kids are trying to sabotage me but they just don't want to do what I'm doing. I am the cook and plan most of the activities for the family. At first my feelings were hurt and I got easily frustrated trying to push them to change with me. They eventually won, because it was just so easy to go back to eating convenience foods and not planning ahead for meals and exercise.
Then this year I had what I considered a devastating change in my health. I was diagnosed with wheat allergy and gluten intolerance. OMG. Have any of you had to suddenly completely Cut wheat or any wheat products out of your diet? 90% of my comfort foods and pleasure foods were instantly off the menu. Most of the gluten-free substitutes are made with corn and rice which will quickly pack the pounds on you and have no fiber. And they taste like crap (no pleasure or comfort there). Find me fast food with no bread, breading to be fried, or fried along side food with breading. Not going to happen. Don't let restaurants tell you they have foods with no wheat or gluten because that does not matter if all the foods were prepared in the same place.
My emotions were and often still are all over the place. My brain kept saying "you're hungry" but you can't possibly be hungry all the time if you're eating. So now when I find myself wandering around the kitchen I ask myself what do you need? Why are you here? What did you think food was going to do for you? Amazingly enough I'm starting to be able to answer those questions. And I'm starting to take care of myself in the right ways.
My family is never going to give up bread pizza or french fries from McDonald's, but they are concerned about me. I can never go back to eating the way I did. It took many months but they are gradually more interested in some of the changes. I still prepare the meals for them the way I always did but also prepare my meals with extra to share if they want it. My feelings aren't hurt if they don't. But more and more often they do.

callmemaui wrote: »

Wow!!! After a full day's of work I come back to tons of advice, some helpful & some not. Divorce? Break up? Really?? Anyway the general consensus is that I can only control myself, not my husband, which is the ultimate truth. However, it would be nice for him to be true to his word about support because his actions are the exact opposite of what he promised me. That's the conversation we have to have, and I realize that I have to be VERY specific about what I'm asking and reach a compromise with him.

Some of you asked if the tables were turned, how would I feel, and I can honestly say that if my husband went on a diet, but I didn't, there would be no way that I would bring home junk food or interrupt his workouts. Unfortunately the living room is the only location for me to work out, but it's not the only TV in the house. That's not the issue. The issue is that for some reason he gets annoyed when I work out, like I'm wasting time when I could be doing something else. Again, I'll have to talk to him about it and set some boundaries.

As for the donuts, oh geez you're all going to hate me so much......I threw them away this morning after he went to work. But don't worry!! That was MY share of the donuts. He had already scarfed his down yesterday evening. No loss on his part. **bracing for impact**